Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

stepintomypower at the risk of enabling the toxic behaviour
  • replies: 3

Hello, Thanks in advance for your thoughts. I am not close to my brother and I am considering trying to renew the relationship by reaching out to him regularly and asking how things are going in his life. The problem is that he is pretty abusive to o... View more

Hello, Thanks in advance for your thoughts. I am not close to my brother and I am considering trying to renew the relationship by reaching out to him regularly and asking how things are going in his life. The problem is that he is pretty abusive to our mother, and blames her for everything that has gone wrong in his life. Also, whenever we get together as a family, there ends up being a massive, scary, blow-up, of his causing and most people in my family are scared of him except for my father (and to some extent, his kids). I feel like I could help him by being a listening and empathetic ear, but I don't have a lot of self-confidence, and I am scared that I will just enable his bad treatment of my parents, or end up getting stuck in the middle. The consequences of not reaching out now are that we may never become close. And I will lose the opportunity to share with him how powerful therapy can be. Does anyone have any insight? Thanks!

MightyM Difficult situation.. Crossroads..
  • replies: 4

Hello everyone.. I am relatively young (30) and just when I think life is truckin’ along nicely I am put into a tough situation.. I have been married to my wife for 3 years.. We have a house and 2 young children together.. It has come to light that m... View more

Hello everyone.. I am relatively young (30) and just when I think life is truckin’ along nicely I am put into a tough situation.. I have been married to my wife for 3 years.. We have a house and 2 young children together.. It has come to light that my wife has crippling anxiety that she has been masking for years.. She is also not the same person that I once knew, after having kids.. I work extremely hard and help her out immensely with the kids and around the house.. She has begun to speak to me and treat me quite poorly and cannot see the good I do for our family (only seems to find issues).. She has also quit her job recently.. Every time life gets too hard (eg. kids are crying too much) she heads off to the club to go and gamble on the poker machines.. She says its “for a break” but to me I see it as an addiction and a way of masking her issues.. She has slowly but surely gambled away our savings.. I have always been a happy/positive person in life, but, this situation is just not me at all and it’s starting to take its toll on me.. I am at the point where I want to sell the house and go my seperate way but I am extremely concerned about the toll this will have on our young kids.. I am also concerned that paying child support to her will only continue to feed her addiction once I’ve left.. I have tried to offer support/other methods of relaxation but she is not interested and I believe there is 100% truth in that you cannot persuade someone to quit gambling, they must want to do it for themselves This is just not me and I’m at a crossroads.. Has anyone been in a similar situation?

Terry73 Unsure how to break up respectfully
  • replies: 8

Been with this girl for 4 years, living together for 3. Has been great except for the last year, still care but have really fallen out of love with her. Have been trying hard to make it work, and she is still very much in love with me, but I just can... View more

Been with this girl for 4 years, living together for 3. Has been great except for the last year, still care but have really fallen out of love with her. Have been trying hard to make it work, and she is still very much in love with me, but I just cant do this much longer. I know I need to tell her, but I care for her feelings too, she has been great with me. How would I tell her without hurting her too much, respectfully and such?

H2B Emotional scars
  • replies: 6

Hi there everyone, I am new to this so thank you in advance for listening. I am 58 and my emotional scars from many moons ago have made me an overly intense character who wants everything to be just right, struggling with issues of jealousy and insec... View more

Hi there everyone, I am new to this so thank you in advance for listening. I am 58 and my emotional scars from many moons ago have made me an overly intense character who wants everything to be just right, struggling with issues of jealousy and insecurity and a repetitive compulsion for not speaking up, getting frustrated and then creating a toxic, verbally explosive environment for those i love so, so dearly. Not surprisingly they struggle to remain in my company leading to my feeling deep shame, deep remorse and generally BAD about my behaviour and my own self worth. If i don't change I will lose the one person that means everything to me. Any tips around readings or programmes for me to essentially "relax", trust in others, trust in the universe and be a better for myself and thereby others would be much appreciated.

Ole_Swampy GF broke up with me not sure what to do.
  • replies: 2

Hi, First time posting and I'm not going to give you my life story but I need some advice. My GF, well ex now, I'm concerned for her mental and physical health as I've seen her decline for over a year and I tried to support her the best I could and i... View more

Hi, First time posting and I'm not going to give you my life story but I need some advice. My GF, well ex now, I'm concerned for her mental and physical health as I've seen her decline for over a year and I tried to support her the best I could and in the end she's just ended things cause we had a few fights. One day she loves and wants me, next day it's over this has been going on for months. I just want to know, should I contact one of her best friends and tell them, not in detail because there's 3 sides to every story mine, hers and the truth but just that I believe she isn't in a great place and needs serious help and support? or should I just let sleeping dogs rest and ignore it? I still love her and want her and want to protect her but I can see her heading down the path of self destruction and so can my mum who use to be really close with her.

Duesentrieb Discussing relationship issues on the internet
  • replies: 23

Hi guys, first thank you for allowing me to be here. My wife and I are married since 2000. I discussed some relationship issue in a private, closed FB group that we currently have. Unfortunately she found out and was quite angry about it. Not so much... View more

Hi guys, first thank you for allowing me to be here. My wife and I are married since 2000. I discussed some relationship issue in a private, closed FB group that we currently have. Unfortunately she found out and was quite angry about it. Not so much about the discussion itself. She was more angry about that fact that members of the group could look at my profile and discover her (name, pictures, etc.). What is your opinion about that topic?

Hun What should I do, please help
  • replies: 13

So I am the same person that said about my partner won't divorce his ex, when I met my partner I knew he still have kids living at home, they are adult, one he moved out now we have his daughter she is 22 and her boyfriend 25 living with us, he have ... View more

So I am the same person that said about my partner won't divorce his ex, when I met my partner I knew he still have kids living at home, they are adult, one he moved out now we have his daughter she is 22 and her boyfriend 25 living with us, he have a strong connection with this daughter which is nice, every time I buy anything or move stuff she question that even if I want to buy anything I have to buy something she approve of it, don't get me wrong she is nice and I like her but we all have to pleased her even her boyfriend. They never wash do anything around the house unless they have been asked, they live downstairs they clean it but if the bring a dish they leave it in the sink. My question is should I ask my partner in one year or 2 can we down size so hopefully they move out, I want my own place to do whatever I want, I am tired of watching my steps or move just in case she doesn't like it. Please any advice will be helpful.

white knight Tolerance of other people
  • replies: 17

Hi, This and future threads is devoted to how we, with mental illness, can or cannot tolerate other people. I'd like to talk about family traits. As individuals and family units we all have our negative traits, some tolerable, others not so. Here is ... View more

Hi, This and future threads is devoted to how we, with mental illness, can or cannot tolerate other people. I'd like to talk about family traits. As individuals and family units we all have our negative traits, some tolerable, others not so. Here is one example: A lovely female non blood relative of mine has what I'd describe as a intolerable trait. In fact I've identified this trait in her mother too, so it is something she has inherited. I call it "unintended rudeness" and because it is unintended I should have more tolerance for it...but I dont. While talking to either of them , having a good conversation, they get distracted easily...very easily. Whatever distracts them takes immediate priority over whatever I'm talking about. The things that distract them is - anything! Eg talking away if the postman delivers mail "I wonder if my telstra bill just arrived". Or "have I taken my blood pressure tablet this morning"? "What's the time" and so forth. If I object eg "You're interrupting me" I always get "but I'm listening" or "I'm a woman I can do more than two things at once" however neither person can repeat what I just said leading me to conclude they are not actually listening. This leads to me reacting but not in an argumentive sense...what I do is stop talking immediately and walk away and bury my mind in my interests. Bascially as this problem has been ongoing for a long time I cant be bothered making it a dispute. My point here is that when a problem like this initially arises it is natural to highlight the core of the issue eg Please, if you interupt me or get distracted it's like I'm talking to myself, cant you wait 15 seconds until my sentence is finished"? and an argument begins. At some point down the track you must accept that the trait/flaw cannot be overcome by the person and to prevent any personal damage to your relationship, you need to move on. The intolerable trait might well do permanent damage. Eg My closeness to my relative and her mother is no longer there. I exchange niceties and listen to them when they address me but I know that if I participate in any meaningful discussion the above will occur...100% of the time. It serves no purpose to beat yourself up over matters that you have no control over. But it would also be unwise to categorize all of their character based on one intolerable trait...these people you find hard to mix with are good people, so treat them with love and affection but have an exit strategy. TonyWK

Souper One argument too many
  • replies: 3

Hi all I have just separated from my wife of 29 years. Looking back, I can see that she was just going through the motions. The signs were there. Lethargy and complacency were certainly factors on my part. An argument occurred over a petty little thi... View more

Hi all I have just separated from my wife of 29 years. Looking back, I can see that she was just going through the motions. The signs were there. Lethargy and complacency were certainly factors on my part. An argument occurred over a petty little thing, and the next day that was it. Denial, trying to change her mind, shock, tears and heartache. This is very, very hard. She was wanting and I think expecting me to move out, as I have recently inherited a house in a nearby town with my brother that I could share with him. He is currently living there on his own. When this was suggested to me I responded that I don’t want to separate but have no control over that, I dont

Millie1986 Friendship problems
  • replies: 4

Hi I have a friend who I've known for 3 years now. I'd say we're best friends (never been anything more nor do either of us want to be - we've said to each other, we're like siblings) however its always been a strange relationship. He has his own iss... View more

Hi I have a friend who I've known for 3 years now. I'd say we're best friends (never been anything more nor do either of us want to be - we've said to each other, we're like siblings) however its always been a strange relationship. He has his own issues which I think I have helped him through to some extent. He calls almost every night for a chat... or texts. We are really good at hanging out one on one however he refuses to hang out with my other friends and he won't introduce me to his. I wonder if he's ashamed of me. I've asked him and he's always said that's just how we are. He also makes it very clear that im his last option and I feel a lot that he will always choose to hang out with others rather than me. I get delegated to a walk here or there if he's got nothing else on. I will admit he has helped me out money wise and I'm extremely grateful. Recently he has found a girlfriend and also moved in with 2 flatmates who he spends all his time with. I mostly understand this but he has no time for me at all. I haven't seen him in over a month. I do still get random phone calls and I've told him that I'm feeling a little rejected. He said straight out to me that he doesn't feel bad as he's given me a lot and he is choosing himself for once. Frankly, although I haven't given him money, (though he knows I would if he needed it) I do believe I've given a lot of my attention and been there for him when nobody else has. I told him I'd just prefer his time more than things. The next day he messaged me and tried to give me more things. Its like he thinks that all a friendship requires is for him to throw things at me with very little effort otherwise. Am I being over-sensitive? Am I the problem? Or do I cut him loose? I know there will be a time when he'll call and we'll start seeing each other again but I'm at the point where I know its going to keep happening when he finds someone new and I don't want to keep putting myself through the rejection.