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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Lost-1958 Lost-1958
  • replies: 2

Hi,I'm a 64-year-old male who left a 30-year marriage, because I hadn't had any love or affection from my second wife for 10 years. I only stayed the distance because of the children, work and put family then work before anything I needed; and ended ... View more

Hi,I'm a 64-year-old male who left a 30-year marriage, because I hadn't had any love or affection from my second wife for 10 years. I only stayed the distance because of the children, work and put family then work before anything I needed; and ended up having a breakdown. My two youngest daughters who are both adults are giving me grief about leaving the marriage and I can't move on because the divorce hasn't been finalized yet. One daughter believes that I should not be trying to find affection with another woman but should be staying close by not going overseas and rebuilding a relationship with them. She moved a 4 hour drive away 3 years ago and only communicates by Facebook with me.

steven250 Bpd ex broke up with me need opinions
  • replies: 3

Me and my ex gf been broken up for 4 weeks now. She broke up with me randomly. She told me that morning she loves me and she happy to have me in my life 2 hours later broke up with me. It was messy I was hurt because it was a great relationship and a... View more

Me and my ex gf been broken up for 4 weeks now. She broke up with me randomly. She told me that morning she loves me and she happy to have me in my life 2 hours later broke up with me. It was messy I was hurt because it was a great relationship and also just a perfect person. She has me blocked on everything because she doesn’t want anything to do with me she said to a friend. She loves me but doesn’t care about me. She been out partying and I know this because she’s talking to my mum. Sending mum photos of her out with guys. And she went back to her home and she’s texting my mum a lot more. They don’t talk about me. But yeah it hurts. I told her if we break up block my family and don’t have contact. Dad it annoyed because he believes you don’t not have the boyfriend but get the family. I’m confused as you want nothing to do with me but then talking to my mum more and more frequently. I need help. Does she miss me? Is she thinking about me? I’m going to talk to her this week coming up need advice please help!

bluebrisbane38 Want advice on surviving discovered affair
  • replies: 1

I've been happily (at least I thought so) married for 10yrs & I have four kids with my wife. We moved to Australia early 2022 but something has seemed off for a while. She hasn't wanted to engage in anything sexual for years claiming that she just di... View more

I've been happily (at least I thought so) married for 10yrs & I have four kids with my wife. We moved to Australia early 2022 but something has seemed off for a while. She hasn't wanted to engage in anything sexual for years claiming that she just didn't feel the urge, she didn't want sex and didn't want me to even touch her. To set the stage here, I look young for my age (38), I'm tall, very well endowed and know how to please her on the rare occasion she'll let me. She went back to our original country to visit her parents mid last year while I looked after all the kids and made the mistake of purchasing a Tinder subscription using our shared credit card which alerted me on my phone. I sank into a deep hole of depression and asked her about it when she got back. She claimed it was for a friend who felt embarrassed about using it themselves so she was helping them. I took that as she said it at the time because I trust her and I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt. She had trouble making friends here and turned to "Friends" channel on Bumble. I was very uncomfortable with this so I asked her to remove it. She went out dancing with girl friends until the sunrise every second week and then started disappearing during the day almost every day for 4-5hrs at a time. My phone is pretty old and I'd just bought her a new one when we moved here so I asked if I could use her old phone. I plugged it into my computer to make sure all her photos were saved before I wiped it and a message popped up in Instagram from someone she'd been sexting with. I felt like I couldn't breath.I called her and with tears in my eyes begged her not to go through with it and she said she'd come straight home and talk with me. She claimed nothing had happened with that person. She told me she'd been going to an abuse support group all those days she'd been away and was planning on leaving me. I was confused and terrified. I've never abused her. I am guilty of being too focused on work, being stuck in provider mode but that's it. She said that there was a guy there that she went on one date with but they did nothing more than have coffee. I identified areas where I can improve and I make more time for her and have cut work right back. She said the changes are amazing and she's happy. I'll post more in reply comment.

PsychedelicFur I think I am in a co-dependent relationship
  • replies: 11

I believe I am in a codependent relationship. My partner constantly tells me that "if you leave me I will cry and cry and never be happy again." AND "I can't live without you." As you can imagine, these comments would make anyone feel extremely suffo... View more

I believe I am in a codependent relationship. My partner constantly tells me that "if you leave me I will cry and cry and never be happy again." AND "I can't live without you." As you can imagine, these comments would make anyone feel extremely suffocated and uncomfortable. I have told him it makes me feel uncomfortable and I don't like it but he still does it. He says he only does it out of love though. He also says "if you leave me I will never be happy again. You are my reason to be happy." It's A LOT of pressure on me, as you can imagine. He also constantly cries if I try to break things off with him or if I talk to him about other serious issues. I feel like I can't communicate serious issues with him without him getting upset. I feel like I can't evolve as a person. I feel a bit stuck. He also constantly tells me to marry him and move in with him and I tell him NO but he still brings it up. I know.. deep down I am not ready at all for such big and life changing commitments. University is my top priority, it will help me more in the long run. He still calls me his 'wife' in front of friends too.. even when I tell him to not do it.. I love and care about him but he is HEAVILY reliant on me for his happiness. I don't know what to do... I am scared to leave him because then all of his friends, family and even he will probably hate me. I have tried but it's really hard to deal with.

Mortho supportive partner needs a break
  • replies: 2

Hey all, to say i’m exhausted is an understatement, my husband is suffering depression and anxiety he has had a hospital admission in the last 3 months . is it wrong if i suggest one night a week he stays at his mums im thinking a sunday night so i c... View more

Hey all, to say i’m exhausted is an understatement, my husband is suffering depression and anxiety he has had a hospital admission in the last 3 months . is it wrong if i suggest one night a week he stays at his mums im thinking a sunday night so i can have some recharging time before the work week begins .he is constantly obsessive about different things and doesn’t let up, i have set some boundaries and will spend a lot of time redirecting his thoughts. I feel bad for wanting a break but the last few years have taken a toll on me. i’m super supportive but i think it’s to my own demise if that makes sense. just writing this makes me feel extremely sad and emotionally

Elizabeth Louise Im oversharing and feeling bad afterwards
  • replies: 5

Been separated from my husband for 3 months. I'm so vulnerable right now that I'm oversharing details as to what happened with some friends and feeling horrible about it afterwards. How do I stop this? I feel I need to avoid people so I don't fall in... View more

Been separated from my husband for 3 months. I'm so vulnerable right now that I'm oversharing details as to what happened with some friends and feeling horrible about it afterwards. How do I stop this? I feel I need to avoid people so I don't fall into the same trap and oversharing things about my ex and what happened. I'm still trying to process what happened and not coping well at times as he was the one that left.

Jadeee My relationship with my mum is destroyed, i need solid advice to fix it.
  • replies: 2

Hey so i am 15 and i really need some good advice to help with the situation that i have been currently facing for about 4 years. So my mother and i have a very toxic relationship and ive tried everything to fix it. She is a gaslighter, phycological ... View more

Hey so i am 15 and i really need some good advice to help with the situation that i have been currently facing for about 4 years. So my mother and i have a very toxic relationship and ive tried everything to fix it. She is a gaslighter, phycological coercer and always gives me silent treatment. My parents in general dont meet my needs as a young child, i feel like they have let me down and they heavily hinder my mental health as i am always trying to become a better person but my mum brings out the worst in me. She has said she doesnt love me, i love her but i cant express it with her being so mean to me. I also have two older siblings and a younger brother, and i noticed the way she treats them, invests so much time into them and always asks them questions. But she has never done that to me, anytime i talk to her she says she busy ect. And i just feel so lonely, my teachers who have to deal with 20 kids at once invests more time into me than my parents ever had, thats why i prefer being at school more. My parents dont hug, kiss or love me so ive never had any form of physical affection and it makes me a pretty numb person. My mum has control over my whole life, i cannot voice my opinions, she has control over my finances and i also have to buy all my stuff like clothes, food, resources like a scientific calculator for school that is $270. And ive only just realised after 4 years that i am being controlled, becuase ive developed a tolerance to the way my mum treats me and it is normalised for me, so i feel guilty whenever i ask my parents to buy me something or whenever i speak up, i get shut down, pure fascism. And so therefore i am pretty much responsible for myself at 15 years old, but my brothers and sister gets treated way differenly. I feel like an outcast, i feel like i am living with complete strangers. I dont know what to do, i need help.

shannc Troubled young adults - Help
  • replies: 1

Hi All,I am seeking help mostly on behalf of my parents who are currently dealing with my 25 y/o troubled brother.He has a history of drugs, trouble with the police and hanging with the wrong crowds. He was once physically violent and that’s when we ... View more

Hi All,I am seeking help mostly on behalf of my parents who are currently dealing with my 25 y/o troubled brother.He has a history of drugs, trouble with the police and hanging with the wrong crowds. He was once physically violent and that’s when we knew he was going through another episode. We have also sent him to rehab, which was a waste of money as they don’t tend to offer any follow up. My brother had hit rock bottom at one stage when he was diagnosed with epilepsy. He pulled out of that fast when he met a girl but as soon as they broke up, he went back to his old ways. He had recently crashed his car and we believe he was on drugs at the time. He now has a massive debt as he was still paying off his car and it wasn’t insured. It seems he has no idea of consequences as my parents have given him jobs for some cash to help him pay off the car, but he won’t show up half the time. He sometimes won’t show up to work and my parents have had to ask his boss to give him another chance. He has also been kicked out of his apartment so is now back home. My parents are stuck! They want to sell the house and spend their hard-earned money to travel Australia but it’s my brother that’s holding them back. My parents have tried everything - rehab, council, tough love. They can’t seem to get through to him and it seems to be getting worse. He thinks they will leave money with him in their passing but my parents are using it to bail him out. I can see they’re starting to get depressed and it makes me feel helpless! I also sometimes wish my brother would die, but I know I shouldn’t think like that. Does any one have advice on how to handle this?

CMF I can't tolerate people but it must be me. What's wrong with me?
  • replies: 6

Hi all, I find it really hard to tolerate people's behaviour. It affects me greatly & I'm sick of having to "suck it up". When I'm open with those who should support me they will agree with me but then support the other person. Examples = my partner'... View more

Hi all, I find it really hard to tolerate people's behaviour. It affects me greatly & I'm sick of having to "suck it up". When I'm open with those who should support me they will agree with me but then support the other person. Examples = my partner's sis moved in with him & his boys after his divorce. She bought into his house & took over the wife/mother role. I belive to fulfill her life. It's been almost 4 years & I can't tolerate her. She's a nice person all about her, controlling, never gives us space when I'm there & takes advantage of him being People pleaser. She crowds us, listens to our conversations & intertupts/takes over. I've told him how I feel so many times, he says he understands but she'll eventually move out. He admits he can't stand up to her & is like a puppet. I used to work at reception with a woman who constantly does her personal things at work. Online shopping, always on her mobile phone & letting work phone ring out. Others that worked with her all say she's been doing that for 10years & some of us have brought it up with management yet nothing gets done. One of my current colleagues is paid to be a Team Leader. He is hardly around, always has an excuse to leave the office then work from home. He constantly sends work through incorrectly & it goes back & forth several times to get it right. He doesn't understand the systems & always makes up excuses ie his system is slow, he hasn't been there long & still new.. he runs around all puffed out but doing nothing. No one goes to him cos he doesn't know anything & tried to blame me for a big error. He's bluffing his way through. My manager is under pressure cos he offers no support. I've raised it with my manager several times, pointing out issues. She agrees, asks me to keep an eye on him, talks to him, but he continues to do it & get away with it, been doing it for over a year. Today she is pulling him up & telling him to step up but I'm still told some take longer to learn. She agrees he's taking advantage & not fulfilling his role but I'm almost told to go easy while he fluffs around & gets paid more than I. It appears I have too many issues with people. Am I too honest? Too harsh? Are my expectations too high? I cannot deal with people taking advantage of others. It affects me too much. I've come to the conclusion that the issue must be me. Cmf

Bonsaipetal denied over and over again.
  • replies: 5

HiWe have been married for almost 16 years, and together for 22 years, have 2 teen children. This "friendship" began about 5 years ago and she is one of his staff. I knew this would be an issue when it first started and told him my concerns only to b... View more

HiWe have been married for almost 16 years, and together for 22 years, have 2 teen children. This "friendship" began about 5 years ago and she is one of his staff. I knew this would be an issue when it first started and told him my concerns only to be met with denial and told that they are just friends. It still didn't feel right. I went to a psychologist to work through my issues as my father had an affair when I was a child. (I'm now over 50). It took me a couple of years of attempting to be ok with the friendship, and seeing a psychologist, before I realised it was ok for me to not feel comfortable with the relationship. Each time I was blamed for not being ok with it, and he said he was lonely and had no friends so needed her. Finally he admitted that he loved her.....they are best friends....but that doesn't replace me. We have been to relationship counsellors, as soon as they mentioned he needed to end the friendship he wanted to stop going. I even found a counsellor he could relate to, but again he said no one is taking his side. 2 weeks ago I found more lies and they flew interstate together. He lied over and over again and still denies they are more than just friends. I am being strong, but I can't believe he is not the person I believed he was. When does this shock end?