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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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scooby2000 Partner withholding affection and shutting down
  • replies: 5

Does anyone else’s partner when upset go and lock themselves away in another room to avoid you and teach you a lesson ? And also withholding affection and give you one word answer ?

Does anyone else’s partner when upset go and lock themselves away in another room to avoid you and teach you a lesson ? And also withholding affection and give you one word answer ?

Malto2001 I wish I got along with my mum
  • replies: 10

My parents both work from home. My dad gets the computer room to himself to work. My mum sits at the dining room table, and for the past 3 years, it has been HORRIBLE. Because she’s working in such a common area of the house, I can’t do anything with... View more

My parents both work from home. My dad gets the computer room to himself to work. My mum sits at the dining room table, and for the past 3 years, it has been HORRIBLE. Because she’s working in such a common area of the house, I can’t do anything without her telling me to shut up because she’s working. I can’t make myself breakfast lunch or dinner in the kitchen because it’s too loud, can’t watch tv, I can’t even sit in the lounge room on my phone, because she will literally scream at me to “shut the f up”. Whenever I bring up how I feel about the way she talks to me, she tells me it’s her house and she can do whatever she wants and if I don’t like It I should just move out. We have been fighting a lot, over stupid things but also over the way she talks to me. She screams at me, swears at me for absolutely no reason other than I opened the fridge door and it made noise. Everyone I talk to about this tells me to just ignore her and save up enough money to move out but I’m a full time student and I have no money and won’t for a while. I can’t ignore her, she makes me so mad, she fuels this absolute rage inside of me that I didn’t know I had. I’m so angry every time she talks to me to the point I want to smash something. I often get sad thinking about our relationship. I wish I got along with her, I wish I could come home and tell her about my day without being told to go away and shut up because I’m an inconvenience and don’t belong in that house. I wish I could hug her and I wish she told me she loved me and I wish I could tell her that I love her, but I think I’d cringe so hard if I ever told her I loved her, it just feels weird. I wish we didn’t fight, I bite my tongue so much but it’s gotten to the point I’ll yell back at her. I don’t remember the last time we had a nice conversation. I try to ignore her. I feel like if I left her life she wouldn’t even notice or care. There’s so much more that goes on but I can’t type it all out. I just wish I could tell her all this.

David35 Dealing with bully brother
  • replies: 5

I'm 46 and looked after my mother who had cancer from mid 2021 - late 2022. She's in remission now. At the end of 2021, I had a mental breakdown. I appealed to my brother for support, as did mum, and we were both mocked for it. He had his family, WHY... View more

I'm 46 and looked after my mother who had cancer from mid 2021 - late 2022. She's in remission now. At the end of 2021, I had a mental breakdown. I appealed to my brother for support, as did mum, and we were both mocked for it. He had his family, WHY were we struggling, etc. Long story short, we didn't speak for about 12 months, because after he abused me on the phone, I wasn't interested. We didn't go up to his place last Christmas (2022) because I was still struggling. Admittedly, he has spoken to me the last few months and it was the first time he asked how I was. He also dropped in over Christmas.Long story short, he wants to celebrate mum's birthday this weekend at his place, but I haven't stopped having panic attacks since. I know it's the right thing to do, but a part of me is still so traumatised by how little support he gave us both during this time and how criticised us both, that I don't want to go. He did ask how my psych sessions were going and I know he's trying to bridge the gap between us but he's broken so much trust I had in him (and his wife), that I still find it hard to face him. Any suggestions?

Trying_to_fail_better Cheeky ways to use the need to put everyone else first to be nicer to yourself
  • replies: 2

Hi all, I wanted to start this discussion as a space to share some sneaky ways to trick your brain into being nicer to yourself by realising you're being mean to other people. Ideally you'll get to a point where doing it for you is enough, but I had ... View more

Hi all, I wanted to start this discussion as a space to share some sneaky ways to trick your brain into being nicer to yourself by realising you're being mean to other people. Ideally you'll get to a point where doing it for you is enough, but I had a few 'A-Ha' moments that helped me be kinder to myself using my care for others as the motivation that I wouldn't have got to this point without!For example, I used to have really insecure thoughts and worries along the lines of: what is my partner actually thinks I'm annoying? What if my friends think I'm weird? What if they're only pretending to be nice about me? Then I read about someone who told some of their insecure thoughts to their partner (including what they imagined their partner was thinking and feeling when they weren't around) and their partner said something about it making them sad that they thought they were the kind of person who'd be that mean. That REALLY woke me up more than trying to tell myself 'you're not annoying/weird' or build my self-worth when I didn't know how. It felt pretty harsh initially, but I was able to quiet a lot of those insecurities by essentially thinking back 'don't you talk about my friend that way! They're always honest with me and our open communication is one of the best parts of our relationship!' It also helped me to set clearer boundaries and get more comfortable saying no when it was pointed out to me that insisting I had to help loved ones or everything would go wrong was also implying that they weren't strong enough to do the thing on their own or handle rejection. I was taking on much more of an emotional load than I should've been in my family and played peacemaker for years despite it being awful for my health, but I didn't stop until I realised I was robbing them of the chance to learn how to handle conflict themselves/implying I didn't believe they could! Suddenly 'needing' to help no matter what was a bit condescending, something I could push back against the second it affected other people. Again, ideally everyone will get to a point where helping yourself is enough, but I was very lucky to eventually get the professional help I had building self-compassion and the sad fact is there isn't enough support for everyone who needs it. I'm really curious to know if anyone else has had a similar experience/finds this helpful?

sttump I need help???
  • replies: 2

I am 16 turning 17 in august but i really need help and i want too know if i do need urgent help?? So, My mum has schizoaffective disorder and she has these cycles of anger and resentment to me.These cycles happen quite a bit and they have kinda have... View more

I am 16 turning 17 in august but i really need help and i want too know if i do need urgent help?? So, My mum has schizoaffective disorder and she has these cycles of anger and resentment to me.These cycles happen quite a bit and they have kinda have gotten worse??? She is a single mother and had me at 41. I am kinda terrified at the moment because it is starting too effect my health as I am getting asthma attacks pretty badly due too the arguements. I have adhd as well and i recently got diagnosed and that has also put another massive target on my back.i havent had a proper meal in i dont know longi am eating well just not full mealsi need some help finding. a way out of this situationi really DO NOT WANNA stay with family or friends as i feel ill be stepping on toes.

Tealover12 Boyfriends Porn Addiction
  • replies: 4

Hey there, I have been in a committed relationship for just a little over two years now. My partner and I are very supportive and open with each other and we have always talked about our emotions and the way we feel, however a few months into 2022 I ... View more

Hey there, I have been in a committed relationship for just a little over two years now. My partner and I are very supportive and open with each other and we have always talked about our emotions and the way we feel, however a few months into 2022 I found screenshots from old friends of mine instagrams, the photos were in sexual nature, now he finally around that time after I told him I found it, he opened up about his addiction to porn and that it had nothing to do with us or me, it was an issue in himself. Now I accepted this and we moved on from it, it took him a while to get clean but he was clean for around 6 months and I was very proud of this, he unfortunately in November last year relapsed and i had to find it for him to tell me againand we again worked past this and he hadn't relapsed since ( or so I thought ). Well I found out through an old friend yesterday that for the past 3 months or so he has been subscribed to her only fans and had got a private video from it. Now I gave him the chance to tell me about it before I told him I knew and he told me that he had been using an old instagram account to look at these women's accounts (all people I know) and I was grateful he was honest and owned up about that but he never mentioned the Only fans accounts. I called him out on it and he said he was really scared to tell me because he didn't know how. I am now struggling with the thought that he paid money for somebody else for 3 months without me knowing, it just hurts but I know he wants to do better but he doesn't want professional help because he isn't ready. He really loves me and I love him but what do I do? I mean I just feel like we are repeating the same cycle. I know that he is trying really hard but I just feel so heartbroken. I don't know how to move forward. Any ideas?

ReachingOut2u Lost on the road to recovering
  • replies: 6

This is difficult to wright and I appreciate your support.From the outside it may seem I have it all. But the fact is I'm totally shattered and struggling to keep my head up. 4 yrs ago the love of my life and I moved to our beach side home to wind ba... View more

This is difficult to wright and I appreciate your support.From the outside it may seem I have it all. But the fact is I'm totally shattered and struggling to keep my head up. 4 yrs ago the love of my life and I moved to our beach side home to wind back and enjoy life.6 weeks later she was gone stating she missed her daughter. The truth being she was missing the affair she was having.Their plan was to get me settled away from our home town then take the money and marry him. Our 5yr relationship seemed perfect she would often comment how never fought. Our life together was full of fun laughter holidays and healthy mutual intimacy. At no time did I suspect anything was wrong even the day she up and left. The evening before was romantic and loving. Friends have since informed she now admits the affair had been going on for well over twelve months prior. How can someone be so close and loving to two individuals at once ? I just can't comprehend, its destroying me.Since this trauma I have slowly spiralled into a shadow of my former self. Cant sleep, have reoccurring dreams, my mind constantly looking for evidence of the betrayal. I go out of my way to avoid situations and trust no one. Struggle to return to my home town to see family and friends.Im a good man and deserve to be free of this. How do I do it?

lost_mum84 Failing as a mum
  • replies: 7

Hi Guysmore and more i feel like im failing as a mum, i love my kids dearly and will move heaven and earth for them. Everything i do is for them, but things at home have been tough. Money wise with one income (im a stay at home mum) its been tight.I ... View more

Hi Guysmore and more i feel like im failing as a mum, i love my kids dearly and will move heaven and earth for them. Everything i do is for them, but things at home have been tough. Money wise with one income (im a stay at home mum) its been tight.I never get time for me and i am so beyond exhausted.My middle child is testing my patience beyond belief, to the point I yell at her and i absolutely hate it. Its kills me to think of how my reactions are. Its causing tension in the home, and its everyday. I feel like I cant do anything right. And somedays I just feel like getting in the car and driving away. ( i would never do it to my children) Im just lost atm

David35 trouble dealing with ageing and frail mum
  • replies: 5

I live with my mum, who recently got through bladder cancer unscathed. Except now both she and I don't seem to get along that well anymore. She's getting more frail and I worry about her falls and sudden dizzy spells, particularly because we have sta... View more

I live with my mum, who recently got through bladder cancer unscathed. Except now both she and I don't seem to get along that well anymore. She's getting more frail and I worry about her falls and sudden dizzy spells, particularly because we have stairs. She's a people person. When she's starved of people contact, she gets really down, which is hard to cope with. On top of this, I'm struggling to deal with my own anxiety issues, which make me irritable and hard to get along with. I'm seeking treatment for my anxiety, some of which I think was caused by the endless doctors appointments. But we just can't seem to converse without one or other blowing up. Usually me... is this just PTSD I'm suffering?

fflove5 Husband of 17 years leaves. I’m a mess
  • replies: 6

My husband dropped a bomb on me and has moved out. Decided on Monday and told teen kids on Tuesday and was at an air bnb wed. I am an absolute mess. He said he hasn’t been happy for a long time( I call bullshit because we have had some amazing times)... View more

My husband dropped a bomb on me and has moved out. Decided on Monday and told teen kids on Tuesday and was at an air bnb wed. I am an absolute mess. He said he hasn’t been happy for a long time( I call bullshit because we have had some amazing times) but he’s been so stressed at work and become antisocial and works from home and is worried he’s almost 50 and his body isn’t what it used to be. I’ve tried so hard to fight him to stay and I love him so much. He floated this idea before Christmas and I went above and beyond to try and help him and change things and he seemed happy and responsive and intimate to even holding hands a few days before. But he said his heads a mess and he needs space to breathe and feels suffocated wtf can I do I am an absolute mess trying to understand this. I have noticed the last 12 months he started to become antisocial and drink more and work a lot. He refused to speak up when work got too much and has bottled up a lot of feelings and I feel like all of a sudden they have blown up and he thinks this is what he needs to do. Since he’s been gone I’ve taken counselling advice and given him his space and wide berth despite it absolutely killing me because I want to help him. I’ve suggested counselling ( he said “what can they do to help me I need to sort myself out first and not waste their time) he’s even mentioned stopping drinking did it a week then got angry at me when he slipped up and decided to walk. I am a fighter in relationships I told him I am going to fight for us because we all have hurdles and we get through and build foundations and get better than ever but he is saying he’s done and he doesn’t like being robotic and just existing. He doesn’t love himself anymore. I see him as depressed ( not sure at what level) but it kills me now I am only communicating about kids . He now is starting to bring me coffee and offer to cook dinner. It’s like he still have one foot in the door both ways and i am struggling. I have cried for days since he left Wednesday. Today has been the worst being a weekend. Some hours of the day I feel ok and I am trying to get on with my life but then I see him come in all chirpy and humming to himself and smiling and it’s ripping me to pieces .