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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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K1988 I left him...and now i regret it
  • replies: 3

Hi, I am a 22 year old girl, my boyfriend is 32. We met 1 year ago and he was my first. My parents disproved of him based on social class, background, his past. But i went ahead and moved in with him because my parents said leave or stay home and don... View more

Hi, I am a 22 year old girl, my boyfriend is 32. We met 1 year ago and he was my first. My parents disproved of him based on social class, background, his past. But i went ahead and moved in with him because my parents said leave or stay home and dont be with him. I felt it was right to be with him. Over this past year I have really changed in so many good ways, im happy, i try new things, im not shy, i have confidence and i have just become more of a woman. He has helped me in so many ways, but the past 6 months he put off starting university so he has been doing nothing which has hurt our relationship. He is the most honest, protective man, and he has depression and anxiety. He started smoking cigareetts again, his sleeping pattern become him staying up all night which causes me not to sleep, then sleeping all day to which when he awakens he goes on his computer. I was left feeling alone, ignored and neglected. He wouldnt eat the food i made nor would he even have dinner with me. He didnt do cooking, shopping, cleaning, dishes, laundry. He said this is because he is not working or studying. Now to my main point i got fed up so i moved out 2 days ago when he was out getting dinner, my parents were thrilled and they came picked me up with all my packed bags. Now im sleeping better, dont have to do a whole house worth of work myself, im looking for work and my parents are so supportive of me. But im heartbroken and love him, i miss him. I feel as if i over reacted. Yes he has flaws but everyone does and i know i can get other men but i am not intrested in them. I have been on a few other forums and they have said hes not worth my time, hes a manipulator, lazy, selfish. But he also has a condition which i dont fully understand and nor did they therefore being quick to judge my post. I felt like i couldnt help him and he needed another woman to put him in line, but i went to see him today and my heart broke, i realised he just needs some compassion and i abandoned him. what are your thoughts

PaganGirl I feel like I'm losing my relationship...
  • replies: 6

Hi all, I've been to these forums before so hopefully I'm in the right place. Just so you know, I'm coping ok and not distressed, just feeling quite lost and confused. 1.5 years ago I met a lovely man, my now partner. It was love at first sight. We s... View more

Hi all, I've been to these forums before so hopefully I'm in the right place. Just so you know, I'm coping ok and not distressed, just feeling quite lost and confused. 1.5 years ago I met a lovely man, my now partner. It was love at first sight. We share a lot in common- we go to the gym together, go on bush hikes, play musical instruments. Well, we used to anyway, not really now. He's stuck by me through times when my illness (depression/ anxiety) has been terrible, and through unemployment and sickness. He's just the nicest kindest man, and Ive always thought he was the love of my life- that we would get married and have kids. We have lots of funny inside jokes and at times can have huge amounts of fun together.. Now that i've gotten the handle on my illnesses, things are much better than the worst times. But over the last 5-6 months, its just been one rough patch after another. I became unemployed and the stress has hit us hard; we've both had health issues. Hes been so supportive, emotionally, financially. I coudn't wish for better. But I feel the romance has left our relationship. Like every day we're just trying to make it through the day, instead of enjoying life. I long to walk through nature together, to share some genuine romance together. I long to be noticed- i make music, dance, do all kinds of art but I feel he never sees or admires. I feel undesired sexually though i do all i can to maintain a fit and attractive appearance and attitude. I want more than this life of emptiness- go to work (in my case: look for work), come home, go to the gym where we work out with others, eat, shower, go to bed. The weekends we watch TV cos hes too tired and doesnt want to do much. My anxiety is constantly going haywire these days because on the one hand i love this man like crazy, hes always been there for me and hes a good wonderful man. I'm scared of losing him. On the other, i feel like we're missing out on life, stuck in front of the TV "too tired". I am a pagan, i love nature, i love all things creative like dancing and music- to me life is short and precious, and i want to spend it living it to its fullest. We dont need money to go for a walk in the bush, or admire the sunset together. But he doesn't understand or appreciate those things- he doesn't see life that way. He doesn't understand my way of thinking, and i don't understand his. How do I get us connected again, and enjoying life again? I've tried talking to him about it, but nothing ever changes.

Rubysoho How to deal with coming from a broken home
  • replies: 2

Since i can remember I never had a normal relationship with either one of my parents. My mother was an abusive alcoholic and my dad never wanted anything to do with me.I left home when i was 14 and have never had anything to do with either of them si... View more

Since i can remember I never had a normal relationship with either one of my parents. My mother was an abusive alcoholic and my dad never wanted anything to do with me.I left home when i was 14 and have never had anything to do with either of them since. I think ive always struggled with depression even now in to my early 20's but ive never done anything about it, The thought of trying to seek help and talk to someone just scares me because i have no idea how to even open up to someone and I don't understand how someone repeating a bunch of words from a text book is suppose to fix me. The older I get I'm starting to see how my bad childhood is starting to affect relationships in to my 20's, my incapability to stay motivated in life, I struggle to like myself and be able to open up to people. Is there anyone out there who has come from a similar background and can give me any advice? I want to be happy in life so badly but i feel like I cant win to make peace with myself.

Without_love Wife wants to leave me.
  • replies: 8

I am lost, depressed and gutted, have no one to talk to and do not know where to turn or what to do. Please help. 8 years ago, my wife, after 14 years of happy marriage, shut me out of her life, physically, emotionally, intimately and affectionately,... View more

I am lost, depressed and gutted, have no one to talk to and do not know where to turn or what to do. Please help. 8 years ago, my wife, after 14 years of happy marriage, shut me out of her life, physically, emotionally, intimately and affectionately, saying she still loved me but needed a break. She had her own physical and mental health problems and on counselling and anti depressants for anxiety related to her childhood. It broke my heart to see her struggle and lose her intimacy, but I have tried to accept her wishes and this loveless fate to respect her and give her the space that she sought. She has coped with 'life on her own' by shutting down emotionally with the help of her anti- depressants, but I havesuffered gut wrenching years and night after sleepless night alongside her, needing to be close but receiving nothing but silence and rejection so she could sleep. We got along ok but distantly during the days to complete our daily roles at work and our children were our strength and our distraction. I suffered in silence over our lost love leading to resentment, depression and suicidal thoughts, and when I did try to talk to her about my pain, her issues or to try to win her back over, it ended in tears, fits and tempers flaring, with an even greater level of sadness and depression. We managed to survive until now and complete raising our 2 beautiful children, but my wife rejected another one of my calls for help and to try to renew our love recently and she said it was time for her to go her own way to save me any more pain and to be in control of her own life, as she was not going to, or able to change and let me be close to her. Our family home is sold pending settlement (to downsize) and my wife has offered to take a 6 month lease together somewhere to avoid sharing our trauma at this point when we currently need to concentrate on moving our daughter to Melbourne and settling her into Uni life.I love her dearly and she says she loves me too, but not in any physical or emotional way as she is too scared of being hurt again or losing control of her life. I can't think of anything worse than separating and being alone in the world without my life partner, no friends and no reason to live, but is it worth continuing to stay together (in separate bedrooms now since last year) and continue to deny my feelings and needs of being close to her? Where do I turn? Is there any hope for us? 800x600 beyondblue’s clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636. Normal 0 false false false EN-AU X-NONE X-NONE MicrosoftInternetExplorer4 /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman","serif";}

Kdashing Losing in love
  • replies: 3

One of my earliest memories of my childhood is making my mum promise me that she would never leave me. I have no idea why I have had such a fear of being alone and abandoned from such a young age. I know this has had such a huge impact on my relation... View more

One of my earliest memories of my childhood is making my mum promise me that she would never leave me. I have no idea why I have had such a fear of being alone and abandoned from such a young age. I know this has had such a huge impact on my relationships and it has reared it's ugly head everytime. Last year I met what I thought was the man of dreams. He showed me the type of love that is all encompassing and made me completely unafraid to love him with every part of my being. He gained my trust and made me feel like I could totally rely on him and that our future was together, that this was real and he would never leave me. Recently he decided almost overnight that this wasn't what he wanted at all and left. I can't describe the pain that I've experienced since then. I feel like having someone give you everything you have ever wanted then take it away like it never existed is so unbelievably cruel. It has triggered my sense of abandonment like crazy and I am now at a loss as to where to go from here. This wasn't the longest relationship I have ever had yet it has really thrown me, I don't want to do anything and I feel like I have to completely rebuild myself again. I'm almost 30 and have had 3 relationships prior to this one. I left the last two due to them being unfaithful and I don't remember feeling this kind of absolute grief. Maybe because I left on my own terms before. I would love some ideas as to how to move on. My starting point has been to look at myself. Clearly I have some personal issues to deal with. I would love to be much stronger then I am now and be more reliant on myself for love then to try and find it within other people. I just don't know how to begin to move forward again when I have no desire to do anything right now.

Sue1708 Not sure how to move on!
  • replies: 2

Four and a half months ago I was in a loving marriage with a man that said he would stand by me for life. Now, through my actions, he is in the arms of another woman and not even talking to me.You see, before I met him I got in to trouble with the la... View more

Four and a half months ago I was in a loving marriage with a man that said he would stand by me for life. Now, through my actions, he is in the arms of another woman and not even talking to me.You see, before I met him I got in to trouble with the law and in August, I went to court and was sent to prison for 4 months.It happened 5 days after our first wedding anniversary. He knew about what was going on but I was trying to be positive and hope that it would be fine and not end up with me in prison. Just before this happened, I owed some money to a government department, which was related to the case, and was told that if I paid it, it would help my sentence. It was for a significant amount and we didn't have that money, so I asked my husband's sister to lend it to us.Being ashamed of what was happening, and not wanting her to know what was going on, I lied about why I needed the money and said it was for our deposit for the house we were building.I said I would pay it back within the week, which was possible, but then with the lawyer fees other expenses to try and win the case, I ended up using our savings and not having the money to pay her back. One lie led to another and another and because of how ashamed I felt, I couldn't even tell me husband where all the money went, I kept saying that there was a problem with the bank. When I was sent to prison, my husband had to deal with everything, including everyday things plus what happened to the money to go back to his sister and our savings for our house. I couldn't tell him to his face, so taking the weak way out, I sent him a letter telling him everything. I spoke to him one night and the letter hadn't arrived, so I told him everything on the phone. The disappointment in his voice killed me.Not only was he trying to cope with how I betrayed him, he was also finding out that I was pretty hopeless with finances and didn't pay our bills on time, so a few were with debt collection companies. Needless to say, he was finding it hard to cope when we could only talk for 10 minutes a day.I found out when I got out, that 2 weeks after I went in to prison he had signed up to an adult dating site and was looking for company. Four weeks after I went in to prison, he started dating another woman, yet he never told me.I found out when I got home from facebook! I know it's all my fault and I kept saying sorry and if we talked maybe we could work through it,but obviously not. How do I move on? He's the love of my life.

UnhappyinTas Not Coping
  • replies: 4

Hi, I am new to this site. I have had 2 years of having a hard time with depression. It started 2 years ago with a break up & it took me 1 & a 1/2 years to feel ok. Ive had ups & downs, some months good, others bad. I thought I was getting there lead... View more

Hi, I am new to this site. I have had 2 years of having a hard time with depression. It started 2 years ago with a break up & it took me 1 & a 1/2 years to feel ok. Ive had ups & downs, some months good, others bad. I thought I was getting there leading up to Xmas this year, & I met an amazing man 3 days before Xmas. We had an amazing 3 weeks together, I spent nearly every day with him in that 3 weeks. He is going through a divorce & a nasty financial settlement & he has a high pressured job & hence really run down this time of year (hes a chef) anyway, he told me last week that he cant gethurt again & he cant bring the walls down of his heart, he needs to know if its right before he makes his mind up about "us ". Since then he has backed off & Im am just so sad, its all accumlated to me having a mini meltdown I guess. My Dr has put me on antidepressants (started yesterday) do they work? Will they help me? I feel so low & so scared. My pyschologist is amazing (seeing him today) but why when I finally thought I found happiness (first time in my life) does this happen? How long do I give this guy a chance to see if he wants a relationship with me? Its been a week? Should I just end it myself, or just give him more time? Or should I just read the writing on the wall with him being a bit distant? Or is that normal for a man to think things over & need time? I am so scared of my future, I hate my job & just cant see a way out. Im faling down the preferbial rabbit hole. And why have I fallen into such a depression from sumone ive only known 4 weeks? I cant see how life can ever be happy'? I just feel so lost & sad & cant see the light at the of the tunnel. beyondblue’s clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636. Normal 0 false false false EN-AU X-NONE X-NONE /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0cm; mso-para-margin-right:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0cm; line-height:115%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi; mso-fareast-language:EN-US;}

Helen58 I am having trouble coping lately
  • replies: 7

My name is Helen, I'm 56 years old and I'm new to all this so please understand if I'm not too clear. Several years ago I'd sat beside my mother as she'd passed away (aged 86) from bowel cancer. From the time it was diagnosed to the time she passed w... View more

My name is Helen, I'm 56 years old and I'm new to all this so please understand if I'm not too clear. Several years ago I'd sat beside my mother as she'd passed away (aged 86) from bowel cancer. From the time it was diagnosed to the time she passed was about 8 weeks, so there wasn't a lot of time to grieve. Dad had died when I was little and Mum had raised 6 of us, never marrying again, so she had very little time to spend with each of us individually but she did the best she could. What started my depression was that even before she had been placed in palliative care, the rest of the family were already fighting over the spoils, even clearing out her house while she was in a general ward at the hospital. I was never given anything from the house to remember her by which was ok as I had the privilege of being there at the end anyway. A couple of years before Mum's passing, one of my older sister's died from lung cancer, being a heavy smoker. Then Mum. Then within the next couple of years all of my pets passed on, having had them for 10 years or more. Then about 4 years ago my grandneice (15 years old) was killed in a car accident. Less than 3 weeks after this, one of my older brothers passed away from bowel cancer and within 24 hours of his passing, my last remaining older sister passed away from lung cancer (also a heavy smoker). By this time I was a wreck as the rest of the family each had a significant other to help them get through it and I was still living alone. (Still am now). The sadness was unbearable and I just gave up almost. I had owned a house that ended up being reposessed because I couldn't function enough to keep it going. Then I moved in with my last remaining older brother and his "significant other" who took a dislike to me because I took my brother's attention off her. Then for some unknown reason, my son and my daughter in law decided that taking me to the Guardianship Tribunal was the best way to "Help" me as they didn't think I was fit to look after myself. I was working and at the mediation, they were the ones made to look bad by the panel solicitor who thankfully stood up for me. They haven't spoken to me now in nearly 3 years and this week I just lost it. It's all too much! Back on the meds again after stopping in 2011. There's more but I'm stressed enough as it is. How would any of you cope with this? I could really do with a just huge shoulder to cry on at the moment so I thought this forum would be very helpful for me to vent.

Anotherone Heartbroken and struggling
  • replies: 4

My fiancé broke it off with me just before Christmas. Finding it really hard atm. I feel like someone's died.

My fiancé broke it off with me just before Christmas. Finding it really hard atm. I feel like someone's died.

Caitie Long Distance Relationship Making Me Depressed - HELP!
  • replies: 4

Hi everyone, I'm not sure where to start so I'll just start at the beginning. My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 1/2 years, all of that long distance. We live 3-4 hours apart and see each other every second or so weekend for a couple of days... View more

Hi everyone, I'm not sure where to start so I'll just start at the beginning. My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 1/2 years, all of that long distance. We live 3-4 hours apart and see each other every second or so weekend for a couple of days. I love him to death and want to be with him forever, but long distance has always been really hard for me and I always turn into a bubbling mess when he or I leave after the weekend. Lately I have been feeling really sick and anxious on the day he's coming up to visit and then feel worse when he leaves. I feel like I'm starting to resent him coming up because I know he just has to leave again. I was at his place for two weeks over Christmas and felt sick on the day I was driving up and on the day I was leaving. I don't understand what's happening to me cause I know I love him more than anything and I always feel happy when I'm with him but lately I've been having these awful thoughts about everything being to hard and questioning if I still want to be in the relationship which is a load of crap cause I know I want to be with him and even marry him one day! Were just stuck in this impossible situation because where he lives there isn't many jobs going and he lives with his parents and I don't want to move in with his parents! The only way it's going to stop being long distance is if we buy a farm together and I can find a job out there. I'm also very unhappy in my job and want to leave but feel like I'm stuck! I'm going to see a doctor because I think I may have depression as I'm just always so anxious and scared. I'm so worried that I'm going to lose my boyfriend because these thoughts are making me resent him always leaving but I know I love him. I'm trying so hard to think positively and remember how happy he does make me but it feels like I'm stuck in this black hole of sadness. Has anyone else been through something like this? How did it work out?