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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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jem_jem Why can't I leave
  • replies: 6

I have been in a relationship with my partner for 10 years, it has been challenging to say the least. I know I don't mean much to him, I know I'll never be good enough and I don't even think we are friends. I know what I have been through has been em... View more

I have been in a relationship with my partner for 10 years, it has been challenging to say the least. I know I don't mean much to him, I know I'll never be good enough and I don't even think we are friends. I know what I have been through has been emotional abuse but I lack the courage to leave even though I know that would be best. We have a daughter together and it hurts me to think of having to put her through a family breaking up. I know what he says is more of a reflection of how awful and selfish he is but I fall for it and I believe the awful things he says. It makes me feel powerless and stuck. He reminds me often that I wouldn't survive without him and it makes me terrified of failing. Whenever I speak up he threatens to leave, I do think this would be best but why am I so scared of it. I cry when I'm alone often. I don't tell my friends or family what's happening because I don't want them to worry nor do I want sympathy. Sometimes I question my worth and feel like giving up. I just don't understand how someone could be so cruel and heartless.

Freedolphin9 Guilt over leaving partner
  • replies: 4

I F23 and partner 24 have been on a nice long road trip to see my family over the last two weeks interstate. We have been together 9 years and living together for about 6. Durring the past month I have been experiencing a lot of emotional abuse, more... View more

I F23 and partner 24 have been on a nice long road trip to see my family over the last two weeks interstate. We have been together 9 years and living together for about 6. Durring the past month I have been experiencing a lot of emotional abuse, more than usual and I just feel exhausted. I have been planning on leaving him in a few weeks time to go live with my family but when the day comes I don't know if I can do it. I'm scared if I stay its going to continue to get worse and eventually lead to violence as his dad is violent to his mum and previously to me. I am just confused as I was so set in leaving him but I am really worried he will be too sad and of hurting him. I want to stay friends so bad as I still love him but am not in love anymore. I've begged for years to see a counsellor together but he refuses. I have been going to one by myself though who is concerned for me about my partner. I believe I will be okay but I have this guilt and worried it will hurt him. I also worry I am a bad person wanting to not be in a relationship anymore. He does a lot of nice things for me and feel like I owe him for everything he's done for me as well. I don't like it when hes not nice but he can be really nice too. I also would take my dog with me and I feel really bad but he doesn't feed her, buy her food, clothes, treats, pay for insurance and she's in my name... but I feel so bad separating them. But I know I wouldn't cope without her either. We couldn't do custody either as I'd be living interstate and don't want to stress her even more. He works full time while I study at home so spend all day with the dog... Has anyone got any advice I am so stuck and lost. Anyone else been through something similar?

MummaOf4 Feeling unappreciated
  • replies: 2

Back story- Mine and husband's son has a heart condition and required surgery twice. I had finally decided to get off my axx and look for work. It's always been easy for husband to get a job, within 5 mins. Me not so much, I have to work for an inter... View more

Back story- Mine and husband's son has a heart condition and required surgery twice. I had finally decided to get off my axx and look for work. It's always been easy for husband to get a job, within 5 mins. Me not so much, I have to work for an interview, apply for literally 50 jobs just to hear back from 3. I finally have an interview close by and our son has become ill... I feel like a full time baby sitter. I've supported everyone in my household but where is my support? Right now I feel resentment, anger, depressed and unappreciated. That's now how a wife is suppose to feel. I'd love for once for my husband to say "hey honey you have done amazing, I'll put you first and watch you smile with a new job" but it never happens. I've always supported him with his new jobs. Our son is super clingy to him as well so it's also bloody hard for me to function with him crying for his dad. I've been feeling suicidal as this isn't the life I wanted.

shorti My Dad bought a motorbike
  • replies: 4

Hi all, My Dad bought a motorbike last year. He now rides it to work and I'm completely stressing out over it to the point where I lost sleep last night and ended up in bed crying. I'm worried he is going to end up in an accident and seriously injure... View more

Hi all, My Dad bought a motorbike last year. He now rides it to work and I'm completely stressing out over it to the point where I lost sleep last night and ended up in bed crying. I'm worried he is going to end up in an accident and seriously injure himself or get killed. He only got his licence recently so he isn't experienced at riding. He's 64 years of age so no spring chicken. I lost my mum 17 years ago so the thought of losing my Dad is stressing me out. My mum was an alcoholic and I spent the majority of my teenage years stressing she would get killed on the road drink driving. Now I feel like it's happening all over again, stressing over my dad being killed on the road. I gave birth to my first baby four months ago and I want him to be around to enjoy being a grandfather. Is it strange for someone in their mid 60s to just go out and buy a motorbike? My sister is worried too but says it's his life so nothing we can do. I know she's right but it doesn't stop me stressing over it.

Marguerita Te effects of emotional abuse on a marriage
  • replies: 6

I am finding this very hard. I have been keeping a lot of emotional baggage to myself. But it’s getting too overwhelming for me keeping it all together. I am married to a very nice man. But every now and then he snaps, and is quite angry and verbally... View more

I am finding this very hard. I have been keeping a lot of emotional baggage to myself. But it’s getting too overwhelming for me keeping it all together. I am married to a very nice man. But every now and then he snaps, and is quite angry and verbally abusive. Sometimes I recognise that my behaviour has triggered frustration in him and I let it slide. But other times I haven’t done anything and he just snaps, shocking me with the degree of repressed anger in his tone. He says he can’t seem to help himself but he can when around others. It’s having a bad effect on me. I feel like I’m always censoring my behaviour and what I say in case he snaps. 90% of the time he is thoughtful and kind, and helps me when I am unwell. But this anger has made me withdraw from him to the degree that I pretty much have isolated myself. I know he feels this. I don’t know what to do. I feel like staying with him is damaging my mental health but I really don’t seem to have the courage or the desire to hurt him by telling him I want out of my marriage.

IngBat7 Relationships -Alcoholism and Infidelity Mean?
  • replies: 3

Hello There - Where do I start? My partner and I have been together five and a half years. To be honest, he is an alcoholic - Who becomes someone completely different when he has had red wine. He isn't currently working much at the moment and I have ... View more

Hello There - Where do I start? My partner and I have been together five and a half years. To be honest, he is an alcoholic - Who becomes someone completely different when he has had red wine. He isn't currently working much at the moment and I have just picked up some part time work which helps pay the bills. When he was working, it would involve numerous away trips of a short duration and although he doesn't realise I know, I have become aware that another woman has 'involved' herself with him. I don't really know what I am asking for here. A bit of support and empathy, I suppose? The hardest thing is - I still love him and I always will, to infinity and beyond. I am committed to him and I believe in our relationship.

BlueCacti0111 Depressed living with parents
  • replies: 1

Whenever my dad feels pressured or stressed, he lashed out at us. He would break things and scream and insult us and wont even admit he had an outburst afterwards. All the gaslighting and guilt tripping, emotional and verbal abuse, he either thinks i... View more

Whenever my dad feels pressured or stressed, he lashed out at us. He would break things and scream and insult us and wont even admit he had an outburst afterwards. All the gaslighting and guilt tripping, emotional and verbal abuse, he either thinks its normal, or just denies it ever happened. Whenever i try to tell them im upset they dont take it seriously. My parents are very busy people. And i often feel like im troubling them. So I closed myself off when I was a teenager, It has become a habit, and its so hard for me to talk about how i feel to anyone even when I know that I should. I feel a lump in my throat when I try to speak up. Im 24 now but honestly, nothing much has changed. I think i've been holding things in for far too long, Ive been crying almost everyday during the past 2 months. I know they dont want me to move out, but the thought of living with them for however much longer sends me straight into a mental breakdown. Im saving money so I can move out, I havent had a proper conversation with them about this yet. And Im scared to. Theres probably going to be a huge fight or a long period of guilt tripping. I really need some time to just be by myself. I do have hobbies, and my friends and coworkers are nice. But I can feel myself drifting further and further away. I think Im wasting time, i could be doing the things I love but i seriously dont have the mental energy anymore.

maddie_faye My partner and I are both struggling with mental health
  • replies: 12

my current boyfriend and I have been together since late September/early October 2021. I had not long come out of a severely abusive relationship and now have ptsd as a result, as well as a pre exisiting anxiety condition. My partner also opened up a... View more

my current boyfriend and I have been together since late September/early October 2021. I had not long come out of a severely abusive relationship and now have ptsd as a result, as well as a pre exisiting anxiety condition. My partner also opened up about having a depression diagnosis and I suspect he also has cfs, but was well at the time. The first 2-3 months he was fine mentally then around month 4/5 he started to go down hill but was able to pick himself up, however, since March he has being in a severely depressed hole. We used to see each other every 1-2 weeks, since his depression has gotten worse we only see each other about 1-2 times a month. he is also a full time mechanic and we live an hour away from each other too so doesn’t help. I’ve often struggled with intrusive/trauma based thoughts since getting into a healthy relationship despite having evidence to prove those thoughts wrong, hence my diagnosis of ptsd (as that is a symptom) and what it’s cottoned onto over the last few months is that it tells me that we’ll never see each other again, he doesn’t love me and things will never get better with his depression. When I do see him next in person, whenever that may be I will try and talk to him about how I’ve been feeling about his depression and hoping he gets some help like I am for my mental health. Despite other people including my psychologist and worker telling me the complete opposite to what my mind says it’s still really hard to deal with and my worker actually has said that this is a trauma response. But I really do hope that my boyfriend gets help for his mental health as it is really quite bad and I don’t like seeing him like this.

PsychedelicFur My Age Gap Relationship
  • replies: 2

Hello everyone, it’s PsychedelicFur here. Now, a little over six months or so ago I met the most amazing man. We both thoroughly enjoy record collecting, watching old British sitcoms, listening to all types of music. And better yet we are both on the... View more

Hello everyone, it’s PsychedelicFur here. Now, a little over six months or so ago I met the most amazing man. We both thoroughly enjoy record collecting, watching old British sitcoms, listening to all types of music. And better yet we are both on the autism spectrum. So we understand each other’s struggles. We have been together for a little while now and he is just so gentle, thoughtful, kind and sincere. The only issue is there is quite a substantial age gap between us (14 years) - he is older than me. And his family don’t seem to be that accepting of us being together. More specifically, his sister picks on him for being with me. It’s a legal relationship. I am well beyond the age of consent. It’s a loving, loyal and supportive relationship. Most people are extremely supportive and accepting of us being together, especially my Father and my Aunty. They just want to see me be treated properly by someone and they can both see that I’m extremely happy with my partner. We have had strangers in the past bully and laugh at us for being together. And it really hurts. Why can’t people just be accepting and see that we are both very happy and safe together? He is so gentle and warm. He is always so considerate of my needs. And he understands how difficult it can be to fit in because he is on the autism spectrum as well. I just wish people would be more accepting. I am so thankful to have him in my life. He is a genuine and gentle soul whom I love tremendously. He has a lot of love to give animals, family/friends. He treats me properly and he listens to what I say. He is also very reassuring about my overthinking and always tries to help comfort me when I feel anxious or depressed. I just wish other people (strangers) would not say horrible things about us being together. The feeling is very mutual between us. I am legally allowed to date this person. My partner’s friends are very accepting of us being together too. Which is really wonderful, comforting and reassuring. It just hurts me, deeply that people can be so cruel. More specifically, people that don’t even know us and our circumstances! I’m an ‘Old Soul’ and I knew I was always going to date someone much older than me because I have never fitted in with people my own age. Why can’t people just see that this relationship isn’t perverted? It isn’t creepy and it’s a genuinely supportive and loving relationship between two people who deeply care about one another. signed, PF

Marc66 Confused - Wife mentioned she loves me more like her best friend then lover and husband.
  • replies: 4

After 8 years, she mentioned to me over the weekend she has been feeling like this for the past few weeks. She tells me she still loves me, she still wants to be with me for the rest of her life, just doesnt feel intimate anymore. For us, this is our... View more

After 8 years, she mentioned to me over the weekend she has been feeling like this for the past few weeks. She tells me she still loves me, she still wants to be with me for the rest of her life, just doesnt feel intimate anymore. For us, this is our 2nd marriage for both of us. She mentioned she cannot see herself without me and that I am her soulmate. Feeling lost, confused and hurt and don't know how to take all this in. Feeling depressed. Any advise please?