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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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jd03 Plz help :(
  • replies: 1

Hi all. I’m back (again, unfortunately). This time is bad though. On Sunday night, I was really depressed about assignments and having gone home at lunch time to mum swearing and cursing because she couldn’t clip the dog’s nails. I couldn’t his distr... View more

Hi all. I’m back (again, unfortunately). This time is bad though. On Sunday night, I was really depressed about assignments and having gone home at lunch time to mum swearing and cursing because she couldn’t clip the dog’s nails. I couldn’t his distressing as it felt personal. But anyway I went to my room and cried about this for a while and then was so emotionally drained that when I went back home for dinner I didn’t really talk. While we were having dinner, I finally worked up the courage (after many months of staying silent) to ask mum if she could chew with her mouth open. I thought this was reasonable. Anyway, I got yelled at/lectured for a solid half an hour, where I was basically made to feel like my problems didn’t matter, everything was my fault and I had ruined the night. I think dad even said something like ‘if we have to be paranoid about everything we do around you we may as well just all neck ourselves.’ He said many things like this that really hurt me. After multiple years of living with this I have lost sight of whether saying things like this is reasonable or not, but my partner assured me that the things they were saying was not fair. But this was my breaking point. I had to sit there and cop a lecture for asking mum to chew with her mouth shut. The next day, after much crying, I went home and it was the exact same conversation: ‘you caused quite the chaos last night…it went on for 2 hours after you left…I had actual things to complain about when I was a kid.’ Things like this. So the day after was no better. Now two days on, we have another similar conversation. At this point, I’ve been avoiding my parents and not really talking to them. We had another conversation tonight where I explained to them that I was really depressed and it broke me being told that my problems didn’t matter and I ruined everything over a question I thought was reasonable. But no…’you didn’t even say thank you for dinner, you just walk through the door and complain.’ And stuff like that. ‘You only ever see things from your perspective. Do you know that other people have issues too?’ So yeah. I have no idea what to do or what you’d call this. To me, it seems borderline emotionally abusive and if anyone, dad really cannot see my perspective because any time I go to say something my opinion is wrong. I’m really stuck because I work for my parents and live at home and I can’t move out yet, but home is becoming unbearable. I feel there’s no easy way out

Myer How can I help my adult son who I hurt so much?
  • replies: 13

The relationship between my adult son and I were never be good since he turned to 15 years old. He is adult now and had lived with me until 3 weeks ago. He had a big argument with me and told me that all his problems were caused by my yelling to him ... View more

The relationship between my adult son and I were never be good since he turned to 15 years old. He is adult now and had lived with me until 3 weeks ago. He had a big argument with me and told me that all his problems were caused by my yelling to him every day when he was little. He has not grown to a mature adult as my yelling caused him long term depression. He often acted like a boy, not a man. He had not been happy for years and wouldn't be happy for the rest of his life as it is too late to do anything about that. He told me he hated me and didn't want to see me for the rest of his life. He moved out to somewhere very far 3 weeks ago. I became a single mother when he was 6 years old and my another child was 3. I had to work hard to support 3 of us, never had any helps from their father at all. I had a full time job. The work place was 90 minutes away by public transport. I had to leave home early and got home late as I either did over time or the trains were delayed. I was frustrated, stressed & depressed from my work, travelling to and from work and two children not doing what they supposed to do almost every day. I do remember I yelled to them a lot. I couldn't control myself back then. But I never knew my yelling brought them life long impact until he told me so before he moved out. I apologised again and again before he moved out. I told him I would do anything, everything to help him to get better. He said it's too late. I feel his pain now and am so sorry. I texted him on Christmas eve, apologised again, told him I do love him and would be there for him whenever he needed my help. He didn't get back to me. I don't blame him. He is the one suffering from depression caused by me. And it is all my fault anyway. I don't know what I can do to help him if he doesn't want speak to me or see me? I love my children so much and never and ever wanted to hurt them. But I did hurt them and I didn't even realize that for all those years until he told me lately. I am so sad and frustrated now. I worry him so much. I've been trying to convince myself 'He is fine. He is able to take care of himself. Don't worry about him too much. He might call you one day and ask for help when he needs'. Another me saying 'He moved out when he was angry at me. He had depression. His depression could possibly get worse. And no one is with him. He needs help'. Can anyone please give me some suggestions? What should I do? Thank you in advance.

ssSushiCat I feel so so alone... i have no one to turn to ..
  • replies: 1

I am not sure whether this is the right forum to post this in but i just need to type this somewhere. I feel so, so very alone. I am going through a very rough patch in my life. And i can't trust, even my closest, friends to be there for me. I can't ... View more

I am not sure whether this is the right forum to post this in but i just need to type this somewhere. I feel so, so very alone. I am going through a very rough patch in my life. And i can't trust, even my closest, friends to be there for me. I can't trust my family (they are part of the reason why im here). And i am too afraid of more rejection to reach out to someone new. I have ADHD (and possibly some autism as well) and and l my life i was constantly judged and punished for things that i can not control. My interests and behaviours were considered weird and no one ever listened or tried to understand when i tried to explain myself. Growing up i was always made feel like i was a burdain by my parents. Home never felt like home. I felt like a random stranger there. I had friends but even they didn't 100% get the things that were going on. I always felt like i was alone. No matter how many friends i had or how many people i talked to i was alone. My life was kinda getting better and I thought that maybe resently my family started to understand more. I finally allwed myself to belive home is home. (Big Mistake) But after another really bad argument it completely completely crashed any trust and hope i had left in them. All the feelings of crashing loneliness came back. And i actually have no one to talk to. I've lost my family as people i can trust and the one friend i do trust doesn't reply when i need them. I don't know what to do. I just feel so alone. I have lost the support system i had. And i am too afraid of more rejection and being a burdain to reach out to new people. Idk what to do and where to go at this point. I am at a very low point in my life. I noticed this is starting to affect any new possible friendships i might have. I am so aftraid of more rejection. I am so aftraid of more loneliness. I started to pull away from the new social circles i joined. I feel like thouse people allready hate me or will hate me, (even though thats probably not true). I don't want to talk to open up to people aanymore. I don't think i have enough mental resource to handle more rejection. And i don't have the support system to go to when/if that happens. Sorry if this is kind of a ramble...

Bee1998 Not coping well at all right now
  • replies: 5

Just two days ago, I caught my partner looking at porn on his computer while I was sitting in the lounge room opposite (I could literally see it on his screen through the gap in the door from where I was sitting). This really upset me, because he kno... View more

Just two days ago, I caught my partner looking at porn on his computer while I was sitting in the lounge room opposite (I could literally see it on his screen through the gap in the door from where I was sitting). This really upset me, because he knows how strongly I am against porn, and how upset and insecure it makes me feel. This triggered a fire inside me that same night, so I decided for the first time in our 4 year relationship to go through his phone. (I have had a gut feeling for a long long time now that something wasn’t quite right. Turns out, just a few months ago while he was away on a work trip in the US, he pursued another female. He claims they did not do anything physical, but I have the messages between them, where he was telling her how much he liked her and couldn’t stop thinking about her. She proceeded to tell him how in love with him she was, and basically was begging him to leave me and stay in America with her. I am struggling to cope with all of this, especially as I have just moved in with my partner only 2 weeks ago into a rental. I don’t want to leave him, or the house, but I am starting to feel unwell and don’t know how to move on from the pain this has caused. I also found out just tonight that he had messaged her last week, which has made the whole situation so much worse.

white knight Dominating relationships
  • replies: 1

A former supervisor told me once, in response to his boss yelling at him in the office- "you can say something to an employee in a calm quiet tone, if it's the right words used you can have more impact than if you yelled at them. If you yell, they on... View more

A former supervisor told me once, in response to his boss yelling at him in the office- "you can say something to an employee in a calm quiet tone, if it's the right words used you can have more impact than if you yelled at them. If you yell, they only recall the volume of voice not the message". So right. Yet, some of us have tolerated that yelling from others and it's common- why? There is several reasons for someone to raise their voice- they are frustrated with youhave narcissistic tendenciesthey have tried soft speech and it doesnt workthey need to own youthey have a distorted view of what a parent should bedeveloped a dominating attitudehave a mental health issuethey need to justify their positionSo there is some situations that justify yelling and yelling is a proper response then. But most of the yelling events are not justified and can result in lifelong effects upon a child. Eg I'd be playing in the corner with my matchbox cars at 11yo. Suddenly "Tony" would be belched out as loud as she could "you haven't made your bed". Looking back had she said quietly "Tony you haven't made your bed 20 cents off your pocket money" that would have hurt far more than the yell. You can imagine 20 years later at a SIL's house she had a dog called "Toby" and Toby liked escaping from the backyard hence "Toby" yelled out at the top of her voice made me jump a metre in the air!. So today some 50 years since teenage years I'm constantly reminding people when they begin to raise their voice "can you lower your voice please there's no need to raise it". It can even occur when someone gets excited on the topic they are conveying. Yelling is often associated with seeking dominance. Dominance is a form of bullying. This is not associated with arguing imo two people arguing and both yelling is also natural but one person standing, yelling and the other sitting is a dominating stance. Subtle actions can be intimidating also. I have male a relative that relays his conflicts with other people, he'll pierce his lips, point at me, come real close and "so I said to him get out of here now or I'll... (violent threat)". He was surprised when I stopped him there and calmly told him he trespassed my personal boundary. Anyone that feels dominated has the right to object to such treatment. Calmly tell them that you will continue the conversation when they are willing to sit down, share a drink and talk like calm adults "in the tone of voice that I'm talking now". Lead by example. TonyWK

Anon_D Abusive Relationship
  • replies: 2

Hi there, I'm writing this as I sit agony. I'm in a vicious cycle of a relationship. I'm constantly on the receiving end of abuse, but physical and verbal. I continue to hang in there and at the same time I want out. The abuse is a living hell, but t... View more

Hi there, I'm writing this as I sit agony. I'm in a vicious cycle of a relationship. I'm constantly on the receiving end of abuse, but physical and verbal. I continue to hang in there and at the same time I want out. The abuse is a living hell, but then when she apologises I tell myself that everything is back on track and the dark days are behind us. This usually lasts a day or two before the abuse starts again. It's a constant groundhog day. We both say we want it to end then when we make up we both say we want it to work. I'm guilty of name calling as well, but it stems from her, she always kicks things off over literally nothing. She's recently been caught cheating but them came to her senses and said she only wants to be with me and appreciates me standing by her considering everything I put up with. I don't know how much longer I can put up with the hurt. I just want the both of us to live a happy peaceful life together. What should I do?

Dadmeister Parent Alienation Syndrome
  • replies: 4

Hi all, any tips on how to handle Parent Alienation Syndrome? I’ve been going through a hell of a divorce for 3 years which is being played out in the courts after I caught my wife of 25 years having had an affair. As she was so embarrassed about the... View more

Hi all, any tips on how to handle Parent Alienation Syndrome? I’ve been going through a hell of a divorce for 3 years which is being played out in the courts after I caught my wife of 25 years having had an affair. As she was so embarrassed about the affair and lost most of her friends and some of her family she decided her only hope was to cling to our 3 daughters and fill them with venom about me. My eldest daughter has now kit spoken to me for 18months and my youngest I have not seen in 6 months and she spent the last visit shaking. My middle daughter is hot and cold. I don’t boast about many things in life but I was an amazing hands on father fully involved and interested in all my daughter’s activities.I now struggle so much without my daughters and everyone says just give it time but as months turn into years I just can’t see how I will ever be able to reconcile with them when they only having a narcissist giving them their narrative.Will always love my daughters

Dazzlar Need help
  • replies: 1

Hi so a little about me, I’m married for 10 years with 3 kids, my wife and I maybe have sex twice a year and I fall back into my fantasy of ladyboys and other women who give me attention and going online, I have no idea why I like them, i do stupid s... View more

Hi so a little about me, I’m married for 10 years with 3 kids, my wife and I maybe have sex twice a year and I fall back into my fantasy of ladyboys and other women who give me attention and going online, I have no idea why I like them, i do stupid shit online showing nude pictures ect and I just want to stop it as my wife and kids are my world, I have tried ending my life on more then one occasion and as young as 4 years old was sexually assaulted, I have drank alcohol nearly every single day since I was 15 to escape reality, this is the first time I have ever talked about this to anyone, please help

Tez1983 Marriage Seperation
  • replies: 1

My wife and I have been separated for 3 months now (she initiated the separation). My wife keeps telling me she has no feelings and has an open mind for them to come back. We catch up and do lunch or something most weeks to reignite the spark. But I ... View more

My wife and I have been separated for 3 months now (she initiated the separation). My wife keeps telling me she has no feelings and has an open mind for them to come back. We catch up and do lunch or something most weeks to reignite the spark. But I can’t stop thinking about us getting back together. I am holding onto so much hope that it consumes me but it is also driving me crazy. I have started to drink a lot more and have never done illegal substances but have started too recently. I am just so anxious and up and down I don’t know if this will ever pass. Any help would be appreciated.

mama2 ? Husband has bipolar
  • replies: 3

Hi everyone, My husband and I have been married almost 10 years now and our marriage has been a constant roller coaster.I have come to suspect that he has bipolar disorder .He presents with symptoms of high highs and low lows. He can go for a period ... View more

Hi everyone, My husband and I have been married almost 10 years now and our marriage has been a constant roller coaster.I have come to suspect that he has bipolar disorder .He presents with symptoms of high highs and low lows. He can go for a period of 2/3 months working excessively and hardly sleeping, to being in bed and struggling to maintain just one job..he has Addictive behaviours (gambling, pornography). His symptoms got evident 3years ago when he started excessively drinking. I have tried talking to him about getting help but he insists that he is okay. Its been hard. Help would have been great so I can fully understand how to be there for him and notice his triggers. As a result sometimes we clash and he is triggered and goes out, drinks , and is in a state of mania for days.We had an argument last week and it triggered him. He went to drink and was drinking consistently for the next 3 days, now he has completely disconnected from me and wants separation/divorce. The other day he was telling me he wants to go out and do whatever he wants, drink whenever he wants and sleep with whoever he wants.Everytime we engage he gets agitated quickly, i have learnt to keep my cool and that sees him calming down as well. I dont know what to do. We have 2 kids and I am so lost.