Feeling worthless and alone

rainbow111 · ‎06-01-2016

I feel like I am worth nothing, that I am just a doormat to everyone. My boyfriend won't have sex with me saying he is too tired all the time. I stood in front of him with my best lingerie and he didnt even say how beautiful I was he just stayed on his phone. How am I meant to feel beautiful if my boyfriend wont even acknowledge me! I may be in a relationship but I feel lonelier than ever. I cry myself to sleep at night, I feel like its all my fault that im the issue. Am i not attractive anymore? Have a put on too much weight? Is he cheating on me? Is that why he doesnt want sex from me he is getting it somewhere else! All this bounces off my head at night and I struggle to sleep. I go to work and feel exhausted and try and put on a brave face but inside i feel worthless and alone. Is he just with me because its easier?

Neil_1 · ‎07-01-2016

Dear Rainbow

Great name by the way and welcome to Beyond Blue and thank you for coming here and providing your post.

A very tough situation that you’ve got happening here and things like this can certainly get you down. Not to make light of your situation at all, but on this site, there are so many instance of the opposite happening – where the man is feeling unwanted, unloved, etc due to the issue of no sex in the relationship.

I see that you’ve asked a number of questions in your post – may I ask if you’ve posed them to your boyfriend?

I can also understand how you get exhausted at work, if you’re not sleeping well – and that unfortunately impacts on how you work, on how you are and how you deal with things – lack of sleep is definitely not a good thing, but I guess I’m not telling you anything that you don’t already know.

May I ask if this has been going on for a long time now – I’m guessing that it has and have you been together for a long time also? Do you feel that there’s love still in the relationship? I can fully see your commitment and love for your bf with what you’ve posted – but for what I can make out, it does seem like a one-way street. I think sitting with him and talking things over would be something that I’d do in the same situation and to see what might come from that.

Again thank you for coming to B.B. and I do hope you can write back again.

Kind regards

Neil

Durras · ‎07-01-2016

Hi Rainbow,

Sorry to hear you are going through all of this with your boyfriend it isn't nice and I can understand you it is making you feel.

I think nobody should be allowed to be made to feel the way you are, I was in a similar relationship in the past and it drove me to drink more and more because how I was feeling inside and unfortunately it drove me to drink so much I was the one who ended up cheating on him so I lost him. To my surprise thou as bad as I felt for doing what I did it was the best thing I did for myself as it made me move forward easier, I remember talking with friends and they all told me the same thing (if I was still with him how would I still be feeling compared to now not with him) the honest answer WORSE if I stayed.

I know sometimes the most difficult answer can be the best one. I'm not telling you or suggesting you to leave it is something for you to think about especially if it is starting to affect your work and your not sleeping well course of all your tears, this will have a big impact on your health, drain you mentally and emotionally which sounds like it is already doing and then finally it will impact on your work and I am positive you don't want that to happen.

If you have been together for a long time then talk with him how your feeling and stay strong with your mind and your own feelings and what you want, what makes you happy. If he apologies and says he will change then that is wonderful but know yourself it is a long term commitment change not temporary that you are needing from him.

Rainbow I wish you all the best with your decisions but please think of yourself, your wellbeing and your happiness. I am positive your a truly beautiful person and you honestly don't deserve to be made to feel this way (no one does)

Keep in touch and sending you a hug

Durras

White_Rose · ‎07-01-2016

Dear Rainbow

Hello and welcome to Beyond Blue. It's good that you have found this forum and feel strong enough to write in here. I hope we can offer you some help, comfort and support.

Sexual tension can be an indicator of other things wrong in your relationship. Neil has asked if you still feel there is love in the relationship and that could be the problem. Durras has commented that no one should be made to feel this way, and she is quite right. No one has the right to make another person feel worthless or unwanted.

You are already feeling the effects of this treatment with your loss of sleep, tears, loss of self-confidence and loneliness. This is not a good place to be.One thing I discovered in my abusive marriage is that you can put up with poor treatment for so long that you come to believe you deserve it. It becomes acceptable and you simply live with no expectation of being happy and loved.

Both Neil and Durras have suggested you have a full and frank discussion with your BF. Tell him you feel and why. But most importantly, tell what you expect from your relationship. In any relationship both people need to have the same expectations of each other and the way they are going to work together. It doesn't just happen by itself. So the question to ask yourself and your BF, what are you going to contribute to this relationship?

If his answer does not match yours you need to decide if it is worth continuing. I can't tell you that and neither can anyone else.

Do you have any family support or close friends who can help you? If you have a close friend or family member, perhaps you can practice with them how you are going to approach your BF. Don't rely on blurting it out without some preparation. Write down all the things you want to say, all the questions you want answered. Set a time with your BF for a discussion. If he refuses then that's your answer.

I know these are hard words to hear. Neil and Durras have made similar comments. We care about what happens to you and want to help you get through this time and be able to live your live to its full potential.

I hope these comments help. Please write in again and let us know how it all goes and how we can help you further.

Mary