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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Mj1666 Ashamed
  • replies: 1

It has taken 4 years and medication to get to this point and what I feel is ashamed. I always knew that I was delicate in the mind, so the events that lead to my withdrawl from being a good mum, a good wife and a good person I guess we're always goin... View more

It has taken 4 years and medication to get to this point and what I feel is ashamed. I always knew that I was delicate in the mind, so the events that lead to my withdrawl from being a good mum, a good wife and a good person I guess we're always going to happen. For me finding truth about my parents was just the final straw! Outwardly people would have described me as confident maybe even brash, but always there for my friends and family. So when I needed help, no one was there, no one saw the changes, no one cared. I was a rock bottom and did things to alienate myself, I changed my whole life, I did not want to be liked or alive. Know I feel ashamed as I have ruined what I once had. I don't want my marriage back nor do I want my old friends but I do want my children to feel,proud of me again. And I need help to do this, please can anyone help me to regain my self worth ?

Lucym my partner of 10 years left me for another girl
  • replies: 13

Hi, I think I need help, at the moment I feel ok. But I've been crying on and off for more than a month, I generally feel flat and drained & only get small moments of being determined to get on with my life. I have family & friends that have let me t... View more

Hi, I think I need help, at the moment I feel ok. But I've been crying on and off for more than a month, I generally feel flat and drained & only get small moments of being determined to get on with my life. I have family & friends that have let me talk things out with them. I've been trying to make plans to catch up with friends in the hope of feeling happy again but everyone is busy with their lives which is fair enough. I'm wondering if I will ever get over this or will I just get used to the fact that the man I thought I'd spend the rest of my life with, the man I loved so much, left me because he likes another girl. A girl he was secretly talking to on the internet for 6 months. A girl he met on a sex page he made on Instagram and only told me about 2 weeks before he broke up with me. We were looking to buy a house together, then I lost my job and I felt like everything was falling apart. He told me not to worry, he loved me, we would start looking for houses again when I got another job. We hadn't been very active in the bedroom so I had a talk with him, he was on his phone so much, I felt like he paid it more attention than me. I thought we were getting somewhere, we talked more, we had sex more, we booked a holiday to Bali together. 2 weeks before Bali he said he wasn't happy with his life, and he's not sure about us but he thought it was because of him being generally unhappy with everything. He started staying at his parents house, I tried my best to listen & be there for him, I wanted to at least spend the night with him a couple times while he was getting his thoughts together at his parents, but after the first few days of him saying everything will be ok and that he does love me don't worry, he started being more distant, didn't come over to stay the night when he said he would, didn't respond to every text, I got an hour or so to talk to him in person after work every couple days. The day before Bali I found out about the girl, we had a fight because he denied any feelings for her. I cancelled the trip last minute. The next day he broke up with me, said he wants me in his life still, he still loves me hes just not IN love with me. Right now we're not talking. I deleted his phone number to try stop texting him. He texted me a few days ago saying he does like this girl. I miss him so much. As much as I wish he did, I know he doesnt want me. I feel like I wont get over this. I don't know what to do. I don't know what I expect writing this.

MisterM My family's advice to me
  • replies: 2

Just get a job, any job and stay there, pay your mortgage, forget about your dreams, what you want to be a musician? Get real, that is fanciful, it's not really important to do what you love, just pay the mortgage, the mortgage, yes owning a house is... View more

Just get a job, any job and stay there, pay your mortgage, forget about your dreams, what you want to be a musician? Get real, that is fanciful, it's not really important to do what you love, just pay the mortgage, the mortgage, yes owning a house is your dream and sole purpose in life, not writing songs and performing them live. Oh yes, kids, why aren't you raising a family yet, why are you still single. Bla bla bla bla blaaaa It's hard to ignore my family, me being so sensitive, it gets me down and starts believing their beliefs that I am crazy for having the passion and dream I have. Yes being a musician won't help pay my mortgage (unless I make it bigtime) but I have no desire to work jobs I have no passion for.

vgun3700 My wife has a medical issue which is destroying our sex life...
  • replies: 5

Hi all.I don't know what to expect by posting this and quite frankly I feel like an idiot.I just feel the need to talk about this because I can't talk to anybody else.I am recently married (11 months) and my wife has a medical issue which has destroy... View more

Hi all.I don't know what to expect by posting this and quite frankly I feel like an idiot.I just feel the need to talk about this because I can't talk to anybody else.I am recently married (11 months) and my wife has a medical issue which has destroyed (or never even started) our sex lives.This prevents us from having sex. We have seen a doctor but there are no solutions.Her sex drive is limited because she feels inadequate and I get more depressed every time we try and fail to have sex.It has gotten to the stage that we don't talk anymore. I am constantly down and don't have motivation to go to work or get out of bed.I know all I'm doing is complaining but this is really hurting me.It's not at all about the sex. I just want to feel close to her. I want to be able to lay next to her after we make love and cuddle.I feel like the inability of us to have sex is destroying our love.Please help...I don't want to leave her I love her so much...

jojo05 confused, husband says he doesn't love me anymore
  • replies: 3

My husband has suffered from some form of depression for as long as I've known him (11 years) he's never gotten any help with it and has chosen to deal with it his way. We've had our fair share of problems in our marriage but have always gotten throu... View more

My husband has suffered from some form of depression for as long as I've known him (11 years) he's never gotten any help with it and has chosen to deal with it his way. We've had our fair share of problems in our marriage but have always gotten through them. He has a stressful job ​and i know there's things that have happened recently that have really triggered his depression but because hes stubborn he just continues on like things are ok. Just this week completely out of the blue he has dropped this huge bomb on me and has told me hes not in love with me anymore, theres been no signs of anything thats lead to this, only the recent events with work which has really knocked him for a six. I couldnt be more confused because when I asked him why, what have i done he tells me he doesn't know, he cant explain, and has told me he needs space to figure out whats going on with him because hes confused and feels numb and empty, all of this has happened and hes gone to work as usual and we havent had the chance to process whats happened, hes arranged to leave next week, which i think is his way of escaping the issues. I know he has things to work out and has to figure out whats going on but i just feel as though he is leaving me to deal with something that dont understand and i feel really messed up and confused because i cant get any answers out of him. I dont want to come across as needy and selfish but im really at a loss as what to do because everytime i try to talk to him about we fight, i get upset and he tells me im making him feel guilty. I really feel as though hes given up, i love him and don't want to just give up, what do i do, do i just go with what he wants or do i try harder to help him? Thanks for reading ​ ​ ​

baker76 new here slowly going crazy
  • replies: 7

My partner and I have been together 18months now and We have been through alot with people trying to destroy our relationship like his mentally unstable ex.when we had our very first fight I found out he gave his ex his new number and she was posting... View more

My partner and I have been together 18months now and We have been through alot with people trying to destroy our relationship like his mentally unstable ex.when we had our very first fight I found out he gave his ex his new number and she was posting everywhere she slept with him.he denied it and changed his number once again.we havent heard anything more from her but only recently I found unread year old messages in my inbox filled with stories and it makes me feel sick literally I showed them to him and we had a fight because he thinks I believe these old messages Im having a hard time with trust issues and I dont know what to do to move on. I dont believe what she said was true but I really cant be totally sure either hes told me numerous times it was the biggest mistake he made texting her when we first fought but I cant seem to believe that.

SimplyLost New here. But I just need someone to listen. Someone to talk to.
  • replies: 6

4 1/2 years ago I met my soulmate. We were both married. We met through a mutual hobby and just hit it off. We started an affair. Something I never thought myself capable of. And I stepped over that line. But it was wonderful. And we both fell head o... View more

4 1/2 years ago I met my soulmate. We were both married. We met through a mutual hobby and just hit it off. We started an affair. Something I never thought myself capable of. And I stepped over that line. But it was wonderful. And we both fell head over heels in love. We both separated from our partners and planned a future. But we had issues with our situation. There were 2 lots of children involved. We lived 2 hrs apart - and any future had to involve moving children away from a parent. That was hard - for as much as we had stepped over that line, we never wanted to cause more hurt. We talked many solutions. And then things got harder. My partner had to declare bankruptcy with the business he had had with his ex. A proud man was what he started out as. And it utterly destroyed him. It has been 18 months since now. And in that time I have watched him sink lower into the mess he is now in. He has lost his spark and his passion for life. He drinks. He gets angry. And he has lost everything. He wont contemplate a life for us now as he has nothing to offer. But I wanted to be together in debt or bankruptcy. I knew together we would get through regardless. But things have all changed. He has changed. He loves me dearly. I know that. And he wants to be with me. But he has to fix is life. And his way of fixing it right now needs me to stepback. To take the pressure off him while he gets back on his feet. I said I would wait. He says I shouldn't have to wait. That I need to get my own life on track. That we have been together now for 3 1/2 years....but we still live 2 hrs apart. We are actually in a worse position now than we have ever been as far as bringing two families together. He needs to stay where he is because he need the higher paying job to get back on his feet. I cant take my kids that far from their dad and other family. It is destroying us. He is caught between a rock and a hard place - and I want to find a way to help us - but I cant. He has started seeing a counsellor. They are telling him he either has to commit to a future with me - or walk away. He needs to concentrate on sorting him. That saddens me so much. I am part of this too. This is also my life that others are talking to him about. But I don't get to tell my side. And I feel so left out. So lost. Today he told me to move on. That he wouldn't blame me. That he couldn't ask me to wait longer.

baker76 losing the plot
  • replies: 3

I seriously feel like Im loosing the plot I feel like my partner does not listen to me when it comes to his son.we both have kids to different partners and his 15 yo son lives with us full time. I really feel like walking away from the whole relation... View more

I seriously feel like Im loosing the plot I feel like my partner does not listen to me when it comes to his son.we both have kids to different partners and his 15 yo son lives with us full time. I really feel like walking away from the whole relationship it seems like a basic chore is to much for him to even do properly and my partner lets him get away with it all the time a basic chore like dishes and which he gets paid for is never done properly and im sick of nagging to do it right hes been doing this chore for 18 months now. He babies him with everything and im sick of trying

Mrs_Senior_Constable Married to a shift worker
  • replies: 8

My husband just won't listen to me. Nothing I say is getting through. He is so aggressive when we fight and really attacks me instead of the issue. He is moody most of the time because of his job. I am moody at times because I'm pregnant and a young ... View more

My husband just won't listen to me. Nothing I say is getting through. He is so aggressive when we fight and really attacks me instead of the issue. He is moody most of the time because of his job. I am moody at times because I'm pregnant and a young mum. He also had thyroid issues he is trying to resolve with diet as he doesn't want to take medications. We have been getting counselling this year. The psychologist recommended he sort out the thyroid first. We keep having the same old fight - he thinks I don't like his family and am unequal with how much they see my kid. he doesn't see that each time he brings up this argument that he is choosing them over me. I like his family. I have always gotten along with them. Yes they are sarcastic and I don't really get that, but I get on fine with all of them. I have had multiple issues with his mum who has her own demons (Anxiety etc) and since marrying her son I am the new scapegoat for when she feels life is unfair. Her comments to my husband or father in law are fired like bullets by my husband. I work 2-3 days a week and my mum takes care of my child. He is their first grandchild but 5th for my in-laws. My parents work minimal hours and are available most days/nights but the in-laws have full-time jobs (and MIL is a weekend working shift worker). This means they're just not available to babysit more often. Their home is also not equipped for our son's age, they are used to older children now. His MIL has admitted this to me. My parents have a dedicated nursery. I have struggled with depression in the past, and it's mostly because of being relocated by the police without support networks. I don't want to keep having the same fight over and over and I'm tired of feeling used by my husband when he decides to be nice because he wants something. He knows he needs to get out of the job but it won't happen for some time. He is looking to change departments into something more family friendly. i am really struggling. While i love him, I hate being attacked so often and feeling so unheard. His claims are so ridiculous that it infuriates me and I ended up hitting him tonight with a toy in anger. I feel so bad about it but don't know how to be heard anymore. I wish he would realise how much he is hurting me. I really need advice because I'm too much of a coward to do anything drastic to get him to hear me. I can't do this anymore but divorce is not an option. sorry for the essay!

Barton86 Feel lost all the time
  • replies: 2

Hello Everyone, I'm nearly 30, been married nearly a year, ready to start a family. For most of my life I was bullied for having poor eye sight and generally not an athletic body, as I got into my 20's i started to come into my own with the help of a... View more

Hello Everyone, I'm nearly 30, been married nearly a year, ready to start a family. For most of my life I was bullied for having poor eye sight and generally not an athletic body, as I got into my 20's i started to come into my own with the help of an older friend who helped boost my confidence . I met a girl and we dated for 3 years, in that time she had many family issues and turned to drugs as a way to cope, and I turned to alcohol , this hurt my mother a lot as both my grandfathers and my dad have had issues with alcoholism. Over the last five years, with my new partner who became my wife I have done my best not to become them. However as I get older and the stress and anxiety grow I find I am drinking more again, I'm doing and saying ridiculous things and my friends joke I have an evil twin. I have tried giving up many times for months but I always go back to it. I have a lot of repressed feelings and have tried talking to people before, my wife has been very graceful and is my greatest confidant , I try to tell her everything , but sometimes I get angry or upset watching movies or TV, yet I I can't feel anything when I have been to friends funerals etc, I'm sorry for a large post with a multitude of issues, I can only hope that others who have been in my shoes can show me the better path, as I hope to become a dad soon, I only want the best for my wife and kids. The only thing I have found to help reduce my anxiety is meditation, but it does not reduce my many regrets that prey on me