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Struggles In New Relationship, Is He a Manipulator/Controller? Confused and Anxious

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

I recently started seeing someone who is turning out to be someone I didn't think he was. He went from being over the top kind and caring and wanting to move very quickly. This made me feel uneasy, and on high alert. Then his started saying things now to make me think his anything but a kind and caring person.

When i try to initiate anything sexual he'll stop .. I tried to organise getting off work early once to see him and in the end..I couldn't finish up early I got told it was all my fault and that I need to put effort in for things to work. Just a lot of really nasty texts messages to make me feel bad. These seem to happen a lot, he calls me a 'downer' or 'judgmental' when i'm talking about a particularly hard day at work and just venting - I feel I can, as he says whatever he likes to me when his had a rough day. Whenever I say "i'm sorry but that really hurt my feelings' in a calm and non angry way, just to express I didn't like it I get told 'I'm not putting up with your shit today' 'Goodbye, don't talk to me' 'Catch ya' it goes on to wind me with me apologizing for something I don't even know what I've done. His told me 'To be honest, if you just stopped eating and exercised you'd lose weight' I pulled him up on the comment and he swore at me.

I'm just feel utterly confused if this behavior is not cool or if it is my fault and I am a bad person or a downer... I don't think I am and I don't think I exhibit those traits at all... I've been in relationships with abusers and manipulators before and I find I fall very easily into and get stuck.

I'm honestly just feeling very confused, anxious and upset as I don't know what to do or who to talk to. 

2 Replies 2

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi Elizabeth, welcome

Google the following-

"Topic: controlling your life- how important is it? - beyondblue"

"Topic: so what are THEIR mental illnesses? - beyondblue"

"Topic: defending yourself, don't be an easy target - beyondblue"

"Topic: overweight or over worry? - beyondblue"

Hope they help.

Tony WK

Thanks Tony, some of those threads are very helpful. Just feel like someone is messing with my mind! Everything starts off very innocent and then as soon as I say something that he doesn't like I get the silent treatment and all kinds of emotional punishments. Its very draining for me at the moment and just causing me to feel very very depressed and worthless.