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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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felice long distance relationship breakup
  • replies: 4

Im nearly 25 and cant get over my relationship breakup, he lived in Italy and for 3 years I did most of the travelling, and he came to Australia once because he is studying to be a doctor .. in january I went for 2 weeks and we discussed that he coul... View more

Im nearly 25 and cant get over my relationship breakup, he lived in Italy and for 3 years I did most of the travelling, and he came to Australia once because he is studying to be a doctor .. in january I went for 2 weeks and we discussed that he couldnt come back to australia between now and when he finished which is 3 years away.. then I didnt know what to do.. I couldnt be the one always going there only 2 weeks out of a year.. seeing all the studies he had to do I thought I dragged him down always being sad so decided to take a break.. a couple of weeks ago he was acting distant and was avoiding questions.. so finally asked him if he liked someone els and he said 'maybe' I collapsed and could not breath .. it took him days to tell me who it was and was a girl in his class that I had met.. I now blame myself everyday for this, I called him and abused him the fact that it wasnt long before he liked another girl ..and I wait by my phone waiting for him to text but he doesnt.. everyday I faint I cant eat I cant sleep .. I get anxiety attacks during the night and feel like I blew my future with him .. that I should have just waited 3 more years.. im so depressed I cant do things like I used to.. im on medication and get constant nightmares about them .. I feel so useless and blame myself

Totti I just want to let it out
  • replies: 4

Hello all I have been struggling a bit lately and I am in an unfortunate situation where i have no one around me to give me emotional support. So I would like to use this thread to just let it out. 8 months ago my lovely wife and best friend and I se... View more

Hello all I have been struggling a bit lately and I am in an unfortunate situation where i have no one around me to give me emotional support. So I would like to use this thread to just let it out. 8 months ago my lovely wife and best friend and I separated. Bang just like that. We had both been unhappy with the way our relationship had been running and though neither of us had cheated or been nasty to the other, it was just a sad relationship. At the time we were living in a very small isolated community far from our families. I couldnt cope and left. I met a wonderful girl who helped me emotionally through those first few months. But she had to return to her home far away leaving me all alone. I am struggling with not having someone to help me through the bad parts of my days. I have no home, no friends and no family. I have had dark thoughts about getting rid of this horrible pain but I wont do that.My pain and emotions come howling to the surface every few hours without warning. I clutch at them desperately from inside trying to hold them back. But I never can. I find it is like trying to hold water in my hands. It drips and pours out everywhere. I love my wife and tell her that but as she drifts further away on her own journey without me I feel myself sinking lower and lower. She tells me that being alone is what is right for me right now. But I disagree. I am usually a loner but right now I need to have someone to reach out to. The few people I do know have all withdrawn from me after seeing me break down into panics, anxiety and general total sadness. beyondblue’s clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

Modia Time for separation?
  • replies: 2

hello my husband and I have been married for 5 years and known each other 10years total. We currently don't have children. I need advice what to do. I found out two years ago he was having an affair and also found out that he was talking to her when ... View more

hello my husband and I have been married for 5 years and known each other 10years total. We currently don't have children. I need advice what to do. I found out two years ago he was having an affair and also found out that he was talking to her when he came with me to my grandmas funeral. At that point I moved out for about 4-5months we eventually talked and decided that we would give it a shot again and communicate better. He also promised to start trying for children. Sadly 4 months ago I came across his email left open on the computer and I could see that he had signed up for an affair site and also an email from a woman about coming over that was dated when he told me he was going to his friends house for a few days. I haven't told him I know yet but kept my distance. I don't trust him anymore and I feel like we have lost the spark. Also think he was lying about having children as he went and brought a two seater sporty car.I don't know if he's still on the website at this stage. I don't know what to do please help? Do I leave? Will I ever get that trust back if I did stay?

Stork want to be liberated
  • replies: 2

Wife and I have been married 10 years, 2 great kids together, and mountains of possessions. a few weeks ago at the first marriage counselling session I expressed my wish to separate, and was given an option of 6 months on antidepressants, and more pe... View more

Wife and I have been married 10 years, 2 great kids together, and mountains of possessions. a few weeks ago at the first marriage counselling session I expressed my wish to separate, and was given an option of 6 months on antidepressants, and more personal counselling (extended mental health plan). I don't feel effective as a parent or a husband, I haven't felt that I have had any effective input for several years, just being dictated to, my mood has worsened in the past 3 years after employment difficulty, and my kids are being negatively effected all the time now. ive felt bitter and angry in my marriage for some time as I have always tried to have a best friend, a deep friendship and strong companionship, but as much as I try, it just isn't there. I feel I want to separate so that I can be the parent I need to be, I'm not interested in material possessions, she can have everything, I'm just so tried of feeling so alone. so I started antidepressants, weird things, some side effects, and im here for 6 months at least. I feel that she deserves to be loved for who she is, as do I, and since that love isn't here then we should look after the kids as best we can in a split household.

Light9 Toxic People
  • replies: 10

Hi there I live in a reasonably small town away from my home state with no family or good friends. The problem is my partner's friends are pretty 'rough' and I don't fit in at all. Only one of them works, the others all live off the government having... View more

Hi there I live in a reasonably small town away from my home state with no family or good friends. The problem is my partner's friends are pretty 'rough' and I don't fit in at all. Only one of them works, the others all live off the government having babies. They treat me very badly and it's starting to make me feel suicidal. I have stopped going to their houses but they are very old friends and relatives and so they come to us to see my partner. I just can't seem to escape them and their passive aggressive behaviour. I feel like I try so hard to be decent and they just keep treating me badly. It's making me sick. I must join some groups and get out there and make new friends, I know, but I have had 2 miscarriages and been very down from that too. My own family have never been interested in visiting me - not once in 5 years and that hurts very much. When I fly home I feel nervous stying with them as my mother and sister can be hysterical and controlling. They both have Bi polar disorder. I have had to alienate myself more and more to the point where I feel if I didn't have my lovely partner I would be dead for sure. I wish anyone reading this strength and positivity and to know that you are not alone. Nelson Mandella has inspired me to keep going this week with his gracious amazing outlook on life.

Shez Sudden unexpected breakup which I believe to be a result of depression
  • replies: 5

A month ago I went through a breakup. Unexpectedly my partner said he doesn't love me anymore & hadn't for 2 months, we had never even argued. Looking back I think it was a shutdown as a result of depression. He had been quiet for a few months & when... View more

A month ago I went through a breakup. Unexpectedly my partner said he doesn't love me anymore & hadn't for 2 months, we had never even argued. Looking back I think it was a shutdown as a result of depression. He had been quiet for a few months & when asked if ok would say yes. Two days before the breakup he was talking about moving in when his girls who he has week on week off are independent, 3 weeks before he was playing the Wedding song he had chosen for me. The breakup was a shock, we laughed together, went everywhere together & had planned our life together all as a result of him broaching these subjects. I put pressure on him without realising, his ex would take off & leave their girls stranded when it was their week at their mums, I would suggest talking to her about being responsible as she was taking off with her partner leaving the girls stranded . Having come from a broken family I was worried about the long term affects on the girls self worth & could see the stress of him being torn if we were out & the girls called asking to be picked up. Unknowingly I had focused on his stress & the self worth of the girls but forgot he was their Dad & had every right to be the Dad he wanted to be. I was leaving him feeling torn rather than helping. He had never discussed with me the way he was feeling as he is such a soft & gentle man & had trouble communicating how he is feeling as a result of being scared he might hurt me. I didn't realise he had become so depressed that the only way he could see to resolve the situation was to break up & be there for his girls without pressure. The realisation of what I've done has made me sick & so disappointed in myself as I'm a very family orientated person & had not looked at the situation by putting myself in his shoes. He became more & more withdrawn to the point of pulling away from myself, family & friends, everyone except for his girls which he says talking to them is the only pleasure he feels in life anymore. He sees no future & no longer has any plans for his life, to make matters worse his workplace is downsizing & his job is on the line. I have no idea where to begin to get help for him or even if I am crossing the line if I do. where do I start? I have stressed how depressed I think he is to his friends but they send a text to see if he is ok & he says yes, they rarely visit to see how he really is. I am a mess & don't know whether to help or stay away & rebuild a future I can't even begin to see

Amali Anxious about contacting my ex
  • replies: 6

i have been single now for 10 months after a traumatic break up. My ex lied to me and made some poor decisions including taking steroids that made him very unpredictable and unreliable. I loved him and I think I still feel that for him but being with... View more

i have been single now for 10 months after a traumatic break up. My ex lied to me and made some poor decisions including taking steroids that made him very unpredictable and unreliable. I loved him and I think I still feel that for him but being with him was no good for health. So I ended things very abruptly after an incident that pushed me over the edge. His mother passed away 3 years this Wednesday and I am struggling to decide what is the best way to deal with it. I have stayed strictly no contact, even though he rang and texted a lot when we first broke up. I feel guilty for shutting him out, and hope he's doing ok and want to tell him I'm thinking of him but I also know that contacting him could just make things harder for both of us. Any advice on this would be appreciated.

Aram grief over depressed partner leaving
  • replies: 1

Hi! My partner of six years moved out this week saying he could no longer be with me. He says he still cares for me but cannot cope living with me and my kids as a family any longer. His decision seems to have come at a time when I have observed his ... View more

Hi! My partner of six years moved out this week saying he could no longer be with me. He says he still cares for me but cannot cope living with me and my kids as a family any longer. His decision seems to have come at a time when I have observed his depression worsening, increased alcohol use and a general withdrawal from activities which may help lift his mood. He seems to blame me and the relationships with me and my kids for his worsening depression. He has refused to seek assistance for his negative thoughts and for a number of weeks has been saying he is a waste of space and will always be. It is so hard to accept his leaving when he is so down and the hurt of his rejecting and pushing me away is immense even though I sense it is his depression talking. Now I am in full blown grief and struggling to let go of him when I do not want to...

Morenaa Unwanted wife - I am lost what should I do?
  • replies: 2

I don't know what to do: I have been with my husband for 11 years, been married for 8 year...My husband told me yesterday that he does not have the same feeling towards me but he still loves me: I am so confused and does not understand what it means?... View more

I don't know what to do: I have been with my husband for 11 years, been married for 8 year...My husband told me yesterday that he does not have the same feeling towards me but he still loves me: I am so confused and does not understand what it means? Our marriage has been up and down as all marriage are with one exception: He said that his been talking to other girls on Facebook & change his status as single...when I asked him if he's cheated on me he said that he have not cheated on me but I think he's lying..he's always on his mobile and when I asked who is messaging him....he always said that he's checking his email plus everytime we go out he always checking out other girls or stare at them up & down makes me feel so uncomfortable and when I tell him to stop looking at other girls he gets angry at me I get really upset and have no family to talk to about this and they are all overseas: and I feel embarrassed talking to my friends about this as I feel that he's disrespected me and I don't want my friends to feel that he's a bad person. I am stupid for letting him doing this? I told him if we can work things out and he doesn't want to work things out because he doesn't think that its going to work He's ready to move on and its so hard for me to move on because he's my first partner /husband.I feel that he just broke my heart in many pieces and that's its going to be hard to put them back together..HELP ME I need to prepare myself and move on but its so hard: what do I do?

Dreaming14 Separated - the final straw was a phone call from my husband just now
  • replies: 5

i am not sure where to start but its yet another day like this that makes me wonder what I did wrong again. i am mid 30, have two children one in primary one yet to start, and what used to be a great husband. who left me towards the end of 2013 after... View more

i am not sure where to start but its yet another day like this that makes me wonder what I did wrong again. i am mid 30, have two children one in primary one yet to start, and what used to be a great husband. who left me towards the end of 2013 after 9 yrs of marriage and 12 yrs together. he was my everything. he said he wanted to spend time with his family, mainly his mother, who just didn't like me no matter how hard I tried ( and yes i really did try, i wanted her to be happy i was married to her son). we tried counselling but that was just a waste of time and money. he moved out with friends then decided he wanted the house as he didn't want to pay for it if i was living there, leaving me to move back in with my parents with my two kids, 120kms from where we knew 'home'. meant changing schools and agghhh was just simply hard. move fwd, he hired a lawyer, has spent thousands on fees, court costs and now I've got a lawyer. after 18 months he's ruined me. i have only just managed to get the kids to see him on weekends, they come home totally upset, having nightmares and saying they don't want to go back (he has now got a new girlfriend who has 2 kids of similar ages) he complains to me that he loves his kids but they are misbehaving and have bad language.. this totally upsets me as i know our kids are not perfect but nobody is. they are 3 and 7... hardly grown up and the eldest really misses not having her mummy and daddy living together. the final straw has come with a phone call from him just now... i used to run a small after school business teaching sport activities, his lawyer did a report to say its worth 90k a year... where do i earn that much???!! i wish. i pretty much gave up my career when i married him and had kids... have moved further and further away from my friends and family so he could progress in his work.. now he's on his 200k a year job, got our house (i had no income and no money and he cut up my cards when he left so i couldn't pay mortgage) .. him and his lawyer are taking me to court to prove i closed down my after school business just so i could get more from him.. it feels horrible. i loved and trusted this man for years, now i get horrid phone calls, abusive texts and messages. i even changed my mobile number but was forced to give it to him.. his sister even sends abusive messages saying I'm not worthy. i hate life, i love my kids but I'm sick of crying and feeling like such a failure.