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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Kbet Never-ending
  • replies: 15

I am new to all of this so I hope I make some kind of sense. I feel almost daily overwhelmed by the sheer magnitude of my role in my family and my life. More and more things are thrown my way and I find it difficult to function normally. I have gone ... View more

I am new to all of this so I hope I make some kind of sense. I feel almost daily overwhelmed by the sheer magnitude of my role in my family and my life. More and more things are thrown my way and I find it difficult to function normally. I have gone through great traumas in my life and after nearly 35 years of suffering, I have only just now sought help to try and fix it. To try and fix me. I have lost my smile and the mechanisms I used to use to help me cope with the constant stress I face. I have become numb to my existence and the world around me as a whole. I feel empty and hollow inside like my soul is missing. Like who I am as a person will never be returned to me. Nothing is important to me anymore. How do you continue to get up in the morning to go to a job where you aren't appreciated, or home to a family that treats you as though you are invisible? How do stop the cycle of doubt and anxiety? How can you fill the emptiness when you don't know how you lost it in the first place. How do I stop the never-ending demands put on me by my loved ones to look after them, when I cant even look after myself. Why is it that none of my family recognise that I am not alright. When they do recognise it, why do they run and hide from me like they cant face the fact that I am not who I was and I don't think I ever will be. They tell me to get over it, or that I am overreacting. I really would like to pack up and leave and never come back. I just don't know what to do anymore its never-ending.

Tiny_tears My kids are being used against me
  • replies: 2

I have two kids under 10 and I see them every second weekend. I have court orders in place to say I have visitation rights. My ex is using my daughter as a weapon, if I don't talk to him when he demands I will not be allowed to see her. Yet if I requ... View more

I have two kids under 10 and I see them every second weekend. I have court orders in place to say I have visitation rights. My ex is using my daughter as a weapon, if I don't talk to him when he demands I will not be allowed to see her. Yet if I request to talk to him... I have to take legal steps and sent it to his lawyer or mail, but he will not give me his address or who is lawyer is. I was proventred from seeing her for 3 months, 8 weekend visits, because I was 10 mins late home from work on her drop of night.. I informed him early I was goin to be under half hour late.. But he wouldn't let me see her.. Its like anything he can find to make it hard for me he will.. I have tried legal action but I can't afford a lawyer and legal aid is taking for ever. I feel hopeless i just want to see her and give her a massive hug.He was to drop he off last weekend.. He came with her only, to inform me that he has sold his house n he is leaving the state.. She was in the car but I couldn't see her. It's literally tearing me apart this has been goin on for 3 years and its affecting me so much I just don't know what to do.. I'm an emotional mess all the time even my friends have backed off a bit because I'm always down and unhappy.. I just can't live like this.. My kids are my world.. It's driving me to thoughts of suiside.. And self harm I just not coping with it anymore beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636. Normal 0 false false false EN-AU X-NONE X-NONE /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0cm; mso-para-margin-right:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:8.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0cm; line-height:107%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-language:EN-US;}

Sherman My second husband has left me and my kids , I'm not coping
  • replies: 2

After 3 years together and 1 year of marriage my husband had taken his son and left me and my kids. We have been dealing with my ex in court and it's not going away anytime soon. When he disagrees with anything I do or say he goes off , yelling swear... View more

After 3 years together and 1 year of marriage my husband had taken his son and left me and my kids. We have been dealing with my ex in court and it's not going away anytime soon. When he disagrees with anything I do or say he goes off , yelling swearing and bring very confronting. After another argument about disipline he become confronting and I told him to leave the house. Today he has done so taking no responsibility for what he did at all my kids are devastated as am I and I can't function

Louise1 Giving him space but I have questions!
  • replies: 2

Just a little background. My hubby & I separated 9-10 months ago because I told him I needed out. I was suffering from self hatred but turning that on him & blaming him!!! (I didn't know this is what was happening until very recently) During the firs... View more

Just a little background. My hubby & I separated 9-10 months ago because I told him I needed out. I was suffering from self hatred but turning that on him & blaming him!!! (I didn't know this is what was happening until very recently) During the first few months he kept trying to "fix me" by showing me how much he loved me & I found this smothering pushing him even further away!!! He kept insisting I had depression so went to our GP to discuss & instead of looking at my mental health she assessed him & found that he had depression although not full blown it was enough for her to be concerned & giving medication to help!!! During this time he sought counselling but I was still in denial that any issues were mine so I wouldn't go to any counselling myself!!!! In the meantime he was putting out our wedding albums, hanging wedding pictures on the walls, telling me he loved me & I was beautiful in front of our kids which infuriated me because I kept thinking it was all a stunt to manipulate me, instead of seeing it as he actually did feel these things & was trying to help me!!! Anyway fast forward to now I have been seeking the help I should've gotten back then & realised I do really love him & always have & everything he was trying to do was to help me!!! I have told him everything & explained as much as I can but he has closed off to me & now pushing me away!!! This is killing me but I know I cannot push him to want to try again!! Anyway my issue is we had a big discussion the other night where I told him everything about hating myself & discovering how this is why I reacted the way I did!!! After asking some questions about "how did I not know I hated myself?" & me not really not knowing the answer yet or if I ever will, he has said he needs space which I am happy to give but I have some questions for him with regards to things he told me in this same conversation!! Should I ask him to talk some more, leave him be or give him the questions as I have written them down??? I don't want him to feel like I'm pushing him like I felt pushed but I didn't have time to process the things he said to me when we talked the other night & I feel like I need to ask these questions!!!

Carter Strong feelings with wanting a baby
  • replies: 4

im 21 years old about to turn 22 unemployed on benefits with no life goals other then to have a baby, ive wanted a baby since i was 16 but have never actually gone as far as having unprotected sex and treating a guy into having one, i have been datin... View more

im 21 years old about to turn 22 unemployed on benefits with no life goals other then to have a baby, ive wanted a baby since i was 16 but have never actually gone as far as having unprotected sex and treating a guy into having one, i have been dating a guy for almost two years and my baby fever has gotten out of hand i dream about babies, think about them 24/7 and have made list with what i need and how much it will all cost , i look up on the internet about information and go on shopping sites looking at baby stuff last week i got upset after seeing someone with nappies in their trolleys wishing i could buy baby stuff myself its taken over me and it hurts so bad sometimes, im going nowhere in life i sit at home all day wishing i had a baby to look after im not interested in doing any courses ive already tried to do two and ive lost interest in doing it and didnt complete them i dont know how to switch off having these feelings i have no interest in anything else

Grilled_Whiting Any suggestions?
  • replies: 1

I have been married for 15 years and I have not had sex with my wife for 4 years. She says she is tired and just not interested but I think thats just a convenient excuse. Have tried talking about it but says she's not interested in it and fobs me of... View more

I have been married for 15 years and I have not had sex with my wife for 4 years. She says she is tired and just not interested but I think thats just a convenient excuse. Have tried talking about it but says she's not interested in it and fobs me off. The situation is getting ridiculous.

Outofsorts My husband doesn't get it
  • replies: 6

I don't know where to start...except in hindsight I've been suffering depression for Over 15 years. I've only just gone back on meds recently (was on them briefly a few years ago). In 2012 I quit a high paying job as I couldn't handle it anymore, hat... View more

I don't know where to start...except in hindsight I've been suffering depression for Over 15 years. I've only just gone back on meds recently (was on them briefly a few years ago). In 2012 I quit a high paying job as I couldn't handle it anymore, hated the industry, the long hours, the angry clients. I realise now I was depressed. My husband was infuriated with me. He's extremely money oriented and a micro manager. He thought I was being lazy and expecting him to bring in all the money. I did keep working but for a lot less money and only 4 days a week. We now have a little boy who is nearly 1 1/2 years old and the light of my life. I'm a stay at home mum but hubby is putting pressure on me to go back to work even though I don't have a job to go back to and we aren't desperate for it. But I don't feel ready. I love being at home raising my son and taking care of our house, yard etc. I get anxious when I think of looking for a job. I struggled with life when I was working before I had my son, like simple household tasks. I can't imagine how I would manage working even three days a week with a little one, even though I know people do it all the time. My husband doesn't realise how much I do around here so that he doesn't have to do it on the weekends. He doesn't realise how much this depression is crippling me...in his mind if I'm not "working" (at home or at a job) he thinks I'm being lazy. I'm originally from Canada and have been here 8 years now..hubby is Australian. I've lost all my confidence...I don't want to go back into my old industry but don't know what else to do. In addition, our love life is non-existent...I am just not interested...and hubby keeps putting pressure on me...even when going through IVF and finding out we haven't been successful...and then he keeps asking why I don't want to and we have the same bloody conversation over and over...and nothing changes. I don't know if our relationship is depressing me or if my depression is ruining our relationship. I just wish my husband could understand. I'm having trouble seeing my future beyond taking care of my son...I don't know "what I want to be when I grow up" I never have. I'm just feeling so stuck and lost.. I started taking trumpet lessons again, something I loved growing up, but I'm struggling to practice...just not motivated...I have no passion for anything and fear letting my son see this...Sorry for rambling. Everything is scrambled in my head.

Malokai Not ever married a year..
  • replies: 1

So, I married the girl I love Feb this year, things were going good or so it seemed. She met a guy at gym and was training with him pretty regular until one time I happened to find inappropriate messages between them admitting they had a crush on eac... View more

So, I married the girl I love Feb this year, things were going good or so it seemed. She met a guy at gym and was training with him pretty regular until one time I happened to find inappropriate messages between them admitting they had a crush on each other. I confronted her and she said she would not speak to him. However, she continued. Until eventually I said it was either him or me, she chose me. Told him the next day but 'hung out' for a little while after which I was upset about. We had a massive argument and she told me I smother her and don't give her room to be her own person, can I blame her when she wants to hang out with him and go to the movies etc with HIM. Anyways, so we had a week 'break' where she stayed at her folks. She came home the following weekend and broke up with me but wanted to remain friends. I have since moved back to my folks and it was two months shy of a year being married. I have since spoken to her and we have agreed to meet up and hang out, I feel so confused as I have had friends be supportive and when I tell them we are meeting up they seemed to have a negative response and don't like that I am. I am worried that I am still very confused and unsure if I wish to pursue reconciling with her because she has hurt/angered me with how she just 'gave up' without giving it one last try. I feel like I will lose friends and the respect of family but I can't just let her go. But I am unsure if I am just in the phase where I am missing 'what we had' and not her. I guess after seeing her will help with that. I want to take things really slow and not rush back into living together or anything, I want to make sure that we won't make that same mistake twice and I end up hurt. What's the best way to work out if I truly want to be with her and not 'what we had'? What is the best way to communicate and act around her that could make things work out between us? Any other advice will be helpful. I was very close with her family and they have been very supportive but of course she is their daughter and I have not heard from them since moving back to my parents house. But her family never wanted this to happen and have told me they hope it works out. Please help, I am so tired of all the ups and downs and want to know if I should pursue reconciling or just try and move on with my life.

sheisher didnt derserve me so I left, now its a mental game...
  • replies: 1

Its been 8 months since I left him a boyfriend of 6 years that put me through a lot, cheating, lies, verbal abuse... I cant seem to shake off the scares he left, and each day I go in deeper and deeper into anger and sadness. At first it was ok when I... View more

Its been 8 months since I left him a boyfriend of 6 years that put me through a lot, cheating, lies, verbal abuse... I cant seem to shake off the scares he left, and each day I go in deeper and deeper into anger and sadness. At first it was ok when I walked away, I was happy that I was able to make a such a good decision, why now 8 months down the track am I feeling like this? Who do I go and talk to? Is this even worth talking about and how do I shake it off? Ive always been the type to sweep things under the rug, but I guess this one has caught up with me.

Louise1 New and confused
  • replies: 3

Hi I'm new to all this I'm not even sure if what is happening could be depression, anxiety or both!!! I know I have signs of both but I do the tests & they all come out on the lower side of both!! My marriage has broken down to the point of separatio... View more

Hi I'm new to all this I'm not even sure if what is happening could be depression, anxiety or both!!! I know I have signs of both but I do the tests & they all come out on the lower side of both!! My marriage has broken down to the point of separation in the past 9-10 months & I have been seeing a counselor but only recently!!! I hadn't been able to book an appointment with my counselor for the past month so have been going through by myself to work on some of the things we discussed!! Our first discussion made me realise that I do love my husband even though I'd been telling him for months that I didn't & I just wanted out!! It also made me realise that I didn't like the person that I was!! So over the next couple of sessions my counselor suggested we work on me first so that's what I've been doing!! I have lost a considerable amount of weight, I'm sleeping slightly better, have more motivation & energy but mostly I have been putting myself mentally & emotionally in a better light!!! I looked in the mirror the other night & had my "lightbulb moment". I actually saw & liked the person who was looking back at me & I couldn't actually remember the last time I had done that! In that moment I realised that everything I hated about myself I had turned that on my husband & blamed him for the way I felt!!!! Unfortunately I think this realisation may have come too late as I think I have pushed my husband so far away that he will never forgive me & give me a second chance!!! I know in myself I can't do anything to change the way he feels so I'm just moving forward slowly & continuing to work on me by myself & with the support of my counselor! It doesn't make it easy at the moment when I know I broke him, us & our family!(We have 2 young children together)