completely lost it. not coping
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Thanks for posting and welcome to beyond blue.
I'm so sorry to hear you're going through such a hard time. It's very hard for me to relate to what you're saying as I've never been in this situation before but I will try my very best to help as much as possible.
It's always really hard to do things when you're severely depressed because everything feels like such a drag. However, it doesn't have to be that way and these feelings will go away even if it doesn't seem like it right now. Have you tried asking any close friends or relatives who could support your children temporarily? This could help give you some time and space to recover and 'feel your feelings' as it's often hard to absorb everything which happens so quickly.
This is totally up to you, but it could be a good idea to talk to a counsellor about your situation. They can be a great support and help you make decisions on what you want to do next.
Take care and keep posting,
Your post reminds me of my ex-husband. He sold everything for hard drugs - in the end the house went too. I just couldn't stay anymore because I was basically his nurse and toilet cleaner.
For two years after our separation he came around every weekend and I was fine with that provided he was not high. By that stage I was pretty happy with my own lot. I didn't have much but what I had was mine so when he asked me for a small loan and I said no he turned into a vicious little gerbil.
He asked me for my handbag and I when I resisted he threw a pathetic tantrum demanding cash while our son watched on anxiously sucking his dummy. We were on our way home from the park and I was pushing our son in the stroller. I had to think fast so I lobbed it nice and high up in a tree.
"Fetch that you nasty little &*%^#R I yelled in his face and then it began to hail. Honestly if our son was not present I would have given him my bag alright - right over the head. A few times. I was always good with collecting the loose change.
Here is my advice: refuse to allow the man inside and don't put cash in his hands unless you are prepared to become his money lender because he's just going to keep coming back with smoother lies. Get a latch for the door. Just because someone demands to be let in means squat. Send him home to his mumma. Maybe she might give a damn. Protect your babies. Their father has no business coming around to see his children unless he is sober and respectful. When I used to allow that it was a privilege - not his right as 'daddy'. Let there be no confusion. My ex husband came around stoned 2 times and on the last day I told him it wasn't working and that I don't care to see his scrawny pale little limbs folded over my nice clean kitchen table while he nods off.
Like that Nosferatu - these people suck the living joy out of their victims. Like marrow from a bone. Don't let them in - to your heart or your home. Because in the end they will probably outlive you - nicely preserved from all the drugs while you die from stress related illness.
Love your babies and protect them and look after yourself. You cannot be a daft woman - you have left this man because you knew that was the right/sane thing to do. Self preservation and all that. Now you need to lay down some rules and distance yourself emotionally.
You sound incredibly wrung out and fed up and no wonder. I don't know how old your babies are but they must be feeling pretty stressed out in their own way watching the fall-out from daddy's visits. Love and forgive yourself and hug your babies and reassure them. Where would they be without their beautiful precious mum?. Because in their eyes you are precious and beautiful no matter what a lousy f up you may feel. Tell them mummy is not perfect but she's trying and sometimes - it's like feeling your way down a long dark hall and it's frustrating and scary. You guys are stuck on the same raft and current conditions may be choppy but it's going to be ok. Tomorrow is a brand new day - be strong 🙂
* Sorry for long post but I so relate to you.
Hi dazed&confused, thanks for posting.
We can hear from your post that you are really struggling, it sounds like today's events with your ex partner have really effected you and we wanted to reach out to support you. Please know that you are not alone, we are here for you at anytime if needed, we also wanted to provide you with a service that can offer some immediate help around today and hope that with some support you can feel ok again.
1800respect are available 24/7 and offer support both online and on the phone based around family violence, and domestic violence.
Relationships Australia are able to offer support to you in relation to parenting orders and also to provide personal counselling and parenting help if needed.
We are a bit concerned hearing that you are unable to look after your children at the moment, we are not sure of their ages. However, if they are at ages where they need your care and you are unable to provide this, its important that you reach out so that they are looked after, we would support you to call other family and friends to ensure that your children are not neglected. If this is not an option please call us and we can help you with other ways to get your children looked after.
Sometimes when people are really struggling they have thoughts about harming themselves or others. If you are currently having these thoughts its important to get help.
If you are feeling like hurting yourself or others, it is important that you take immediate steps to keep yourself safe. You can do this by:
• Speaking to your doctor or psychologist (if you have one) if he or she is available right now
• Calling the Mental Health Team on 1300 642255
• If, however, you feel unable to keep yourself from acting on your thoughts about suicide this is an emergency and you need to call 000 (triple zero).
We are always available to support you. If you would like to speak to one of our Counsellors we encourage you to call the beyondblue Support Service on 1300 22 4636. We can help 24 hours a day, 7 days a week with counselling support, information and referrals. We also have web chat service available from 3pm-midnight 7 days a week, you can access this from our website.