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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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EarthAngle Grandparent/parent/grandchild relationship
  • replies: 1

Okay, so my dad is is not happy that he hardly ever gets to see his grandson anymore…. Understandable. Though my ex and I have court orders, I get my son Thursday after school and stays with me right through the weekend. We live an hour away from his... View more

Okay, so my dad is is not happy that he hardly ever gets to see his grandson anymore…. Understandable. Though my ex and I have court orders, I get my son Thursday after school and stays with me right through the weekend. We live an hour away from his school, so spending 2 hours in the car for him on Friday is so exhausting for a young boy of 7 by the time the weekend comes he doesn’t want to really go anywhere… I mean nor do I. We already live busy lives. Though I am in deep trouble because I don’t take my son out to see his granddad anymore… we used to visit each other occasionally when we lived in town. I also do hours upon hours a week of driving on top of work and maintaining the property where we live, my father and I don’t really have a great relationship but I have been threatened by another family member saying I am with holding my son from my father… that’s not the case. We all so damn exhausted we don’t want to be running around at the end of the week, we’re all spreading ourselves so thin. I’m so tired of the drama and being made feel like I have to run after him. I understand grandparent grandson relationships are important but I just don’t know what to do. He can come out and see him if he would like, though I like people to text before coming out as a courtesy.

SallyPeters02 Discovered partner had an affair
  • replies: 4

I have been with my partner James almost 5 years. I have two kids from my previous relationship, he has none (though he treats them as his own). James works in an industry where there are a lot of women and has always had female friends. He made it c... View more

I have been with my partner James almost 5 years. I have two kids from my previous relationship, he has none (though he treats them as his own). James works in an industry where there are a lot of women and has always had female friends. He made it clear at the beginning and wanted to make sure I was ok with that. I said yes as I trusted him. James become friends with Claire through work about 3 years and she also ended up being a client of his in his line of work. At one stage I began to feel uncomfortable with frequency of their texting and other little things like gift she got him for his bday with I felt was too much. He assured nothing was happening etc, but there was always something that made me uncomfortable. One thing being he was always quite secretive with his phone. I also tried to suggest we all go out and I become friends with Claire too and he’d say yeah yeah but never do anything about it. I tried not to look too much into it, and I wanted to trust him. However other than this, I did not question our relationship. He lived with me and kids and felt he loved me and always there for us. Always does sweet little things like bring me a coffee every morning and drop a lovely lunch to me at work. He is brilliant with the kids as well.Anyway, tbh while Claire is still in James life, I do feel it has backed off a lot in the past year. Recently however, James got so drunk to the point of me having to look after him and put him to bed. His phone was lying on the floor. I couldn’t resist and looked at his phone and went through all their msgs. They had a very volatile friendship/relationship, with lots of her yelling at him and calling him vile names. This causes me to scroll back very far in time and my worst fear was met, they were fooling around behind my back about a 1.5 years ago. I am so heartbroken and devastated, and empty. I confronted James about it the next day and he broke down. He admitted what happened a while ago and he is so incredibly sorry and will do anything to make things right. Which he did immediately by blocking her off all forms of contact/social media. He then proceeded to tell me that after he made his mistakes with her she turned on him and began to constantly use threats to tell me and ruin our family. To the point of photoshopping messages she sent to me , which she never actually sent. She would try to call him 10 times and if he didn’t respond she threatened to tell me. She also told him horrible physical things she would do to him like stab him etc. It was all to terrorise and break him. Which i believe as I saw a lot of it in those msgs. She is absolutely crazy.I found out 2 weeks ago and I’m still devastated. He says he is so sorry ang will do anything and everything to make things right. I am considering trying to work this out. But my mental state is so all over the shop. I feel so inadequate, sad, depressed, alone you name it. I keep thinking what did she have that I don’t? I am more attractive than her so it’s not that … from the msgs she is a cold hearted b$&ch so it’s not her personality. He tells me he doesn’t know why he did it, he loves me and always has, and has never been unhappy in our relationship.I don’t even know what I want /need from posting this, but maybe I just needed to write it out.

naralle My Marriage
  • replies: 1

Hi everyone, well I didn't think I would do this but here I am, I'm very worried about my husband who has server depression and anxiety and is on medication but has been drinking for a long time. At the moment he can't go with drinking a beer before ... View more

Hi everyone, well I didn't think I would do this but here I am, I'm very worried about my husband who has server depression and anxiety and is on medication but has been drinking for a long time. At the moment he can't go with drinking a beer before going to bed, he asks me to get a slab of beer for him each day and by now his system is so use to it. My husband and I have many talks about his mental health and he doesn't really want to talk about it, he knows that I'm very worried about him and he knows that we can't afford the amount of alcohol he drinks. He's best friend has spoken to him about it, I've tried talking to him about it, we've been borrowing money, put stuff on loan and it's embarrassing. I just don't know what else to do. I love him so very much and I wont leave him. Oh I've forgot to mention that I have Major Depression and Anxiety. Thank you for listening

listeningmind Son hooked on weed and borderline girlfriend
  • replies: 4

I am at a loss on how to assist our son. 17. He has always been strong willed, kind and intelligent but also disorganised and emotionally immature, prone to angry outbursts. He could easily have ADHD but avoids assessment last year he started seeing ... View more

I am at a loss on how to assist our son. 17. He has always been strong willed, kind and intelligent but also disorganised and emotionally immature, prone to angry outbursts. He could easily have ADHD but avoids assessment last year he started seeing a girl also 17 who was diagnosed BPD. She is very possessive and demanding of his attention. He has suddenly changed since meeting her He stays at her house 6 out of 7 nights and her mother supports them smoking weed every day (and apparently financially) He has told me he’s addicted, the mother is of no assistance. He has stopped sport, learning to drive and barely does his one hospitality shift a week. He rarely sees any other friends anymore and they don’t go out They are both enrolled in uni but also have entitled attitudes with poor work ethic. Even when he’s home (usually only due to our pressure) she comes with him and they stay in his room, draining the cupboards of food We have little contact i am constantly anxious about this How do we get through to him and prevent him from going down this path. I’m trying to maintain the connection it’s devastating to see him make these choices. He still has a lot to learn. It feels we’ve lost him and I’m grieving! what can we do

Dragonfly_01 Neighbour Noise
  • replies: 2

Hi,I haven't posted before. Feel like I am going to shatter into tiny pieces. I am a quiet person in my early 60s and live on my own. I have been having issues with the people in the house behind me since I bought my house 15 years ago. They like to ... View more

Hi,I haven't posted before. Feel like I am going to shatter into tiny pieces. I am a quiet person in my early 60s and live on my own. I have been having issues with the people in the house behind me since I bought my house 15 years ago. They like to play their music loud and the bass beat is inescapable. They also tend to attract a lot of like-minded people and enjoy large loud gatherings in their backyard which might as well be in my house as my thin fibro walls are no defence against it. It wouldn't bother some people, I know, but it does me. It feels like they are denying my right to exist, that my needs don't count for anything which leads me to feel angry but also sad and pathetic. I have tried to resolve it both directly and through the housing organisation which leases the house to them. It works for a while but then it gradually just ramps back up again. I really want to develop some mental resources to not let it get to me so badly as I suspect it will always be an issue. I have tried practical things like earplugs and headphones which work for a while but I want to enjoy my house and garden and not have to block out birdsong and other nature sounds and feel totally cut off. I would welcome any suggestions for reconfiguring my brain/thought processes so that their noise doesn't bother me so much. Thanks.

Monkey444 Technology and friendships
  • replies: 2

I’d like everyone to get along I think. I am always lacking good relationships. I can’t help but being immature and childish when I get stressed, experience rejection or don’t get what I want.How can I be my best self when I’m frustrated all hours of... View more

I’d like everyone to get along I think. I am always lacking good relationships. I can’t help but being immature and childish when I get stressed, experience rejection or don’t get what I want.How can I be my best self when I’m frustrated all hours of the day. I’m venting, don’t know if this makes any sense. I think so often that at this point I can’t even understand my thinking. Why is so much of my life so unpleasant ??

belldrops Constantly worrying about my boyfriend losing interest
  • replies: 2

I’ve been with my boyfriend about 4 months (we are in a distance relationship, just under an 2 hour drive apart) and I noticed early on that I am quite anxiously attached. I worry that as time goes on, he is realising my insecurity and I’m projecting... View more

I’ve been with my boyfriend about 4 months (we are in a distance relationship, just under an 2 hour drive apart) and I noticed early on that I am quite anxiously attached. I worry that as time goes on, he is realising my insecurity and I’m projecting that onto him, which naturally is a turn off for guys if they can sense you are too over invested or dependent on them. At the beginning, I didn’t feel as anxious as I could feel his interest in me, whereas now I feel the energy has switched and I am the one chasing him. I am terrified of being clingy as I know this will only drive him further away. I hear all the time that fear of rejection is a self fulfilling prophecy as it causes you to act in a way that usually does end up driving your partner away, and I’m terrified that is what I’m doing and perhaps it’s too late to fix it. Last week he didn’t message me for 3 days, which is unusual. I reached out and he apologised for not communicating. When I saw him in person on the weekend, he bought it up and again apologised. I told him that I would like us to text a bit more regularly as it helps me feel more connected to him, which he agreed to. He said that he can’t really understand himself or articulate why he isn’t motivated to reach out - he said that he is generally quite exhausted from work as he is now working a lot, as well as with the distance he can get caught up in just doing his own thing. I then got into a rabbit hole of reading our earlier messages from the first month or two of us dating, and he used to reach out all the time, and it was playful and fun. I feel like we have lost that in our messaging, and I don’t know if that’s a natural progression of a relationship or if it’s a sign he is losing interest. I asked him directly if him not wanting to message me as much is related to his feelings for me changing, and he said no, that’s not it at all. But I can’t help but compare to our earlier text messages, and think that if he liked me, he should want to reach out and talk to me. I’m just so worried that I am self sabotaging the relationship with my fears and insecurity. He is a great, kind guy and I wish I could just enjoy it rather than be constantly obsessing and worrying

nesl Marriage
  • replies: 1

me, and my wife we are trying to work this relationship. I have recently lost my job. About five months ago. We had a opportunity to find another house together she turned it down. We put ourselves in a spot where we have to live at my mums or our sa... View more

me, and my wife we are trying to work this relationship. I have recently lost my job. About five months ago. We had a opportunity to find another house together she turned it down. We put ourselves in a spot where we have to live at my mums or our savings went when it come to movie when trying to save at my mums. It all goes up why we couldn't save or pay rent properly. We can talk about this one then I got kicked out. I felt unfair because I was hoping to have at least notice our place to find my wife went to her mums. After a week I felt my emotion I was sharing with my wife. She didn't want to listen I got angry for feeling unloved. I asked for divorce, but the next day I regretted it. She took me back, but when I saw her, her mum disagrees with me a lot and when I tried to convince her, I'm not that person she somehow hurts my feelings I feel my mother-in-law might be toxic towards our relationship. There are new changes. My wife is taking because of listening to her. It makes my truss go at the door , my love for her is strong, but I feel she's not honest properly. I need help for helping us resolve our feelings to one of each other work out some of our faults in the past to improve our relationship

ecarg I don't know if I really am suffering from a mental health problem
  • replies: 1

I have been going through my parents divorce since I was in priamry school and im currently in highschool and almost finished yr 12. being the oldest child ive been pulled into the fighting, and also my mum or dad talking about the other to me. also ... View more

I have been going through my parents divorce since I was in priamry school and im currently in highschool and almost finished yr 12. being the oldest child ive been pulled into the fighting, and also my mum or dad talking about the other to me. also at school i dont really know where i sit anymore. my old friends think that ive been useing them to sit there ever since i started sitting with other people. i feel like all my friends talk behind my back and now they are just telling me that they have been. everything has been piling up on me recently and i dont know what to do bc i dont want to talk to my parernts about it and i cant talk about it to my friends. my old friends make me feel so bad and self consious. i dont really know if i want to post this publicly bc i dont want them to find out ever. i dont think i am suffering from a mental health problem but i just wish someone could understand and actually listen without going and telling someone else.

_Jay_24 Heart broken - just want to heal
  • replies: 10

Today I accepted my partner's choice to give up on us. We tried over the last 12 months and many similar breakup scenarios in the past but today I really have to let this go. And while I know things may be better in the long run, I should breathe and... View more

Today I accepted my partner's choice to give up on us. We tried over the last 12 months and many similar breakup scenarios in the past but today I really have to let this go. And while I know things may be better in the long run, I should breathe and learn from this event, it still hurts so much. I don't know what to do with this pain. I don't have family and my friends are her friends as well and I am not really someone who opens up so I don't have close friends. My partner sort of fulfilled my needs for others so it didn't matter and now I feel isolated (my own doing) and I feel at a loss. I am trying to be strong and I know this is not unique to me and millions of people go through break up every day. I have no one to talk through this and I simply cannot sleep. To realise that I was not enough for the person I loved unconditionally is breaking my heart.