My partner and I have been together for 8 years and just got married
last month after a long wait through Covid. We have 2 children together
and I have always thought we had a beautiful, loving relationship. Most
importantly we really became best fri...
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My partner and I have been together for 8 years and just got married
last month after a long wait through Covid. We have 2 children together
and I have always thought we had a beautiful, loving relationship. Most
importantly we really became best friends first after I separated from
my previous partner of 11 years due to escalating emotional and physical
abuse. We had an instant connection and it’s been pretty incredible and
he has always reassured me and made me feel so adored and respected and
said that he’s so grateful he found me. Honestly, I felt the same. He
has always been an amazing partner, dad and general human being. I don’t
just love this man… I like and respect who he is. Which is why I am so
devestated and shocked to find out what happened last weekend. After me
insisting he take some time out for himself and catch up with some mates
for the weekend as he works so hard and never really takes any time out
for himself, he went away excitedly. He was meant to catch up with a
couple of mates on the Friday night before about 10 of them caught up on
the Saturday together. However the 2 mates he was meant to see on the
Friday night couldn’t make it last minute (I now know this to be fact)
so he had spent the first night of his trip alone. He text me throughout
the night, saying he wished I was there. The last msg was wishing my son
and me (who were having ‘movie night’ together and sending him snaps
too) goodnight. When he returned home on the Sunday… I just felt like
something was a bit off… I had never had that feeling with him before. I
ended up finding out he had gone to an escort after his last text. When
I discovered this he was devestated and hasn’t stopped crying since. He
has repeatedly said he doesn’t know why he did it, he’s never done it
before (which I believe as I honestly can’t think of a time we’ve even
been apart without kids for this to happen) and that he’s disgusting and
he hates himself. And when I went to leave after finding out he broke
down and confessed that he has been battling depression for years and
self harming every few months but never wanted to tell me or in fact
anyone because he was so ashamed and didn’t want to be a burden. For
many years, I had known that he was sexually abused as a child, though
he never really opened up to me about it at all and said he just wanted
to leave it in the past as he had ‘dealt with it’. He comes across as
such a strong person and I’ve certainly seen his vulnerable soft side
over the years but felt like there was always something he was hiding
and assumed perhaps it was this past trauma but didn’t want to push it
until and if he was ready or wanting to open up about it. Over the past
week we have both cried and I’ve expressed my hurt and anger as well. He
has confessed ‘everything’ to me, Including that he has used cocaine on
and off occasionally over the last few years to get through the day. He
runs a large family business and has always worked extremely hard. He
also confessed that he had seen escorts twice before in the past, before
we met when single, and has never cheated on anyone before… which I do
believe. He has started seeing a psychologist as have I…. And confessed
that even though this is awful and he wishes he never did it to me or
couldn’t open up sooner…. He’s relieved that he’s finally told someone
more about his depression and his occasional self harm and that he’s
finally getting some help. I felt relieved for him. I’ve seen a truly
broken man…. The man I have loved and thought I knew…. Over the past
week. But I am also completely heart broken too. I can’t talk to anyone
as I know my family would tell me to run for the hills and it’s such a
personal situation…. I feel like a large part of it isn’t my story to
tell. I think he thinks we can get through this and I’ve been so worried
about his mental health that I’ve probably reassured him of that too.
But truthfully, I feel completely lost and overwhelmed and just so sad
that this has become our story. I understand his past trauma and I
really want to support him in working through it, but I can’t help but
feel there is just no excuse for what he’s done. Any thoughts or advise
re trauma, Trust and infidelity would be really appreciated.
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