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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Ayla I have a difficult life and would like some advice if possible
  • replies: 2

I'm having dramas with my partner. We recently got engaged after being together for a year. We've had many issues in this year, mostly to do with completely different parenting styles. He has 4 sons, teens to early 20's and I have one son second elde... View more

I'm having dramas with my partner. We recently got engaged after being together for a year. We've had many issues in this year, mostly to do with completely different parenting styles. He has 4 sons, teens to early 20's and I have one son second eldest in the mix. My son has ADHD, ASD and ODD and raising him was impossibly hard. Mentally it's been like living in a domestic violence situation but one I wasn't allowed to leave. I begged for help constantly and got nowhere. Our family from all sides left us. My own relationship with my own parents is non existent and it's far more healthy for me to not have them in my life. My relationship with my son is mostly a good one now that he's grown. He's a hard working, decent human being and I am incredibly proud of how far he's come, but the effects of raising him are long standing. I have PTSD, bad anxiety and right now feel dangerously on the path back to depression. My son hates people and doesn't understand my need to find love and be in a relationship, but he has never been disrespectful to my partner and they have a good relationship. My son really is the only friend I have apart from my partner. I've been isolated for so long now that I have no skills to make friends. I have people who love me, but I have no ability to socialise with them and tend to spend most of my days at home. Even before anxiety I was a homebody, but I have reached a point where I have a need for excitement, fun and passion in my life. I love my partner and I know he loves me, but we fight so much. We are on completely different wavelengths, and can NOT find a middle ground with our parenting. I have raised my son to be independent, respectful, hard working and responsible, despite the odds. He has raised his to be lazy and ungrateful, unhelpful, and seems to believe that it's his responsibility and job to provide for them all, even though his own financial situation is insanely bad and they are all working at least part time except for the youngest who is still in school. He still does absolutely everything for them. He feels he is making up for the lack of care by their mother who is still in their lives but rarely sees the older two. His parenting goes against everything I believe in and because we never agree on anything, we seem to be having the same 'discussion' repeatedly. I'm exhausted. I still have issues with my son and now all of this. I just want to be loved without the hurt and dramas and am completely lost.

kanga_brumby Scard for my daughter
  • replies: 8

The other day my daughter (16) was asking about people. Who either turn toward eating, or stop eating. When they are depressed. She explained she was sad because a friends dog had died some time back. She was missing the dog. Plus her mother died in ... View more

The other day my daughter (16) was asking about people. Who either turn toward eating, or stop eating. When they are depressed. She explained she was sad because a friends dog had died some time back. She was missing the dog. Plus her mother died in 2002. She naturally misses her. We do have a good relationship , we can talk on any thing. She even asks embarrassing questions for me to answer. I am left to answer yes plus I have to fill in the blanks about sex ed and woman's issues. A good around dad I hope i am.

Not_happy_with_me Not happy.
  • replies: 1

I have had many failed relationships over the years and made many bad decisions in them and out of them. I started to date and have sex to early in my life I fell in love

I have had many failed relationships over the years and made many bad decisions in them and out of them. I started to date and have sex to early in my life I fell in love

Icantthinkofausername I feel a bit silly.
  • replies: 1

I've had a bit of anxiety for a long time now however not enough to affect my day to day life and I would just forget about it m. Recently it's been getting harder and harder with panic attacks and chest pains. Today was the first day it affected me ... View more

I've had a bit of anxiety for a long time now however not enough to affect my day to day life and I would just forget about it m. Recently it's been getting harder and harder with panic attacks and chest pains. Today was the first day it affected me by staying home from uni. I love uni and I had an assessment too. in the last three weeks or so I've noticed I'm more down and have been crying on a daily basis. with issues being mainly my emotionally abusive husband, my weight and stressing out for my son. im 24 with a 2 year old, and he worries sick about me and in return I feel so guilty! Yesterday he saw me have a panic attack in the shower after a blow out with my husband and he hugged me so tight. my husband has been giving me grief, I love him so much and I don't want to leave because his a great father I just want him to be good to me. I don't want to leave because I know he loves me and it would break his heart. I don't want to leave because we have been seperate back in jan and it was an extremely painful experience. he puts me down and calls me names, tells me I'm stupid and I've got nothing under control. Yells at me for everything and just makes me so upset. I've been married for 4 years but I can't seem to leave. I don't want to be the reason. Although he says in the reason for his anger. i don't want to be like this im usually so happy I feel like I'm in a downwards spiral. also my weight affects me so much I weigh 65kgs which is a normal weight for me, but I want to loose that number off the scale and be skinny so maybe I will be happy with at least something in my life.

sarahanne11 I broke up with him, but it doesn't make it any easier
  • replies: 5

I just broke up with my partner of almost 4 years. Our relationship has been up and down since day one. I am the kind of person who puts a lot of effort and love into a relationship, and he was mostly closed off. He rarely said nice things to me, com... View more

I just broke up with my partner of almost 4 years. Our relationship has been up and down since day one. I am the kind of person who puts a lot of effort and love into a relationship, and he was mostly closed off. He rarely said nice things to me, complimented me (not just looks wise, on things like a promotion at work). He was unreliable and let me down a lot. He also engaged in emotional affairs with other people, and lied about a lot of things. He never wanted to be intimate. Yet every single time he broke up with me, a few days or weeks later he would beg for forgiveness. I struggled to understand why he did this, but after almost four years of this cycle I decided enough was enough. I felt worthless in the relationship, so I finally had the courage to end it. It has been so tough these first few days. I worry I won't find someone. I worry that I will always feel this way. I worry that it was my fault he treated me that way and there must be something wrong with me. I worry I am making a mistake. I guess I just want to know if it gets better. Is there ever a light at the end of the tunnel? Just because I found the courage to end the relationship, it doesn't make it hurt any less.

HelpBroken-hearted All control is lost.
  • replies: 2

My partner of 3.5 years has suffered for some time with depression but hadn't acted on it until 3 weeks ago. He made a move to a town far from home(Melb) & was struggling on his own. I made him go to a GP after suffering get another nervous break dow... View more

My partner of 3.5 years has suffered for some time with depression but hadn't acted on it until 3 weeks ago. He made a move to a town far from home(Melb) & was struggling on his own. I made him go to a GP after suffering get another nervous break down. he was put on antidepressants & was told to try his best at making his life happy with sport, friends, family ect. 2 days ago I came home to him with my brother & their friend having a nice time over a few drinks, I was cooking dinner & my partner suddlenly left the house & upon following him & asking what's wrong he told me he "can't do this anymore" & "can't be with me anymore", & before I could get a word in someone came to pick him up. this came as a HUGE shock to me, as I hadn't seen any changes in our relationship or the way he treated me, to the point he begged me to move down to his new home town(moved for work)straight after returning from our 6 week trip to the USA (which was 5 weeks ago.) (he has also now apparently left this job & is living in Melbourne again) i messaged him to ask if he was ok & to call & chat when he's ready. I received an immediate call back, & he confirmed he was breaking up with me for a number of reasons: He believes he needs to be with someone with more "structure & drive" than I have (I have always worked full time until being made redundant before our trip, and still not working as I moved to a small town with not many jobs) he can't be looking after me right now he needs to figure out who he is right now he believes we've been toxic for each other for some time now he then came over the next day &spoke more which ended with my crying on the stairs & him driving away. im devastated & so confused about what happened because I can't get answers & I can't get in contact with him; the person who told me only a week ago he wanted to marry me one day. as a desperate bid to understand what is happening I made the mistake of logging into his Facebook& saw he was searching for a number ex-flings prior to our relationship Friends & family of ours believe this isn't a permanent break up, he will come around, which I somewhat believed before seeing his Facebook, now I'm scared this is for good & it's not just the depression. i just don't know what to do from here, do I reach out to him to see how he is? Do I wait for him to contact me? I just need closure but I feel so helpless as he wouldn't give me a straight answer. please help me, I'm desperately seeking guidance

Raini Lost my job and on the same day found my husband straying 😔
  • replies: 2

I feel like my world is crashing down around me. I was told that I no longer had a job so raced home to busy myself with getting my resume sorted. Suddenly realising that I would need a contact number, grabbed my old SIM card but the phone wasn't wor... View more

I feel like my world is crashing down around me. I was told that I no longer had a job so raced home to busy myself with getting my resume sorted. Suddenly realising that I would need a contact number, grabbed my old SIM card but the phone wasn't working so grabbed my husbands old phone and charged it. Long story short, was with my 10yrold when it started pinging, what's that? Then stopped and started seeing sex msgs coming up, current right then... Tried to stay calm, dropped my daughter off and then freaked out....Text him who is ?? He said old friend why? I said the sex msgs between you and her are coming up on that other phone of yours? I don't know what to do, I feel so guilty like it's my fault for being a bad wife, not keeping him happy. We have been married for 12years this month, two children. My heart is breaking in two, I never thought this would happen to me. How do I move forward? How do I trust him? He says it's because there is no intimacy. Has anyone been through this and come out the other side better? So sad, pretending for the kids.

Woz84 Nice guys finish last
  • replies: 2

This is my first post on anything like this, I've never been one to really open up my emotions. This has been the worst year of my life, I've lost everything. My long term partner looked me straight in the eye and said I don't love you. Leaving to on... View more

This is my first post on anything like this, I've never been one to really open up my emotions. This has been the worst year of my life, I've lost everything. My long term partner looked me straight in the eye and said I don't love you. Leaving to only be told months later that she needed me and wanted me back to again a month or two later to be told once again that she doesn't love me broke my heart all over again, then to top it off kicked me out of our home. We were engaged and have a 3 year old daughter whom I adore with all that I am. I had left the army to be with them gave up a career so we could all be together. The funny thing is her career is going great. And now I'm stuck with nothing, no home a dead end job and I don't have my daughter running up to me every day after work. i have never been thanked by my ex for how hard I worked or the sacrifices I made. Now I get comments like "I'm the mother I'll always win in court" I'm an amazing father I know that it's one of the few things in this world I'm completely proud of. It hurts me a lot to think I don't have her with me. I feel no control, where she goes to daycare etc. im a broken man I don't see a lot of happiness I hate where I work I feel like I'm losing my daughter and losing control of everything. I don't see a point to anything anymore. I'm sick of people telling me your daughters the point. But what about me. When will I be happy when will someone pull me aside and say "thank you" "I appreciate all that you do" that to me is but a fantasy sorry if the structure doesn't sound right just don't know how to put how I feel into words.

adamhere Post break up blues compounded by health
  • replies: 1

Hi all,my exgirfriend broke up with me 3weeks ago f44 me 43.Which had absolutely shattered me.We were together for 3yrs and and the 6months was obviously very testing with me being depressed from lack of work at beginning of year.(am self employed tr... View more

Hi all,my exgirfriend broke up with me 3weeks ago f44 me 43.Which had absolutely shattered me.We were together for 3yrs and and the 6months was obviously very testing with me being depressed from lack of work at beginning of year.(am self employed trade.I first had an ex-wife of 13yrs who she was abusive and the next one was an alcoholic and prostitue that i found out after dating her for 3mths.Both of these relationships i broke off and was single for about 4yrs to find my true inner self which was needed.Then met my current ex and was a connection of love that id never had before and we could almost read each others minds.I truly adored her. She broke up with me 3weeks ago and last 2weeks I've gone into NC and have learnt so much about relationships and what happened in ours.So i started self improvement working out and eating well etcc….and was starting to feel good about things and hope. Then 2days ago i injured my lower back with a herniated disc and can't work and am bed or couch ridden.This time laying aroung is causing my existing depression to worsen and anxiety.Have been on antis for last 3mths…..But this injury has sucked the life out of me and can't believe the timing of it.Have had it once before.Feel so hopeless and down.They say a good thing to beat anxiety is to take up exercise…Cant even do that and I'm punishing my self and thinking about the woman i adored so much to compound things.

rudyreed Disfunctional family
  • replies: 5

I am mid fifties woman from a big family who always got along as adults in the past. My mother got sick in her 80s and my siblings turned on each other and when my mother died 3 sat on one side of the church at the funeral and 3 on the other. One sid... View more

I am mid fifties woman from a big family who always got along as adults in the past. My mother got sick in her 80s and my siblings turned on each other and when my mother died 3 sat on one side of the church at the funeral and 3 on the other. One side did not go to her wake. I was very distressed that my sisters and brother were not talking and I tried very hard to help patch things up and now none of my siblings talks to me. This has been almost 10 years ago and I struggle most days not knowing how to deal with this rejection.