Ive lost my best friend

[My_names_jane]

Hi, Im new here. 

Over the course of three or four years I have become sadder and sadder. I feel hopeless, I have no energy because I am always tired, Im not funny anymore- I used to be so funny and laughed at anything. I used to get compliments and people always applauded my work and opinions. I was a strong person. I used to be decisive and confident. However certain events have crushed me. I just can't get back up. I can't get me back. My greatest support person has literally dumped me. My mum. She just seems to have gotten sick of me.  My mum was my absolute best friend in the world but now has contempt for me. She used to love me, but now she makes me feel like a burden. When I vent to her about someone I know or something that happened at work, I do so because I just want to vent and have a gossip with someone i trust. I just want to get things off my mind instead. Instead she gets mad and wrongs me. She takes sides against me and says that I am to blame always, that Im being too sensitive or I am over reacting. She befriends people who openly dislike me, and just because they are polite towards her, which you one would expect, she says they are lovely and that I have created the problems or its in my imagination. The more she tells me not to "whinge" the sadder I get. Who else can I talk to so openly and honestly? Because of the words she has said to me I find myself doubting myself. Ive lost my confidence. Now I find it awkward to be around people. If your own mother thinks your and person what must others think? I find I am afraid to say the wrong thing or make the wrong decisions. This has affected my work. Im afraid of making hard decisions, when I tell her about work, she accuses me of being reasonable and a bad manager. When I try to explain the bad behaviour of fellow employees she tells me Ive done the wrong thing, although I was given a responsibility because I am decisive. She doesn't respect me. She has taken to laughing at me in front of family and friends about the way I dress and my weight and thinks its funny and gets furious when I say I don't think its funny. She calls me names like mental and sick. I love my mother, but I can't help but think that she is the cause of my sadness and feelings of hopelessness. And the worst thing is, I have isolated myself, and if it weren't for work, I live the life of a hermit, because i'm afraid of being hated or laughed at. 

[Zeal]

Hi Jane,

First off, welcome to the forum!

I'm sorry to hear about how unhappy you've become over the last several years. I strongly suggest you make an appointment with your GP. It sounds as though you could have a form of depression. They will be able to give you advice and support, and refer you to another professional if need be.

I understand the personal need to have someone trustworthy to "vent" to. I talk to my Mum when I need advice, or just a friendly ear. Sometimes she finds it hard to relate. Seeing as your Mum isn't dealing well with the verbalisation of your work and personal concerns, seeing a psychologist or counsellor could be very helpful. Go to your doctor first - they can refer you to someone who will suit your needs.

If you are diagnosed with depression by your doctor, perhaps print out some fact sheets from this site designed for family and friends to read, so that your Mum can have a look. I say this because it sounds as though your Mum hugely lacks understanding with regards to mental illness and psychological wellbeing. Maybe your Mum struggles with the knowledge that you're unhappy, and so deals with it the only way she knows how, by denying it and trying to convince you that you're imagining things.

Is there someone else you trust who you can talk to? When talking about personal and/or negative topics with someone, start by asking if it's okay if you get some things off your chest. Also, tell the person that you are happy to listen to issues they have, and to be there for them when they need someone to talk to. Reciprocity is key.

So, seeing your GP is important. If you are diagnosed, and your Mum still doesn't accept the situation, it may be necessary for her to come to a doctor's appointment with you so that your Doctor can explain your situation to her. This may or may not be an option you would be overly comfortable with, but it's something to consider.

Feel free to respond with more questions 🙂

Best wishes,

SM

[My_names_jane]

Thank you for your reply and advice. 

I have a feeling I am depressed too, but I don't want to believe it myself. I keep thinking that if I give in and admit that there is something wrong with me, then I am weak, and I know that is just the wrong thing to think. I am going to work up the courage and just see a GP. I know I have to do it, I need to get who I used to be back. I was so confident, and never cared or concerned myself with what others thought about me and just said what I had to say and I used to be so confidently decisive. I miss that. I hate this feeling of dark dread and self doubt. Today I went to pick out glasses. I found myself totally confused and frustrated because I just didn't know which pair i should have picked. I came to call mum, but stopped myself. I had to walk out of the clinic take a breath and ask for help. I ve never done that before and I hate the way I'm feeling.

[Zeal]

Hi Jane,

Thanks for posting back! I'm glad you know you're not weak, even if you sometimes find it hard to fully believe it. Anyone can get depression, and hormones and external factors have a role in the mental illness.

I'm happy to hear you are working on getting an appointment with your GP. It may help to jot down a list of things you want to talk about, so you can prompt yourself, and so that you won't forget something important. I did this when I realised I had issues around food, and it helped me greatly. I felt anxious about saying everything out loud, so I actually just passed my GP the detailed list I wrote. She read it and we went from there.

Good luck with getting help 🙂

Best wishes,

SM