Plz help :(

[jd03]

Hi all. I’m back (again, unfortunately). This time is bad though.

On Sunday night, I was really depressed about assignments and having gone home at lunch time to mum swearing and cursing because she couldn’t clip the dog’s nails. I couldn’t his distressing as it felt personal. But anyway I went to my room and cried about this for a while and then was so emotionally drained that when I went back home for dinner I didn’t really talk. While we were having dinner, I finally worked up the courage (after many months of staying silent) to ask mum if she could chew with her mouth open. I thought this was reasonable. Anyway, I got yelled at/lectured for a solid half an hour, where I was basically made to feel like my problems didn’t matter, everything was my fault and I had ruined the night. I think dad even said something like ‘if we have to be paranoid about everything we do around you we may as well just all neck ourselves.’ He said many things like this that really hurt me. After multiple years of living with this I have lost sight of whether saying things like this is reasonable or not, but my partner assured me that the things they were saying was not fair. But this was my breaking point. I had to sit there and cop a lecture for asking mum to chew with her mouth shut. 

The next day, after much crying, I went home and it was the exact same conversation: ‘you caused quite the chaos last night…it went on for 2 hours after you left…I had actual things to complain about when I was a kid.’ Things like this. So the day after was no better.

Now two days on, we have another similar conversation. At this point, I’ve been avoiding my parents and not really talking to them. We had another conversation tonight where I explained to them that I was really depressed and it broke me being told that my problems didn’t matter and I ruined everything over a question I thought was reasonable. But no…’you didn’t even say thank you for dinner, you just walk through the door and complain.’ And stuff like that. ‘You only ever see things from your perspective. Do you know that other people have issues too?’

So yeah. I have no idea what to do or what you’d call this. To me, it seems borderline emotionally abusive and if anyone, dad really cannot see my perspective because any time I go to say something my opinion is wrong. I’m really stuck because I work for my parents and live at home and I can’t move out yet, but home is becoming unbearable. I feel there’s no easy way out 😞 

[David35]

Your parents reaction does sound a bit excessive. Blaming you for how they react to you is a bit much. How long they decide to argue for is their responsibility, not yours. Years ago my parents used to be like this when discussing something. I'd go out for a bike ride, come back and they'd still be arguing, neither side willing to budge. It's best just to leave the situation. Can you consider working somewhere else? Working and living together would put an awful strain on the relationship.