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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Loz83 Worried about husband
  • replies: 2

Hi all, I’ve been through a lot the last year as my history may show. I’ve (regrettably) recently started anti depressants for the first time in 18 years and they are def helping but now my husband is in such a bad headspace I feel like I’m back at s... View more

Hi all, I’ve been through a lot the last year as my history may show. I’ve (regrettably) recently started anti depressants for the first time in 18 years and they are def helping but now my husband is in such a bad headspace I feel like I’m back at square one. He has a major back injury which is only getting worse and is awaiting neurosurgery. I’ve lost count of the times we have been to ER this year and he is now at the point where he can’t even shower without collapsing in agony. We have four kids plus my own chronic endo/adeno issues (2nd surgery was 3 months ago) and little to no family support so I am doing everything rn as he can’t even drive. He was raised to be the strong silent type who hides his emotions and keeps putting on a brave face even though he can’t sleep due to pain and has been crying and suicidal at 3 am on more than one occasion. To make things harder, we aren’t particularly well financed and living on one wage so every Drs visit is costing money we don’t have which makes things even harder as his wage has almost halved as he can’t work normally and I’m a SAHM. He won’t ask for help and is pushing away any and all help offered and I’m about to crack from the pressure. I just don’t know what to do anymore. The hospital today said he has been bumped up but it is still a three month wait at the best for his surgery. I’m scared to leave him alone as I don’t know what he will do. How are we supposed to get through months more of this?!

The-misunderstood-girl Partner
  • replies: 1

I tend to constantly find myself arguing with my partner. It usually always starts off with me trying to talk about something that is bothering me and for some reason the response back always makes me feel like 1.unheard, they literally did not liste... View more

I tend to constantly find myself arguing with my partner. It usually always starts off with me trying to talk about something that is bothering me and for some reason the response back always makes me feel like 1.unheard, they literally did not listen to a thing I’ve said. 2. Always turns into where they blame me for how I’m feeling3. They tell me I’m the problem and to stop making fights (I would be telling them how I’ve done everything a person has asked of me and when I no longer have energy to do more for someone they end up getting angry with me) this is why my partner says I create the fights. 4. because I get defensive and say that I have done absolutely nothing to a person but they are making me feel uncomfortable with how they are treating me. Partner instantly says that I have done something. 5. because I get defensive my partner instantly says that I’m being a narcissist. i never feel heard but when I go to leave they make it very difficult for me.

Stratos Tired of being the emotional punchbag
  • replies: 3

I'm really struggling to deal with my wife's behavior, and I am finally thinking that it is time to leave. We’ve been together for about 20 years. My wife has always been a bit highly strung. About 5 years ago we moved cities, and she seems to have b... View more

I'm really struggling to deal with my wife's behavior, and I am finally thinking that it is time to leave. We’ve been together for about 20 years. My wife has always been a bit highly strung. About 5 years ago we moved cities, and she seems to have been in a gradual decline since then. She has been treated for depression, but the medication seems to do very little to improve her mood or behavior. I'm not even sure that the root problem is depression.The impact to me can be broken into three aspects:1. Constant criticism. It doesn't matter what I do, I will always be wrong. If I try and do something for her, I'll get told how I'm wrong, should do it another way, why was I so stupid, etc. She accuses me of not communicating, but if I ask her how I should do something or what I should be doing, I'll get shouted at because "why must I make all the decisions?". The criticism is having a profound effect on my self-confidence at home and at work.2. Short temper. I spend my life feeling like I am walking through a minefield. She loses her temper at the slightest thing. Literally one word out of place will result in 10 minutes of shouting. I find myself rehearsing important conversations with her in advance, to try and minimise the risk of upsetting her. I hardly ever have casual conversations with her, something that in itself upsets her and causes her to shout at me.3. Toxic venting. For as long as I've known her she has insisted on "venting" about issues in her life. At first I'd try to offer suggestions, but that simply angered her. She said that she just wanted to "vent", not have them try and fix anything. Over the years this has gotten more and more intense and angry. Plus, although she says she doesn't want me to try and "fix" anything, she also shouts at me because I do nothing about the issues that she raises. If a work colleague says something to upset her, she'll come home and shout at me. I get shouted at for anything that has upset her during the day - work, friends, family, world politics..... Her latest complaint is that I do not get angry when she shouts at me. I've been trying to keep my resentment of her behavior under control, as I don't think having a shouting match really helps anyone. But it does affect me, and I am really ready to walk out.Does anyone have some insight into this type of situation, or any advice that they can share?

DangerousDave78 Partner has abruptly ended relationship and blocked social media.
  • replies: 4

I have known my partner for 6 months and within the last 2 months have become very close, way more than friends. We haven't placed a label on it but were very much beyond dating. We live apart in different states, met and courted due to my being in h... View more

I have known my partner for 6 months and within the last 2 months have become very close, way more than friends. We haven't placed a label on it but were very much beyond dating. We live apart in different states, met and courted due to my being in her location for work and the discussion of LDR hasn't been a concern or issue to either of us. She does however have a history of an emotionally abusive ex-husband and suffers PTSD and anxiety as a result which she receives counselling for. Recently to add to this her grandfather is close to passing away and her father appears to have cancer, literally occurring within the same week putting tremendous strain on her. In all this I've tried to support her as best as I can. A week ago I came home to QLD, we left on great terms and we talked to each other daily but for a good 24 hour period she fell silent. The next morning I messaged and asked what was going on as it was really disconcerting and she told me that she "couldn't do it anymore, couldn't sleep or eat, was in a bad way and that she just wanted out." After that, blocked me on facebook and instagram however hasn't blocked me on Snapchat which is what we primarily use to talk / video call. But to date won't answer back to my messages or take/return my calls asking to talk about things. Will look at story posts but gone silent. I have her phone number naturally but trying not to bombard her. I love her very much and understand she is going through a lot right now but hard to understand why she is choosing to shut me out. I still have no idea what exactly is bothering her. There is a lot more context that I can't fit into 2500 character limit. Just asking for some help and insight as to what I should do that I haven't done already which is to reassure her, say I'm there for her and want to talk to her. Afraid to lose her as I consider her to be my person and I firmly believe she feels the same.

running_girl My partner is upset that my mum is friends with my ex
  • replies: 3

I’ve been in a relationship with my partner for 5 years. His relationship with my mother had never been easy. My mother is elderly and it makes it hard for me to go on holidays as I don’t like to leave her. my mother maintains a mother/son type relat... View more

I’ve been in a relationship with my partner for 5 years. His relationship with my mother had never been easy. My mother is elderly and it makes it hard for me to go on holidays as I don’t like to leave her. my mother maintains a mother/son type relationship with my ex husband. I’m not in contact with my ex myself out of respect for my current partner although there’s no bad blood between us my Ex wants to travel interstate to visit my mum for a week and I thought it would create a good opportunity for me and my partner to get away for a short vacation as mum would be cared for by my ex who also happens to work in aged care. I told my partner of this arrangement and he took it extremely badly. He didn’t know mum and my ex stayed in touch and he is shocked and hurt. His reaction was so bad I felt that he was questioning my own fidelity to him, which he says he wasn’t. was I wrong to be open with him about my ex staying with my mum? Is he right that this is “ludicrous” and abnormal? I always try to do the right thing but I’m being treated as if I’ve done something terribly wrong. I am despairing over this

PsychedelicFur How can I deal with my partner's pessimistic friends and father?
  • replies: 8

Hello there, Firstly, my partner and I are in a loving, supportive and wonderful relationship together. I love him dearly and he treats me with respect and unconditional love. We have been together for three months off a year and I feel safe with him... View more

Hello there, Firstly, my partner and I are in a loving, supportive and wonderful relationship together. I love him dearly and he treats me with respect and unconditional love. We have been together for three months off a year and I feel safe with him. Most of his friends are lovely and I genuinely get along well with them. Although, I am dealing with a bit of anxiety circulating around a few of his friends and his father. A few of his friends, two of them, in particular seem to be very pessimistic. I met one at a group dinner very recently and she was really judge- mental. Someone congratulated the fact that I had completed my first year of my university degree and she said "she still has two years yet." in a pessimistic tone. She seems very negative and judge-mental. She hits her friends with a handbag when they 'annoy' her. And to me that doesn't seem right, even if it is friendly banter. She is constantly commenting on everyone's decisions. And judging them quite harshly. And it made me feel uncomfortable. I don't know how to communicate to my partner that I felt that she was very judge-mental and pessimistic. Another friend of his seems to also be pessimistic. The first time ever meeting me she asked if he was a 'gentleman' in the bedroom...I was shocked! She calls him 'dumb dumb' and touched his personal property - his record player with a record playing on it. And she said in his house "you are not my Dad, you can't tell me what to do!" this was as she helped herself to pulling things out of the backyard shed. HOW DO I DEAL WITH THESE PEOPLE? THEY GIVE ME SEVERE ANXIETY. I LOVE MY PARTNER BUT HECK... THESE PEOPLE ARE REALLY CRAPPY FRIENDS. My partner has issues with his Father too. His father is constantly rushing him by saying "come on, hurry up. Put on your skates and get going." I should also point out, both my partner and I are autistic. When my partner lived at home, I heard his father speak to him like "YOU HAVE FIVE MINUTES, DINNER IS ON THE TABLE!" and "YOU BETTER MAKE YOUR BED TODAY."It triggers bad memories of my narcissistic mother and now I realize I am severely hypervigilant. How do I deal with all of this?? He rushes us and it gives me anxiety.

EmmaP My BPD GF suddenly upped and left
  • replies: 3

Hi Everyone, My borderline personality disorder girlfriend upped and left me yesterday without warning. We had been friends for 4 years and together for 7+ months. It was her birthday last week and I made sure to make it special for her. Its my birth... View more

Hi Everyone, My borderline personality disorder girlfriend upped and left me yesterday without warning. We had been friends for 4 years and together for 7+ months. It was her birthday last week and I made sure to make it special for her. Its my birthday this week and she upped and left before my birthday. She half did the breakup over text and half via a letter she handed to me in person. She sent the text when she knew I would be at work and I was a hysterical mess in the work bathroom on the floor. I went straight to my best friends house. She has been very sick mentally, but I didn't see it coming. Everything was perfect last week with her birthday, I had a performance on the weekend and she was extremely supportive and even jumped on stage when I finished and kissed and hugged me in front of everyone. She then gave me a bit of the silent treatment this week, and I just assumed she was having another "episode" and gave her the space. Next thing you know she has left me, with stupid excuses. She hadn't and wouldn't discuss what was going on for her this week or of late so I had no indication of what was going on for her. She tried to do it "humanely" but it has left me broken hearted and smashed into a million pieces. She says its because she doesn't want to hurt me anymore and its not fair on me how sick she is, but it just seems really ironic because she has hurt me incredibly by doing it. When we first got together she idolised me and put me on a pedestal in true BPD fashion, and she then tore the rug from under me in true BPD fashion. We had so many plans and future goals, and now I'm feeling lost. I gave this relationship everything, which may have been my downfall. I read the books, set boundaries, cared for her when she was sick, gave her space when she wanted it. My problem is separation anxiety after my mothers and fathers abandonment of me when I was younger, & then my grandmothers sudden death two years ago, she was my best friend. I feel like my now I cannot trust and like one more person has abandoned me after the promise of eternal love and never going anywhere. Just as I was getting my anxiety and depression under control this has happen and it now feels like 5 steps backwards. I'm trying to stay positive but its hard and my chest feels like its been pounded in, I can't eat and I just want to sleep, but when I do I'm constantly waking up and having nightmares. Sorry, I guess I just needed to get it off my chest ...

Tata.M Stressed about having baby no.2
  • replies: 1

Hi... Am not sure if am over reacting but am having sleepless nights about it. I have a baby under 2 years and expecting baby number 2 this summer. The problem is that I feel overwhelmed and scared of the loneliness experienced with my first child. I... View more

Hi... Am not sure if am over reacting but am having sleepless nights about it. I have a baby under 2 years and expecting baby number 2 this summer. The problem is that I feel overwhelmed and scared of the loneliness experienced with my first child. I asked my mum to travel from overseas to help and she was happy to take leave from work and help me for 4 months. My husband has completely refused for her to come live with us and all he says is we can do it without external help. I have expressed often to the point of breaking down that I can't and I don't want to go through what I went through before. He doesn't seem to understand my position and I feel helpless. We both have no family in Australia hence I don't expect any support. How do I deal with this. My 2nd baby will be here in less than two months.

Jay__Bee Alcohol has ruined my marriage
  • replies: 1

I am sure there are probably similar stories which I’ll be sure to search.Its been rough my marriage is literally on the rocks ok a little light humour. My wife had told me multiple times to cut down my drinking. I don’t drink every night but I’m a b... View more

I am sure there are probably similar stories which I’ll be sure to search.Its been rough my marriage is literally on the rocks ok a little light humour. My wife had told me multiple times to cut down my drinking. I don’t drink every night but I’m a big binge drinker. It could now all be too little too late, I’ve got some help with understanding why and what has lead to all of this. I don’t crave alcohol at all and for the past 2 weeks haven’t had a drop. I know it does terrible things mentally when you are dealing with things so the thought of it actually makes me feel sick. My wife is sick of it and doesn’t believe I’ll change. I actually don’t blame her but all I can do is keep working on myself for myself foremost however she is not really saying how she feels. If we try to talk about it she gets upset. Control of her feelings is out of my hands, I just feel so empty with out her. Feel that I’ve missed out on great fun times all due to drinking. It could be all too little too late and mentally it is hard while I’m in the spare room just waiting for her to give me the tick or give me the flick. I know I shouldn’t beat myself up, I feel sick to the stomach, it’s the wait and not knowing. I’m not sure how to deal with it. I fear she’s checked out.

Niki1603 Hurt by my boyfriends past with no right to be
  • replies: 2

My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year and he is the best thing to have happened to me. He is so loving and supportive of my mental health. We met on an online dating app, and messaged for a few months before we went on our first date.... View more

My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year and he is the best thing to have happened to me. He is so loving and supportive of my mental health. We met on an online dating app, and messaged for a few months before we went on our first date. After a few weeks of dating once we met, he told me he had a one night stand with a friend of his whilst we were texting. I never cared at first because we were not together. One day I was thinking about it a few months into us being together and immediately panicked. I had done a full 180 and convinced myself he had cheated on me by sleeping with someone whilst we were texting. My adult brain knows this isn’t true, but I can’t help but hold onto this thought and it impacts my everyday life. My therapist as well as everyone else I’ve spoken to about it has told me he did nothing wrong, but I can’t accept that answer and I don’t know why. When I’m distracted I’m fine, when I’m alone I go over it again and again and can’t believe the facts that he did nothing wrong. I worry so much about it to the point where I’m worried if I can’t get over it and be happy I’ll have no choice but to walk away. But I do not want to do that because I know he did nothing wrong. I just can’t accept this. Has anyone else been in the same situation and if so please let me know how you dealt with it and overcame it. I find I’m going in a vicious cycle and I just want ti be happy for the both of us.