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Hurt and confused and not sure what is going on

Sunny_Dayz
Community Member
Hi everyone. I already posted a thread in another section but I wanted to get some advice for other things. Firstly I am on the younger side, married and have 2 toddlers. My husband and I have been together since we were kids. Lately something has changed in him. He is angry all the time and is saying things like "I don't know what I want" "I need space" "I feel numb" "I feel guilty". A few weeks ago he just snapped and changed, he has criticised everything about me from my personality to my house wife skills to my parenting and I am trying really very hard to be supportive because at the end of the day he is still the person I want to spend my life with but at the same time he isn't himself , he is a completely different person, although I still have no intentions of leaving. But I am finding it hard to be supportive because he also says things like "I don't want this anymore" "I can't do this anymore" "I need space from you" "there is no spark between us anymore" and then he will turn around and tell me "I love you" "there is something wrong with me not you". He seems to have no emotion in him, the other day I broke down and cried and he just sat there and stared at me like I was disgusting when once upon a time he would have got up and held me. He refuses to do marriage counselling with me (I want to just to help him communicate with me which he hasn't been). All of his actions and behaviours make me feel like he doesn't love me anymore but he always takes it back when he says he doesn't want us anymore and he won't leave. I just have no idea what's going on. I keep swapping between trying to be supportive to being absolutely hurt and feeling broken. He works extremely long hours (4am to 8pm sometimes) 6 days a week but insists he loves his job. I feel so insecure and hurt because of the things he has been saying to me and I'm not sure what to do because I love him with everything I have. I also suffer from depression and anxiety as it is which makes things even harder for me I think. Just any thoughts or opinions or anything that anyone has would be appreciated or if I ahoud have put this in a different section, I don't know. I'm just at such a loss right now and I am so so confused and hurt. I just want my husband back to who he used to be. 
1 Reply 1

Simona
Community Member

Hello Sunny Dayz

 

Extreme fatigue and lack of sleep may be the cause.  When I'm not sleeping enough i don't eat much but i keep doing everything - nothing slides.  If my partner asks me if I'm ok i will just say 'fine'.  Because I'm doing what i have been doing every other day and it's become my kind of normal.

But my mood swings like a pendulum and i have said the cruellest heartless things.  I didn't mean them but lack of sleep can lead to other mood disorders like depression.   I don't get depressed in the sense of feeling unhappy.  I  end up numb and incapable of feeling anything besides irritable and hollow. I almost forget who i am.  I will go through with the motions of affection if i absolutely have to but i tend to duck when partner is coming at me for a kiss or cuddle.   And yet i love him

I'm sorry i can't offer advice