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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Sancar New and so unhappy
  • replies: 9

Hi, I'm not sure about being on this site, maybe I should keep trying to deal with things myself. But I just need somebody to talk to. I have been suffering from depression for as long as I can remember. I had a difficult childhood, molested by a rel... View more

Hi, I'm not sure about being on this site, maybe I should keep trying to deal with things myself. But I just need somebody to talk to. I have been suffering from depression for as long as I can remember. I had a difficult childhood, molested by a relative for years, parents who hated each other and always felt second best. Over the last couple of years I have lost a friend, my mother, my sister in law, my husband of 41 years and my constant companion, my dog. To top that off my eldest son moved to Canada, I have one son here but he is very busy and although he tries to keep in touch it's not easy for him. I had been going to lunch with a group of women once a fortnight for about 20 years. There were four of us and it was a good day out, I think it helped me keep the loneliness away. All was well with this group until a fifth person joined. Although I have know this woman for many years, we have never been close. Since she joined I have noticed that I am being cut out. Conversations seem to be between two people and I'm the one sitting there with nobody to talk to. I don't know if I did the right thing but I told the group that I would take a break from our lunches as I was feeling like a fifth wheel. It's been six months since I made the break and I would like to go back but not every time. So I sent a message to one of the ladies but she didn't reply. After a couple of weeks I sent a message to another one of the girls but again no reply. Should I keep trying or give up?

wendy_smith Depressed boyfriend has started lying
  • replies: 2

Hi all, my boyfriend &I have been together for over 2.5 years. We have broken up twice in that time due to his depression & warped logic of thinking he needed to dramatically change his life to then change himself. When we broke up the 2nd time & bef... View more

Hi all, my boyfriend &I have been together for over 2.5 years. We have broken up twice in that time due to his depression & warped logic of thinking he needed to dramatically change his life to then change himself. When we broke up the 2nd time & before we got back together again, he slept with a girl I had been cautious about for 6 or so months so as to try & prevent me from getting back with him because he didn't want me to experience his depression/be the victim of it. I forgave him & we resumed our relationship slowly. Since then, we have improved a lot & are more understanding of one another. However, about a month ago he decided to stop taking antidepressants & seeing his psychologist as he had the mentality that if he actually achieved anything good, it wouldn't be due to him but rather medication or someone else telling him. I disagreed with this. He confessed to me too that he had been abusing marijuana for a few months & so we agreed that if he were to do it again, he'd tell me. 4 days ago, I found out he had bought a small amount but when I confronted him about it, he lied. I asked him to prove it to me & so he let me go through his facebook account. He forgot there was messages there about him buying some and so confessed. I told him that lying will destroy our relationship. He agreed & said he would try not to. However, last night he had experimented with another drug (not a life threatening or highly addictive one though) & did not tell me. This was not marijuana, but I still felt like he had lied to me because he hadn't told me & had said he was going to bed. The only reason I knew he did it was because I went onto his Facebook account to see if he had been telling me the truth over the past few days & found messages saying he had taken it. I called him to have a random conversation &then, when he seemed a bit "off", I asked him what was wrong. He claimed nothing & I asked if he was sure & then asked if he had done any drugs. He said no& then I kept on going back to it in our conversation &he repeatedly denied it. He only confessed when I told him that I had asked his friend & his friend had said yes (this was a lie on my part).He claims he lies about these things because he doesn't want to be told off & he doesn't think of how it will hurt me, only of his impulsive nature to have fun. He is an impulsive person (as you can probably tell) but I don't know what to do re-build trust & get him to tell the truth. Please help!

redgirl-blackdog in the beginning....
  • replies: 6

When I first met my 2nd husband, I was working 3 jobs to provide for my daughter and myself. I got some money in the divorce settlement to help buy a house for my daughter & I. He wasn't working at all because of the weather,he was a concretor. So I ... View more

When I first met my 2nd husband, I was working 3 jobs to provide for my daughter and myself. I got some money in the divorce settlement to help buy a house for my daughter & I. He wasn't working at all because of the weather,he was a concretor. So I helped out & paid his bills & gave him his 'play'money as well, because he said he would pay me back. So 6 mths together & I'm paying for his drinking&smoking& socialising while I'm waitressing, bartending & scrubbing houses, because stupid me believes him when he says when the weather clears up he will get heaps of work & will pay me back & spoil me. Stupid me even believed him on his thoughts about raising kids, marital expectations, & general life. Fast forward 10 years & twins,with me always buying little things to spoil him& getting nothing in return, no help with boys,not even help around the house. We are now separated & he wants all the little things back that he left here, even tho he said I could sell stuff to pay bills, & then makes me out to be bad guy"indian giver" in front of kids. So sick of his behaviour, but because he's an alcoholic, everyone says I'm supposed to give him support. He didn't want help when he was with us, so why should I go out of my way now. It's not just the financial side of things, it's everything he promised, but decided it was too hard to follow thru with. And his horrible way of treating me, apparently it's emotional abuse, hasn't stopped even tho he's not here. The boys are realising the way he says one thing & does the exact opposite is the wrong way to treat people, especially when he does it to them. I don't know how to stop their disappointment, he is their father & I'm not going to badmouth him or put him down but its just so unfair that he does that to me. All I want is the best for my kids but I'm finding it very hard...what do I do?

Jasmine-Tina My husband does not love me anymore.
  • replies: 54

I was so shocked by his admisson that my whole world came crashing down. I showed a brave face and I did not share a single tear. I could not reveal my disappointment in knowing this is how he felt for the last 3 months. We have been together for 4 y... View more

I was so shocked by his admisson that my whole world came crashing down. I showed a brave face and I did not share a single tear. I could not reveal my disappointment in knowing this is how he felt for the last 3 months. We have been together for 4 years and married for 1 year & 8 months. He has an addictive personality and for the last 3months he plays online violent games until the wee hours. He also drinks a lot of alcohol, to the point of passing out. I was unhappy so I told then he told me he was unhappy for the last 3months. To avoid spending time with me, he turned to alcohol & on-line games. I am so lost and my head hurts so much. ​I am too embarrased to tell my family and friends. I am hoping I could get support here.

zodiacgirl Developed feelings for him..
  • replies: 15

I hope no one judges me on this.. I was happy and felt safe and that he respected me and we were both adults entering into this.. me and this guy were having a sexual relationship and i also thought we were friends too, but then after a while i also ... View more

I hope no one judges me on this.. I was happy and felt safe and that he respected me and we were both adults entering into this.. me and this guy were having a sexual relationship and i also thought we were friends too, but then after a while i also developed feelings for him. and he didn't want anything more and i just feel very hurt. he told me he didnt want to pressure me into anything i didnt want to do, and only wanted a strickly sexual relationship and i told him how i felt about the situation because he asked and i said i couldnt do this if he didnt care about me.. and that I just felt used if the only reason he liked me was for sex. and he just said he wasn't in anyway trying to make feel like (i was just being used) but couldn't change what i thought (??). I think he just means he doesn't want anything more. I think he knows I have feelings for him, and he doesn't try to talk to me, and I haven't tried to talk to him again, but he still looks at my things on social media. (I thought he would just delete me.) this is what he said after i was starting to show a bit of feelings.. 'look, when we first started talking we were both happy to have just a strickly sexual relationship, nothing more. while i hope to never have pressure/d you into doing something you don't want to do, i'm getting vibes now that you don't want this anymore. and like i said when we first started im not looking for a relationship. so i just like to know where you stand at the moment, cause ive been pretty forward in terms of wanting sex, ill admit that, and at no stage should you feel obligated to do the same if you choose not to, but i jus want to know where you see this situation.' It just makes me feel like he doesn't want anything more because he just doesn't like me .. or it's not that and it's just his personal reason. He doesn't seem to want a relationship with anybody though. I just hope if someone can say if he still sees me as a friend as well.. I slowly am getting over this.

redgirl-blackdog no birthday wishes
  • replies: 12

Well I suppose I didn't expect anything different, so that's what I got. Yesterday was my birthday. My boys made me gorgeous cards &helped me make a cake for us & that was pretty much it. I've shared my birthday with my late dad for 45 out of my 47 y... View more

Well I suppose I didn't expect anything different, so that's what I got. Yesterday was my birthday. My boys made me gorgeous cards &helped me make a cake for us & that was pretty much it. I've shared my birthday with my late dad for 45 out of my 47 years, so it was never just my day. I've never had a party just for me. I have now realised the couple of (sort of) friends I thought I had, I haven't. Just makes me feel pretty shitty that no one cares. at least Jack-the-dog sits with me when I cry

mrsbuckybarnes My Brother and I both have depression. My parents think it's their fault.
  • replies: 2

My parents think that just because my dad has bipolar, the depression my brother and i have is all their fault. I have tried to explain to them it's not them that bought this on, it's everyone else. All the teasing people that have taunted us for yea... View more

My parents think that just because my dad has bipolar, the depression my brother and i have is all their fault. I have tried to explain to them it's not them that bought this on, it's everyone else. All the teasing people that have taunted us for years. We don't want our parents to feel like anymore. It's making us even more down and my brother started selfharming again after 4 months without it just because of this.

Pols End of friendship/relationship
  • replies: 1

Hi there, sorry if this is in the wrong section or if it doesn't make sense. Even to me it seems a bit strange. Anyway I have been in an on/off relationship with the same woman for 25 years. We were married and then divorced (1 son) we then had a bre... View more

Hi there, sorry if this is in the wrong section or if it doesn't make sense. Even to me it seems a bit strange. Anyway I have been in an on/off relationship with the same woman for 25 years. We were married and then divorced (1 son) we then had a break then got back together and then broke up,got back together, broke up and the about 4 years ago became friends (without benefits). During this time we did not see other people. We lived in separate houses but would go to the movies, dinner and have been on holidays together. Recently to the US, Hawaii. Tasmania, Thredbo etc. We also went to a lot of concerts together. For my last birthday in March she bought me a mystery flight weekend away which cost a big of money. We went in early May, but when we came back she was distant and didn't respond to a lot of my messages. Eventually she sent a message back saying that she wasn't happy with where we were at and had decided that we both needed to move on. I did reply saying I understood,I'm still in contact with her mum and brother although not the same as it once was. She has now blocked me from Facebook and other contacts. I don't really have anyone to turn to, my family are all older and live far away. My friends (very few) also live away from me.I devoted everything to her and now that she's not even a part of my life I'm lost. I get really sad and down star times and then the next moment I'm upbeat. Any thoughts on what to do or who I can talk to would be much appreciated. Thank you for reading.

Mal50 Married but have had no sex or sexual appetite for over 20 years.
  • replies: 13

Hi all, I know it's not normal for a guy to be this way. I haven't desired any form of intimacy with my wife, or anyone else, for more than 20 years. I suspect it's due to my severe depression and anxiety disorder. Should I seek professional counsell... View more

Hi all, I know it's not normal for a guy to be this way. I haven't desired any form of intimacy with my wife, or anyone else, for more than 20 years. I suspect it's due to my severe depression and anxiety disorder. Should I seek professional counselling? I don't consider it a major problem, but what are your thoughts?

Hot_Rocks Communication with your partner
  • replies: 6

Hey guys, I've recently been diagnosed with depression/anxiety, and I think for a long time I've been holding in my feelings rather than sharing them with my partner and my family. Now that I've been diagnosed it is a bit of a relief that I can talk ... View more

Hey guys, I've recently been diagnosed with depression/anxiety, and I think for a long time I've been holding in my feelings rather than sharing them with my partner and my family. Now that I've been diagnosed it is a bit of a relief that I can talk to a doctor, and I've broached the conversation with my family, but I want to know how you guys have gone about having that conversation with your partner. I don't want them to feel like what I am going through emotionally is a result of something I did, and I don't want to find myself asking too much of them, but I feel like I'm going to need their support as I try to work my way through a number of years of emotions that I haven't really confronted, and whatever lifestyle changes end up coming with it. The stigma of men having to just be strong and silent is absolute rubbish! So my question is this, how do I let my partner in and let them help me emotionally so that I don't feel the way I do now? And how to I make sure I don't just become needy and rely on them for everything? I can't let them just be my emotional whipping post, all that will do is create resentment. But not sharing how I really feel will drive them away as well. How do I find that middle ground where we're in it together but we can still separate our relationship from my illness?