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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Mary_Jane My children are all grown and gone
  • replies: 2

Hi - I am new to this. I have probably suffered from depression for most of my life but am only starting to realise it. I'm not coping very well at the moment and have started new medication which is messing with my head. My children are all grown an... View more

Hi - I am new to this. I have probably suffered from depression for most of my life but am only starting to realise it. I'm not coping very well at the moment and have started new medication which is messing with my head. My children are all grown and gone, all sons with three married and the youngest still single. I have gained a daughter-in-law and lost two sons through their marriages. I wonder what the point of it all was - having children - when you pour your life out for them and then they leave with hardly a backward glance. Thirty years of my life and now I have to find other things to do. My grandchildren are too far away and so involved in their other families that we don't see them much, unless we make the effort. Hardly seems fair. I'm tired of always being the one to make the effort. I'm wondering if I have divulged too much but would welcome some support from others who know what it's like. Regards Mary Jane

Lucy96 Stress and anxiety from dealing with a break up
  • replies: 1

Hey everyone, About a month ago my relationship with my boyfriend of 1 year ended and I havent been able to accept it and move on. I keep blaming myself for what has happened and feel guilty especially since I feel like my actions are the reason thin... View more

Hey everyone, About a month ago my relationship with my boyfriend of 1 year ended and I havent been able to accept it and move on. I keep blaming myself for what has happened and feel guilty especially since I feel like my actions are the reason things are the way they are. About 6 months ago, my boyfriend and I were rocky and I kissed someone else. I know I did a bad thing and i should have cut all contact with that other person but I didnt. My boyfriend asked me a few times if anything happened, but I denied it. Eventually once I felt ready, I came clean to my boyfriend, even though it was a few months after the kiss happened, and apologized and did all I could to make things better, but he never let it go. Instead, he became verbally abusive, continuously put me down and degraded me, and I felt like this is what I deserved. He continued to be this way for the last few months of our relationship, and because neither of us wanted to completely throw it away at this point, we mutually agreed to go on a break until we both got our own lives sorted, but instead 3 days into the break, he told me he didnt want to fix things. Even though its done now, I am struggling to let go. He seems to be having fun and to have forgotten about me, and is always spending time with another girl. This keeps upsetting me and making me very anxious. For a few weeks now, I keep getting nightmares about him being with this other girl and I wake up with my heart pounding and feeling very down. I don't know how to properly let him go, and I need help to do this. Its hard and painful seeing him move forward while i'm here feeling sad and guilty about what ive done, and I feel like i'm the reason he became abusive towards me. How do I let go of the past, and also get over my guilt? Thank you in advance for anyone who is willing to offer me advice or has had similar experiences to mine

Burco Depression over an ended relationship
  • replies: 4

It's hard to put all the detail I want to, but I'll try I’m 28yo and for one reason or another I’ve never been in a relationship, I guess I’ve always lacked the confidence to go out and been overly nice so I didn't scare them away. I hadn't been happ... View more

It's hard to put all the detail I want to, but I'll try I’m 28yo and for one reason or another I’ve never been in a relationship, I guess I’ve always lacked the confidence to go out and been overly nice so I didn't scare them away. I hadn't been happy for a long time then in December I met someone. I struck up I guess a relationship with a girl just before christmas, I was so happy I finally had someone to share my life and what I was doing and where I wanted to go with someone. She was doing some travelling and heading back to the UK (I lived there for 5 years and was thinking of going back before I met her).. everything sort of just lined up and I thought maybe it was fate.. finally life was looking better. Then it all came tumbling down and I’m devastated, its been over a month now since I heard from her and I’m still bursting into tears when I think of her. The last I heard she was talking to a mutual friend not knowing what to do and if she was going to go back home or not. She told me it wasn’t going to work out because she was in love with someone back home in the UK who had 3 kids and she never wanted to be a mum/stepmum.. I guess I was just shocked. She had told me she broke up with a boyfriend a month before she came over.. I said look I like you as a person enough to not want to lose you completely and perhaps naively said I want to be friends. Things got a bit emotional after that, I told her she was the closest thing to a girlfriend I’ve ever had.. she told me to stop being so nice and to grow a backbone.. I told her she was an alcoholic and needed to get some help.. that didn’t go down well. All I can think about is this broken girl, who’s father died when she was 14, best friend committed suicide when she was 22 and has so many personal demons that could be so much more if she only sought out the help and support from her friends/family/loved ones. I know I can’t help everyone and she needs to help herself first.. but through circumstance she came to Australia to sort herself out and met me, the most nice/giving/honest/genuine guy I could be who would have given her the world and a fresh start and I’ve just made myself look like a desperate creep who she doesn’t want to talk to and possibly ruined her trip. I feel a bit like I’ve just failed her. I opened myself up more to anyone than I ever have, and I still wasn’t good enough for her as there was someone better.

BrokenFamily Separating from my husband who is suffering major depression
  • replies: 10

My husband of eight years has been gradually becoming someone I don't like, and I wasn't aware that he was becoming more and more depressed as the years went by. For the last twelve months or more he has been extremely stressed over everything, espec... View more

My husband of eight years has been gradually becoming someone I don't like, and I wasn't aware that he was becoming more and more depressed as the years went by. For the last twelve months or more he has been extremely stressed over everything, especially the small things that most people would shrug off. He has been unable to be happy about anything and every time he spoke it was negative. Our seven year old son felt the effects of being in dads way or too loud or simply just present it felt like. So the last week before I asked him to leave was bad. Constant fighting and playing the blame game. Then he became verbally abusive, attacking me at every opportunity and speaking to me as though he hated me. I made the decision to separate, at least temporarily so he could sort himself out. That's when he decided to tell me he thinks he's depressed. I should have recognised it myself, but I guess I was too close and didn't notice the progressive snowballing of his sadness. He begged me to let him stay, promised he would get help, but I just can't live like this any longer. I feel like the only way he will actually get serious help is if I keep strong and separate. I know if he were to move back in we would just argue, and I would lose what little feeling I still have for him after years of manipulation and gloom. But on the other hand I feel so bad for making him do this alone. He has been to an assessment and has an appointment to see a psychologist, it's only been a few days and he is doing all the right things, but struggling emotionally. He says he can't do it without me. But I can't help him because I don't want him around our son when he's like this. I want to stay apart until he has at least been on medication for a month if he needs it, I need to know he's serious about getting help and I need time to see he's capable of being happy on his own. He blames me for his unhappiness. I think I'm doing the right thing for my family, but I'm sure others may have a different opinion

CK1234567890 My partner is pushing me away
  • replies: 1

My boyfriend and i have been together for 5 months. We rarely fight, we have common interests and right from the start everything was wonderful up until a week ago. We had plans for the saturday night and when the time came to go see him, he message ... View more

My boyfriend and i have been together for 5 months. We rarely fight, we have common interests and right from the start everything was wonderful up until a week ago. We had plans for the saturday night and when the time came to go see him, he message and said he was not feeling right, had a lot on his mind and was feeling overwhelmed with the things in his life. He said he was sorry for pushing me away and didn't want to hurt my feelings but he didn't know what he was going to do. He said he wasn't sure if he wanted to be with me. I spoke to him face to face that night and he said that he wanted to be with me, that he enjoyed spending time with me and that he didn't want to lose me. We spoke via text every day during the week and i gave him space to think. He had family over this weekend, but he arranged to catch up with me sometime saturday. When i messaged him saturday i got no reply until 5pm when he said he was on the roof all day. We talked and arranged to meet Sunday at his house. I go around on Sunday to find he isn't there and he hasn't returned any of my calls or text messages. I sad in one of them that i was aware that something was wrong but we can't fix it without talking and still nothing. I am already not enjoying my job and quite a few things have gone wrong. I have felt anxious and upset all last week and today i am struggling to stop myself from crying. I feel like i dont have anything positive to focus on, because everything seems to have gone wrong at once. I don't know what i have done wrong or what i could have possibly done to avoid feeling like this, but now i'm struggling to cope. I'm terrified of being alone and i think i am in love with this guy which makes it that much more painful. I just don't know what to do and i know that a couple of weeks is hardly anything. People live feeling like this for years and i know my situation sounds pathetic, but i just can't shake the horrible, overwhelming sad feeling.

Lookingforpeace Sad, lonely and craving affection
  • replies: 7

Hi everyone Just feeling a bit sad and lonely and need to vent. I've been with my partner for 5 years and he's never been overly affectionate (whether in public or privately), and i have always told him that's something I crave. Well last year we had... View more

Hi everyone Just feeling a bit sad and lonely and need to vent. I've been with my partner for 5 years and he's never been overly affectionate (whether in public or privately), and i have always told him that's something I crave. Well last year we had lots of problems and seem to have gotten through them, but lately I've been finding myself just feeling really lonely and unloved because he's still not giving me the affection I need and I'm still healing from our issues of last year. I tend to get a lot of attention from other men but obviously don't want to go 'elsewhere' for the attention i crave. What more can I do when i have told him specifically that's what i need??

JJTangled Breakup + loneliness = unhappiness
  • replies: 1

I have a few positives in my life. My professional life is fabulous aside from the extreme tiredness and I'm nearing completion of a Masters degree. I have two beautiful children who I adore. However, I feel very unfulfilled. My marriage ended almost... View more

I have a few positives in my life. My professional life is fabulous aside from the extreme tiredness and I'm nearing completion of a Masters degree. I have two beautiful children who I adore. However, I feel very unfulfilled. My marriage ended almost 4 years ago and I continue to struggle with 'getting over it'. I feel like maybe I never properly grieved or sought help at the time. Coupled with the ending of it, I lost many friendships and my "in laws" whom I felt were family. I have no family in Brisbane. I feel dreadfully alone at times I don't know even know when I last invited to dinner/coffee/movie with a friend let alone when one contacted me just to touch base. Xmas Day I was alone in my home doing work waiting for my kids to arrive. Xmas Eve was alone. I wonder quite often whether they'd even notice if I moved away or other things. I'm considering a move to North Qld to be closer to my family but that comes loaded with other issues. I sink to very low points at times and consider other options which have a less than ideal outcome. It's such a sad and lonely place to be...to think you could just pop off and barely anyone would notice. it makes me question my value and worth to others. I have joined a social group but that is hard to fit in with - work, study and parenting. Just wanting some advice I suppose about how to get over my marriage breakdown and move on happily and how to combat this terrible loneliness. Thank you. beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636. Normal 0 false false false EN-AU X-NONE X-NONE /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0cm; mso-para-margin-right:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0cm; line-height:115%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi; mso-fareast-language:EN-US;}

elouisef23 Post Breakup Depression
  • replies: 6

I've struggled with depression and anxiety since late childhood (I'm now 25) but had started to get a bit back on track this year and feeling stronger. A couple of weeks ago my long term boyfriend broke up with me and it's really thrown me. At the st... View more

I've struggled with depression and anxiety since late childhood (I'm now 25) but had started to get a bit back on track this year and feeling stronger. A couple of weeks ago my long term boyfriend broke up with me and it's really thrown me. At the start I felt grief and cried a lot but now it's morphed into depression and in many ways is more difficult to deal with as I fear it never ending. I'm aware that he's just one person, I'll probably meet someone else and I have to keep living but knowing this doesn't relieve the depression. I now really struggle to get up in the mornings, don't want to go to uni or see anyone and struggle to see the light and the hope. I realise now I was way too reliant on him as my closest friend and connection as I'd just moved to a new city when we met and I do not have any other close friends here. I am fortunate to have family support but they have their own lives and I really miss having that close connection I had with my boyfriend. I know I need to meet new people but it's so difficult when I'm feeling so depressed and isolated and I fear I'll never experience the same connection again. Has anyone been through this and emerged the other side?

mause alone and rejected by love ones
  • replies: 4

I have always suffered from depression all my life so I find it difficult to make friends and connect with people. My daughter was married in December last year overseas, everything I thought was wonderful. I have 2 daughters both are adopted from Ko... View more

I have always suffered from depression all my life so I find it difficult to make friends and connect with people. My daughter was married in December last year overseas, everything I thought was wonderful. I have 2 daughters both are adopted from Korea. At my daughters wedding we (my husband and I) found out our daughter was ashamed of us, our family was placed at the back of the church and at the reception our table was at the back corner if front of huge speakers which made it impossible to sit there. She removed the father and daughter dance so she wouldn't have to dance with my husband (her father). We were devastated and humiliated. We didn't say anything at the wedding but did the following day. She didn't care. She has refused to talk to us since, her new husband tells us she is not ready to talk. I have slipped deeper and deeper into depression since. I realize now that both our daughters are ashamed of having non Asian parents. we didn't see it coming. My husband is coping much better than me. I don't have the support of family and friends, most of my family is dead, and my closest friend lives in another state, so I can only talk to her on the phone. My whole world has collapsed and I can't stop crying, I love my daughters so much and they don't love me.

Michael_c I had it all...and gave it all away. Not coping
  • replies: 4

My wife and a recently just separated after 5 years of marriage, 9 years together.We had the perfect life together, house, 2 beautiful daughters great family life, not struggling for money. The only thing lacking was between us, over the last few yea... View more

My wife and a recently just separated after 5 years of marriage, 9 years together.We had the perfect life together, house, 2 beautiful daughters great family life, not struggling for money. The only thing lacking was between us, over the last few years we had become more like just house mates. I've been working away in the mines for past 7 years, and at first things were fine, when I was away she missed me would call and text all the time. But over the years it became like she only loved me when I wasn't there. When I was home she didn't want to know me. We almost separated after about 2 years of marriage but worked thru it and things got better for a short time.But about a year ago, she started deciding to sleep on the couch instead of in bed with me.No reason given, just felt like it. We didn't share a bed for the next year, the sex life stoped and no matter how hard I tried she wasn't willing to admit anything was wrong? She said it was all fine and completely normal for married couples not to sleep together.she wouldn't even let me sit next to her on the couch or hug her or kiss her almost no physical or emotional contact at all. She pushed me so far away I began to fall out of love with her. That's when I meet another woman, we were just friends but in time I decided to leave my wife, who obviously didn't love me any more, and try somthing new with this new girl.So I told her I wanted a separation. She actually agreed about the separation and admitted she hadn't felt anything for me for a long time, only stayed with me because it was convinient for her life, me providing everything and her not having worked for last 7 years. So I did what I thought was right and told her about this other girl, nothing had happened between us at that point. And she just lost it.Told me I gave up on us to easily and made me feel like the relationship break down was all my fault. After only a month I realised I made a huge mistake leaving her, so I left this other girl, but i fear it's too late, my wife won't take me back. I know we can find our love again but she's still just pushing me away. I'm siting here up in the mines again, feeling so depressed and anxious all the time about how I blew it. I can't sleep can't concerntrate at work, I feel if she Dosen't give us another chance, I just don't know what I'll do.. I want her back she is the love of my life. I just can't let her go, I won't give up on her again, tho I fear she has given up on me. I'm not coping at all..