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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Outandabout Breaking up with a friend
  • replies: 3

How do you cope with a friend breaking up with you? My best friend of 10 years and I have recently gone through very similar traumatic experiences with our families. In the past she was my go to girl with everything, work, friends and family and I wa... View more

How do you cope with a friend breaking up with you? My best friend of 10 years and I have recently gone through very similar traumatic experiences with our families. In the past she was my go to girl with everything, work, friends and family and I was to her. We would help each other through everything. We did everything together. We have been there for each other for the start of this but things have changed. I still need her love and support but she no longer wants it from me...she has cut me off. How do you get over a friend dumping you?? I live in a small town and have no other friends that live in the area. It has surprised me the feelings I have felt with her telling me she no longer want me to be apart of what she is going through...but still wants to stay friends, she still wants me around as a friend. I still need her love and support, but I know she will no longer give it to me. I'm finding it hard to leave the house, to focus on anything else. I have lost interest in everything and can't stop thinking about it. I know that the solution would be to go out and make new friends, find a hobby, but that is easier said than done... She still wants to be friends and have me around...how do I proceed and not stuff up the friendship further, now that she has stated that she doesn't want to loose me as a friend?? I do not want to break this delicate relationship. Any ideas? Help or similar situations??

firemacca Why are people so cruel and hurtful
  • replies: 1

2 years ago my father died after a long battle with lung cancer, he was 82. He was so brave and his attitude was remarkable. To watch him suffer in those final days was unbearable. The last night of his life I spent alone with him in hospital, I cant... View more

2 years ago my father died after a long battle with lung cancer, he was 82. He was so brave and his attitude was remarkable. To watch him suffer in those final days was unbearable. The last night of his life I spent alone with him in hospital, I cant explain how hard that was to see him in immense pain and my thoughts of ending his suffering. The next day he took his last breaths, with me, my mother and my then wife, by his side. Its still hard to think about it but I have known many, many others have gone and will go through the same. At the same time as this was happening I learnt I had melanoma. It was something out of the blue but I was lucky. I was watching the TV show "RPA" and saw someone who thought they had a blood blister under their toenail. To cut it short, within 2 weeks I had my big toe amputated and the doctor talking about checking if or how far it had spread. This was just the most frightening thing to happen to me. As I said I was lucky, not only picking it up out of the blue but it hadnt spread ( so far anyway). Then on the day the good news came that the cancer hadnt spread, my marriage of 12 years fell apart. It was the last straw for me. I have suffered depression for most of my adult life and this just sent me to the brink. This was my 3rd marriage, I have a beautiful 19 yo daughter from my second marriage and 4 wonderful children, aged from 5 to 12 yo, to my last wife. This last 18 mths has been the darkest of my life. I have voluntarily gone to hospital 3 times in that period. The last time they tried ECT on me. I never want to go through that again, ever. The support I got from my family, friends and work was unbelievable. I cant thank them enough and I know how hard this was for them to have to listen to someone day in day out who has no confidence, no energy, no hope. Im ok now, im on medication and regulary see my doctor and counsellor but the divorce has been a terrible thing to go through. My ex wife stopped access to my kids and I had to resort to court to get access back. She claimed she was concerned for them and that I would hurt myself and worse hurt them. They never were or ever will be at risk from me, I adore my kids and would never hurt them. The pain of losing the one you love and have worked so hard with to make a life for is indescribable, not only losing the house but now having to see her with someone else and that person, who has only been in their lives for the last six months, spending more time with them than me. The only times I could see them over the last 12-18 months was an occassional weekend, until she would decide I couldnt and then I only saw them at sports or before school. To be pulled aside by the school principal and asked why you are at school and then being told to not be on school grounds is just sad. Anyway 3 weeks ago, after tens of thousands of dollars I had court approved time reinstated. My kids are now happy and love seeing me. My relationship with my ex wife is non existant. I had to endure snide remarks at soccer towards me and being humiliated in front of my kids. At one point I was mocked by her boyfriend with her behind him laughing about my ECT treatment in hospital all in front of my children and me not being able to do anything about it. I get text messages from her and her friends mocking my depression and being called a child and being pathetic for getting emotional. Someone said to me the other day that I still havent had time to mourn my dads passing with everything thats happened since, maybe their right. I miss him terribly but my mum is feeling it worse, so I try and support her as much as I can. A few months after his death my then wife said, "get over it your not the only one to loose someone". She had lost her Grand mother 15 years before so she thought I should not still be emotional about it. Why are some people so cruel??? I will always have this terrible thing, depression, I just need to be strong and get help when I need it. Im not afraid to say I suffer from it anymore but there are some out there who still want to belittle those of us who do.

just_managing Sitting On A Fence
  • replies: 2

Where to start?..... Right now I don't feel like I'm myself at all. I have two gorgeous little girls who I love to pieces (23mths and 7 months), both with a moderate hearing loss (genetics) - just makes parenting that little bit tougher I suppose....... View more

Where to start?..... Right now I don't feel like I'm myself at all. I have two gorgeous little girls who I love to pieces (23mths and 7 months), both with a moderate hearing loss (genetics) - just makes parenting that little bit tougher I suppose.... their father (my current partner) is someone who I'm realising that I don't really "like"... I don't feel supported or valued, nor treated as an equal, I'm just someone for him to snap at, criticise, argue with. We can't work out anything without a drama and often things don't get resolved... so things fester and reappear later. He's not interested in relationship counselling at all... he's already been through it with his ex-wife - and I'm beginning to see why their marriage didn't work out. I'm so angry with myself for getting into this situation (not about my girls though - NEVER!) - as if I do decide to leave him, my girls will suffer. I'm soooo tired of feeling down in the dumps, having to dust myself off and think "Things will get better", being told that I'm taking things too much to heart... well.... I have feelings.... I can't just ignore how I feel... Our relationship was a bit of a rebound thing at the start.... (why I'm angry with myself) ... I was married before to an older guy (15yrs) and we clicked in all ways, but he turned around and told me he didn't want more kids (he has two). I met current partner not long after we split - for comfort I suppose and thought the world of him... how people change. Anyway- so I now really feel as though I have a bit of depression - I'm not myself, tired, not enthusiastic about anything, very short with my eldest, generally unhappy with life (not suicidal at all - just disappointed with it) and thinking I should pursue some advice about it. I've told my parents and my sister about how things are, they are very supportive of whatever I decide, now I've got to get off the fence and decide what I want/need to do.

madhatterteys grieving
  • replies: 2

i have just found out that i have a baby out there by child support i knew my child was gonna be born soon but didnt relize the ex was that evil that i never even got a message from her . I do have a dvo out on me because of her but it was because he... View more

i have just found out that i have a baby out there by child support i knew my child was gonna be born soon but didnt relize the ex was that evil that i never even got a message from her . I do have a dvo out on me because of her but it was because her whole family was attacking me from all sides trying to get me to snap ,once the brother told me the sex of my child i lost it and said verbal threats which i didnt mean i have seeked professional help to battle depression and anger but i feel that everything is going through my mind so fast that i havnt time to think i sometimes wish i wouldnt wake up every day but i do i double dose on my meds just to calm myself down not worrying about the circumstances my ex as far as i know doesnt want me to have any part of this childs life as she tryed to put the unborn baby on the davo as well

Mick Kicked in the guts
  • replies: 5

After supporting my wife through attempting suicide twice,taking nearly 3 months off work cashing in my long service so she can take the time needed for her to get back and when I'm back at work on the second day she rings and says we need to separat... View more

After supporting my wife through attempting suicide twice,taking nearly 3 months off work cashing in my long service so she can take the time needed for her to get back and when I'm back at work on the second day she rings and says we need to separate.25 years of marriage 3 great kids and she isn't in love with me any more ! How is a bloke supposed to feel.i wish I knew because that is the hardest part I don't know how i feel.everyone says are you ok but I don't know how I feel.we went to a relationship councillor only to find she wants emotional space..I don't even know what this is.she wants to live in the same house but not have a relationship with me.financially and for the kids I can understand this but I don't know what I do or where I go from here.i just hope it gets clearer but I just don't know.

Toots87 Can't seem to find my happy self again
  • replies: 5

Hello, just wanted to share my story and seek some advice. I'm 26. A mother and usually a very positive and happy person. I guess the reason for this post is, recently I haven't been able to find my happy self. I've just been through a break up with ... View more

Hello, just wanted to share my story and seek some advice. I'm 26. A mother and usually a very positive and happy person. I guess the reason for this post is, recently I haven't been able to find my happy self. I've just been through a break up with the father of my daughter. We were together 3 and a half years. We had trouble throughout our relationship. We'd fight, due to disagreements mainly caused by his temper and negativity. We've been through a whirlwind, of breaking up and getting back together. He's cheated in the past. Basically I ended the relationship after a regular argument. I'd had enough of the way he spoke to me. It was very disrespectful. Even more recently, my family has gone through something where a lot of childhood secrets have now come about. I've learned and remembered some things I wish I never knew from when I was a child. Now going through this as well as the breakup has really taken it's toll on me. I'm finding it hard to motivate at work. I don't wake up happy anymore. I'm always upset. I don't know what else to do.

Kmac I pushed my husband away
  • replies: 3

My husband and I were together for 8 years and married for 1.5. We have 2 children together (under 6). I'm not really sure when my depression started. I remember after our 2nd child there were some signs. But it was after our wedding I shut down. I h... View more

My husband and I were together for 8 years and married for 1.5. We have 2 children together (under 6). I'm not really sure when my depression started. I remember after our 2nd child there were some signs. But it was after our wedding I shut down. I had nothing to focus all of my energy into. If i was feeling down before the wedding, I just concentrated on planning which helped me focus my feelings on something positive. I felt increasing lonely and distant from my husband. I spent a lot of times online, chatting to friends but not connecting to the person who should have been closest to me. He became busier at work and seemed to spend more time away from home. He asked me often what was wrong but I just fobbed it off, because i couldn't explain why i felt so sad or lonely without a good excuse for feeling this way. I felt as though my issues and feelings weren't important. He had stresses at work and i didn't want to add to that. 4 months ago, my husband told me he wasn't in love with me anymore. I was crushed. My dreams of a happy family were shattered. He moved out and stayed with a friend of ours (who he also worked with). I knew he had left because I shut him out and made him feel unimportant and unloved. It was at this time when i couldn't stop crying and found it hard to get out of bed in the mornings, that i went to my GP and was diagnosed with Depression and placed on medication. I knew if i wanted a chance to get my husband to come home, i had to admit i had an issue and make positive changes. I enrolled to study and read books and online blogs as i tried to understand why i had felt the way i did, why i thought i had to shut out my loving husband. We decided we would try to fix things and i thought things were going well until i received an annonymous phone call to say my husband was having an affair with the 'friend' he had been staying with. I confronted him and he denied it all. Then a few days later he admitted that she had told him that she had feelings for him and they had shared an emotional embrace which led to a kiss. He swore that was all that had happened. Again I was shattered, but after all of the hard work i had done to get better for my family, i wasn't willing to let this destroy us. I asked him to cut all ties with her and work to get our marriage back. He agreed at first and moved back in but after a week away from work, he returned and nothing had really changed. He stayed at home for 2 weeks before he became upset with me again and told me he 'couldn't do this' and moved out (luckily not with her). Now he is angry and can't understand why I was shutting him out and i so feel guilty for destroying our marriage and my family. I feel rejected, exhausted and unloved. I have never before doubted the trust i have in him. I have overwhelming feelings of being 'not good enough' and that he must really hate me to be willing to leave our 2 beautiful children behind. He volunteers within our community and shows so much compassion to others and I feel like he has none for me and my fight with depression. He understands what it means to be depressed but can't seem to see that this was they cause or forgive me for pushing him away. I don't know what to do next.

roddor OH DEAR!!
  • replies: 2

I was in a relationship i am glad that i am no longer in tho i am struggling is prolly an understatement and a half.. i have lost the plot well and truely and have no interest in continuing .. i was too late to leave this person and i am so f*&**ed u... View more

I was in a relationship i am glad that i am no longer in tho i am struggling is prolly an understatement and a half.. i have lost the plot well and truely and have no interest in continuing .. i was too late to leave this person and i am so f*&**ed up its not funny , i tried to forget the horrors and be normal and do normal day things but that lasted till last week and now i have lost the plot... i noted in my diary the day i knew i had totally lost any concepts of being ok.. i have not slept for 3 days... i am rambling .. thats where im at OH DEAR.. where is this going to end!!

Enricopit I found it hard to adjust to my new life after my marriage breakdown
  • replies: 1

My marriage seems that was the cover of deeper problem in myself caused by my parents divorce and disrupting behaviour, I feel I have been living a lie all time and even though they are my parents and I need them I am not able to get over or rebuild ... View more

My marriage seems that was the cover of deeper problem in myself caused by my parents divorce and disrupting behaviour, I feel I have been living a lie all time and even though they are my parents and I need them I am not able to get over or rebuild a relationship with them and It has caused me problems with people around me making it difficult for me to build a relationship with anyone. My marriage sort of was a cover of my problems until my ex wife who suffer of a mayor crisis because of infertility decided to leave me because of her infertility she rather to be single again. I was left in the air completely I could not cope with anything, even after I try to focus because she did not want to get help I was the only person there for her while she needed me and wanted my support. I had to see a psychologist for myself at the same time I was dealing with a workers compensation issue at work until eventually I was left without a job because of my injury. All this started in 2010, now 2013 when I have reach my lowest at my depression and anxiety levels, where I am living at my parents house which I hate because of my childhood memories but I dont have anyother option because the whole situation has cripple me making feel so insecure in myself, I can not get a job, because has affected my mood, my temper is bad, I am impatience... just to name few. I am not sure if I am going to be married again, because I dont want to go through same thing and as I lost trust to people and feel insecure in myself I have started thinking because my parents divorce has done something to me that I am not good to be married to someone. Let me feeling even worst about to bringing up a child. Now my anxiety and depression has gone bad because I have become a night owl, after my separation I could not sleep and I started taking the pills to sleep so start sleeping for 4 hours until that eventually without the pill that I dont like to take i start sleeping something like 6 hours. Now I am sleeping 7 since a couple of months but I always feel sick when I wake up (10am or 11am) I've integrated exercise which help me a lot in everyway and sleeping. But after recognizing the problems that cause my sadness living with my parents not been able to forgive them just make me feel that I wanna run and I want help because I feel this is my breakpoint where I could be better for the rest of my life, I wanna be free and better. Because depression and anxiety is killing me, I have tried to talked with my parents and explaining things to them to get them aware of it but seems that whatever I said of how I feel is wrong and selfish because they repeated to themself "they did the best for us" Now that I dont have money, I hitted bankruptcy, I secluded myself in my room, I have few people to talk i trust and give me some support because I dont want to cling on them all time. I have gone over this website and start thinking about bipolarity which is something that frightens me, I dont want to have but because of none help and my family's denial of my problems. So I feel that I am better off without my family as there is nothing we could share and support eachother with. Even thought they are divorce and lived in different countries they are not happy and settle and that unstability I feel reflect in myself affecting me sometimes when I was married because of the though of having a family. I know I am a complete mess and I hate it. I am 36y/o and stucked and I dont wanna be a looser all my life. Sore of I relate to silver linning playbook Oscar winner 2013 but without the girl founded yet Can someone tell what is going on with me and help me?

Sivet Is waiting and hoping just a waste of energy better spent elsewhere?
  • replies: 8

Hi, I’m new here and hoping you all might be able to give me some direction please, or even just a hint maybe. I’ll try to give you the basic info, without going into all the details. Basically I married my wife about 4 years ago. We both have childr... View more

Hi, I’m new here and hoping you all might be able to give me some direction please, or even just a hint maybe. I’ll try to give you the basic info, without going into all the details. Basically I married my wife about 4 years ago. We both have children living with us from previous relationships and have emotional baggage from that. So we both had our work cut out for us in making our blended family work. Before we were married, I was aware that my future wife suffered depression and was on medication for it, however I was pretty naïve about how much of an impact this has on day to day life. After a comment made by the doctor about my wife’s medication during a visit about an unrelated issue, I started doing a bit of research and because of that and my wife’s family history (her mother is bipolar and her sister is schizophrenic), I came to the conclusion that at the very least the doctor was right about the medication not working or maybe even that my wife herself was bipolar. After about 2 years, I eventually got my wife back to the doctor and after a few questions, he concluded she may have bipolar but wanted her to get some tests done. That was the end of the doctors’ visits for my wife. After that my wife decided she was no longer going to take the medication she was on for her depression and everything went downhill very quickly. My wife’s father was diagnosed with lung cancer; my oldest step daughter left home at 16 and got herself pregnant. All stress that my wife struggled to deal with, which is totally understandable. However me and my kids started to cop a fair bit of abuse over various things, most of which left me scratching my head and wondering why is this a big deal. She said some very vulgar things about my kids and my relationship with them due to me not supporting some things she was making issues off or the punishment she wished them to have. Eventually she left with her kids and blamed me for not coming looking for her and asking her to come home. To be totally honest, as much as I love her, I didn’t want her with us because I was worried the impact of her moods and thinking and abuse had on my kids. We no longer live together. She seems to have created a world were anything me or my kids do is unforgivable, while anything she has said or done is totally justifiable and no amount of talking will make her see reason. I’ve written her a few letters trying to win her over, and apologizing for things I’ve said and done (I have said a few nasty things in defending my kids and myself) with no response. I still love her and feel sorry for everything she has had to go through and want to be there for her, however at the same time I don’t want to sit here hoping things will change and wasting my time and energy hoping when I should be using it to move on. Is the situation hopeless? Should I just move on and leave her to deal with her problem? With her thinking the way it is, could she have possibly moved on herself?