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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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K-90 New, a little lost & a lot lonely...
  • replies: 6

Hi everyone, for along time I have felt down & alone, I don't know where to start so, I guess I'll forget the past and go with the right now. My partner has been drunk since Christmas Day & hasn't come home, my kids have seen me cry and I hate that, ... View more

Hi everyone, for along time I have felt down & alone, I don't know where to start so, I guess I'll forget the past and go with the right now. My partner has been drunk since Christmas Day & hasn't come home, my kids have seen me cry and I hate that, my mum abused me because she's up on holidays and knows my partner is out drunk and to be honest I feel so alone that i had to search online to try find some support and that it's a stranger that will speak to me... I tell my partner I'm so sad and I can't snap out of it - which he is a big part of making me feel this way but he won't acknowledge that I need someone to carry me for a while I just keep trying to push forward... I tried to call him and he wouldn't answer, I messaged him and said I felt down and just needed someone - no answer back... I don't cry wolf or say I need him very often so, I'm hurt that he couldn't see if I was ok.. So I want to say I'm depressed and have been for a long time but to be honest I'm to scared to go to the dr and see if I am... The thought of relying on a pill to make me balance my emotions scares me. Right now I would just love to be hugged and felt cared about... I want my partner to come home and say sorry and not blame me for once.. I want some family time, but most of all I don't want to feel this way anymore... So anxious, sad and lonely... Not just when he's doing the wrong thing but all the time feeling like this is exhausting. I'm just rambling here, it's so hard to make sense of something your not even sure of yourself... Thank you for reading.. Hope it makes sense

Indigo1981 Pregnant and alone - feels even worse than Juno ( as that was hilarious )
  • replies: 1

So I am already a single mum of a six year old ( had a failed marriage - so obviously not my forte ) . Met a man - who was a little bit of an introvert, extremely intelligent, compassionate, humanitarian and we fell in love so quickly. As he smokes p... View more

So I am already a single mum of a six year old ( had a failed marriage - so obviously not my forte ) . Met a man - who was a little bit of an introvert, extremely intelligent, compassionate, humanitarian and we fell in love so quickly. As he smokes pot a lot ( he is prone to over thinking things and locking himself and smoking as a coping mechanism). Anyway - so we were dating for three months and he would always bring up " doubts " we would need to discuss these in great detail eg - he in future would want to live on a farm- I have an apartment near the beach - and he couldn't see me as a farm type person . So we would discuss how we could combat this " possible issue" in our relationship ( for me - I don't think nearly as much as I should - I go with being happy in the moment - so we are opposites ). so as he had these doubts - he's a bohemian and values his freedom and I am the definition of someone who is settled - and then I got pregnant ( was on the pill) - so of course - his response " I was already doubting the practical aspects of us - this is huge" - he then didn't talk to me much for a week . We met up and I said to him " I'm seriously considering keeping it - I'm 34 - it may not happen again but I don't expect anything from you" . Two days later - after he went into his black hole and smoked his body weight in pot - he broke up with me. He loves me and cares for me " isn't feeling it - it doesn't feel right, he's not sure if this his path ). Obviously broke my heart and now I am pregnant and alone. We do love and care for each other deeply - and I feel lost , being a single mum from the start isn't that appealing but I also feel like it's meant to be. He is also in a dark place - he is not surfing, obviously has guilt for breaking up with me and also is petrified of his freedom being taken away. so my questions or asking for advise is 1) how do I get through this - I miss him so much and then the decision I have to make is weighing on me - 2) I also feel terrible for him - as I know if I have the baby he will feel trapped and I do not want that for him ! I know we probably won't get back together ( although I have hope as I adore him) but I want him happy - and aware my decision can impact this . I have a great support network but feel so alone - he has left me to make the choice as it is my body - but it's so hard when it impacts him too . Any advise would be so helpful xxxxx

pipsy frustrated/furious.
  • replies: 38

Hi Pipsy here. Fed up to the back teeth with hubby and his PRECIOUS family. Had to go to Centrelink today to sort out for Newstart. All sorts of hassles with Centrelink, took ages to 'log on', then they asked for permanent address, when I entered it,... View more

Hi Pipsy here. Fed up to the back teeth with hubby and his PRECIOUS family. Had to go to Centrelink today to sort out for Newstart. All sorts of hassles with Centrelink, took ages to 'log on', then they asked for permanent address, when I entered it, it wasn't accepted. I asked for help, was told I was being too aggressive, then told to leave. Hubby with PRECIOUS mummy/daddy as usual, an hours drive away. Rang him, told him what was happening. Was told he won't be home till 'later'. Why can't he for once tell THEM he needs to go home, I'm more important than them. Bottom line, I'm not, never will be. They say 'jump', he says 'how high'. Hubby wants me to go to the movie with him and some of his friends Thursday night, he should take daddy. Know how childish that sounded, but this situation has been going on for years. M/D are late 80's in age, they've driven such a huge wedge between us by abusing me. I've had no contact with them for over a year, hubby rings them so much, it's pathetic. He's so emotionally immature, he's just turned 63, wish he'd 'grow up'. Thought several times about leaving him, but no family of my own, no money. I thought we'd have a great life together, how wrong I was. This is going to sound dreadful, but I can't help it, wish they were dead. I've never wished anyone dead in my life. My own parents were control freaks and nasty, but they never treated our friends bad. They were shocking to us, but they would never expect us to put them over our own respective families. We were always taught your spouses are more important than parents. My folks were actually extremely independent. My dad walked away from his family in favour of my mum. Why can't my hubby do the same. Anyway, I've 'vented'. thanks BB for letting me.

Sunny_Dayz Hurt and confused and not sure what is going on
  • replies: 1

Hi everyone. I already posted a thread in another section but I wanted to get some advice for other things. Firstly I am on the younger side, married and have 2 toddlers. My husband and I have been together since we were kids. Lately something has ch... View more

Hi everyone. I already posted a thread in another section but I wanted to get some advice for other things. Firstly I am on the younger side, married and have 2 toddlers. My husband and I have been together since we were kids. Lately something has changed in him. He is angry all the time and is saying things like "I don't know what I want" "I need space" "I feel numb" "I feel guilty". A few weeks ago he just snapped and changed, he has criticised everything about me from my personality to my house wife skills to my parenting and I am trying really very hard to be supportive because at the end of the day he is still the person I want to spend my life with but at the same time he isn't himself , he is a completely different person, although I still have no intentions of leaving. But I am finding it hard to be supportive because he also says things like "I don't want this anymore" "I can't do this anymore" "I need space from you" "there is no spark between us anymore" and then he will turn around and tell me "I love you" "there is something wrong with me not you". He seems to have no emotion in him, the other day I broke down and cried and he just sat there and stared at me like I was disgusting when once upon a time he would have got up and held me. He refuses to do marriage counselling with me (I want to just to help him communicate with me which he hasn't been). All of his actions and behaviours make me feel like he doesn't love me anymore but he always takes it back when he says he doesn't want us anymore and he won't leave. I just have no idea what's going on. I keep swapping between trying to be supportive to being absolutely hurt and feeling broken. He works extremely long hours (4am to 8pm sometimes) 6 days a week but insists he loves his job. I feel so insecure and hurt because of the things he has been saying to me and I'm not sure what to do because I love him with everything I have. I also suffer from depression and anxiety as it is which makes things even harder for me I think. Just any thoughts or opinions or anything that anyone has would be appreciated or if I ahoud have put this in a different section, I don't know. I'm just at such a loss right now and I am so so confused and hurt. I just want my husband back to who he used to be.

Charlie10 Wife had 1 night stand and pregnant. What to Do
  • replies: 1

Hi, My wife has been in a weird depression for around the last 8 months. She has had depression since we had our first son (5). 6 months ago she had a melt down and tried to commit suicide but luckily didn't follow through. They gave her anti psychot... View more

Hi, My wife has been in a weird depression for around the last 8 months. She has had depression since we had our first son (5). 6 months ago she had a melt down and tried to commit suicide but luckily didn't follow through. They gave her anti psychotic medication and it changed her completely. She left me but the she did start to come out of her depression and things were going great. 1 month ago I was away with work and was receiving txts saying she resents me and the kids and hates us etc. This is so unlike her as she is a great Mum and loves her boys. I came home from work and she told me it was over but wanted us all to be friends for the kids and share the same house. Few days after this I asked her if we could try anything to help our marriage as I thought it was going great and quite confused. I received a txt later that day saying she stopped her medication and gave up on me and the kids and had a one night stand and now she is pregnant! She has had no contact with this guy since but she cannot abort it. There is a small chance it is mine as we had sex a few times in the last month (see the confusion ?) but i highly doubt it as we have had a lot of unprotected sex in the last year or so with no luck. She says no one can get past this and our marriage was over before she did this etc etc. But I know deep down she is truly ashamed and says she doesn't know who she is anymore and we are all better off without her etc. I love my wife but is makes me sick to see her pregnant with , most probably, someone else child. She is getting a dan test done and I know it was a once off and she is unlucky to fall pregnant like this but i don't know if I can watch this happen, but i don't know if I can walk away from her either. Any suggestions?

onedge confused
  • replies: 3

Hi all need advice been in a relationship for 2 years now sparks flew straight away we both have kids from previous relationships we get on good with each others kids to the point I've done everything to make her feel loved but the other day she said... View more

Hi all need advice been in a relationship for 2 years now sparks flew straight away we both have kids from previous relationships we get on good with each others kids to the point I've done everything to make her feel loved but the other day she said she needed a break from the kids she wanted to have a couple of drinks with her friends I said OK I'll watch the kids at her house and she said she might not be back home till morning etc we had a little argument she dropped me home she picks me up from work and pulls up at her place and says I can take the car I said no just drop me home didn't she flip no call for 2 days then she come around to drop my wallet off I asked for a lift to work and as she was taking me to work she says I don't think its working out its not u It mite be me this hit me hard its new years night to so she's out drinking and all these things are running through my mind she doesn't answer my call or text she know I treat her like a queen but flowers etc I can't live without her and its making me feel like crap a lot of bad stuff running through my head

NickyV Guilt and shame
  • replies: 14

I had some minor anxiety issues as I approached my thirties, but always seemed to pull myself out of it.Then, two years ago I went overseas for a family occasion, leaving my wife and children in Australia. I got very drunk one night and took drugs, a... View more

I had some minor anxiety issues as I approached my thirties, but always seemed to pull myself out of it.Then, two years ago I went overseas for a family occasion, leaving my wife and children in Australia. I got very drunk one night and took drugs, and had a one night stand with an old family friend. I couldn't believe what I had done. I never believed that I would ever behave in such a way. I agonised for days about whether to confess, and decided to stay silent when I got back for the sake of my young children. My marriage (and life) would be over. The other woman has assured me she won't say anything, and has been good to her word. She regrets it as much as I do.The last 2 years have been really hard. I've had counselling, am on antidepressants, and have been slowly improving. But every so often I just crash and burn. Anxiety sweeps over me, I pour sweat all day, can't concentrate, leg shaking constantly. I took up smoking again in the hope I get cancer and die. I feel so guilty and worthless on many days. Today is one of those days. beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

Wallabee I just don't know what to do
  • replies: 10

Wife came back from family visitation and she is clearly ignoring me. i think we are it, I think she decided it was over in her mind and on top of that I think she is having an affair or preparing the ground for another man....

Wife came back from family visitation and she is clearly ignoring me. i think we are it, I think she decided it was over in her mind and on top of that I think she is having an affair or preparing the ground for another man....

smartgirl63 I am torn between feeling miserable and feeling selfish
  • replies: 8

I am in my 40s and have been with my partner for over 20 years. We have two teenage children and a mortgage. I have been unhappy for the last few years. I originally wanted to get married all those years ago but my partner didn't. We separated when w... View more

I am in my 40s and have been with my partner for over 20 years. We have two teenage children and a mortgage. I have been unhappy for the last few years. I originally wanted to get married all those years ago but my partner didn't. We separated when we were in out 20s for about 3 months and after we got back together I developed a compulsive gambling problem and he had an affair. Somehow we worked through this and about 6 months after all of this came out I became pregnant with our first child. Having children, getting our first mortgage, having a tenant that ripped us off as well as my partner being stuck in a terrible work situation kept us busy, distracted and united for so many years. I would be lying if I said I didn't love him but I can truly say that in the past few years I have completely fallen out of love with him. When we first got together and after he had the affair he said many times that he didn't think humans were meant to be monogamous and that it was natural to be sexually interested in other people. He even suggested that if I needed satisfaction elsewhere that would be ok if it meant we could stay together. I found this threatening to me and I would be very jealous but recently I have found myself uninterested in him sexually and wanting to feel that with someone else. Now after 20 years I did sleep with someone else. It was meant to be simply a sexual experience and he is much younger than I am so I was pretty sure he wouldn't want anything more. The problem is that we have become very good friends and the sex I had with him was the best I have ever had. The end result is that I know I'm no longer interested in being in this relationship, but I don't want to break up my family. No one has done anything wrong or different except for me. I feel so much conflict all the time and feel like I am faking my life. I can be cheerful and happy in front of people or at work but when I get stuck in my head about the way I feel, or when I hang around with my younger friends (one of whom is the guy I slept with), these are the only times I feel like I'm actually being myself. I have genuine fun with my younger friends and people make fun of my for it, like I'm just a deluded mid-life-crisis victim. When I'm stuck in my head with my thoughts this is genuine too but very distressing. I am seeing a psychiatrist and have been diagnosed depressed and am on medication. I just don't know what to do. I can't afford to move out.

mt1984 Partner's online relationship, what do I do?<object type="cosymantecnisbfw" cotype="cs" id="SILOBFWOBJECTID" style="width: 0px; height: 0px; display: block;"></object>
  • replies: 2

Hi guys, after some thoughts, advice or anything else that can be offered.Without going into too much detail I have recently (accidentally) discovered that my long term partner has been carrying on an online relationship/fantasy life with a friend of... View more

Hi guys, after some thoughts, advice or anything else that can be offered.Without going into too much detail I have recently (accidentally) discovered that my long term partner has been carrying on an online relationship/fantasy life with a friend of hers who lives overseas. It appears she has plans to end things, quit her job and move to be with him (I'm not sure if I should treat this seriously or if it is just a fantasy?).Things haven't been good in the relationship for some time and this has just served to bring matters to a head. Our sex life is non existent (her choice not mine) and getting her to make any kind of commitment to the relationship is like pulling teeth (yet despite these issues she has been talking about wanting kids for the last year or so).I am financially stable, work in a relatively high paying job in a growth industry and bought my own house young (she couldn't be part of it at the time because she was still a student). I take financial responsibility for the house and everything else is shared but for the last 3 years or so I have suggested that we take shared responsibility for the payments and I make her a legal owner. When this failed I suggested selling and buying a place of our own, she seemed more interested but has never really followed through.Sex is a rarity and hasn't happened for over a year now, I tried to initiate for a long time but being constantly rejected wasn't good for my self esteem and it became easier to just not try. Hugs, kisses, hand holding and general romance is lacking too. I wouldn't consider myself a romantic person but I like to feel loved.We have spoken about this in the past and she says she is either tired or doesn't feel comfortable with her body (she has put on around 20kg since we started dating). I have suggested exercise might help and try to get her involved in cycling, walking or rowing (all of which are very convenient in our location) but instead she starts fad diets and joins the gym, neither of which last.Full disclosure, when I was most down about the lack of sex and intimacy I sought and found a mistress. The relationship was only sexual and she was aware of my situation and did not expect me to leave it. I felt terrible and couldn't handle the sneaking around and double life and ended it. I still speak to this woman occasionally and she tries to offer suggestions to help sort out my relationship.