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Relationship breakup due to partner's depression

Community Member

Hey everyone,

I was seeing someone for the past 3 months (not a long time I know) and he recently broke up with me because of his depression. He said he felt lost and didn't know how to be by himself anymore and he needed to learn how to do that again. This took me by surprise because I thought he would have talked to me about it before it got so bad or said that we need to work out a good dynamic so that we don't spend too much time together. We have still been messaging each other like we did when we were together but he has said he doesn't have an interest or see us giving our relationship another go. I now feel lost and incredibly hurt. Like I've lost a best friend.

When will the pain go away?

2 Replies 2

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni
dear Real Buttons RB, I can only say how sorry I feel for you, because when someone does get depression or has been suffering from it for awhile then it's really impossible to be able to tell what they are going to do, and in a relationship whether they will stay or whether they will want to leave you, because as before you could talk to each other about was going to happen, but unfortunately not now, as this doesn't happen.
Can I just ask whether he has had any long term relationships, and please only ask if you want to, because this could be a trend that he is used to doing.
It's never nice when you have formed a loving union between each other and then it's not nice when he wants to by himself because it hurts you dearly.
He obviously seems to want to stay in touch with you, and that's good, and I'm sure that you have told him that you love him and do want to be with him, which is always good for him to know, but at the moment this may not register, so please don't be too upset by his lack of reaction, depression causes this.
I know that it would feel very difficult for you that what ever you say to him may not register and won't get the reaction you were hoping for.
The important part now is that he needs to see his doctor, because he won't feel any better by hoping that he can overcome all of his demons by himself, because it's virtually impossible to do this, as the strength he needs he hasn't got at the moment.
The trouble is that he may feel as though he can overcome it, and then there's the possibility of him being in denial which is anothwer step backwards.
Maybe you could suggest to go with him to his doctor's appointment, but it doesn't end there he has to continue on with counselling, and remember he may have to go through a couple of psych's before he finds one that he feels comfortable with.
I hope to hear back from you. Geoff. x

Thanks for replying.
His longest relationship has only been about 4 or 5 months and this was a few years ago now. Previously when we have talked about relationships he has said how around the 3 month mark he always seems to mess something up and I was determined to last longer than this, but unfortunately it did not happen. I have since found out he is on dating apps because he said to me he feels lonely but that he isn't on them looking for a boyfriend. This of course hurts to know that he is sleeping with other people so soon after our breakup but he has also said to me when we were together that he sees sex as something that people do for fun versus something that is intimate. We went to a concert a couple of nights ago that I had bought him tickets for before we broke up and it felt like we were still together with the way we were talking and interacting (sans anything like kissing or touching, etc). He seems to be going okay but still doesn't see himself getting back into a relationship anytime soon. So I guess my thoughts now question do I still hold out for hope that he will come back or do I cut all ties with him because it is just bringing me down that he seems to be moving on so fast.