Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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marfran both husband's left for a younger woman
  • replies: 4

My first husband after 10 years started cheating and eventually left me with 3 kids for his secretary 10 yr younger than me. Finally met another man who I thought was very different and would never cheat. He ends up after we have a baby together to t... View more

My first husband after 10 years started cheating and eventually left me with 3 kids for his secretary 10 yr younger than me. Finally met another man who I thought was very different and would never cheat. He ends up after we have a baby together to take up a old heavy drug addiction. After 3 years of trying to help him I knew I had to step back and let him hit bottom to see he needed help. I did not feel so bad as I lost him to drugs and truly thought one day he would come back to me all better, thought he thought his daughter and I were worth it. I just find him living with a girl 25 years younger , not even as old as my daughter and find her pregnant to him quite some way along. He has been back to me trying to mend things while she would of been pregnant. So basically what I thought I based my whole relationship on for the last 6 years is all a lie. I am shattered. I feel so betrayed, so stupid, so worthless and it doesn't matter what anyone says , I no people deep down will be thinking what is so wrong with me for both husband's to turn to younger woman. And even though my second husband is a abusive nasty man and it was not a healthy relationship, I grieve the loss of what I thought he was and we had. I can't sleep, my heart is pounding and I keep crying . I can't think straight and finding it hard to function. I keep becoming overwhelmed and panic

Struggling_with_it Want to know am not alone
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I dont even know where to start. I have been feeling lost and unsure what to do with my life for some time now, about four years - since seperating with my ex. I have not had a proper nights sleep in all of that time, i sleep about five hours of brok... View more

I dont even know where to start. I have been feeling lost and unsure what to do with my life for some time now, about four years - since seperating with my ex. I have not had a proper nights sleep in all of that time, i sleep about five hours of broken sleep every night. I am an emotional train wreck and the slightest thing upsets me. I have two boys that get to spend half the week with me and my life revolves around them. When the boys are here everything seems to be really good and I try my best to provide the best possible household for them. But when the boys are not here i walk around the house like I am lost. This is hard to express. I feel down all the time, i put on a brave face when I am at work but feel that people can see through my charade. It just seems to me that everything is too hard and I struggle to get motivated about anything. Riding my motorcycle used to thrill me but it is becoming less of a thrill now, again I think the guys that I ride with think all is OK but I dont feel that way. I have become something of a recluse when not with my boys, friendships have been lost and I have no interest in even going out and trying to move on with my social life. I dont even know if this forum is the correct thing for me to do at the moment, maybe I should just keep my head up and "toughen up" as my Dad used to say. It all just seems to be marking time, I have tried to go out but feel uncomfortable around lots of people and really dont like extremely loud music. This doesnt seem to make much sense and is really hard for to put to words. I work, and I love my job, but that just doesnt seem to be enough. I just not sure what direction everything is supposed to be going, but it certainly doesnt feel right at the moment. Nothing seems to work out the way I thought it would. Today I was thinking about the last time I felt really happy and I honestly cannot remember when that was. Anyway, not the best of welcome posts but that is all that I seem to be able to share at the moment.

Andy_X7 Anxiety after date, looking for advice
  • replies: 5

Hi everyone i'm Andy. I am on here to seek advice on something that i am becoming anxious about. Three weeks ago i met a girl and we have gone on two dates so far. We are almost identical people, even down to having the same interests. After the firs... View more

Hi everyone i'm Andy. I am on here to seek advice on something that i am becoming anxious about. Three weeks ago i met a girl and we have gone on two dates so far. We are almost identical people, even down to having the same interests. After the first date we instantly hit it off and it was like we had known each other for years, we spent the whole day together and i was sad to say goodbye at the end of the day. I was certain that this girl was a keeper however the second date was completely different, i just wasn't feeling the same and i couldn't understand why. We became very close on the second date which i was not entirely comfortable with at first. She expressed her interest in taking it slow which made me instantly relieved as i am still trying to overcome this anxiety and find out how i truly feel about her. However on the train home she asked for this to be exclusive and that her parents want to meet me and in her own words to grill me and sus me out. I instantly became anxious that this is going way to fast and now i am very distressed. I am scared i have a fear of commitment or getting close to someone which is something i don't want to have because i don't want to live my life alone which is my biggest fear. During the second date she also told me she has a disability which i am fine with as i am not the type of person to discriminate but i'm worried if that is playing into my anxiety subconsciously. She is a nice person and i could probably see my self with her in time however the thing i'm trying to figure out is weather i am feeling like this because i am anxious about the whole commitment thing or because maybe she is not right for me, but because i have alot of anxiety in my life i tend to overthink things and be overcritical of my self. I don't want to hurt this girl and it's not fair for me to blow hot and cold with her while i figure out how i feel, that's why i'm asking for advice or anything that might ease my anxiety about the situation. Is this doubt and anxiety normal when being asked to be exclusive on a second date? I still hardly know her despite these two great dates. There is this lingering doubt in my head saying what if i'm committing too fast and the girl for me is still out there, it's very distressing because i want to be with someone and i'm scared this anxiety will lead me to spending my life alone. Please feel free to give it to me straight if i'm being silly i would rather that then some telling me what i want to hear.

Lookingforpeace Broken heart
  • replies: 1

Hi everyone I really need to air out my thoughts. I'm seeing a psychologist on Friday but am going mad in the meantime. Im married but am close friends with my ex and also in love with him. He feels the same way but we have agreed to do the right thi... View more

Hi everyone I really need to air out my thoughts. I'm seeing a psychologist on Friday but am going mad in the meantime. Im married but am close friends with my ex and also in love with him. He feels the same way but we have agreed to do the right thing and not act on our feelings and commit to our marriages. There has however always been a little "window" left open for us to be together down the track. yesterday he gave me the news that he and his wife are expecting their first child. I felt like my whole world came crashing down and that the window is now tightly shut. I want to be happy for him but I'm just so upset and feel like a bad person for feeling this way. He has broken my heart before, and I his, I'm starting to wonder if that's all we will ever to do each other. I don't know what to do - whether to continue the friendship despite the pain or to cut things off and live without him in my life. I feel like I don't have anyone to talk to about this because I feel so guilty about the relationship in the first place.

peter1977 Am i good enough
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hello some of you may know me from my other thread about my partner having depression and anxiety . I write this new one because i have so many insecurities now and im really not sure what to do with them .Some of you may know that my partner had an ... View more

hello some of you may know me from my other thread about my partner having depression and anxiety . I write this new one because i have so many insecurities now and im really not sure what to do with them .Some of you may know that my partner had an affair and it broke up our partnership . we have since mended our relationship and we are both wanting to try fix things and be happy together . There are many reasons why this affair happened and i really dont want to go into all of them at this point . But since it has i have been feeling very insecure in myself as a man . I have always considered myself to be ok looking and have a decent body without having tickets on myself . I had always looked in a mirror and thought yeah you seem decent . I keep myself groomed and always try look my best but since this has happened i feel like i am not good enough . I feel like i have lost anything i had going for me and i feel like now i am old and worn out .I feel like maybe she had this affair because i was not good enough or i was not good looking enough for her . Is this normal to feel this way and if it is then how do i go about feeling as i used to and thinking i was ok . I mean im not male god or anything and maybe far from it but i used to feel as though i could make some woman look sideways at me at one time . Now i feel as though every woman on the planet see me as nothing .

JuanC Can this be fixed?
  • replies: 2

My 7 year marriage is a recipe you dont see often, we would compare it to the movie "the notebook" but right now it doesnt look that nice. My wife and I met online over 10 years ago, at the time she was in a stable relationship that had gone on for s... View more

My 7 year marriage is a recipe you dont see often, we would compare it to the movie "the notebook" but right now it doesnt look that nice. My wife and I met online over 10 years ago, at the time she was in a stable relationship that had gone on for several years, but still we became friends and eventually had a romantic relationship though there was never anything physical. This lasted one year until I pushed too hard for us to go to the next level and she ended it. After some months I met someone else, had a relationship, got married, and that marriage only lasted one year as I found her in our bed with another man just one week after our first anniversary. Four months after my separation, while going through divorce, the first girl I had met online appears again and we start talking and realize we are still "in love" with each other, but she was still in her stable relationship with the same man as before. She tries with this person one last time and when things didnt work she ran straight to me and we went straight into a long term relationship, moved in together, and started a life, all this with about one month between her moving out from her ex's house and moving in with me. From there we had several issues and traumas from our past but we made it through and this year was our 7th anniversary. In Feb she came back from a 3 month trip to Argentina to see her family and, checking her phone one day, I found a bunch of pictures of her naked that had been sent several times via whatsapp but I couldnt find where they were sent. There were also messages to two different men that I consider inappropriate. I confronted her about all this and she swore she had sent me those pictures and no one else (even though I never got a single one) and that the messages one of them had been sent by a friend of hers she had lend the phone to and the other was a message to her friend but that I was taking it out of context. I believed her. On June 13th I caught her lying about where she had been the night before and she comes and tells me she is a lesbian and was out meeting another girl, but that she still loves me and is attracted to me and doesnt want our marriage to end. She promised she had never lied to me before and had never done anything like that before, she promised nothing had happened and that she has never been physical with any other person, male or female, since being with me. This is too long, I will need a second post after this. Sorry.

white knight Grandparents- step back and enjoy
  • replies: 0

This thread is a gamble for me. I'm not a grandparent. So, what would I know? But this is my view. As parents we rightly have controlled our children, all the things that come from raising a child. Unfortunately this "control" with some parents doesn... View more

This thread is a gamble for me. I'm not a grandparent. So, what would I know? But this is my view. As parents we rightly have controlled our children, all the things that come from raising a child. Unfortunately this "control" with some parents doesn't lessen as time goes by and they find themselves without any control when their children get to late teenagers. This can be frustrating for parents. But worse is to come for some, for when these children get to their late 20's or 30's and have children of their own, these parents that still desire control, the same level of control they demanded when their children were....well, children, the child reacts. By this time the now adult child should be in control fully of their own lives, their home, their rules and ......their own children. However, time and again I've seen in my own life grandparents mingling into private affairs of their own children. Often this flows over to how they are bringing up their grandchildren. This is a no go zone in my opinion, unless invited. Xmas 2010. My mother in her late 70's attended our home where my sister and collectively our 4 children would enjoy a good time. My nieces, for xmas gifts received a laptop and the other some computer games. They were 16 and 14yo. My daughter (21)got some clothing. My mother spent xmas morning walking from one grandchild to the other complaining that "at my age I would never have got such expensive presents" and "I don't know what it is nowadays when parents spend so much on their children for xmas" and finally "you cant afford that much to spend on stupid gifts". See the interference? And what of the grandchildren? Well they despised her. For the record the nieces got her a laptop ($600) because her mother combined her birthday and xmas together. The item was also an educational tool for her VCE the following year. All the other gifts were along the lines of normal gifts. But my comments here are going along the road of justification. We as parents do not need to justify anything, they are our children and my parents had their days of being parents and making their own decisions in their day...its our time now not theirs. By the way, I was 54yo at the time. Grandparents have a role in the family structure. It's one of showing concern, to love and guide. They are not there to make or object to decisions made by parents and not there to make grandchildren feel guilty. Step back and enjoy. Your thoughts? Tony WK

Lily48 Estranged adult child
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It's been almost a year since our adult daughter decided to reduce drastically contact with us. This was a result of a difference of opinion between her father and her male partner. Her reaction to what he told her was said seems disproportionate. In... View more

It's been almost a year since our adult daughter decided to reduce drastically contact with us. This was a result of a difference of opinion between her father and her male partner. Her reaction to what he told her was said seems disproportionate. In addition, where we had close and regular contact with her two daughters, our daughter will not allow them to visit us. I have experienced the five stages of grief and loss and now have reached a degree of acceptance that things will not change in the foreseeable future. I have tried texting, emailing, asking what she needs for us to heal this rift, but it seems there is no chance of reconciliation with her father. While she doesn't want any contact with him, I get an occasional phone call or email, but the loss of close contact with my grand-daughters is heart- breaking.

Paperbark My wife and I are splitting up, she says my drinking was partly to blame
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I have been married for 15 years to my lovely wife and we have decided to separate. I turned to drinking when our first child was about 2. I turned to drinking because I guess my wife's attention was not on me, it was on my daughter. My childhood was... View more

I have been married for 15 years to my lovely wife and we have decided to separate. I turned to drinking when our first child was about 2. I turned to drinking because I guess my wife's attention was not on me, it was on my daughter. My childhood was not the best and was constantly teased by my father calling me names and my mother acting like a hardened criminal. So it was one or two at first and now it's at around 7-10 per night. I drink because it makes my happy and it takes my mind of things at hand I don't drink during the day and always wait for the kids to go to bed. If I go out to the club for dinner or an event I don't drink, I don't have the desire to drink. I could go months without drinking felt like crap because i wanted to be happy and then I'd start again. Now after many years my wife and I are splitting up, she says my drinking was partly to blame and I do agree with her. When I am at work I'm happy laugh with others and carry on but its like I have a different personality when I get home, I close off and don't talk and get cranky at the kids at the touch of a hat. I don't think I've really had a good conversation with my kids and I do love them very much. I don't have many friends and don't socialise very much I just seem to close off from other people. I had stopped drinking for months until my wife and I decided to separate. Now I have started drinking again on and off to take away the pain and forget about our relationship break up. I have stopped drinking again, because I need to come to terms with my break up. My sleep is almost none at the moment but I'm still closed off I feel really depressed and others at work have noticed my change in behaviour it's like I'm bringing home to work, I've lost weight, I suppose that's not a bad thing for me as I'm a bit over weight since I started drinking.

Robert79 Marriage Breakdown
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I have been separated now for 7 months. I have been able to have constant contact with my 2 children who are 4 & 1. I have recently been seeing someone who I have grown to love and don't think I could be apart from. Now that my wife has found out, sh... View more

I have been separated now for 7 months. I have been able to have constant contact with my 2 children who are 4 & 1. I have recently been seeing someone who I have grown to love and don't think I could be apart from. Now that my wife has found out, she has threatened to take my children and move away. I have been diagnosed with severe depression due to previous life events. I am fearing the worst and don't really know what to do.