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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Rjbarka75 Is it abuse?
  • replies: 3

Hi I'm married and have been for nearly 25 years. We have 3 adult kids 2 of which are still at home. Just recently I had a discussion with my partner about the ATO contacting me regarding my tax bill and waiting to know when my tax return would be lo... View more

Hi I'm married and have been for nearly 25 years. We have 3 adult kids 2 of which are still at home. Just recently I had a discussion with my partner about the ATO contacting me regarding my tax bill and waiting to know when my tax return would be lodged. I asked my husband about this as his business has a tax accountant who does returns. The claim has been lodged and I have quite a big bill to pay off as I have a large HECS debt. Hubby said to me that he could pay it off but in saying that he was hinting I could repay him with certain services if you get my drift. This isn't the first time this has occurred and it makes me wonder if it is a form of abuse. There is definitely no physical abuse and we have a relatively happy marriage although it does sometimes feel like we co exist. Any thoughts would be appreciated

Panda_Bear Family Pressures
  • replies: 3

Hello, I am a 30 yr old Male. I am on the Disability Support Pension for Schizophrenia and Autism and I am also registered on the NDIS. I do not work due to my disabilities however I volunteer one day a week at an Op Shop. I live at home with parents... View more

Hello, I am a 30 yr old Male. I am on the Disability Support Pension for Schizophrenia and Autism and I am also registered on the NDIS. I do not work due to my disabilities however I volunteer one day a week at an Op Shop. I live at home with parents but I pay board every week. My problem is that I am facing constant nagging and harassment from my mother and sister to get a job. I have told both of them that I am happy volunteering but they don't seem to understand. For my mental health I don't want a stressful paid occupation. How do I make them understand and listen so that I am free to live my own life without persecution?

Lavenders-blue Caught husband lying
  • replies: 9

Hi, I haven't posted here before, but hoping for some advice. My husband had an accident a few years ago and has totally changed in his actions and behaviour. He has recently seen a psychologist who diagnosed ptsd. I am trying to be supportive, yet h... View more

Hi, I haven't posted here before, but hoping for some advice. My husband had an accident a few years ago and has totally changed in his actions and behaviour. He has recently seen a psychologist who diagnosed ptsd. I am trying to be supportive, yet his behaviour is triggering me as all I have ever known of men is cheating behaviour. Prior to the accident I trusted him 100% and we had a very loving relationship. Now I have caught him out in several lies and I am struggling with it. He wants to go where he wants, do what he wants and doesn't have to answer to me as I not his mother! He stays out at night, he lies about where he is going and he was messaging a woman at work but not being open about it. Also, he was prescribed viagra, but says it does nothing for him as he feels numb, yet he takes it out with him in his wallet. He says he is trying to feel something..anything. I caught him out in some lies. He didn't go where he said, instead he got dressed up and went to bars in the city and also a strip club. I'm confused. I thought that ptsd made people want to shut themselves away, not go out to clubs etc. He says he is just trying to get back to who he was before. He also said that when he looks at me it's too emotional and a reminder of who he used to be , but he's not that person anymore. I'm confused as to whether this is ptsd behaviour or something else. I just don't know what to do anymore. He doesn't like to be touched by me anymore as he says his skin feels numb and that too is a reminder of hiw he used to feel, but doesn't anymore

darkenedsun Controlling parents
  • replies: 2

I'm 25 years old and living very far away from my parents but they still seem to have such a strong hold on me and my life. Without giving too much away, I now have to get a home loan for a land in VIC that he (my dad) wants me to buy when I am in no... View more

I'm 25 years old and living very far away from my parents but they still seem to have such a strong hold on me and my life. Without giving too much away, I now have to get a home loan for a land in VIC that he (my dad) wants me to buy when I am in no position to buy, and then to secure the first home owner grant I have to be living in that home when I really dont want to. I am financially independent from my parents and I have my own plans to buy my own place down the road from where i want and I'm saving up for it really well. If this goes ahead, which it will, I would have to live in Melbourne. The problem is the land is very close to my relatives, who treat me like a servant everytime I go there.. and surely I will have them humbugging me every hour of the day with some sort of cow dung, cause that's what they do. Like my dad, they are very nasty when things dont go their way, aka very very controlling but has 0 zilch respect. I still feel like a child, trapped at home. I thought I was able to escape them (my dad) when i did all the things he wanted from me when I was younger , which I have already done so far (dont study what you love, do nursing, go to a remote area to study l, get the PR). Everything i do is not good enough and absolutely no respect for my own choices. He still doesn't leave me alone. He always blames me cause I dont talk with much him much, like no . He always calls me when he needs something from me. When he does ask how I'm doing after fulfilling his needs, it doesnt feel genuine. Now I know, establish boundaries yes. In my culture that is taboo, we have to do it in sneaky ways, which I do, plus he will hurt my mom and bros if things dont go his way. I'v seen this happen in the past. I'm miserable

Bren7 Breakup and mental health
  • replies: 1

Hi just recently broke up with my girlfriend after getting really hurt by her. I was already in a depressive state and this made it a lot worse. She eventually msg me saying how sorry she is and she has a lot of issues including commitment. I forgave... View more

Hi just recently broke up with my girlfriend after getting really hurt by her. I was already in a depressive state and this made it a lot worse. She eventually msg me saying how sorry she is and she has a lot of issues including commitment. I forgave her but still can’t get over the pain of being hurt which brought up past experiences in previous relationships and trauma. she still cares for my well-being and did make some observations that I didn’t realise till now. I have trust issues, I’m very sensitive and I do look sad all the time. It makes sense to me but now I’m thinking did I cause myself to get hurt just don’t know what to think anymore

Catty98_P Dear Beyond blue
  • replies: 1

I think I am really to introduce myself. Hi I am from a small country and I have a rare genetic problem and because of that I am in a wheelchair, I am not really able to do my own things and move as much as you normal can but that never really effect... View more

I think I am really to introduce myself. Hi I am from a small country and I have a rare genetic problem and because of that I am in a wheelchair, I am not really able to do my own things and move as much as you normal can but that never really effected me because I know if I want to be the person I want nothing can stop you and my family have also taught me that everybody is different. My ' normal life ' until now has been quite good. All things changed when my mom and dad desided to go aborad with me, it was understandable because we had quite a problems to, we owe money to other people and I wasn't getting any school so we tried and finally after on the 4th try we got it. We were really happy we thought everything was going to be okay now that we are going to be financially stable but shortly after we reach there I got sick and I almost died but I got well again and we weren't the best that time but it was okay. Fast forward to now which is when I started to write like this. I will tell you who are we living with my mother's sister and her husband ‍ years ago when my sister was going to aboard to study my parents didn't have money so we got it from them we were really thankful to them so we thought when we reach there and stay with them them it won't be a problem. They never helped us and was always always sarcastically saying that we owe money to them and we weren't able to pay . And so we decided to find a house and move out we found a house and the problem was that we didn't have a rental history so we asked my aunt's help and she said okay she also did all the things and then later her husband said things to her , I don't know what he said to her but he said somethings to her and later she comes and says I won't be able to do it. That's my life story until now

AbcWxy Dealing with toxic break up
  • replies: 1

Just broke off a 2 year relationship because I couldn’t take it feeling second. My ex bf has a baby mama and he always prioritises her. She calls her “daddy”, gets him to runaround for her for her foods&smokes and kid’s necessities. We had fights abo... View more

Just broke off a 2 year relationship because I couldn’t take it feeling second. My ex bf has a baby mama and he always prioritises her. She calls her “daddy”, gets him to runaround for her for her foods&smokes and kid’s necessities. We had fights about this, and he kept saying it meant nothing to him and theres nothing going on between them. Ive been patient & understanding because he said it’s easier to deal it that way as she is a SAHM, has depression & BPD. He wont introduce her to me, and took her side over me because he felt that he owed her. He dumped her years ago but he knows that she wants him back. He thinks its easier to keep her happy (happy mum happy kids) but it doesnt make me happy. In general he always said he loves me, wants a future with me and what not. Last week I had a miscarriage of his baby, he was there for me. But 2 days after that he told me he’s having these thoughts in his mind that he couldnt shake off. He kept thinking about my past, who Ive been with, and he wanted to win over them. I reassured him he is the winner and he’s my future but he think the demons are stronger. Then a day after that he had dinner with his ex baby mama without telling me. While I am still recovering from my surgery! A day after, I saw her message saying she’s sorry for his loss (the baby) but She sent him sexy photos after to cheer him up and he entertained her. I felt betrayed. I love him but I’m having difficulties with moving on. Ive given all my best but he doesnt see it. He said my past defined me? I cant comprehend why he’s changing his mind just like that. My self esteem has gone down and I still love him but I don’t think I could deal with their relationship dynamics. I have been cheated on 3 times and I think there’s something wrong with me…. I dont want to tell my friends and family but I do feel depressed at times and don’t know how to cope.. I hope any of you can help me here…

TwistedSista Logistics of Divorcing and Moving Interstate
  • replies: 2

My husband and I have been married 25 years and have two young adult children. We have decided to separate and currently have our home on the market. I have been considering moving from Coffs Harbour to the Brisbane area as the housing seems more aff... View more

My husband and I have been married 25 years and have two young adult children. We have decided to separate and currently have our home on the market. I have been considering moving from Coffs Harbour to the Brisbane area as the housing seems more affordable, and I know I can earn more in the Brisbane area Temping (admin). However, I'm not quite sure how this will pan out. How can I move interstate if I don't have a home to move to, or a job to secure that home. Once the house settles I'll have a nice amount to use as a bargaining chip (e.g., 3mths rent up front, as I don't have a rental history or a local job), but that leaves a lot of "balls in the air". Has anyone else done something similar? How did you plan for success??

MissJ94 The dating scene
  • replies: 3

After 3 rounds of IUI using a donor I decided ill try dating again thought that maybe theres potential ill find "the one" this time.Started talking to a few guys but one always stood out. Got his number, started ttexting.2 weeks ago we met up. We cli... View more

After 3 rounds of IUI using a donor I decided ill try dating again thought that maybe theres potential ill find "the one" this time.Started talking to a few guys but one always stood out. Got his number, started ttexting.2 weeks ago we met up. We clicked instantly. The next night we went for a movie and a latenight drive to the city. We couldnt stop talking, ive never clicked with someone so soon.I had himnat mine of Tuesday for dinner. Wednesday night he stayed the night at my place. Yes we have slept together a couple times now. He came out of a 11 year relationship few months ago. Hes still married and has 2 daughters. Im told the reason for their split was because she fell out of love. She told him that twice over 8 months, she said she wanted a break but he said theres no breaks in a marriage. Its either theyre together or they divorce and they both agreed to divorce. Hes now living with his parents and had his two girls every second weekend. Wednesday before he came to my place he needed to go to their old home so they can sort out whos getting what. They had an argument and I was bought up in the converstation but not by name. She stormed out yelling "i hope she makes you happy".When he got to my place i knew something was off. I knew his mind was going a million miles per hour. I could just tell. Thursday afternoon i get a message saying that we need to slow things down, that hes not ready for a relationship, that hes feeling confused and needs to collect his thoughts.I went into meltdown mode. I havent been able to eat since lunch Thursday, crying when someone asks if im ok. I reassured him that i went into that first date with absolutely no plan of a relationship. Things were just so perfect, natural, comfortable between the us so quickly and its scared the hell out of us. I completely understand where hes coming from and his situation but i cant help but feel distraught at the possibility i might lose someone who seemed so right. Hes told me everything hes said to me has been 100% genuine. Ive been in relationships and on dates and ive never felt this strong of a connection with someone before. I struggle to believe that soulmates are real but with him i was starting to believe it. One comment he made on the Wednesday night was "ive met the right person at the wrong time" and that if only he met me a few years ago before he married. And thats ruined me. Im scared to lose him.

bayside14 Totally Gutted
  • replies: 5

Hi im feeling totally gutted - like i have been smacked in the head with a hammer. (so hard to put words on paper to explain)I run a small business with my wife married for 15years over 16 years together - we are in our mid 40s, we have two teen age ... View more

Hi im feeling totally gutted - like i have been smacked in the head with a hammer. (so hard to put words on paper to explain)I run a small business with my wife married for 15years over 16 years together - we are in our mid 40s, we have two teen age kids.our marriage has always been strong, we have our ups and downs- just like any couple. we don't usually fight. Ive always tried to keep the spark going as well-we just booked our holiday overseas with the kids- When i met her i moved to the city to be with her -worked in a few jobs before diving into business together. we are on our second business now, will be our last. i have seen my wife take on alot of work - i try to be there to support her as much as i can - but its not enough. end of finical year we get bombarded with bills. so we pull back on ordering so i do . my wife said she is going to be stressed to say the least. however last night she lost it at me. said she was ready to sell the business and divorce me as she can not cope anymore- drumming up past events. my poor kids heard it they reacted as well. She did calm down after a while still not ok though- but it left me in shock and very fragile to say the least.i am so scared of loosing her and my kids they are my world. it is horrible - i sat in my car this morning crying as a stupid supplier did not have a order ready for us- worried that this would set her off as well. See my wife has never said that she wanted to leave me let alone divorce me. i am hoping time heals wounds - any advice navigating tricky times and getting a relationship back from the brink would be appreciated.