Fighting narcissist: IVO and Family Court

[KS_OO]

It felt like I had just woken up from a dream after years. Was in a domestic violence relationship that lasted for 8 years and had just finished 2 years of a court battle when I met my current ex.  People around me warned me that the guy despite acting decent, was 'no good' but I ignored it. To be honest I was too exhausted to think straight. Little by little, things that I had worked hard to achieve were being taken away: leave that business, you don't have what it takes to make it a success - I did leave it, resign from that job, they are just using you - I did, all these friends of yours, they don't seem to like me, I don't think we should be seeing them too often - reduced friendship to zero, my families are too far from me, and I'm missing them, can't concentrate, I'm only putting up with this country to be there for you and your kids. Wish we can move closer to my family, as you are not close to yours - after months of same persuasion, I did with my own savings, we moved country. Faced bullying and harassment at work: it must be something that you are doing that makes them hates you, try working harder - worked long hours for years till an ambulance had to be called for exhaustion. You cannot further your studies till I have finished any kind of studying I desired to do. You are just dumb, aren't you? Why won't you just die, I don't think the kids need you and so on

Then in 2020, I started new friendship with one of the kids' friends' moms and he hated it. He warned me to stop but I refused. After months he started telling me that I have BPD, he tried telling the kids and because they told him off, he started a campaign with families and friends saying that he doesn't know what to do, and his exhausted as he is living with a person with BPD. He will start conversations only and provoke till there is an argument. He will ask me things about his work colleagues, if i disagree with his outlook, it will lead to name calling and screams about things that is not occurring. It was only later that i found out that he had been recording these conversations. Got an IVO, but he always finds a way to convince the police that he hadn't breached it. Withhold child support whenever he feels like it. When the child centre found out about his behaviors, he forced them to cancel child placement. Him and his family told the older kids that everything was their fault. I'm exhausted with legal fees, as I'm financial responsible for the kids, with no family to rely on.

[Croix]

Dear KS_OO~

Welcome here to the Forum, it is a friendly place and if you look around you will find others who have had the same horrible sorts of experiences. I take my hat off to you as you managed to end that first relationship and the following court process. Not everyone is capable of doing that.

Now it must be terribly discouraging to have to face it all over again, not good for you, and not good for the  kids who are being told lies.

One thing that strikes me reading your post is that you now have a very clear idea of the ways you were manipulated, mistreated and abused, you see what he has done. And sadly still trying to do. You do have your kids, do you get on well with them? It would be terrible if he had custody.

Please excuse me if I'm mentioning what you already know, however 1800RESPECT can sometimes be a useful source of advice and resources.

Again I'm probably saying something you already know, when making secret recordings there would be a good chance that the act was not lawful. That is not cut and dried but well worth exploring, particularly  if the recordings were to be used in court

It's not fair but it looks like having to deal with all this. some people are simply toxic and do as much damage as they can  - plus often can put on a good face in public. Although you said that gradually you became more isolated, from work, friends and family though his influence I wonder if there is anyway you can now rebuild any of this.

It may take you a fair while to rebuild your life and that of your kids, but you sound as if you are capable of doing so.

I know you did mention a change of country, are your family overseas?

You know you are welcome here anytime, coping on your own is extra hard

Croix