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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Sue78 Marriage issues in first year of marriage what do I do?
  • replies: 7

We have been together for over 3 years...2.5 years of absolute bliss later we got married in January this year. In April problems started from what seemed like a very harmless argument. It got to a point where he started to backchat about me with his... View more

We have been together for over 3 years...2.5 years of absolute bliss later we got married in January this year. In April problems started from what seemed like a very harmless argument. It got to a point where he started to backchat about me with his friends, yell at me to get out of the house during arguments and abandoning me when I'd get ill. I started getting anxiety attacks and while he was supportive then..he also started relating it to complete madness since my father has BPD. His mother kept inviting him but left me out. His father tried to be supportive but he was told off. My mother lives overseas and she tried to reason with him he would not listen. He started taking advise from 3 very toxic women and one of them kept egging him to divorce me. The other called me a 'bat shit crazy jealous woman'. And the 3rd told him not to have kids with me cos they would turn out 'just like' me. He lapped these things up. Where I was his best friend and confidante, I became the butt of all jokes. Since my efforts to chat were not working, we started counselling. It kind of worked. We went to our honeymoon in June and once we got back we seemed to get back to normalcy finally. A couple of months were fine. Then troubles started again. This past 1.5 months he has pulled out of interstate weddings and other social plans. He stays out really late...working 7 days on his business and refuses to find any..and I mean any...time for me. He openly now talks ill of me. His mother has openly said she wants me gone. He refuses to go to counselling now. He is a stranger and I don't know what to do. I have now been diagnosed with severe anxiety and depression. I have just started a course of anti depressants. I am wondering if anyone has anything that would help me make sense of this situation. I have pushed his buttons too....but while I am objective re advise I receive, he is too influenced by his controlling passive aggressive mother and toxic, dysfunctional friends. I feel locked out....I just want the man I knew to return. He has acknowledged that his stress levels are a 9/10 and his anxiety is through the roof. What can I do? Is there any hope?

Proper_Etiquette Coping with loss of wife and kids
  • replies: 6

Hi, this is my first time on here and I think I just needed to express all this. I have 3 kids. The eldest 12yo boy isn't biologically mine but I have always treated him like my own son as I have been with him since he was 2. I also have an 8yo daugh... View more

Hi, this is my first time on here and I think I just needed to express all this. I have 3 kids. The eldest 12yo boy isn't biologically mine but I have always treated him like my own son as I have been with him since he was 2. I also have an 8yo daughter and 2yo son. In January 2015 my wife told me she wanted a divorce. I had been struggling with anxiety at work and had been distant. It was also my birthday that day. She and the kids left a few weeks later, moving a half hour away. I struggled to talk to my kids on the phone and see them due to the fact I was so crushed. I worked hard on this and after a couple of months I was seeing the kids at least a couple of days a week and (I think) being a good dad. We agreed I would pay for full time child support for the 2 children that are biologically mine, even though I was financially supporting them when I had them. It worked out to be more than if I paid for all three if I declared when I had them. She was initially happy about this arrangement. I waited for a year before deciding to date again, I had been trying to get back with the ex but even when I did I still had that hope in the back of my mind that someday our family would be whole again. As soon as she found out I was dating someone, she immediately started going out with the only non work friend I had made since living in QLD. A few weeks ago she decided I wasn't giving her enough money for child support so threatens me that she will keep the kids from me if I didn't start paying child support for all 3 kids, at full time custody rates. I refused; I have been giving her extra money the whole time whenever she needs it to the tune of at least 2-3 thousand dollars over the last year. I can't even afford to fix the broken windscreen on my car even though I earn plenty. Because of this, she now has made plans (without mine OR my children's consent) to relocate back to NSW. I can't take holidays that often and can't afford to travel that far numerous times a year. By my calculation I'd probably only see them once a year. So the kids think I don't want to see them which is untrue. She has taken all my money so I can't even afford a lawyer. My kids were the only thing keeping me going after the divorce. I feel like my toddler is going to forget who I am. I feel so hopeless right now. I have no support up here, no family and the only friends I have are colleagues (a very boys club environment). It feels like I am just keeping my head above water.

Horus Dating a man that seems to suffer from depression and is distant
  • replies: 6

Hi, i have been dating a man for a few months and though a little aloof had a great connection and were texting at least every 2 to 3 days and going out once or twice a week. After a couple of work trips overseas and a prolonged flue or cold and a fe... View more

Hi, i have been dating a man for a few months and though a little aloof had a great connection and were texting at least every 2 to 3 days and going out once or twice a week. After a couple of work trips overseas and a prolonged flue or cold and a few issues at work he just changed. He started not wanting to spend time because he was not coping with all the issues that were happening especially the stress and his health. We have been seen less and less of each other and the texts were becoming less frequent. No future plans have taken place, anyways we had a special event that happened and he come and did it but was exhausted and left soon after it. He does not feel like kissing or spending time with anyone- me , his friends or family. I have been supportive but really only send photos and say hi, he texts back but seems distant. I have asked if he was avoiding me - he responded no- just not in a good place . He supposed to come to my birthday but may not make it because of a meeting, he said we could have coffee the following day if he can't make it. My question- is he just suffering from depression or trying to just move away but due to not wanting a conflict due to his depression?

SubduedBlues Thanksgiving this month and a Silent Christmas next :]
  • replies: 9

I have always looked forward to November as it brings out the best in people and being American we have always celebrated Thanksgiving, even in Australia. Thanksgiving is celebrated in both Canada and the US as a holiday dedicated to being with famil... View more

I have always looked forward to November as it brings out the best in people and being American we have always celebrated Thanksgiving, even in Australia. Thanksgiving is celebrated in both Canada and the US as a holiday dedicated to being with family and friends to give thanks for all of the blessings received throughout the preceding year. I find it more cheerful than christmas as people are all happy and looking forward to the winter solstice and yuletide traditions; whatever your faith may be. It's also one of the few times a year that I can openly show my native heritage without fear of being shunned (the avatar I use is my name in Ojibwe). I got the three kids and their partners coming here for T'giving. Got me a big ol' turkey, a pig, squash, yams, johnnycake, and all the trimmings. already baked pumpkin pies and a banana creme pie. (American pies are much better than those here, we use fruit not meat). I do miss the pheasant, caribou and rattlesnake though. Come christmastime and everything changes ... it is by far the quickest holiday celebration of the year. From the time the kids drag the oldfolks out of bed, run down to the tree and start ripping open presents. Where's mine? Give me a present? What did you get me? Why does he have more presents than me? and ... It's the wrong color. It's too big, it's too small, it's too ... /different/ or I already have one of those. or that's not what I wanted. And all the joy and merry making leading up to the big day is gone in a flash. By 9am christmas is over and it's a long boring day of everything closed... sitting cooped up in the house quickly becomes: sit down, be quiet, don't hit your sister, pick up your toys, and pieces being hauled out with the trash. Then comes why haven't you done this that or the other. The constant bickering and utter disappointments. This year, three of my (adult) children will be spending the hol's with their mother interstate; the other will be with her grandma in Oklahoma. I get to sleep in until the afternoon and spend the hols fixing the stuff that can't be done when their here ... re-oiling the staircase, re-sealing the slate floors. It's going to be the first nice quiet holiday I've had in 25 years. Can hardly wait. I'll avail myself to care for those who come to BB during what is allegedly the loneliest time of the year. Some people don't like the solitude the way I do; I use it to recharge. But I'll be about to lend a hand ... if anyone might need it. SB

Ricardo2 how do i get help
  • replies: 13

I have been married for almost 20 years and have 3 beautiful kids. in the past few months i have had a bad run with work and i have been feeling down. i think it is depression but am not sure. i do not feel like doing anything with my wife and do not... View more

I have been married for almost 20 years and have 3 beautiful kids. in the past few months i have had a bad run with work and i have been feeling down. i think it is depression but am not sure. i do not feel like doing anything with my wife and do not have any intimacy feelings and it is is effecting our marriage. i have no idea why i do not feel like it any more. and i have always been a person that bottles up my feelings. i do not think that i have a good father son relationship with my 15 year old. As i do not feel comfortable talking openly with him, as my parents never talk to us when we were growing up. my wife has complained about the a number of times too. But i find that the kids here are more advanced an knowledgable that i was when i was his age. as i grew up over seas. i do not want my marriage to end as i think we have a lot to offer the kids together as mum and dad than a broken family where do i get help from

Emwin2 Alone in this
  • replies: 3

Hi Iam new to all this! I have suffered with anxiety and depression my whole life and now suffer with postnatal depression! I have two beautifuls girls under the age of 2 and a husband who has been my rock!!!! But now he has been diagnosed with postn... View more

Hi Iam new to all this! I have suffered with anxiety and depression my whole life and now suffer with postnatal depression! I have two beautifuls girls under the age of 2 and a husband who has been my rock!!!! But now he has been diagnosed with postnatal depression as well I don't have any friends and am feeling completely alone in this....

Molly__ Childhood anxiety because of a change of town and school.
  • replies: 9

We have recently relocated to a country town from the city and our only 11 year old child has been struggling with anxiety. He had a difficult start at his new school where his teacher greeted him with " No one told me about you", and his first day b... View more

We have recently relocated to a country town from the city and our only 11 year old child has been struggling with anxiety. He had a difficult start at his new school where his teacher greeted him with " No one told me about you", and his first day buddy left him to go to sick bay without telling him. After the first week he started to settle in and made several friends. A few weeks later he began to complain about feeling sick and not wanting to go to school. He said that nothing was wrong just that he missed his friends from his old school. We have made an appt for him to have a chat to a psychologist but he can't get in to see them until January. Has anyone got any suggestions on how we can help him in the meantime? In particular his anxiety is causing him to get upset which then is making him more upset because he doesn't want his class mates to see him cry.

radiojammer My son wont go to school
  • replies: 32

Hi, I have a 17 year old son who sleeps in a lot and refuses to go to school even though he's doing his final year. I've tried to make him aware of the importance of attending class so he can pass his exams and he says he wants to pass but he's makin... View more

Hi, I have a 17 year old son who sleeps in a lot and refuses to go to school even though he's doing his final year. I've tried to make him aware of the importance of attending class so he can pass his exams and he says he wants to pass but he's making no (apparent) effort. I've been to parent/teacher interviews and the teachers say as long as he does his work and attends class he will pass. They have been supportive. I've tried not to pressure my son and have said I just want him to pass, not worry about getting high marks. He shows no interest in what he wants to do when he finishes school and won't make an appointment to see the careers advisor. He refuses to take on a trade apprenticeship and hasn't attended any of the careers evenings at the school. He saw a psychologist earlier on in the year for 10 sessions and is on anti depressants. He also has Crohn's Disease for which he is receiving treatment. His disease is in remission so it shouldn't affect his schoolwork although he's had time off because of illnesses caught because he's on immuno-suppressants and tending to pick up illnesses easily. I am suffering bad anxiety as a result of the stress. I am on anti anxiety tablets to try and control it, but dont have an anxiety disorder. My husband isn't supportive of me and says that worrying will get me nowhere, but he can't come up with any useful suggestions as to what we can do about our son. I would be happy if my son took a gap year next year and got a job, however he shows no interest in getting work other than a low-paying job he already has as a pharmaceutical delivery boy. He sleeps most of the day and gets up late afternoons, eats then socialises with his friends on the weekends. I don't have a supportive family and my daughter wants to leave home because she says we are in an unhappy environment and she's sick of me yelling at my son to get up out of bed. I try not to yell at him but sometimes I do. I've tried to talk calmly to him but he just clams up and wont discuss anything with me. He is totally uncooperative no matter what I say to him. He used to play sports but he's given them up, now he sits on the computer, lies in bed or socialises. I wish there was a strong male mentor around for my son but there is noone. He says there's no way he's prepared to repeat school next year yet if he doesnt get an Atar score he'll have scant chance of getting into any sort of decent course. Worried sick.

OU812 My wife doesn't support me , am I being dramatic?
  • replies: 6

Been together for 15 years married for 9 , 2 kids on the autism spectrum and things have been going downhill. We have been having a great 2 months recently after I kind of got over a hurdle with her cheating on me while we were supposed to be separat... View more

Been together for 15 years married for 9 , 2 kids on the autism spectrum and things have been going downhill. We have been having a great 2 months recently after I kind of got over a hurdle with her cheating on me while we were supposed to be separated , I told her it was over and she came back in my arms and ended whatever that relationship was with the other guy. unfortunately this is not the first time she has gone behind my back and over the years being with her I still have all those thoughts in my head and I can't let go. i am on anti depressants and now epilepsy medication , I have sleeping issues and anxiety attacks . i am really struggling day to day to be positive about everything and I try to put on a brace face but I am really just falling apart inside. as I have been great with my wife I am now realizing I have gotten to a point where I feel like I am doing the max I can to keep my wife happy but I still feel inside that allthough she tells me 5 times a day she loves me so much I still remember 2 months ago where she said to me "I don't love you anymore and I want a divorce ". I have worked so hard to keep this family going but I just feel I am being excluded from my life and all I am doing now is being a slave . I work shift work 7 days on 7 days off, I practically don't see my family all those days and when I do have days off she plans to go out . I don't know , I cook I clean, do the washing of clothes etc , she told me she needed more help but after I do these things for her she comes home irritable , being abrupt sometimes and threatening to sleep in the other room. I got a house cleaner for one day of the weeks I'm off. she never wants to spend time with my friends or family, she spends so much time with her friends and family , seems quite odd. she plans things without me and then tells me a day or two before the day she's doing this and I have no notice to put in leave or get day off, so I am constantly missing out on everything and when I do it's quite an average event . she drinks a lot with her friends but when we finally do something together she has 1 or 2 . she acts completely different and portrays herself as a different person to others and all the time I feel I have Dr Jekyll and me Hyde effect happening.

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