Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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MoanaMarie Parental alienation
  • replies: 3

Hi everyone, I am hoping to make contact with other parents who have or are experiencing parental alienation. It is so very hard to deal with this, and especially when everyone you know has at least some sort of relationship with their child. In my c... View more

Hi everyone, I am hoping to make contact with other parents who have or are experiencing parental alienation. It is so very hard to deal with this, and especially when everyone you know has at least some sort of relationship with their child. In my case, I am unable to have a relationship with my 40 year old son. There have been difficulties for many years, and over the years he has become increasingly erratic and abusive. He has a long standing issue with drug use and he lives on the streets. He no longer works and has had criminal issues as well. The rest of the family have written him off years ago but I have continued to try to maintain a connection, but it has become too abusive with threats of harm and violence towards me. So I have to stop now. My family are supporting me, and I also have a counsellor I see each week. But even with all that support I still feel terribly sad and worried about him. I worry he will end his life or somehow harm himself. He has no friends, is very much a loner. He is delusional and very grandiose and a lot of the time is clearly not seeing things for what they are. He will not agree to any form of mental health support or care. I have tried on several occasions to get him mental health assessment and support but he will not participate in it at all. He has no wish to have a relationship with any of the family. It is so hard to accept that a child you love does not have the same feelings for you as a parent, and hard to accept that he does not want me or any family in his life and he is not interested in help of any sort, other than financial. I would like to hear from any other parents with similar experiences. I feel I am caught in endless grief and worry even though I cannot do anything. I feel powerless and helpless and alone. This situation has gone on for more than 20 years but worse than ever now. Thank you for reading this.

Elle_gross Separation anxiety?
  • replies: 3

Recently I got into this weird “more than friends” thing and it’s giving me such anxiety. We both want to focus on our studies since it’s our senior year so we decided to agree to start the real relationship by the end of senior year. Because of that... View more

Recently I got into this weird “more than friends” thing and it’s giving me such anxiety. We both want to focus on our studies since it’s our senior year so we decided to agree to start the real relationship by the end of senior year. Because of that decision he talks to me around 2-3 hours a day. I’m just in constant anxiety even though I know it’s because he wants to focus on himself and study for the moment:(( Like the negative thoughts in my head keep telling me that if he was really interested in me enough he would talk to me more. I’m honestly considering if I have some sort of abandonment issues or separation anxiety If he doesn’t talk to me often I just assume it’s because he doesn’t want to. I know it’s not a healthy behaviour for me because I even get jealous of his friends that get to spend time with him even though I know I shouldn’t be! Like 2-3 hours isn’t enough for me. But it doesn’t seem like it bothers him so much which hurts me a bit too:(( These strong emotions keep me from my hobbies and studying. I’ve talked to him about this issue before and he told me I need to be productive too and that caring for me is making sure I am the best I can be. He says he doesn’t want to hold me back. I was productive today but I just ended up feeling worse in the end from all the suppressing and distracting my true emotions. Please help me on how to cope or if this even is the right path for me!

Bookworm_01 Lost
  • replies: 7

So a few months ago i separated from my boyfriend i was living with, it felt mutual but also not. I brought up issues one night that i was having about not connecting and wanting to spend more time together and he kind of blamed it on not liking the ... View more

So a few months ago i separated from my boyfriend i was living with, it felt mutual but also not. I brought up issues one night that i was having about not connecting and wanting to spend more time together and he kind of blamed it on not liking the same things and said i wasn't social enough... anyway i moved back home an hour away from where i lived with him. But the friends i had are back there and were his friends girlfriend etc. I feel isolated and alone. I've attempted to reconnect with old friends but have been finding it hard to communicate or plan events with them. I've also reached out to the friends that i kept while i moved away but feel as though they have no time for me. I'm sick of putting myself out there to plan events and getting nothing in return. I will message people and they will have plans but they never reach out back to me. I continuously put myself put there and get rejected and it makes me not want to put myself out there anymore. I go days without talking to anyone. I'm tired of feeling so alone.

Lazlo New to this amazingly supportive forum
  • replies: 18

Hi. I've been reading this forum for a few days now and am really touched by the support everyone has for each other. It's great to think there are people in the world who genuinely care about complete strangers. It's inspired me to post about my sit... View more

Hi. I've been reading this forum for a few days now and am really touched by the support everyone has for each other. It's great to think there are people in the world who genuinely care about complete strangers. It's inspired me to post about my situation. I'm 41 and my 15 year relationship with the love of my life has just ended. I was certain that we would be together forever, so I'm completely shell-shocked right now. It's been a couple of months now but I've only really begun to accept it in the last week or two. I've struggled with depression and anxiety for about 10 years (that's when it was diagnosed), on and off medication during that time. It is the biggest factor in my partners feeling that she can't be with me any longer. So, I'm faced with the prospect of starting from scratch. I don't have a job and haven't really worked for almost 8 years. It's hard to picture a situation where an employer would bother considering me for a position. I lost contact with my friends years ago and don't put myself out there, so making new ones seems impossible. I just feel like things are hopeless. I'm scared that I'm not strong enough to make the changes in myself necessary to get back on track. I really want to be the person I know I can be. I've been him before so it's in me somewhere. I've started seeing a new psychologist, but it's a challenge opening up to her. It's hard not to see her as a stranger I've only known for 4 hours. And now the appointments are on the phone which makes it harder. I feel that the anonymity of this forum will help me be more open and I can get a bit of the support I need. Thanks for taking the time to read this. Adrian

Herefortheforums 2 nights in a row I’ve dreamt about my crush, what do these mean?
  • replies: 3

Hi The last 2 nights in a row I’ve dreamt about my crush and really trying to make sense of what the dreams mean the first night I was in a car park running from something (not sure what) and had to get away, but the only way I could see getting away... View more

Hi The last 2 nights in a row I’ve dreamt about my crush and really trying to make sense of what the dreams mean the first night I was in a car park running from something (not sure what) and had to get away, but the only way I could see getting away was in her car. In reality, she drives a white car but in the dream it was black. Where it gets weird is that I was in the passenger seat and the car then was moving but no one in the drivers seat? Last night; I dreamt I was lucky enough to go over her house, as the dream progressed it became more about meeting her parents and quite randomly, mine were also there. Seems they offered me dinner and my parents joined in also, she was there but again..the dream was more focused on her parents and my interactions with them. any thoughts for people who know about this kind of stuff? This girl I think is pretty special and not hard to see why she’s in my dreams to begin with. She’s always been a guarded girl so I guess it’s not always as easy as ‘ask her out’

C_Del Boyfriend has separated with me, can i get him back
  • replies: 8

4 days ago i got txt from my BF saying he wanted to break up. His reasons were that he doesnt feel an emotional or sexual connection with me. This has happened before but we have always got back together. During our relationship he has told me that h... View more

4 days ago i got txt from my BF saying he wanted to break up. His reasons were that he doesnt feel an emotional or sexual connection with me. This has happened before but we have always got back together. During our relationship he has told me that he is falling for me and we have been intimate at times but he has told me that his sex drive is very low and its not something he feels like doing often. He has said its not my fault and that i turn him on and he wanted to get help and fix the situation. He never did seek help however and now i feel he is pushing me away again because he feels i deserve someone who can offer me more. The other times he has pushed me away there have been issues that he was facing and didnt want to be a burden on me but he uses the excuse of sexual connection. After reading the signs of depression i wonder if he is depressed and doesnt know any other way than to push me away. He has low libido, doesnt sleep very well, constantly tired and wants to just sit at his flat on his bed watching tv or on his phone and has said before that he has anxiety at times. Im lost with what to do!! I love this guy immensely and want to be with him but feel like he will keep pushing me away. His upbringing wasnt the greatest and i believe his relationships with women have been a little unsteady. We really do have the best connection and he even says im his best friend. We will txt each other at the same time and even about the same thing all the time. Please if anyone can give any insight into how i can reach out to him and help him and get our relationship back i would be very grateful. What we have is way to special to give up on so easily.....

Elle_gross Anxious and confused :(
  • replies: 3

Recently I got into this weird “more than friends” thing and it’s giving me such confusion and anxiety. We both want to focus on our studies since it’s our senior year so we decided to agree to start the real relationship by the end of senior year. B... View more

Recently I got into this weird “more than friends” thing and it’s giving me such confusion and anxiety. We both want to focus on our studies since it’s our senior year so we decided to agree to start the real relationship by the end of senior year. Because of that decision he doesn’t really talk to me much so I’m just in constant anxiety even though I know it’s because he wants to focus on himself and study for the moment:(( Like the negative thoughts in my head keep telling me that if he was really interested in me enough he would talk to me more. If he doesn’t talk to me often I just assume it’s because he doesn’t want to. I know it’s not a healthy behaviour for me because I even get jealous of his friends that get to spend time with him even though I know I shouldn’t be! Like I just really want to talk to him so bad it hurts But it doesn’t seem like it bothers him so much which hurts me a bit too:(( These strong emotions keep me from my hobbies and studying. I’ve talked to him about this issue before and he told me I need to be productive too and that caring for me is making sure I am the best I can be. He says he doesn’t want to hold me back. I was productive today but I just ended up feeling worse in the end from all the suppressing and distracting my true emotions. Please help me on how to cope or if this even is the right path for me!

Sad5 Husband forbids me to take Our son to my parents house.
  • replies: 21

My husband and dad had a fight a year back which resulted in me also not talking to my dad. Anyway I now have a 2month old and my husband forbids me taking my son to my parents house to Christmas. My son can see my parents but not at their house and ... View more

My husband and dad had a fight a year back which resulted in me also not talking to my dad. Anyway I now have a 2month old and my husband forbids me taking my son to my parents house to Christmas. My son can see my parents but not at their house and he thinks Mt fam is toxic. I dunno what to do..

awfulpers0n No One Knows How I Really Treat My Partner
  • replies: 2

This evening I called my partner of 14 years names when I found she had a plan to potentially commit suicide yesterday. No normal person would get angry at their partner being suicidal and call them names when they are feeling at their lowest. I shou... View more

This evening I called my partner of 14 years names when I found she had a plan to potentially commit suicide yesterday. No normal person would get angry at their partner being suicidal and call them names when they are feeling at their lowest. I should have been caring and understanding. I am an awful narcissist who took her from one bad family situation and brought her into another one. I have never looked after her properly in our time together and everything I have done to help her has been begged for by her. We had a fight yesterday because I stopped doing something that I promised her I would do everyday to make myself better. I lied and did not tell her about this. I then acted like a victim and made her feel trapped and suicidal as she has no one else but me. I am writing this because I don't have anyone around me that knows what I am really like. The thought of messaging or telling a friend or work colleague fills me with so much shame and anxiety. I don't know how to fix this or myself, I know I want to be with my partner and that they deserve someone so much better than me. The thought of losing them should have been motivation for me to change years ago. I really am an awful person that doesn't deserve to have someone as caring and loving as my partner has been. I need serious help to fix myself.

Sallyanne2 Things aren’t looking good
  • replies: 3

Last year my husband let me know he wasn’t happy in this relationship and possibly wanted out. We’ll just over 12 mths on it doesn’t seem to be any better. He has financially abused me all of our married life which makes me feel worthless, unapprecia... View more

Last year my husband let me know he wasn’t happy in this relationship and possibly wanted out. We’ll just over 12 mths on it doesn’t seem to be any better. He has financially abused me all of our married life which makes me feel worthless, unappreciated, undeserving and not equal in this relationship. I haven’t worked since having kids, they are grown and left home now. He has been the sole supporter and he has always controlled the money. Long story short I have to account for everything I want or spend. I’m in a position to now buy my mothers small place which is big enough for me but I’m unsure if the social security payment would be enough for me to live on and pay the bills. We would have to sell our house but I have have money left from my mum after she passed so that’s how I can afford to buy it from my siblings. I wouldn’t have any cash left but was wondering if I could live on social security payment till I was retirement age. I’m 59 now. Is it enough to get me through. Just needing some advice.