Not coping well at all right now

Bee1998 · ‎08-08-2023

Just two days ago, I caught my partner looking at porn on his computer while I was sitting in the lounge room opposite (I could literally see it on his screen through the gap in the door from where I was sitting).
This really upset me, because he knows how strongly I am against porn, and how upset and insecure it makes me feel.
This triggered a fire inside me that same night, so I decided for the first time in our 4 year relationship to go through his phone. (I have had a gut feeling for a long long time now that something wasn’t quite right. Turns out, just a few months ago while he was away on a work trip in the US, he pursued another female. He claims they did not do anything physical, but I have the messages between them, where he was telling her how much he liked her and couldn’t stop thinking about her. She proceeded to tell him how in love with him she was, and basically was begging him to leave me and stay in America with her.
I am struggling to cope with all of this, especially as I have just moved in with my partner only 2 weeks ago into a rental.
I don’t want to leave him, or the house, but I am starting to feel unwell and don’t know how to move on from the pain this has caused.

I also found out just tonight that he had messaged her last week, which has made the whole situation so much worse.

smallwolf · ‎08-08-2023

hello and welcome.

I'm truly sorry to hear that you're going through such a difficult and emotionally challenging situation. It's completely understandable that discovering these things about your partner has left you feeling hurt, upset, and insecure, questioning the relationship. Trust is a fundamental aspect of any relationship, and when it's shaken, it can be incredibly distressing.

It's important to prioritize your own well-being during this time. Your feelings are valid, and it's okay to take some time to process everything you've learned. I know you said that you looked through his phone, but I also wonder if have been able to have an open and honest conversation with your partner about your feelings, concerns, and the impact of his actions on you?

While it's natural to feel unsure about what to do next... Do you have friends and family you trust that you can talk to for guidance? Take things one step at a time, and focus on what will ultimately be best for your own emotional and mental health.

Wishing you healing and the clarity to make the choice that's right for you. You've got this.

Bee1998 · ‎09-08-2023

Hi Smallwolf,

Thank you for your response.
I only have a younger sister who lives near me, but no other family to talk to or that I’m close with. So, I’m dealing with this currently on my own. I also am unemployed at the moment , which is making it so much harder for me. I just sit at home every day replaying everything over in my head and it’s making me depressed.

smallwolf · ‎09-08-2023

😞 you would have a lot of time for thing to run through your mind then.

do you paint or write or ??? There was an occasion when I had an image in my head and in a class I was doing we were able to do a piece or art and write a reflection.... I took that image and painted it. For myself it was a ways of releasing the feelings. That is one idea?

Are you lonely? I hope you don't mind my asking. It was just a feeling I got when I read your reply about not having people you are close to. I am probably reading too much into it and apologies if so. You have so much strength, even if it's hard to feel that right now. With small steps, you can move forward. Sending hugs and wishing you the very best.

Bee1998 · ‎10-08-2023

I love the painting idea. I have always been creative. I love drawing, writing, reading, painting, any type of art & craft / creating activity.

To answer your question, yes, I am extremely lonely. Even if I get the chance to catch up with someone, I still feel lonely. I feel like no one else can fully relate to me, or understand (which they can’t sadly).

smallwolf · ‎10-08-2023

So ... do you think that you might take up one of the art/craft ideas and use that to express how you feel? Depending on what you choose and do, you could create a blog and post what you do. Or not?

And if you do like creative things, you might also be able to find some groups online with people with similar interests to you and maybe in your local area. It may not resolve the issues that brought you here, but you a space where you can express yourself?