Food Shaming

[JustAnYtka]

This is just a rant I need to get out however I'm open to feedback.

I had dinner tonight and I was proud of myself for once, because I ate some tomato. My mum made homemade mac n cheese with bacon and tomato. I'm autistic with co morbid PDA and one of my traits is that I have a very restrictive diet and very few safe foods. 

So tonight I ate pretty much of all my dinner except for a piece of tomato, but I'd already had a few pieces and I was full. About an hour after eating, I went to get a bit of chocolate for dessert and couldn't find it. Now my mum has a really frustrating habit of hiding foods that she thinks I shouldn't be eating without even talking to me about her concerns, so I knew that she had hidden it. I asked her of she had and she said yes. So I asked her why and she told me that I eat too much unhealthy food and not much healthy food. This is true, but that tonight I was really proud of myself and I guess I just wanted to treat myself a bit. She said get a piece of fruit. 

This type of conversation is really really frustrating and makes me loose trust in her because she knows about my struggles and the actual diagnosis behind them. She always says eat what you can and when you can but then later on gets mad at me for eating unhealthy or not enough.

Another thing that frustrates me is that if she didn't have an actual diet (she's recovering from a stomach bypass) she would be eating worse food than me, and she did pre surgery. She would get upset with me having a small bar of chocolate every night but then she would go eat a whole box of chocolate icecreams. 

Right now I'm so frustrated that I want to scream and cry and yell.

Thanks for reading,

Ber

[sbella02]

Ber,

Thank you for opening up to us with your story, and I warmly welcome you to the forums.

Tomato is a notoriously disliked food, particularly amongst people who struggle with eating certain flavours or textures. It's fantastic to hear that you were able to take that step outside of your comfort zone and eat something that you may not have always been able to. 

I too like to reward myself with dessert and am often told to eat healthier by my mum, so I can understand where you're coming from. It is frustrating to be told no, when you've made up your mind about something that you feel will make you happy. If you're able to, you could try having another conversation with her about how it makes you feel, and how she can help support you in the future. It is important to be able to establish these boundaries such that your emotional needs and gratification can be met.

If this feels like a challenge, there are some strategies that can help you be assertive. Using "I" statements (eg: I feel like this... I wanted to do this because...) helps to communicate your emotions in a clear way. Sometimes we can feel guilty for asserting our boundaries, but it's important for us to be able to communicate our needs and emotions, so it's good to practice things like saying "no" or using "I" statements.

I'm wishing you all the best, please keep chatting with us if you wish.

Take care, SB