I dont know what to do

[Vil]

I am a 22 year old living with my younger sister on rent. Her boyfriend stays with us 5 days a week (for free). That alone is difficult to deal with considering how hard I am working in a low income job, but Ive been dealing with depression and anxiety for quite a while too. I have a hard time cleaning up but I do my best to clean up before the day ends. For some reason, my efforts are not enough for my sister. She keeps telling me that I dont wash the dishes nor do I do any cleaning in the house that doesn't involve my dog. I clean the living room, all floors except for the bathroom and my sister's room and the balcony. I also do my dishes and clean the kitchen but not immediately after I finish eating. My sister cleans the bathroom and the kitchen when she cooks. Yesterday, my sister went to sleep without washing a couple of her dishes so I washed them with mine. I told her about it today because she ALWAYS tells me if I miss mine. She started getting angry about it and telling me that she never tells me if I dont clean. I know better than that. 
Our dynamic used to be the opposite: I was very clean, my sister was not so clean. She changed a lot after her boyfriend started coming over. 
I've told her about how I dont feel like doing anything at all during the day. I dont even want to take a shower let alone doing the dishes, but I still get it done. I just wish she were a bit more supportive, especially because of the amount of stress I have to go through with my mom and dad trauma dumping only on me(older sibling issues) and her boyfriend coming over.

I recently had a surgery and my sister was supposed to accompany me but she forgot about it and scheduled to go to work on the day when it was her free day. She did this so she could skip work the next day to go out with her boyfriend. She never listens to me, never talks to me, everything is just so different. I wouldn't be feeling this bad about it but I do because I dont have friends because I dont leave my house. 
I wish I could talk to her about it but she is just too engrossed in her relationship to see me struggling to get through the day (I dont look like I struggle because that's just how I am, but Ive told my sister about it). 
Sorry if this feels more like a rant. Ive never done this before 😞

[Croix]

Dear Vil~

Welcome here to the Forum. It's an excellent place to blow of steam or vent. In fact I think venting is an important basic human need.

Just reading all you have on your plate (sorry no pun intended:) with depression, anxiety, a less than good job,  parents that unload on you and a sister who is preoccupied with her boyfriend and uncooperative or supportive of you - with all of that I think you are doing a pretty amazing job, and if you tend to be a bit slow in getting some things  done that really is more than reasonable.

I can well understand even the idea of taking a shower can seem just too hard.

I'm assuming your job is a home work one as you said you never go out of the house. That may be something that is not helping. After all if your entire world is within those four walls then anything that happens there looms very large in one's life. It's not as if you have the distractions and events in a larger world. I'm not saying your relationships in the home are not hard to deal with, just if you had other things in mind then you might cope better and not get as hurt.

May I ask if you are having any medical support for the anxiety and depression - and maybe a reluctance to step outside? (My apologies if I've got that last one wrong)

The reason I ask is my own depression and anxiety simply kept getting worse (which is why I can understand about the shower) and nothing I could do by myself could improve things. It was only when I started to get competent medical help that I began to recover.

Nowadays, even though still on meds, I'm a very different person, and can take an awful lot more in my stride.

I do hope I can hear from you again,we are here for you

Croix

[Vil]

Thank you so much for your reply. It feels so nice to have someone relate to some of the things I go through and acknowledge my feelings. 

I do work from home, so the only reasons for me to leave the house now are grocery runs and taking my dog out on walks, something I don't do as often as I did before and I feel really sorry for my dog about it. I am not sure why I dont want to leave the house. I always thought I was a homebody but not to the point where I wouldn't take my dog out. Going out feels like a big deal and that makes me want to avoid it because the entire day feels like it was used up and the next day is much closer, if that makes sense. 

I spoke to a gp about my issues and was referred to a psychologist. I consulted them once 2 months ago but haven't since. Im not sure why I keep stalling to book the next appointment. I had an appointment booked 2 weeks after the initial one, but I cancelled it because it felt too soon after the first appointment. And that has brought me all the way to 2 months later. I feel like there might not be any good results from visiting the psychologist but I also know that that's not true. It's like I'm contradicting my own thoughts. 

I really want to have a proper routine in my life, go to bed on time, wake up on time, take a shower on time and take my dog out without having to feel like everything is a chore when it really isn't. 

[Croix]

Dear Vil~

Going to a psych can be a hard thing and it is made worse if you come away unhappy with  that person's personality or performance. Can I suggest you give it a couple of goes, find out what the plan and timescale is, and what htey hope to achieve for you.

If you are still unhappy I'd suggest going back to your GP and asking for another. You are in charge and have ot feel it is doing oyu good even if it seems unpleasant. I tend ot beleive it is the relationship one has with the therapist that is the most important thing -not necessarily the type of therapy they specialize in. Mind you that is just my own thoughts.

I'm sure your dog can use more walkies even if you feel reluctant. I used to be reluctant ot go to the mailbox at the end of my driveway:(

Croix

[Vil]

Thank you so much for everything! I'll definitely give the psychologist a second chance! And will try and take my doggo out tmrw!

[Croix]

Dear Vil~

Sounds good, if you'd like please let us know what happens

Croix