Abusive Relationship

[Anon_D]

Hi there, I'm writing this as I sit agony. I'm in a vicious cycle of a relationship. I'm constantly on the receiving end of abuse, but physical and verbal. I continue to hang in there and at the same time I want out. The abuse is a living hell, but then when she apologises I tell myself that everything is back on track and the dark days are behind us. This usually lasts a day or two before the abuse starts again. It's a constant groundhog day. We both say we want it to end then when we make up we both say we want it to work. I'm guilty of name calling as well, but it stems from her, she always kicks things off over literally nothing. She's recently been caught cheating but them came to her senses and said she only wants to be with me and appreciates me standing by her considering everything I put up with. I don't know how much longer I can put up with the hurt. I just want the both of us to live a happy peaceful life together. What should I do?

[Sophie_M]

Hi Anon_D,

Thank you so much for your openness and strength in sharing this here. It sounds like there is a lot going on, and we’re glad you could reach out to the forums. You are deserving of respect, and you should never be made to feel like this by your partner.

We're really glad you could start this conversation here.As a next step, we’d recommend reaching out to 1800RESPECT to get support with this. You can contact them on 1800 737 732 or online. They are experts in supporting people who are experiencing abuse and will listen in a kind, understanding and non-judgmental way.

It sounds like it's having an impact on how you're feeling day to day, so please know that there’s always someone here for you to talk it through with. The Beyond Blue counsellors are available 24/7 on 1300 22 4636 or online, here.

We’re sure we’ll hear from our lovely, supportive community soon. In the meantime, here’s a few things you, and anyone experiencing this, might like to look at:

• Blue Knot’s advice on self-care for survivors of trauma and abuse.
• 1800 RESPECT’s advice on safety planning: thinking about things you can do to be safer
• Men can also contact Mensline for support.

We are here to support you and you are not alone. Thank you so much for sharing here.

Kind regards,

Sophie M

[Dadmeister]

No one here has the answer. The answer must come from within. I was in your situation once in an abusive relationship both physical and mental but stayed for the sake of my children. I would still be there if it wasn't for my ex cheating on me.  

What I realized is that my relationship should have been over about 10 years before but i foolishly stayed as i was scared to leave. In the end I damaged my mental health more and copped more abuse than anyone should expect. 

Men are on the receiving side of physical abuse more than they admit. My wife openly punched and slapped me on many occasions and I never once retaliated.

The hardest choice of my life was walking out that door but it was the one step that saved my life. 

Wishing you all the strength to work through this.