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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Lostdad Serial cheating/commitment/self love
  • replies: 2

Have been found out for cheating esp with other men. Last straw has have been found out before.did addiction counselling and psychology etc but nothing worked permanently. Have been married to wife for 30 years and never wanted to marry anyone else. ... View more

Have been found out for cheating esp with other men. Last straw has have been found out before.did addiction counselling and psychology etc but nothing worked permanently. Have been married to wife for 30 years and never wanted to marry anyone else. Adore my late teen and early twenties daughter and am scared of losing them forever as I move out tomorrow. I don’t know how long for. Til I sort my self loathing, cheating, not caring for myself (massively overweight and heart and other health issues I don’t commit to solving properly. i don’t need to be told im a monster or lazy etc I know that. Any advice on how to turn myself around in my mid 50s when I have no job

margaret1 Teachers bullied by 'colleagues'
  • replies: 71

If you’re a teacher being bullied by HOD/ Principal/ colleague I think this may help you. It helped me a lot. I couldn’t understand why when I was such a good teacher I was having such ridiculous, hurtful, nasty, petty, time wasting, health destroyin... View more

If you’re a teacher being bullied by HOD/ Principal/ colleague I think this may help you. It helped me a lot. I couldn’t understand why when I was such a good teacher I was having such ridiculous, hurtful, nasty, petty, time wasting, health destroying problems at work. Anyway here you are; this is why we get bullied: Teacher bullies in schools “fear exposure of their perceived shortcomings, such as inadequacy and incompetence, and these people bully not for fun but in order - they think - to survive. Competent colleagues fuel the bully's fear that shortcomings in their capabilities will surface, so they tend to select targets who fulfil some of the criteria below. Being competent, that is being good at their job, often excelling; being willing to go the extra mile and expect others to do the same; being successful, tenacious, determined, courageous, having fortitude; being imaginative, creative, innovative; being able to master new skills; thinking long term and seeing the bigger picture; being helpful, always willing to share knowledge and experience; being diligent and industrious Being Popular with colleagues, pupils, parents, Being regarded as an expert and the person to whom others come for advice, either personal or professional, having a sense of humour, including displays of quick-wittedness Having strength of character displaying integrity, honesty,intelligence and intellect; having a well-defined set of values that they are unwilling to compromise; being trustworthy, trusting, conscientious, loyal and dependable; a sense of fairness: willingness to tackle injustice, low propensity to violence and strong forgiving streak, refusing to join an established clique; being sensitive, having empathy, concern for others, respect, tolerance, being slow to anger, showing independence of thought or deed, refusing to become a corporate clone and drone, having high coping skills under stress, especially when the injury to health becomes apparent

BG89 Wife with bpd wants to separate, I'm heartbroken and need help
  • replies: 14

I am currently in the process of being separated from my bpd wife but I'm still deeply in love with her and this process is leaving me completely heartbroken. She is my best friend and the only person iv ever loved and while she has hinted at this be... View more

I am currently in the process of being separated from my bpd wife but I'm still deeply in love with her and this process is leaving me completely heartbroken. She is my best friend and the only person iv ever loved and while she has hinted at this before we have never broken up but now she has sead we are and I'm having trouble accepting it. We have been together nearly 6 years married for nearly 4, have 3 kids and in the last 6 months she and the kids moved to new Zealand to what we planned was to start a new life, while I was stuck in Australia during covid to finish up my work then rejoin them. Over that 6 months she has become a completely different person made all these plans and decions without telling me or talking to me about it then when I finally got to our new home last week she told me we are separated and wants a divorce. Im absolutely shattered I'm crying all the time csnt eat mutch or sleep mutch and I'm loosing all drive to do anything, also to make it worse she is being up and down about how I'm coping which depending on her mood she is eaither understanding or extremely angry about it. Some of her reasons seem to change daily but the main ones are she has discovered over the last 6 months she would prefer to be alone as being married is adding to mutch stress for her to deal with and is she can't love me like I deserve and I should find someone else and be happy, I told her I don't want anyone else I want her, iv all ways worked hard to be there for her with the roller coaster ride of bpd and iv never judged or held it agents her even thow its cost me job progression due calling in sick alot to help her or leaving work early to help her, friends and some family Iv been trying to talk about it with her a few times and she doesn't want to work it out or keeps telling me I'm forcing her to stay with me when I ask how do you think the kids will handle all of this.

Hate Nobody cares
  • replies: 2

Our family is heading for a financial inevitability where we will have to sell our house. Even mentioning a budget gets my wife and 2 daughters upset. They seem to shop as entertainment and it is central to their lifestyle. I am considered grumpy or ... View more

Our family is heading for a financial inevitability where we will have to sell our house. Even mentioning a budget gets my wife and 2 daughters upset. They seem to shop as entertainment and it is central to their lifestyle. I am considered grumpy or petty of i mention we are running a deficit of 3000 a month. We have 20k left max. We have a 9000 mortgage every month. Nobody cares

Tammie Husband abandonment
  • replies: 1

Hi, I have been struggling lately. One afternoon I came home from work and found a letter on the bench saying my husband of 16 years couldn't be with me anymore. The next day he told me he was in love with someone else and told me who it was. I asked... View more

Hi, I have been struggling lately. One afternoon I came home from work and found a letter on the bench saying my husband of 16 years couldn't be with me anymore. The next day he told me he was in love with someone else and told me who it was. I asked him how could he say he loves me and slept next to me days leading up to this and he said he did it to make me feel better. The following day I came home and he wasn't there, so I went for a drive and knew where she lived and found his car at her place. Just like that he was gone and wouldn't reply to any calls messages. He never checked on me, we lived on a property and i was by myself. I didn't see any changes in him and had no warning signs, i found out later that he had been cheating on my for 2 weeks prior. I was in absolutely shock and couldn't eat or sleep, I lost 10kgs in 8 weeks. I have never felt the pain of abandonment, the break of trust and the feeling of both being good enough. I got the house ready for sale by myself and put it on the market without any help from him. 8 weeks later the house was under offer, 4 days before Xmas. I had new years by myself and woke up feeling so overwhelmed that I nearly took my own life, that gut wrenching call to my mum asking for help. I got professional help not long after and it helped, life was starting to become abit easier. There are days like today that I struggle to find my purpose in life and wonder when will these issues stop or how to stop them from popping up. I have to live with this for the rest of my life and would love to know how others have dealt with these problems and how to overcome them please. Thank you, this is just the start of my journey and didn't want to bombarded you with all the story.

Aleesha Scared of being pregnant. Help
  • replies: 1

I am married and adore kids but the thought of being pregnant freaks me out and gives me anxiety and it’s making me avoid this next step. I have tried counselling and that wasn’t helpful. I have started reading books to inform me, but I still can’t s... View more

I am married and adore kids but the thought of being pregnant freaks me out and gives me anxiety and it’s making me avoid this next step. I have tried counselling and that wasn’t helpful. I have started reading books to inform me, but I still can’t shake this uneasiness away and it’s making me worry. What can I do to prepare myself, or do I just need to throw myself right into it?

Guest_71772299 This guy is always in my mind
  • replies: 1

HelloI really want to tell this to someone so I get it of my chest… Some months ago I met this guy at a church group. At first I didn’t really notice him.After seeing him a few times in this church group I notice he was staring at me from afar.occasi... View more

HelloI really want to tell this to someone so I get it of my chest… Some months ago I met this guy at a church group. At first I didn’t really notice him.After seeing him a few times in this church group I notice he was staring at me from afar.occasionally he would come and say hi. My conversation skills are not great plus I’m a really shy person so it’s hard for me to keep a conversation going with a new person. I followed him on instagram and he followed me back.he looks at my stories every time I post one. now he is always on my mind.morning, afternoon and night. I have no idea what to do about it……

Clo Supporting self and angry partner through grief
  • replies: 3

I’m really struggling and needing some support. My partner recently lost his father but has anger management issues. He has been so angry at me all the time. The smallest thing might set him off and it takes him ages to calm down especially if he has... View more

I’m really struggling and needing some support. My partner recently lost his father but has anger management issues. He has been so angry at me all the time. The smallest thing might set him off and it takes him ages to calm down especially if he has been drinking. I’ve been trying not to say things which will trigger him, which have recently been about alcohol and drug use. But still the anger remains. I'm currently pregnant and also have a toddler and just feeling so isolated and alone. I want to support him but can’t be the punching bag. I don’t know what to do.

Qball66 My wife hates me.
  • replies: 8

My wife of 20 years hates me ( she told me ). I love her dearly and always will. I have my faults and I'm not perfect - but I've been a good provider for my family and always treated them with love and respect. I'm feeling powerless and depressed and... View more

My wife of 20 years hates me ( she told me ). I love her dearly and always will. I have my faults and I'm not perfect - but I've been a good provider for my family and always treated them with love and respect. I'm feeling powerless and depressed and don't know what to say or do. I'm not suicidal, but I feel that I'm starting to spiral out of control and don't know where to turn next.I adore her and would love to be able to find the girl I married 20 years ago

Teena1__ Marriage problems
  • replies: 12

My husband & I have been together for almost a decade, married for 6 years & we have 3 kids together. I am a SAHM while my husband provides for our family. He's a great father to our kids and also a great Provider. I am thankful. throughout the years... View more

My husband & I have been together for almost a decade, married for 6 years & we have 3 kids together. I am a SAHM while my husband provides for our family. He's a great father to our kids and also a great Provider. I am thankful. throughout the years we've bumped heads cause we don't see eye-to-eye on things. Eg: he gave me an ultimatum to marry him in a courthouse or not marry him at all. He's the one who wanted me to be a SAHM and raise our kids while he works. He'll go through many hoops to lie or makes up excuses as to why he can't attend family events, bdys or special occasions (but if it were his fam he'd have no issues showing up). I have caught him out each time on his big lies. He always says for me to go by myself or take the kids. He had a online relaionship while I was pregnant. He makes no effort whatsoever when it comes to our marriage. It's either his way or the highway. I have to fight him tooth & nail to drag him to family events. he makes a huge deal about going even though he only shows up maybe 3 times out of the year. My family love and respect him, and have been paitent with him in not forcing him to come around if he didn't want too. I'll always be the one to come up with spontaneous dates or outings otherwise we won't go anywhere. I'll always go out of of way to spoil him for his bday, anniversaries, fathers day & Christmas but it is never reciprocated. I also have religious commitments and he supports me aslong as I don't have to include him and that also goes for family things, even if it involves the kids. He doesn't want the kids to have big birthdays where he has to socialise with anyone. He's never actively involved, but will happy drive me and the kids hours away to do our own thing just so we miss out on whatever family events we skipped out on that day. I know he loves me but he doesn't care about things or the people that I love. But he just expects me to care & Love his family. I feel like my husband doesn't value me enough to speak my love language.I take care of our kids 24/7. I clean/cook & clean up everyone otherwise things won't ever get done. I help him pay the bills where I can. I have no friends, socialise with noone. My family all live 2 hours away hence why I would want my family to spend time with them. I'm exhausted and tired of fighting him over the same thing over and over. He's 36 years and I'm turning 30. I have suggested counselling but he doesn't believe we have any issues. My dad is dying and he won't go.

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