Immediate support
Immediate support

Relationship and family issues

Anything to do with managing relationships and family, including parenting, separation, loneliness, divorce, family and friendships.

Start a discussion

FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

View the FAQ

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

View the guidelines
Categories
Start a discussion

Pinned discussions

BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

All discussions

Start a discussion

anon_122 Boyfriends family trouble
  • replies: 1

Hi everyone i am in need of some help.So my bf has had family issues most of his life. Without getting into the details he has struggled alot with dealing with things and is quick to anger when something reminds him of his mum. He sees a therapist an... View more

Hi everyone i am in need of some help.So my bf has had family issues most of his life. Without getting into the details he has struggled alot with dealing with things and is quick to anger when something reminds him of his mum. He sees a therapist and it made him a little better but it is becoming increasingly longer between visits. All i want to know is how i can help him. I am feeling hopeless right now and not much help. I feel like it is driving a wedge in our relationship.

elise04 Am I toxic or is it just a trauma response?
  • replies: 1

hi, as the title suggests, I am quite conflicted. In a brief summary, I am now 24 and my childhood has included 6 deaths, 1 suicide, a family member with an eating disorder and a very traumatic past relationship. This all beginning from the age of 13... View more

hi, as the title suggests, I am quite conflicted. In a brief summary, I am now 24 and my childhood has included 6 deaths, 1 suicide, a family member with an eating disorder and a very traumatic past relationship. This all beginning from the age of 13. I'm not sure if I ever got over the death of the loved one as the next death happened so quickly after the last one happened, the first being extremely sudden. The relationship I was in was so toxic, I lost all my confidence, was depressed, did not love myself and I am now against affection due to various forms of toxic behaviours and abuse. On top of all this, I also have some anger issues where I just yell and basically have a tantrum which I have done since I was a child. It isn't all the time but when I wake up in a mood it is very very hard for me to get out of it and if I get pushed it results in the tantrum of me just yelling my lungs out as I honestly cannot communicate properly in that heightened state. Which now I think is because of the trauma I have been through. I am now in a very very healthy relationship with the person of my dreams and I feel as though I am ruining the relationship. At first I didn't want to hold his hand but now I do and I am okay with the physical affection most of the time. However, I feel myself pulling back from him even though he has done nothing wrong. I also react to silly little things that I definitely don't need to be upset by. I have stopped organising dates and asking him how he is without even realising I was doing that. I cling to little things like the one time two years ago he didn't want to see a sunrise and use it against him and say he doesn't want to do things I want to do. I know I have normal expectations and that I am a 'normal' person but at the same time how much of my reactions are trauma related and unhealed grief related? Why do I need to yell at him when I am upset? I just want to be loved but now that I am being loved by the right person, why do I feel the need to push him away and tear him down in the process? How do I manage my emotions in a healthy way?

KindnessWithin Strained relationship with sister
  • replies: 2

I have a strained relationship with my sister (48F) for the past 10 years. She has lost many personal and professional relationships in recent years. I hang in there because I have tons of patience and for the sake of family peace. I know one sore po... View more

I have a strained relationship with my sister (48F) for the past 10 years. She has lost many personal and professional relationships in recent years. I hang in there because I have tons of patience and for the sake of family peace. I know one sore point is that she is jealous that I’m married with children. I can’t help that she isn’t in the same position. She is passive aggressive and has mood swings and behaviours that makes me want to walk away. What happens now? I can’t talk to her in a healthy two way conversation. She talks over me, talks for hours, shuts me down and makes noises like a child. She never apologises. I’m sick of taking the blame for everything. I can see why others have walked away. I wonder if that is the best approach since I feel I have tried everything else?

Bizzybee What to do
  • replies: 2

Hi, I'm lost and looking for some direction. My hubby and I live in a city where we have friends (who are all busy with their own lives mind you) but zero family support. We have a 4yo daughter and we tag team with work. I work a few days a week and ... View more

Hi, I'm lost and looking for some direction. My hubby and I live in a city where we have friends (who are all busy with their own lives mind you) but zero family support. We have a 4yo daughter and we tag team with work. I work a few days a week and then he works the rest of the week, weekends included. We have done this since my daughter came along so 4 years going on 5. Hopefully it will change a bit when she starts school 5 days a week. But anyway, I do this thing every now and then and it seems to be when I've been with her for 2 weeks or more in a row (generally over a holiday period like right now) and my husband is working extra and because he earns more I'm at home running the household. Anyway... my daughter can be in a mood or overtired every now and then and she becomes a real battle for me. It's not in my nature to raise my voice but when I do she starts saying things like how I hate her and maybe she should go live with another family. Then she proceeds to have a meltdown. Like a tantrum because I'm trying to enforce some kind of rule or say no to something she's begging for. Anyway I struggle with it and the first thing I always do is I message my husband and ask him to come home early. This causes a huge problem because then if he does come home early it's usually dealt with and sorted by then. He gets really frustrated because in that moment he thinks I'm panicking and stressing (which I guess I am) and then I'm stressing him out whilst he's at work (trying to work). It obviously appears like I can't handle my parenting duties at home. I don't know what else to do and I guess he's the one person I feel I can reach out to for support or help but really I know he can't help when he's at work. I keep repeating this pattern and it's really getting to him and then I end up apologising because I know it wasn't the right thing to do but in that moment I'm having such a hard time with my daughter that I don't know what else to do. Any suggestions would be welcomed. Today I did it for probably the 4th time this year and I ended up using the TV to just calm her down. My husband said "why didn't you just do that in the first place?" I actually had no answer. I don't know why he's always my first point of call. It's like I need him to know how much I'm struggling. But that doesn't help in any way. He said I should talk to my Mum about moving here for more support if I'm struggling at home this much but I know she won't move country's nor can I expect her to do that for me when she has other kids where she lives.

pommy1964 Help
  • replies: 1

Hi new to this, 11 years after a traumatic divorce and now have a lovely guy,my divorce and ex aren't thought about majority of the time.But sometimes I struggle besides affair who I'm fully aware husbands guilty but with a friend also again not my m... View more

Hi new to this, 11 years after a traumatic divorce and now have a lovely guy,my divorce and ex aren't thought about majority of the time.But sometimes I struggle besides affair who I'm fully aware husbands guilty but with a friend also again not my main issue. This mistress now wife tried to run me off the road,called me a whore in the street,worst lied to police and got a vro on me I was locked up with druggies I'm just a normal mum never had trouble with police I had to prove I was innocent which I did, I was on anti depressants and she was trying to get me committed to mental institute messaging my friends I was terrified.I have 2 sons a the time 16 and 21 who took it badly. I was told by police for my own safety to leave the area I actually left the country ended up 4 years till I was brave enough to return to be nr my sins now late 20s n early 30s. This has all come to the surface as I've just become a Nana for the 1st time and my son promised baby with only have 1 Nana and 1 grandma they just want her called by her 1st time and my son has informed his dad. I feel she is going to be called grandma as son won't say anything because won't want to upset his dad. Am I been selfish as why for once are my feelings not taken I to consideration she did so much damage to our family. Yes time has moved on I get that but I was effected I was never the same and lost 4 years of my kids lives because I was to scared to return.

123Frustratedman Sexless marriage due to past issues
  • replies: 2

Where to start!I am a 67 year old married man.My first marriage was when I was 19. Not sure if I was fully in love or just loved her legs. Our honeymoon night was the start of the downhill relationship as she said she was tired and wanted to sleep. I... View more

Where to start!I am a 67 year old married man.My first marriage was when I was 19. Not sure if I was fully in love or just loved her legs. Our honeymoon night was the start of the downhill relationship as she said she was tired and wanted to sleep. I sat out on the balcony of our hotel on my own drinking. The lack of intimacy lasted throughout the 7 years of our marriage until I left. No one else was involved and I moved in with my parents. After a few relationships I met my now wife of 37 years. The first 2 years of our relationship was amazing in every way, especially in the bedroom. Some 2 months before we married she told me not to expect the honeymoon period to last. I must have been Nieve as I had never heard that expression before. Sure enough our intimacy virtually ended and has since we got married. The only times that she initiated sex was when she wanted to conceive or she was drunk and stoned.during our marriage we experienced problems with her family and she gained an enormous amount of weight to the point that not only was it very unhealthy but I also found her unattractive. I had always been honest with her and told her the few times that a women had flirted or wanted to sleep with me, which I never had as my vows are sacred to me.I admit that I held a grudge towards her from the day that our intimacy declined/ stopped and found it difficult to be as loving as maybe I should have been, but I felt so undesired, un attractive and unwanted.we have on many occasions gone for over a year with no intimacy. We have been and still are going to marriage guidance that has helped me understand that some of the things I said in the past upset her, especially about her weight.She tells me that I have to love her unconditionally and she need me to treat her as my princess. I have asked her to explain unconditionally but she will not.I have changed the way that I treat her, I constantly cuddle her, tell her I love her as well as doing virtually everything around the house as we are both now retired. She has been on anti depressants for over 30 years and I believe that childhood drama has something to do with it.Now whenever she drinks, which is virtually every night she constantly brings up the past. We have gone over the same things to which I have sincerely appoligesed and agreed that I was wrong for saying some of the things that I said.the arguments are getting to the stage where I can no longer deal with them anymore.

Dusicka My mum is a victim of a romance scam and is in denial
  • replies: 8

My mum is currently "in a relationship" with a scammer and is in complete denial of what is happening. She has accused me of some awful things and it's taking every fiber of my being to put this down to the psychologically manipulative situation she ... View more

My mum is currently "in a relationship" with a scammer and is in complete denial of what is happening. She has accused me of some awful things and it's taking every fiber of my being to put this down to the psychologically manipulative situation she is in and try to not let it affect me but it's so incredibly difficult. The seemingly endless rollercoaster of seeing a horrible situation unfold is impacting everything in my life. I'm not sleeping,I'm constantly anxious and I feel utterly helpless. My dad died just over a year ago, and this has been hard enough to deal with, but this scam has been going on for months and she's getting in deeper and deeper. I lost my dad already. I don't want to lose my mum. My brother is handling this even worse. Everyone has always told me how strong I am so I keep trying to hold myself together for the sake of my family but I fear I am shattering inside. I have never sought mental health support before today but I'm desperate and I don't know where to turn. Is there anyone out there with a similar experience who can offer some ideas on what to do? I want to help my mum and family but I know I have to also help myself.

Anicca Contact with relative causing Anxiety and Depression
  • replies: 2

I have had no contact with my siblings and extended family for 30 years. I have major depression, GAD and Cyclothymia. Recently my niece Dxx contacted me via social media. I last saw her 35 years ago. She is now grown with children of her own. I dote... View more

I have had no contact with my siblings and extended family for 30 years. I have major depression, GAD and Cyclothymia. Recently my niece Dxx contacted me via social media. I last saw her 35 years ago. She is now grown with children of her own. I doted on her until my sister stopped me from seeing her. My sister wanted to control me and this was the only way she could do it. I refused to be docile and decided I was better off away from her. We all grew up with my violent alcoholic father so I understand why she was like this. The problem is I am finding it difficult to be in contact with Dxx without remembering all the horrible things my sister did and said to me. It is interfering with my daily life. My niece says her mother would have had her reasons for stopping me seeing her. I am trying not to be negative about her mum to her but she has no idea of the pain she caused me. Dxx sees it as a rejection of her. Has anyone else been through this? How did you cope?

MissJ94 Dealing with a toxic mother
  • replies: 2

How to deal with a toxic mother? Ive been with my partner for just over 3 months now. She knows i have a partner now. She never asks about him (doesnt ask about me or my son either though), has never met him (doesnt even try to see my son or i) and s... View more

How to deal with a toxic mother? Ive been with my partner for just over 3 months now. She knows i have a partner now. She never asks about him (doesnt ask about me or my son either though), has never met him (doesnt even try to see my son or i) and she openly talks sh!t about my partner (and me) to others fully aware that my son (12) knows whats going on and reports it back to me when he sees something. Tonight i had my partner over, the three of us went to have Christmas photos together and went out for dinner too, was a great night! But it was spoiled, for me at least, at the beginning when my son mentioned that my mum was messaging her friend calling my partner, that shes NEVER met, a d!(khead. He says he doesnt care what people say about him, but i do. Especially when its a blood relative saying it, your mother saying it..In the family group chat she openly b!/(hes about how im not cooking for Christmas day this year, simply because i cannot afford to nor do i have the time. Little does she know that ive had multiple mental breakdowns in the last few weeks, have been on workers comp for almost 4 months so not earning my usual wage right now, im stressed about how im going to afford my sons high school stuff which includes a 1700$ laptop! Plus loads more, because she doesnt ask about us. Immediately jumps to "poor me, now im going to have to cook everything myself" or another one she said the other week "poor (my sons name) must feel pushed aside now she has a pr!ck hanging off her hip". I just want to cut her out completely. Pack up and leave Sydney. Adopt a new mum. Ive always wanted a mum who i have a close mother/daughter relationship with but each day, each week, each month, she reminds me of why she will never be that to me.My partners mum has been that more to me in the couple months ive know her than what my mum has ever been.And i guess thats one reason id love more kids, if it was a girl i could potentially have that mother/daughter relationship... Tips on dealing with this? What ive been doing is not replying to most of her texts because i find when i do it just gives her more reason to blow up more about nothing at all. It really does seem as though the only way she will be happy is if she has full control over us..