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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Beanie123 Breakup of 5 months with severe depressive
  • replies: 7

Hi all I have been struggling to deal with a breakup of 5 months with a guy who I was dating. We definitely have both been through trauma and have already started a bit of a toxic back and forth. About a month ago I offered friendship as a solution t... View more

Hi all I have been struggling to deal with a breakup of 5 months with a guy who I was dating. We definitely have both been through trauma and have already started a bit of a toxic back and forth. About a month ago I offered friendship as a solution to our trust problems. For context we live long distance but have discussed moving in with each other at some point if everything went well. He was always very clear in saying he struggled badly with relationships ending so he had to be certain this was something he wanted. I found this off the bat really hard as it kind of put the onus on me to "prove" to him that I was worth it. We seemed to get along very well as friends maybe because we both had relaxed off the idea of a relationship. The distance also helped as we weren't scared of bumping into each other but we spoke everyday morning to evening. This is when he confided he had become very depressed and felt very lonely to the point he was pushing away and loosing friends. I felt safe enough to offer to go see him one weekend and spend some platonic time and keep him company as he lives alone and I was becoming concerned he would get worse. Obviously we care about each other deeply (or so I though). Everything was fine until the morning of me going to see him- he called me on the way there and basically told me not to come because he was having an anxiety attack. I felt VERY triggered by this as it was something we were both looking forward too and felt like he may have been making an excuse to not see me. After some back and forth he began saying that he wanted a relationship where people don't fight and maybe he needed to keep looking for someone like that. I said if thats what he wanted he could go have it I wasn't going to stop him. He also said things like, he wasn't convinced a relationship was right for him, that he was happier alone, that he needed to be 100% sure etc. He also said he didn't think he was running out of time to find love and kept asking why I would even want him when I have so many other options and If i was with him out of desperation and there was no one else. For context we are both in our 40's never married and no children. I did end up going to his place once he calmed down but he had a manic episode and basically ended the relationship and I left silently and blocked him. I have no idea how to help/ deal with this and how to support someone struggling like that. I also have bad anxiety and feel guilty that i left him like that

Tiah_ I Need Help.
  • replies: 3

Hi everyone, I've posted on here a few times before, but I ended up stopping because I felt I was in a better headspace. Telling by the fact I'm posting once again, clearly something has changed. I'm 18, and I moved back in with my mother and her boy... View more

Hi everyone, I've posted on here a few times before, but I ended up stopping because I felt I was in a better headspace. Telling by the fact I'm posting once again, clearly something has changed. I'm 18, and I moved back in with my mother and her boyfriend around the start of last year. I had moved away from her previously because of how strained our relationship had become. When I came back, it felt like she and I had finally started to heal. We weren't arguing half as much, she was less neglectful, and overall it just seemed like things had gotten better. That was until a few months ago. Around August, my mother and her boyfriend moved into a new house, and it was from here on out that things started going downhill. It wasn't bad at first, but it's to the point where I dread even coming from work. She's constantly furious with me, even when there's nothing to be mad about. Not to mention, when I get paid, she takes almost all my money. I understand that I'm 18 and need to pay my way, but $130+ every time I get paid has been so financially draining, especially when there are countless things I need to save up for but can't because the more money I make the more she wants. She doesn't have a job either, so sometimes it feels like she uses the board as an excuse for me to give her more than she needs. I'm at the worst point I've been in a long time, and it's to the point where I'm planning on going to a local motel for a few days once I've got a bit of money saved up (nothing suspicious, I just really need some time away from her, and I have nowhere else to go.) I'm sorry for the long rant, and if you're reading this, thank you for listening. If anyone has any idea on how I can cope with this, please let me know!

Bee1998 Partner crossed my boundary in regards to P*rn
  • replies: 4

I’m not sure how to move forward / forgive my partner … On Saturday morning, my partner asked me as soon as we got out of bed if he could watch p*rn. He knows p*rn is something I don’t want in the relationship / am triggered and hurt by. We have been... View more

I’m not sure how to move forward / forgive my partner … On Saturday morning, my partner asked me as soon as we got out of bed if he could watch p*rn. He knows p*rn is something I don’t want in the relationship / am triggered and hurt by. We have been to therapy together to discuss it too, and our therapist stated that it’s fine to watch it, as long as we have spoken about it and are both okay with it. I’m not okay with it anymore, due to past trauma and sexual abuse. At the start of our relationship, it didn’t bother me, but after being betrayed countless times by my partner, I’m now not okay with it. It hurts me too much. Despite knowing all of this, and me expressing how I felt about it on the weekend, my partner went ahead and pleased himself several times to p*rn. Mind you, he was telling me the night before that we were going to be intimate, but he never followed through. We haven’t had s*x for a few days either, so him choosing p*rn over real intimacy with me really opened the wound more. It even went as far as him sleeping in the spare room and spending the whole weekend behind closed doors. No communication, nothing. This left me in tears the whole weekend. Especially when I had to sleep alone at night, knowing he was deceiving me / going against what I said. Come Sunday night, he finally started to ‘try’ and hug me etc, but by that point I was so numb that I didn’t want to show any affection, or even talk to him or be near him. I feel so betrayed. I feel like my concerns and emotions were rejected and walked all over. Also, what kind of partner actively chooses to pleasure themselves to p*rn when they have a partner at home expressing they want to be intimate ?! I never once turned it down or said I didn’t want to. He has literally chosen other females over me, and it is killing me.

DG80 Overbearing Child
  • replies: 2

My partner and I have been together 5 years.On all accounts, we are a perfect match, very much in love, same interests, the same sense of humour and love each other's company.We both have one child from previous relationships, 10 and 8. For the past ... View more

My partner and I have been together 5 years.On all accounts, we are a perfect match, very much in love, same interests, the same sense of humour and love each other's company.We both have one child from previous relationships, 10 and 8. For the past two years we have all been living together, and although we knew combining families can be difficult, it feels like we’ve overcome most hurdles and do feel like a family unit. Her son though, 10, is still very attached to his mother. It has been difficult to develop a relationship with him, after two years of living together he still cannot initiate a conversation with me. I’m the type of person kids and animals usually flock to, all the other children I know, my son, his friends, and nephews all gravitate towards me, and I’ve never had difficulty conversing with any of them. He is attached to his mother all day and all night, apart from school hours.From early morning he is demanding her cuddles, if she gets too close to me he will run over and jump on top of her, if she puts an arm around me, he will physically pull it back over him, if she walks away from him to see me he will follow and sometimes gets angry at her for leaving his side. He demands to sit next to her everywhere we go, he keeps one arm on her while we eat, and he demands that she sleep in the same room as him and go to bed at the same time, which she does every night. When my partner says no to him, he will go into a tantrum that will last hours on end, screaming crying, and sometimes becoming physical until she backs down. If my partner were to say no to sleeping in his room, you can be assured there would be screaming, shouting and kicking on doors until she gives in or the sun comes up.The only time we get to share any intimate moment without him present or on top of her is one night a week when he stays with his father. I feel like a third wheel in my own relationship. I’ve tried to be supportive and open towards him, attended all of his soccer games, and tried to initiate conversations, but he will usually completely ignore me unless my partner tells him to respond.At the end of the week, my partner is usually gloomy, says she feels lonely and asks me why I’m the one being aloof.I’ve tried talking to her about this, but she is dismissive and defensive, I think she has an idea this is an issue, but certainly not to the extent it is harming our relationship.I’m not too sure what to do, is the issue with me, her, her son or our relationship?

Chihiro sister-in-law problems
  • replies: 8

I've been married for just over two years now and I am having issues with my husbands sister. I've been with my partner 10 years in total and when I first met his sister she was so nice to me, we'd spend so much time together we were super close. The... View more

I've been married for just over two years now and I am having issues with my husbands sister. I've been with my partner 10 years in total and when I first met his sister she was so nice to me, we'd spend so much time together we were super close. Then one day when my now husband proposed to me and we got engaged that all changed. His sister became quite distant and she started treating me differently. She doesn't want to communicate with me as much, bother to ask how I am doing, she always seems disinterested in me, I feel like we are enemy's sometimes. At our engagement party she never even spoke to me and left the party early - didn't want to celebrate. The same happened at my hens party when she arrived she didn't even speak to me at all and all she wanted to do was go to my husbands bachelor party to see what he was up to. There are a lot more examples than this just to name a few... When my husband lived at home with his sister, his sister would constantly text him all the time (even when he was on holiday with me), buy lunches/dinners for him, organise his birthday, holidays for them, and I feel like since I got married to her brother maybe his sister feels as if i'm taking her brother away from her. This situation is making it so awkward and upsetting for me. What really hurts the most is that I used to be so close with his sister and now its like we were never friends. How can I improve my relationship with sister?

Mark h Can I Trust Again? Please Help!
  • replies: 1

Good morning everyone I have posted a few different discussions on this forum over the years, but I am really stuck with a situation right now that I have been trying to solve myself but with no clear outcome. I am hoping that you will be able to hel... View more

Good morning everyone I have posted a few different discussions on this forum over the years, but I am really stuck with a situation right now that I have been trying to solve myself but with no clear outcome. I am hoping that you will be able to help me. I met a new lady in my life two years go. I am now 52 and couldn't believe that love came back into my life after a 20 year marriage breakdown. We started dating, things moved quickly and before we knew it, we were engaged to be married. It was all a fairy tale but then cracks started appearing. My partner started being quite negative. It only took a small problem to run into large ones. I was being accused of saying or thinking things I simply wasn't. In 2023, my partner decided she wanted to sell her family home and move in with me. As it had only been 14 months, myself and her entire family including her two kids told her not to do that. I suggested renting her property out for 12 months so that she would benefit from income whilst at the same time seeing if we could live together. That was ignored. She sold the property anyway and then moved into my home. Once here, the problems really started getting worse. My partner was suffering from Menopause and the swings in mood were quite difficult to take at times. I suggested she see someone for this which she did after a lot of persuasion and she then went onto HRT which helped a little. I felt that I couldn't do anything right. I would cook, clean, makes sure she had everything she wanted but I was being told constantly that I wasn't enough. I don't cope well with conflict, I am a people pleaser which I know has negative conotations associated but I like to make sure the people that surround me are respected and loved. My 18 year old son who lives with me here 4 days a week has high social anxiety issues and I was constantly told that he should get out more, meet new friends, that I shouldn't be his support for fun and company. He is my world, that really upset me and it was ongoing. My partner moved out three weeks ago. I read messages on her phone (she gave me the phone to look at) where she has really belittled me to her family. She wants to get back together and when she is good, she is amazing. When she is bad, it's the polar opposite. I need advice. Help me.Mark

Mytk1921 Complicated
  • replies: 9

I'm married & have been for 13 years now.My personality -quiet type, home body, loyal to my partner, full of emotions & can be sensitive.Husband -Outgoing, has many friends, can be quite cold, loves attention.There's been a few scenarios where we wou... View more

I'm married & have been for 13 years now.My personality -quiet type, home body, loyal to my partner, full of emotions & can be sensitive.Husband -Outgoing, has many friends, can be quite cold, loves attention.There's been a few scenarios where we would argue about my partner & getting involved with other women. He says I am being too sensitive, he could be right, but my gut instincts tell me otherwise.I doubt myself - as in maybe, as these things keep happening, I'm becoming more and more sensitive to the point I am insecure.Eg: he'd receive an SMS 'I wish you were here swimming with me'Or receiving SMS from girls at like 12am sharp wishing him a happy birthday.There was a moment we went camping with his friend & the wife,couple date. Got drunk to the point everyone passed out except my husband who kept hugging the wife & said she's his (as a joke), giving her cheek kisses, spooning her etc. I get they're all highschool friends but felt wrong. Especially being drunk.. I confronted him the next day about it & he apologized.Years go by & we all catch up again, this time, at theirs. Once again we get drunk, I was about to sleep but when I noticed hubby wasn't sleeping next to me, I walked out to find he was ontop of her, nothing physically happened but it almost looked like things were getting there.There were a few other things that had happened which I cannot find normal, however I feel these actions have accrued & is making me drown in disappointment.I almost don't know myself anymore; I am unsure if I still love my husband, who is also the father to our two boys.Recently, we rented our spare bedroom to a young male who has now been living with us for two weeks.I have to admit, him & I would talk about things that have a similar interest & we got quite close. He's 9 years younger than me & had recently broken up with his girlfriend so our conversation was almost counselling. Hubby sleeps early every night due to early work commitments so there was a time where hubby and the kids went to bed & it was just the sharemate & I.We had a few drinks & talked for four hours late at night. Hubby would walk in & ask what we're doing.. confused with the situation.Few days later, again, us two would be left talking late at night etc. Hubby wasn't happy, he cracked it at me saying the boys keen. I enjoyed his company I won't lie but I couldn't help but stick up for the guy. Should I keep my distance? I think the boy knows why hubby & I argued, he looks cautious.

James33 My drinking addiction
  • replies: 2

Hi. Me and my partner have been together for 9 years have two beautiful kids and last few years iv been depressed because if money issues I work full time but seem to always be stuck in same place and this monday I got drunk with mates and went home.... View more

Hi. Me and my partner have been together for 9 years have two beautiful kids and last few years iv been depressed because if money issues I work full time but seem to always be stuck in same place and this monday I got drunk with mates and went home. I was so drunk I lost it and went off my partner was so scared she called the cops. Thank God my kids where asleep. I am now on the brink of losing my partner and my kids because as partner said she's never seen that person before and she was scared for the first time of me. I hurt so bad now I can't even look in the mirror. I really need help stoping rhe addition so I don't lose myself. Any advice or just a chat would be si appreciated. Many thanks

lonelyloz Help leaving husband
  • replies: 2

Hi all, I have finally made the decision to leave my husband after being together for 22 years and 4 kids. We have had issues for a long time which he refuses to seek help for and he put me through hell last year when I asked for a separation to see ... View more

Hi all, I have finally made the decision to leave my husband after being together for 22 years and 4 kids. We have had issues for a long time which he refuses to seek help for and he put me through hell last year when I asked for a separation to see if we would be happier. A side of him cameout that I have never seen before and the venom in his voice and way he spoke to me was awful. He kept telling me to “get a f$&!ing job” and stop sponging off him (we had 4 kids in 5 years and I have attempted to work and study many times and the family has fallen apart as he hasn’t picked up the slack at all and I was even hospitalized for getting so sick doing everything) he threatened to close our accounts and leave me without money, threatened the kids against me, abused and said violent things about me to his sister via text and then wouldn’t let me leave the house for even a night to escape. I was in severe depression and suicide watch at the time (I had told him this and showed him all my psychologist notes) but he took no notice and eventually one night I tried to end my own life as I felt so trapped (not blaming him for that but it was just another straw) we saw a counsellor for a few months be he slowly lost interest and the troublesome behaviour continued. He is constantly angry, stressed and aggressive unless he drinks. Tensions are rising again between us and I’m terrified he will turn in to the monster he was last year again. We haven’t been able to claim Centrelink for years because he never gives me the details they need and hasn’t done a tax return for years so now we have a debt! I’ve been looking for a job for years and I know I won’t get (or want) anything from him but i need to leave and soon. Does anyone know of any loans, assistance I can get from Centrelink or public housing etc (my children identify as indigenous but I don’t) I’ve been trying to call Centrelink for weeks and can’t get through! Any help would much appreciated

A147 Feeling hopeless
  • replies: 1

Hi, I posted a few years ago about my cheating husband……. Many chances and years later I’m still here in this situation and I’m feeling hopeless. Many looking in from the outside would see a perfect situation, financial stability and a dream life but... View more

Hi, I posted a few years ago about my cheating husband……. Many chances and years later I’m still here in this situation and I’m feeling hopeless. Many looking in from the outside would see a perfect situation, financial stability and a dream life but I still feel completely out of control. My daughter is suffering as I have sunk to an all time low in my depression. The affair aside my husband has always been very controlling, being with him is like being on a roller coaster, my daughter and I never know who will walk through the door. We both work together so in front of our staff he will portray a loving husband even if he’s belittled me that morning. He is not interested in how I feel or am feeling and never has been, I must support him in all that he does. I was too young to know what coercive control was or looked like when we got together. But all I know now is that I felt wrong from the get go and forced myself into a situation I thought was right. My family do not like him and my closest ally, my sister, has now washed her hands of me at what she thinks is my feeble attempts to leave. I announced that I wished to seperate last week but he thinks I’m bluffing again. I don’t know how to get out of this…. I need support but I can’t ask my family at the moment, they’ve always been amazing but I think I may have used up all my empathy credit with them., I am in such a deep depression I really don’t want to be here anymore, I can’t bail out because I wouldn’t do it to my daughter, not sure where to draw my strength from now as all I want to do is sleep. Thought about calling 1800 respect to find out whether relationship is really abusive because where I’m sitting I’m not sure anymore. I’m almost 50 and I love being by myself so I’m not afraid to be alone for the rest of my life, I’m just afraid for my child who is 11 and loves her father but does fear him a little. There has been no physical violence just emotional abuse…. I’d just love to hear from anyone really who has had a similar experience. Thanks for letting me speak