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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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nettle what is more important for children when a marriage ends?
  • replies: 7

I am really stressed out trying to figure out what to do. My marriage is over and this is very hard for me to bear but I know it's the right thing. We have 3 children together and are still living all together until we figure out a plan. Our marriage... View more

I am really stressed out trying to figure out what to do. My marriage is over and this is very hard for me to bear but I know it's the right thing. We have 3 children together and are still living all together until we figure out a plan. Our marriage broke down because my husband was physically and verbally abusive toward me and the children, especially the children, and I couldnt live with that. We seperated before, got help and got back together, but now we know its not working. He is still verbally abusive and the pressure of trying to control his temper means he is usualy very antisocial at home and doesnt put much effort into relationships. I am trying to decide what is more important for our children in a seperation - a well supported mum OR maintaining continuity of their everday life. Their dad has said he will not be in a position to share custody as he plans to move into a friends place or his parents and save heaps of money. I have no support here at all. I was thinking of moving interstate , where we used to live 2.5 years ago, to be closer to my support. It would also be slightly cheaper to live there as rent is cheaper. This is a place that is familiar to the children as 2 of them have spent most of their lives there. I feel like this would give me the best shot at recovering from this break up and moving forward. But I worry that moving would hurt my kids. They would have to be away from their dad and his family. However their dad seems ok with this and they dont see a great deal of his family for the most part. But I know my kids will care. They would have to change schools too, and we will only be able to take very limited things with us and no furniture. I worry that this much upheaval will be bad for the children at this time in their lives.

Thewonderer Relationship breakup
  • replies: 10

Hello.. I am new to this and am writing in the hopes that maybe someone out there will respond.. I have battled with depression for the last 5 years due to failed relationships. It all started when my ex fiance left me for someone else and through fa... View more

Hello.. I am new to this and am writing in the hopes that maybe someone out there will respond.. I have battled with depression for the last 5 years due to failed relationships. It all started when my ex fiance left me for someone else and through facebook I realised he was cheating on me and ended up getting the girl pregnant. They are married now with two kids... Somehow I have managed to get past all of that betrayal and pain. A few years later I met someone who I thought was so incredible. Understood me, valued me and put me first. However later I realised he was quite selfish and that he changed a lot from the person he was in the beginning with me. He isnt a bad person, but i guess still young and immature. We broke up about 7months ago after a serious relationship, talking about marriage and a life together.. and yesterday I found out he is moving to the US with his new of a few months girlfriend. I am shattered. I just cannot fathom how I ended up in a very similar predicament once again. I feel so much pain, I just cant handle it anymore my heart feels like its going to burst. I am a student and have lost all interest in my studies. I can't focus and there are many moments I feel like I cant go on. I feel like it sounds so stupid and that there are people out there with so much more pain they deal with.. but I just don't know how I will get through this one. I have a very supportive family and circle of friends and I love them for always looking out for me, so I feel blessed for that. Yet right now, I feel so lost and downtrodden. I don't know who will care to read this, but perhaps knowing I have put this out there maybe someone who also feels this way will know they aren't alone. I haven't said a word to anyone for two days, i just cant speak. So I came here. Thank you for reading.

samara__ Lost the love of my life - my fault
  • replies: 2

I know Im going to cop alot of flac for this but I honestly need some advice. I cheated on my fiance and he understandably left me. Im heartbroken and so is he but we both know its not a cut and dry scenario. I have loved him for over a decade and we... View more

I know Im going to cop alot of flac for this but I honestly need some advice. I cheated on my fiance and he understandably left me. Im heartbroken and so is he but we both know its not a cut and dry scenario. I have loved him for over a decade and we have been through so much together. I didnt cheat because i fell out of love with him or found someone else i was attracted to more. I cant even fully understand why i even did it. I feel like it was a build up of a truly mucked up past year.We suffered a miscarriage and were trying again for another. We fell pregnant again but a few months later found out that the baby had major defects and were strongly advised by the doctors to terminate the pregnancy. I didnt seek counselling after and this was a major mistake. While he was able to accept it and move on ive been suffering so much guilt and depression over It. Anytime I tried to talk about it he got so sad and i felt guiltier so i just kept it all in.A few months later i seriously injured myself at work and was essentially pushed out of my job. My injury caused chronic pain and requires surgery but as Im not a good candidate for surgery they have tried to fix it without. My partner being the type of 'pain only being in your head' was pretty unsupportive so i just tried to tough it out again. He started getting frustrated because i wasnt able to do the things i could before because he honestly just didnt understand but it really hurt.Then he came home from the doctors and told me the doctors suspected he had an std. At that point the thought of cheating had never even crossed my mind so this voice in my head told me it had to be him. So i reached out to a friend, things got out of control and we slept together. I have never felt so sick about something in my life. If you asked me now why i let it get that far i honestly cant tell you. I love my now ex fiance to my core. By the time i got home he already knew.Is there any way anyone can see to recover our relationship? Or should I do what I have been doing and just being here when he needs me but otherwise leave him alone?

ocean_dreams Self sabotage destroyed my relationship
  • replies: 2

I've had depression on and off since I was a teenager. My partner has had depression too & have been with him for nearly 2 yrs, but as of last week he told me he doesn't want to be with me anymore. We haven't had the easiest of relationships, when we... View more

I've had depression on and off since I was a teenager. My partner has had depression too & have been with him for nearly 2 yrs, but as of last week he told me he doesn't want to be with me anymore. We haven't had the easiest of relationships, when we met mid 2013 we were both volunteering & unemployed (I am a geologist & I had not long left university early 2012, he works in the automotive industry in a niche area). I got a job in 2013 & he got a job at the end 2013. Things seemed to be going well. We decided to move out together in Feb 2014, only for him to be fired in March (long story & very much not his fault). During March I had to go on 2 trips overseas which I couldn't cancel. I still feel guilty for it now for not being there for him. I had a high pressure and stressful job, the commute daily up to 3hrs rtn & would come home exhausted & pass out on the couch leaving him alone again. He eventually got a job while I was away on my 2nd trip which I was so happy for him. Eventually we were both stressed out with the commute, so we moved & we had our sanity back. Meanwhile I was still stressed & still falling asleep on the couch. I left my job due to the stress (lack of support from direct manager) & decided to start a business so I could work doing something I love. The past 7 months have been awful, I have struggled with starting my business & spiraled back into depression. My partner did so much to help me but because of my mind set I didn't accept it. He too has felt depressed with his job & with health. I saw my doc in Oct last year & went back on anti depressants which I had to wean myself off slowly because they made me feel zombie-esque despite being on a low dose. The brain fog was awful. My partner pleaded with me to see a psych but I wouldn't because I had bad experiences in the past with them. I am struggling with why would anyone want to listen to me, what I have to offer. My partner has always encouraged me and lifted me up.. I struggle to believe in it. He ask how I was going with everything & lied to him because I was ashamed to say I was failing & struggling. I am now faced with being without him as he says he needs to be alone. He said he has tried so much to help me but doesn't know what to do, can't deal with it anymore. I am worried for him being alone. He says he still loves & cares for me & wants to see me get on my feet. I feel like this is all my fault, because of self sabotage my relationship has fallen apart.

laura4 Getting over a broken relationship
  • replies: 5

I've been in a relationship for almost three years and at times it was a long distance relationship, which turned out to be easier than being together. We had been having problems for a few months now and he finally ended it. The break up has dragged... View more

I've been in a relationship for almost three years and at times it was a long distance relationship, which turned out to be easier than being together. We had been having problems for a few months now and he finally ended it. The break up has dragged on for a few weeks now and become worse and worse. Our relationship was pretty horrible towards the end and he said some things to me which I cant get out of my head. At the start he told me he needed space and then that he didn't want me anymore and I was better off without him. I am finding it difficult to get over him and keep trying to get him back, which is not healthy and he keeps hurting me every time I do. He was my best friend and partner and I lost all my other friends because of my dedication to him. I am finding it hard to make friends and move on. All I want to do is cry and feel that life is not worth living. I wish I had someone to support me and get me through this. I don't enjoy doing the things I used to love anymore. I am also struggling with the pressure of finding my first full time job. I am spending most of my time alone at home, dwelling on the relationship and all my problems. I know he wasn't good for me and that our relationship is ruined. He changed so much towards the end, becoming a different person and I feel like its all my fault. He was my first relationship and I keep wanting to text, call or go see him. Now he wont even answer my messages and I feel like I need to get everything off my chest and tell him goodbye. I don't know if its a good idea or whether I should leave it be and try to move on. I don't know what to do and I am getting really emotional and depressed.

felice long distance relationship breakup
  • replies: 4

Im nearly 25 and cant get over my relationship breakup, he lived in Italy and for 3 years I did most of the travelling, and he came to Australia once because he is studying to be a doctor .. in january I went for 2 weeks and we discussed that he coul... View more

Im nearly 25 and cant get over my relationship breakup, he lived in Italy and for 3 years I did most of the travelling, and he came to Australia once because he is studying to be a doctor .. in january I went for 2 weeks and we discussed that he couldnt come back to australia between now and when he finished which is 3 years away.. then I didnt know what to do.. I couldnt be the one always going there only 2 weeks out of a year.. seeing all the studies he had to do I thought I dragged him down always being sad so decided to take a break.. a couple of weeks ago he was acting distant and was avoiding questions.. so finally asked him if he liked someone els and he said 'maybe' I collapsed and could not breath .. it took him days to tell me who it was and was a girl in his class that I had met.. I now blame myself everyday for this, I called him and abused him the fact that it wasnt long before he liked another girl ..and I wait by my phone waiting for him to text but he doesnt.. everyday I faint I cant eat I cant sleep .. I get anxiety attacks during the night and feel like I blew my future with him .. that I should have just waited 3 more years.. im so depressed I cant do things like I used to.. im on medication and get constant nightmares about them .. I feel so useless and blame myself

Totti I just want to let it out
  • replies: 4

Hello all I have been struggling a bit lately and I am in an unfortunate situation where i have no one around me to give me emotional support. So I would like to use this thread to just let it out. 8 months ago my lovely wife and best friend and I se... View more

Hello all I have been struggling a bit lately and I am in an unfortunate situation where i have no one around me to give me emotional support. So I would like to use this thread to just let it out. 8 months ago my lovely wife and best friend and I separated. Bang just like that. We had both been unhappy with the way our relationship had been running and though neither of us had cheated or been nasty to the other, it was just a sad relationship. At the time we were living in a very small isolated community far from our families. I couldnt cope and left. I met a wonderful girl who helped me emotionally through those first few months. But she had to return to her home far away leaving me all alone. I am struggling with not having someone to help me through the bad parts of my days. I have no home, no friends and no family. I have had dark thoughts about getting rid of this horrible pain but I wont do that.My pain and emotions come howling to the surface every few hours without warning. I clutch at them desperately from inside trying to hold them back. But I never can. I find it is like trying to hold water in my hands. It drips and pours out everywhere. I love my wife and tell her that but as she drifts further away on her own journey without me I feel myself sinking lower and lower. She tells me that being alone is what is right for me right now. But I disagree. I am usually a loner but right now I need to have someone to reach out to. The few people I do know have all withdrawn from me after seeing me break down into panics, anxiety and general total sadness. beyondblue’s clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

Modia Time for separation?
  • replies: 2

hello my husband and I have been married for 5 years and known each other 10years total. We currently don't have children. I need advice what to do. I found out two years ago he was having an affair and also found out that he was talking to her when ... View more

hello my husband and I have been married for 5 years and known each other 10years total. We currently don't have children. I need advice what to do. I found out two years ago he was having an affair and also found out that he was talking to her when he came with me to my grandmas funeral. At that point I moved out for about 4-5months we eventually talked and decided that we would give it a shot again and communicate better. He also promised to start trying for children. Sadly 4 months ago I came across his email left open on the computer and I could see that he had signed up for an affair site and also an email from a woman about coming over that was dated when he told me he was going to his friends house for a few days. I haven't told him I know yet but kept my distance. I don't trust him anymore and I feel like we have lost the spark. Also think he was lying about having children as he went and brought a two seater sporty car.I don't know if he's still on the website at this stage. I don't know what to do please help? Do I leave? Will I ever get that trust back if I did stay?

Stork want to be liberated
  • replies: 2

Wife and I have been married 10 years, 2 great kids together, and mountains of possessions. a few weeks ago at the first marriage counselling session I expressed my wish to separate, and was given an option of 6 months on antidepressants, and more pe... View more

Wife and I have been married 10 years, 2 great kids together, and mountains of possessions. a few weeks ago at the first marriage counselling session I expressed my wish to separate, and was given an option of 6 months on antidepressants, and more personal counselling (extended mental health plan). I don't feel effective as a parent or a husband, I haven't felt that I have had any effective input for several years, just being dictated to, my mood has worsened in the past 3 years after employment difficulty, and my kids are being negatively effected all the time now. ive felt bitter and angry in my marriage for some time as I have always tried to have a best friend, a deep friendship and strong companionship, but as much as I try, it just isn't there. I feel I want to separate so that I can be the parent I need to be, I'm not interested in material possessions, she can have everything, I'm just so tried of feeling so alone. so I started antidepressants, weird things, some side effects, and im here for 6 months at least. I feel that she deserves to be loved for who she is, as do I, and since that love isn't here then we should look after the kids as best we can in a split household.

Light9 Toxic People
  • replies: 10

Hi there I live in a reasonably small town away from my home state with no family or good friends. The problem is my partner's friends are pretty 'rough' and I don't fit in at all. Only one of them works, the others all live off the government having... View more

Hi there I live in a reasonably small town away from my home state with no family or good friends. The problem is my partner's friends are pretty 'rough' and I don't fit in at all. Only one of them works, the others all live off the government having babies. They treat me very badly and it's starting to make me feel suicidal. I have stopped going to their houses but they are very old friends and relatives and so they come to us to see my partner. I just can't seem to escape them and their passive aggressive behaviour. I feel like I try so hard to be decent and they just keep treating me badly. It's making me sick. I must join some groups and get out there and make new friends, I know, but I have had 2 miscarriages and been very down from that too. My own family have never been interested in visiting me - not once in 5 years and that hurts very much. When I fly home I feel nervous stying with them as my mother and sister can be hysterical and controlling. They both have Bi polar disorder. I have had to alienate myself more and more to the point where I feel if I didn't have my lovely partner I would be dead for sure. I wish anyone reading this strength and positivity and to know that you are not alone. Nelson Mandella has inspired me to keep going this week with his gracious amazing outlook on life.