Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Lookingforpeace Trust
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone I know this is a non-judgemental forum otherwise I wouldn't be posting this but here goes. Ive been married for 4 years. For about two and a half of those years, things were great. We had intimacy, trust and security, had fun together and... View more

Hi everyone I know this is a non-judgemental forum otherwise I wouldn't be posting this but here goes. Ive been married for 4 years. For about two and a half of those years, things were great. We had intimacy, trust and security, had fun together and our home was our haven. Yes we had our moments like every relationship but overall I was happy. Then my husband started a new job and became miserable, day in and day out. Even on holidays or weekends he wasn't able to relax or be happy. He started to drink, then ultimately started to lie to me about where he was and how much he had to drink. There was little to no intimacy left in our relationship. Im ashamed to say that when this was at its worst I started an emotional affair with a colleague. There was never any physical cheating, but nevertheless it was the kind of relationship I wouldn't want my husband to know about. That's over now but I still have guilt about it. Now, I have serious trust issues with my husband and catch him in a lie every now and then. Nothing major but I just hate that he lies to me. In the meantime, my first love has come back into my life and we've struck up a friendship. I find myself falling back in love with him. He's married now too but I can't help fantasising about a life with him. My husband has no idea that I have this friendship. Of course I see the hypocrisy. I hate that he lies to me and yet I am lying to him too. I don't want to lose the friendship with my ex but I fear that if I tell my husband he won't want me to continue the friendship, or he will notice my feelings for my ex. Part of me wants to stop lying because I loathe it and I want the trust back, the other part of me wants to leave my husband. Part of me blames him for the loss of trust and the other part feels so guilty and ashamed. I am just so confused.

wanted_a_simple_life I wanted a simple life
  • replies: 2

We had everything going for us, beautiful family, financially set up and lived in an amazing house near the beach then........... My wife said to me after going away for a girls weekend, that she has been unhappy for 6 years. I suspected she had met ... View more

We had everything going for us, beautiful family, financially set up and lived in an amazing house near the beach then........... My wife said to me after going away for a girls weekend, that she has been unhappy for 6 years. I suspected she had met someone as she seemed to switch off. She moved away quickly with the kids and told everyone untruths about me as a husband. I wasnt perfect, but not who she made me out to be. Well 7 months later, the truth is out, she did meet someone on the girls weekend and have been in contact ever since. She made him known to my kids a few weeks after meeting him and they recieved christmas presents from him. They were with her when she slept together for the first time on a weekend away, some 2 months after they met. I found out they got engaged 2.5 months after they met and planned a life together. All this time she maintained the unthruths about me and kept the engagement hidden from her family and most of her firends. We even had marriage counselling but she never dislosed anything to the counsellor. They broke up recently and he made contact with me and revealed the whole truth about the situation and provided evidence to support his claims. All through this my kids watched thier mum lie to people and helped her cover up her situation. She tells them lies about me which has distanced them from me. I find that unfair. All the way through this, many people suspected what was going on, but now we know the truth and I feel better, but does not change the facts and I miss my kids dearly. More has come out about her kissing other guys and I feel horrible that she has done this to me. I never cheated on her or physically abused her or the kids. I think she is seeing a counsellor and have heard they said she has major issues to deal with. The other day she said that she realises she has hurt me and the kids. I feel sorry for her but hate whats she has done. I want to move on cause I deserve better, but find it hard to....

BBUser72 Life can be a little unfair....
  • replies: 4

Hello friends, I just wanted to share my personal struggles with depression. I feel like I have it under control with regular exercise, eating right, keeping to a routine, making sure I do not get myself in stressful situations, staying in my job and... View more

Hello friends, I just wanted to share my personal struggles with depression. I feel like I have it under control with regular exercise, eating right, keeping to a routine, making sure I do not get myself in stressful situations, staying in my job and hanging around positive people and friends. I find a huge part of my depression is situational. I struggle a lot with rejection because as a child, I'd lost relations with family to disputes. Not from me personally but from others and being caught in the middle. I had this girlfriend who eventually found it more enjoyable to hang out with people she barely knew. Over time, this took a huge toll on me and my depression. Eventually we broke up and it took me a long time to find myself and get better. After a while, I found myself another really nice girl. She had so much baggage with finances and bad debt that it put a real toll on our fairly new relationship. Eventually it got too much and started causing cracks and eventually broke us up. Again this was something I struggled dealing with. My closest brother no longer wanted anything to do with me. I was completely surprised by this because I always looked up to him and loved him very much. I decided to space myself from him because it was getting me down so much, later to find he has been pretty nasty towards my parents. Probably a good decision on my part but still hurts. After all this rejection, I eventually came to terms with everything and found myself on a real even ground. I was no longer angry or emotional about it. Felt I was back in control. I met this really lovely girl who I couldn't believe we had so much in common and were on the same level. I must admit, I fell in love. (I know I talk about these girls like im meeting them easily but they are quite a few years apart. I tend to take a time out, recharge before I get back on the shelf). We started dating for a few months and obviously the relationship became physical and planning for the future was spoken about. One day, she asked me about my family so I calmly discussed some of the issues and the fight I had with depression. I didn't get emotional or angry, I was very happy at that stage in my life so felt comfortable talking about it. I didn't think much of it but noticed she was acting a little bit funny. I asked if she was ok and she said she felt a little uncomfortable. I apologised and said nothing to worry about. The next day, she dumped me. Its been tough.....

Onex Jealousy
  • replies: 3

Hi beyondblue, I'm in a situation where I just get nowhere. I've had issues with the way I look since I was a young girl (early 20's now). I am a new mum so my body has changed a lot. People tell me to embrace my mother's body but they just have no i... View more

Hi beyondblue, I'm in a situation where I just get nowhere. I've had issues with the way I look since I was a young girl (early 20's now). I am a new mum so my body has changed a lot. People tell me to embrace my mother's body but they just have no idea what I've been going through before becoming a mother. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely adore my baby, I wouldn't change him for the world! I just feel very defensive now more than ever when my partner meets new women who have great "assets" and he seems to be so smitten with them. We get into so many arguments over it because he says I'm blowing it all out of proportion. Somehow all these women have cool lives that I feel like he wants but instead he's stuck with me. I'm also home all the time and have no finances of my own to meet friends or meet new people. I just feel so isolated and he's out there at work doing whatever he wants, having drinks after work etc. Call me silly, but I'd love some help to change my mindset about myself (especially) and the way I handle my partner and his "girl friends". Thank you.

Jessicat Keep ruining everything
  • replies: 2

Hi, Not sure if this will make sense but I'll try. I'm 23 and am 38 weeks pregnant with my 1st child. About a month ago the childs father broke up with me. We had been together for 3 years, had been our first loves and shared all that came along with... View more

Hi, Not sure if this will make sense but I'll try. I'm 23 and am 38 weeks pregnant with my 1st child. About a month ago the childs father broke up with me. We had been together for 3 years, had been our first loves and shared all that came along with that, had lived together for 1 1/2 years, and had planned on getting married. Both our families loved each other, we were madly in love, shared so many goals and ideals, and had a great relationship... except the fighting. His temper and my anxiety/depression clashed on so many occasions. I was the crazy, insecure girlfriend who would cry and break down begging for reassurance and more physical affection, he was the mad guy that would lose it at any time his xbox game messed up or he didn't get his way (he became quite physical). In the end my anxiety and depression got the better of us and he left (he was also cheating on me). I realised that he had fallen out of love with me and had checked out of the relationship months before it was finally over. After a few weeks in hospital after suicidal thoughts, I moved back into my mums place where I plan on staying for the first few months of my kids life. He took over the lease of our rental property.Over the last few weeks things had finally reached a point where we could casually talk about general things, and communicate our wishes for co-parenting. But I am not coping in the slightest. He is completely ok with the end of the relationship, pointing out almost daily that we aren't getting back together and that he is happier without me. I on the other hand am a complete mess and the last few days have started begging for him back, which had ended in a very big fight. I can't seem to move on and accept the fact that we won't be having a happy family, and that the love of my life isn't coming back no matter how hard I try to fix things. I'm so scared of co-parenting and going through birth without him. I miss him so much and can't push past fantasies of us together. I'm lost and afraid and don't know how to stop begging for him back. Every time I do I ruin things.... just like I was doing in the relationship. Seeing him so happy isn't helping the situation and not that he is really angry at me... I don't know what to do. I'm constantly panicking and I feel so low.

rat17 help with jerts or docs
  • replies: 2

I would like to know how the system works. Once a child makes a complaint whether home or school, and then community services get involved, they have a meeting with "JERTS" I think that's how you spell it, when that's how this case went. So anyways t... View more

I would like to know how the system works. Once a child makes a complaint whether home or school, and then community services get involved, they have a meeting with "JERTS" I think that's how you spell it, when that's how this case went. So anyways they are interviewed by the appropriate ppl, at what point is it taken out of the parents hands. At what point does the parents have no say. Can they stop the accusation once JERTS is involved. Please help.

Angelz Mood
  • replies: 1

I don't know why but whenever I hear my ex's name or anything about him by the next day or two I'm in a bad mood... Anyone else been like this? I hate it & hate how he still has that effect on me after five years of being apart.

I don't know why but whenever I hear my ex's name or anything about him by the next day or two I'm in a bad mood... Anyone else been like this? I hate it & hate how he still has that effect on me after five years of being apart.

SOMETHING_IS_WRONG Daughter Hates Herself
  • replies: 1

I don't know how to deal with my 15 year old daughter. I was her when I was younger but not to this extreme, she is 163cm and weighs 56ish kilos, she absolutely detests herself and does not want to go out in public. She goes to school in her uniform ... View more

I don't know how to deal with my 15 year old daughter. I was her when I was younger but not to this extreme, she is 163cm and weighs 56ish kilos, she absolutely detests herself and does not want to go out in public. She goes to school in her uniform because its huge and covers her body, as she informs me. She has a problem with her thighs and she is absolutely beautiful, she isn't anyway over weight but in her head this is what she believes. I do blame myself a little as I was this way, I tried very hard to make sure when they were little girls that I was not judge mental of myself as she was growing up, my oldest daughter is not like my youngest daughter at all, very opposite actually. I have spoken to her and I have tried, but she has cried and cried so much, that I have suggested maybe counselling to help with her with her body image. I don't want her wasting the next 20 years of her life worrying about her body. She is gorgeous inside and out, but" im her mum and that's what im supposed to say" quoted by her. This is only a brief, she really does hate herself and I don't know how to deal with it. Thankyou

Living57 So not coping
  • replies: 6

Just too much at the moment. I have bi-polar and depression along with having panic/anxiety attacks. My husband has just been diagnosed with dementia. We had my parents living with us from 2009, Mum passed away in 2010, Dad passed away in 2012, in be... View more

Just too much at the moment. I have bi-polar and depression along with having panic/anxiety attacks. My husband has just been diagnosed with dementia. We had my parents living with us from 2009, Mum passed away in 2010, Dad passed away in 2012, in between in 2011 my much loved son-in-law passed away aged just 40. We moved to a new house in April thus year and to be honest that is all that is keeping me going, 5 acres, chickens, veggies and fruit trees.I am finding it hard to cope, particularly with my husband. His doctor has stopped him from driving, told him to cut out all alcohol. He complains to all who will listen that I made the doctor take these actions, that he doesnt have dementia, they have all got it wrong. I understand that he is going through his own issues in comung to terms with what is happening. I too am finding it hard, it is playing havoc with my mental health.i am so low, the bottom of the hole, i just wish sometimes the blackness would swallow me. I have told my husband how I am feeling and he tells me not to be ridiculous and to get over it, get a life. He has become totally unsupportive, and I admit to be scared of how I am feeling.Anyway, thanks for letting me get it out, much appreciatedbeyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community areencouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

Aynat Break up, not coping
  • replies: 3

I was with my boyfriend for seven years. Ten months ago he told me he wanted to explore his sexuality. I was shattered. We were so close, i would speak to him everyday. Since our break up we have been on a roller coaster of emotions. We have even hoo... View more

I was with my boyfriend for seven years. Ten months ago he told me he wanted to explore his sexuality. I was shattered. We were so close, i would speak to him everyday. Since our break up we have been on a roller coaster of emotions. We have even hooked up a few times. We hooked up recently and about three weeks afterwards i found out he had slept with a man. I am so hurt. I have not had one day go by without crying. I have lost my best friend. I am just so hurt that he is able to move on. I feel like our relationship meant nothing and that i mean nothing.