Starting a family when your partner has depression

[Squishy13]

Here's my situation in a nutshell:

-Been with my partner for 6 years

-I'm 35, he's 30
-We've always talked about having kids and getting married

-Three years ago he revealed he had been feeling depressed (a number of reasons why)
-It has only gotten worse and he has briefly sought psychological help but never stuck with it and he refuses medication

-We agreed last year that we would start trying to conceive

-That hasn't happened and the efforts have been half-hearted at best

So my question is...am I wrong to want to keep trying? Biologically I'm running out of time and my fertility situation isn't great as it is. I love him with everything, and he loves me too. I want to have his babies. I think he'll be such a great dad. But I am scared that if I get pregnant, I'll be in it alone. I won't be able to depend on him when I need to during pregnancy and afterwards. We won't be a team. And what if it makes his depression worse? 

If he's not willing to do the work to help his mental health, should I abandon this baby-making mission? I don't want it to sound like I'm giving him an ultimatum or being forceful or critical.

Please be kind, this is very difficult. And please don't just tell me to leave him.

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Squishy13,

I think that as you have both agreed that you want to have children together to go ahead and keep trying…Your  partner was diagnosed 3 years ago, but it’s been only 1 year ago that you have both decided on having children…while he was struggling with depression, so I think he understands how much work will be involved with having a baby and nurturing him/her…and he is confident in knowing that as a couple you can do this…

Not having a child because of fears of the unknown could make you start resenting him…I mean know one knows what tomorrow will bring us or even if you partner will still be depressed or if he overcomes it….A depressed person can still be the most beautiful and caring parent possible, Love is a very powerful emotion and miracles can happen when it’s involved…

I think sweetheart, to follow your heart….If your 100% sure that you want to have children and your partner does as well and he is loving, kind, caring and gentle towards you…he will also be that way with his own child….

My kindest thoughts Dear Squishy13…

Grandy..

[Squishy13]

My heart tells me to keep going but the alleged voice of reason in my brain is raising questions. Thank you for your kind words and encouragement, it's nice to hear something positive. 

[sbowles_13]

I agree with Grandy. My brother (parent of 2) struggles more with depression and anxiety than anyone else I know. But he's also one of the best dads ever. He loves his kids so much and they keep him going. So yes, a depressed person can be a great parent and can also see find more meaning in life through the love for their children. Although, I hope your partner can get to the roots of their depression. Talk through it and show your concern for his struggle. Therapy and lots of support.. I hope the best for you guys! 

[Squishy13]

Thank you so much for your support. It's so nice to have it, especially after I posted on a parenting forum a few days ago expressing just a bit of sadness about it this situation being hard. The women were horrible, I was absolutely slaughtered by a number of people and was so distressed I got s headache and thought I was going to hyperventilate. And I'm a pretty resilient and balanced person. Suffice to say I exited that platform pretty quickly.