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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Luna10 Re: Moving on from abusive relationships.
  • replies: 4

A toxic marriage for 9 years with daily coercive control then finally got the courage to leave. He has punished me ever since for leaving him. That was 12 years ago. He threatened to leave me with nothing. He took our 2 young children and fled to NSW... View more

A toxic marriage for 9 years with daily coercive control then finally got the courage to leave. He has punished me ever since for leaving him. That was 12 years ago. He threatened to leave me with nothing. He took our 2 young children and fled to NSW. I couldn’t do anything because we didn’t have a court order. We went through court and he got 75% of the property settlement/finances as he told me that if I didn’t agree to it he wouldn’t let me see the kids again. I got 50/50 care of the kids but constantly felt threatened that he’d take them off me again. I never shouted at the kids or disciplined them in a strict way due to worrying that he would accuse me of abuse and take them off me. He coercively controlled our oldest child and also emotionally and psychologically abused him after I left. He has constantly denigrated me to the kids. My eldest called me in July 2021 as his father was abusing him again. I picked him up and he stayed with me for 3 days. We met with his brother and father to give him chance to discuss his concerns. He reluctantly went back to his father’s as it was his allotted time with the kids. Since then my youngest started to ignore me. He would not be in the same room as me at mine and barely spoke to me. He thought it was bad that I had picked up my eldest that day and I was being horrible to his dad. I tried to explaIn but he wouldn’t agree with me. I found out later on that my ex was asking him to spy on me daily regarding my drinking and smoking habits. He got him to measure glasses and record how many milliliters of wine compared with lemonade I was having and how many a week. He told my youngest that I was an alcoholic and he needed to monitor me and report back to his dad as it wasn’t safe being around me. This went on until November 2021.

benji777 Living in the shed, no apology from her so im moving on
  • replies: 10

2 weeks ago she (42f) hurt me (42m) emotionally and it caused huge arguments. i shared the night before that ive been feeling unwanted and alone for months due to her newly smoking habit, her 3 hours a day on phone games (candy crush), and shes alway... View more

2 weeks ago she (42f) hurt me (42m) emotionally and it caused huge arguments. i shared the night before that ive been feeling unwanted and alone for months due to her newly smoking habit, her 3 hours a day on phone games (candy crush), and shes always on her laptop. I just want our togetherness back but the next day i come home and back flips all i had shared the night before and accuses me of not spending time with her and its all my doing. Id been home for 10 minutes and had to call my doctor first thing. Omg Anyways it caused huge arguments it was outrageous and hurt me because i had just shared feeling alone the night before and this was her response to that. So over the days it got worse and gridlocked emotionally no remorse from her and refused to apologize, so i basically moved all my belongings into the shed because why share myself with someone who doesn't care and the past 2 weeks been spending my life out there. She still cant work out why omg We we're meant to be moving into a new house soon, ive cancelled that and shes moving there alone now. We also have a 14 month year old daughter. Who we will now have to split custody of and give her a broken family I cannot forget and move on and share my goodness with someone if im not thought about emotionally and cared for by my partner if im feeling hurt Its a complete waste of my time, im there for her in every way with her issues, her vents and her sadness. When im hurting she couldn't carelessSo no apology or remorse so this relationship is over.(Nearly 3 years together)I honestly feel like a butler most of the time Now im living in a shed and about to have a $500 a week house rent to maintain. The rental market is impossible there is no where else to go... Could someone reflect some thoughts im alone in the world, no siblings no friends to share my difficulties with...

Jacobi1911 Im so crippling lonely but noone knows as I physically can't express t
  • replies: 1

I'm a fairly successful young man, on a board of directors for an award, finished a trade, have my own business, do powerlifting comps, etc. I get told by nearly every female friend I have how great I would be as a partner (if you want to be narky an... View more

I'm a fairly successful young man, on a board of directors for an award, finished a trade, have my own business, do powerlifting comps, etc. I get told by nearly every female friend I have how great I would be as a partner (if you want to be narky and say I have the ego the size of a mountain go for it I'm just saying what people say, your interpretation is your own) people generally say including family and my therapist I'm a very successful young man (very early 20s) but yet I see people who aren't going anywhere just bounce from relationship to relationship with no issues yet I cannot even muster the ability to do anything other than a quick shag and never talk again. I feel like a defective human anytime I find a girl who I think I'd actually connect with I get my emotions shoved back in my face and everytime I have meaningless sex as a way to just interact with another human I feel as if I'm stripping away parts of myself. What the hell is wrong with me why can I not do something so basic and instinctive to most people when I've done things I'n the past that most people would never do let alone even get the chsnce too. People say "just wait the right one will come" (mostly from female friends) and In my mind I'm like easy for you to say you atleast have a more than likely chance when approaching a guy and barely ever would you get laughed at a shamed for it let alone even turned down. And its like man I'm allowed to want companionship, Ive already proven in the last 3 years I dont need any support from anyone at all but I'm allowed to want a companion to share life with. Why do I need to be content doing nothing and hoping the universe shoots something my way. My apologies if my thoughts are all over the place in this I'm not in the best mindset atm while writing this.

Herefortheforums Tough living situation
  • replies: 3

So I’m a single dad, I live alone in a 2 bed apartment. My building is undergoing renovations that I can’t afford so I’m actually selling the place. I get my little girl who is 2yrs old every second weekend and I recently have been selling off stuff ... View more

So I’m a single dad, I live alone in a 2 bed apartment. My building is undergoing renovations that I can’t afford so I’m actually selling the place. I get my little girl who is 2yrs old every second weekend and I recently have been selling off stuff which includes the bed my little girl was sleeping in when she would stay over. (I wanted to get her a brand new bed to replace it) I don’t want to get to carried away with adding to much things to this room because I’m going to be packing up and moving soon. Knowing all this. My friend is separating from their partner and they are really struggling. Especially their living situation. You can tell she just needs a place to sleep and set up temporarily until they find their feet. It really seems I can help them with my second room (my girl doesn’t stay with me during the week and only every second weekend she stays over. ) There’s no sale contract in place yet and could take a month or 2 to actually process and move on. I don’t want to feel like a bad parent for trying to help a friend temporarily who is in desperate need of help. I just don’t know how to feel, I’m not sure what to do. I always want to help people.

HRW1998 My partner speaking to women makes me jealous and insecure
  • replies: 4

I don’t really understand why I’m struggling with this so much but I really struggle with my partner having female friends. It’s not that he flirts with them or anything but I can’t seem to find security or comfortability with it, no matter who it is... View more

I don’t really understand why I’m struggling with this so much but I really struggle with my partner having female friends. It’s not that he flirts with them or anything but I can’t seem to find security or comfortability with it, no matter who it is. Before my current partner, I was in a 5 year relationship that had a lot of emotional abuse and I wasn’t allowed to have any male friends. I’m not sure if this is contributing to the way I feel because it was 2 years ago that I left him because of the emotional and financial abuse. My current partner is amazing, he is so helpful and constantly reassures me how much he loves me and he can’t wait to marry me. He struggles with making friends and recently went online and some girls added him on Snapchat and he said they were just talking and he’s trying to make friends because it’s making him really depressed not having any friends. I told him I didn’t mind but just wanted him to tell me because it felt shady him not telling me and he understood. Last night his phone lit up and it was a Snapchat notification from a girl he works with. He hasn’t told me that they are speaking outside of work and for some reason it’s making me uncomfortable and I feel like it shouldn’t. The thought of him around other women makes me so anxious and uncomfortable.He has never given me any reason to think he’s cheating and he’s very loving, but I am just really struggling with accepting him having female friends. I just want to be okay with it because I do trust him. I don’t know how to bring it up without making him feel bad for trying to make friends.Is there someway I can move past this and just learn to accept him having female friends?

shorti grandparents alienation?
  • replies: 2

My husband doesn't like my Dad. I'm not allowed to visit him with my toddler unless my husband is present. I'm allowed to go visit Dad whenever I want, just not with my toddler. I grew up in a disfuncional family, parents divorced when I was young, a... View more

My husband doesn't like my Dad. I'm not allowed to visit him with my toddler unless my husband is present. I'm allowed to go visit Dad whenever I want, just not with my toddler. I grew up in a disfuncional family, parents divorced when I was young, and my mother died 20 years ago. There is domestic violence at my dad's, the house is always a mess. My Dad has manipulated me in the past, such as forcing us to contest my mother's father's will to give my Dad the money so he can put towards a house. My mum's house was sold by her family and I guess money got stolen, so my Dad made us contest her father's will so we got some money back. I didn't want to but I was threatened to be left out of his will if I didn't. My Dad also jokes a lot, my husband is from Europe and he has joked about the food he eats and that he prefers soccer over AFL etc. We visited Dad this Easter and he was trying to work out if our toddler was left handed or right handed and mentioned left handed people have a disorder. This is the type of jokes he does and my husband doesn't like it.My dad also gives unwanted advice about our parenting style.My Dad also doesn't want my toddler learning my husband's language from what my sister told me but Dad denies it when I ask.I need to talk to my Dad but he can get defensive. I think he thinks he is still the boss, even though we are all adults. My husband says he does not look at my Dad as a role model.I told my husband he doesn't have to visit my Dad but he said I can't go with our toddler because he doesn't trust my Dad. I still love my Dad and want him to have a relationship with my child, especially since I don't have my Mum. Yes my Dad is annoying but he is still my Dad. My Dad is upset that I didn't visit while I was on maternity leave, but I can't tell him that I'm not allowed to. My husband says that we didn't have a child for his parents or my Dad, we did it for us. My husband wants to either move interstate or over to Europe to get away from everyone. I really don't know what to do, although I do need to seriously talk to my Dad, but I don't know how without accidentally saying this is what my husband thinks. My husband thinks it's too late to mend the relationship because my dad's at an age where he won't change.Is this grandparents alienation?

lost12345 Never felt so lonely…
  • replies: 2

I don’t know if this is the right avenue, but I have never felt so alone in my life. I am in a 20+ year relationship but the last 15 years have been completely non affectionate. I can’t even get a good night kiss. Outside of work colleagues, I have a... View more

I don’t know if this is the right avenue, but I have never felt so alone in my life. I am in a 20+ year relationship but the last 15 years have been completely non affectionate. I can’t even get a good night kiss. Outside of work colleagues, I have absolutely no friends at all. My partner and I were supposed to go out for my birthday dinner but decided to take an extra shift at work. I have now deliberately missed 6 calls from her. I’m completely lost and think I have wasted the last 20 years of my life. I can’t sleep, lost appetite, I don’t see the point in continuing with anything anymore. Don’t know where to turn…

rhea93 Feeling irrelevant
  • replies: 1

Does anyone else experience being a second choice and experience double standards from everyone around them, and if so, how do you deal with it? I feel like majority of people in my life treat me in a way that if I was to do the same, I would be/am l... View more

Does anyone else experience being a second choice and experience double standards from everyone around them, and if so, how do you deal with it? I feel like majority of people in my life treat me in a way that if I was to do the same, I would be/am looked at as a 'horrible person'.I feel like I'm always the second choice, if it comes to making others happy/keeping the peace its always the other person, it's as if they feel that I'll just get over it, she can handle it, she'll be right etc. I brought up to an individual how a situation made me feel hurt and how I felt I had no one - their response was "that's natural".It seems as if my feelings are irrelevant or not worthy, like I'm not given any thought.Does anyone else experience this?

Sammy_347 I’ve been struggling for a very long time with really bad germ phobia / ocd
  • replies: 1

Hey so I think I’ve had a few mental health concerns such as ocd, sh, anxiety and depression for a few years, I’m very introverted and struggle talking to people especially my parents, they don’t seem to understand and always gaslight me and I’ve sto... View more

Hey so I think I’ve had a few mental health concerns such as ocd, sh, anxiety and depression for a few years, I’m very introverted and struggle talking to people especially my parents, they don’t seem to understand and always gaslight me and I’ve stopped trying. for as long as I can remember I’ve struggled very bad with germ phobia, ocd and potentially agrophobia. I get so anxious and start to feel physically sick and panic and I can’t stop thinking about the potential germs, i have a really bad compulsive actions to do with the number 7 to try and get me to cope and it’s become so bad people have started to notice. for a while I did sh as it helped me cope but I have stopped doing that. This is very hard to put into words but like any place that isn’t my own bedroom (because I do all my own washing and wipe everything down) even other rooms in the house I get so nervous about germs bought in from other places. I’ve been at the same school my entire life which was a familiar place and I’m in my second year of uni, I have noticed that I’ve been struggling with the classrooms and public transport getting there. I can’t touch the remote, light, switches door handles and chairs without panicking slightly and obsessively washing my hands or my body so much that I go through an 1L of body wash a week. It’s become extremely difficult to cope with recently with the pandemic and builders coming in and out of the house as we r renovating, we also now have cleaners which make me extremely anxious and as soon as they leave I have to go and obsessively reclean my bathroom and bedroom. I also hate it when people sit on my bed even if it’s just the doona. I also have the worst phobias of airports and planes where I feel physically sick the entire day I travel, sometimes I even vomit. I have specific clothes which I wear on the plane even when they have been washed I don’t rewear them at home. It’s gotten to the point when I can’t cope with it anymore and people around me have noticed, I’ve even considered ending my life. If anyone is going through anything similar or has any tips on how to ask for help or talk to a professional I’d appreciate it so much. Thanks

scooby2000 Partner withholding affection and shutting down
  • replies: 5

Does anyone else’s partner when upset go and lock themselves away in another room to avoid you and teach you a lesson ? And also withholding affection and give you one word answer ?

Does anyone else’s partner when upset go and lock themselves away in another room to avoid you and teach you a lesson ? And also withholding affection and give you one word answer ?