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Young Marriage Ending

Community Member


My wife has told me this morning she can't go on with our current marriage. She has been upset with my lack of motivation and unwillingness to seek help for depression I suffer.

I'm a musician and suffer from a lot of anxiety and depression pre and post work, also we have planned to move overseas once she has finished her degree (she's a foreigner) and questions what I'll do when we go.

We seem to have one big argument every 6 months (married 3 years) and I think my inability to change from those arguments ultimately has put her in this position.

I cannot sleep, function or concentrate with this going on, she is staying at a friends because she thinks I will pressure her decision, I was so adamant that I will change. We regularly tell each other "I love you" but this seems an extreme and quick decision.

I take a lot of the blame for not at least getting help for myself but can't help think that this is a dash decision, or have I just been blind to the fact.

3 years doesn't seem long and considering I thought we were still in the honeymoon period this is extremely shattering.

I've booked in to see my GP regarding a mental health plan but if this all goes south as I fear, I can't see how I'll survive...

Thanks for listening, I'm really struggling.

2 Replies 2

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni
hello Alan, I can sympathise with you, because I was in denial for a long time, although I knew that I was depressed but failed to seek any treatment and in the long run my wife (ex) said that she couldn't help me any longer and that all my counselling had not worked, however it was working even though I hadn't overcome depression, because I could go and talk to my psychologist and just talk with her, and discuss all those problems that I wasn't able to talk about with anyone else.
Your wife is wanting you to make a committment, but when you are suffering from this illness it's impossible to even decide what clothes to wear, so the more pressure is put onto you the more you will close up and the harder it will become.
Admitting that you need help is a way of procrastinating and this can happen most times when you don't know what to do or where to start, so some people call it being a hopeless situation, but it's not, it's going into an unknown area where you are never sure what it will entail, in other words it's scary.
It may take some time to understand what your doctor and psych are doing to help you, only because when we delay getting any help we put a barrier that these people have to try and breakdown, but from how I see your situation is that you're not too fond of going o/s, as well as struggling with depression and being able to meet on common ground with your wife.
When she is staying at a friends house then this just adds another pressure on you, but I hope that you get back to us now as well as later on. Geoff.

Community Member

Thanks Geoff,

I went to the GP today and feel as though I've let her down by waiting so long. I thought that being the sole provider was enough and that she didn't appreciate how much I work to keep us going.

I guess now I have to try and live with the fact that I ruined the one thing I care about by not realizing how much damage I was doing by not doing anything.

About the o/s stuff, we have both lived abroad together, I'm not worried about that as this country reminds me of so much stuff that makes me upset, I would like to get away.

But, now it's square one and mentally I'm not sure how to make it through. My next appointment isn't until Monday week and I really don't know if I can wait that long.

Thanks again, this has been really helpful.