Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Stag1987 Depression or break up issues?
  • replies: 4

HelloI just signed up for this website and was hoping to get some support from others who didn't know much about me. About 1 year ago, my girlfriend and I broke up and since then I have not been doing well. I have visited my doctor, seen a counselor,... View more

HelloI just signed up for this website and was hoping to get some support from others who didn't know much about me. About 1 year ago, my girlfriend and I broke up and since then I have not been doing well. I have visited my doctor, seen a counselor, seen a psychologist, taken anti depressants, confided in my best friend and parents and nothing has changed. I still feel absolutely crap and have spent the last three days crying and don't know what to do anymore.I have presumed that I am depressed, but don't know if I actually am or if I haven't dealt with this break up well. My ex and I went out for three and a half years, lived together for 2 and half years, had a dog together and constantly talked about the future, marriage and kids. I always thought we were going to spend the rest of our lives together. Before we broke up things were rocky I'll admit, I was doing FIFO and every time I came back I could feel her drifting away. I knew I wouldn't be doing FIFO for ever so I always presumed we'd get through 1 year of FIFO and everything would be great, however when I did get back we broke up one month later and the reason she gave me was that she thought we were too different and wouldn't work out in the long run.That seemed at the time as to why she did it but 1 week after we broke up she was already seeing someone else. 3 weeks later they went on a holiday down south together and after two and a half months of dating she took him on a holiday with her entire family to Broome, which I was supposed to go on and I'm pretty sure the ticket he used had my name on it. It must be said though that they had been friends for about 10 years and she stayed at his house a few times when we were going out but I was never worried as I always thought he was gay, how wrong I was. After I learned of all these things, (my best mate dates her best friend so obviously I know everything) I was not doing well. I questioned everything about myself and every weakness I have. I learnt that I had social anxiety disorder and I do everything to avoid social interaction. I still ask myself today, what could I have done differently, what do I have to live for, why do I want to get up in the morning, how can I live with all these memories? Some days I want to give up. I still love my ex even after everything and even after I found out she is now engaged (11 months after we broke up).I don't know if I'm depressed or just weak. I do know I can't spend the next year like the last. beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636. Normal 0 false false false EN-AU X-NONE X-NONE /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0cm; mso-para-margin-right:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0cm; line-height:115%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi; mso-fareast-language:EN-US;}

Little_people am I just a bad person and karma has come
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My son died in 1997 aged 18. Had his car for one week and died in it. My mother had Alzheimer's in 2006 and passed away. In 2006 at the same nursing home my father met a Russian woman who had married a man from Canberra in Russia. He brought her and ... View more

My son died in 1997 aged 18. Had his car for one week and died in it. My mother had Alzheimer's in 2006 and passed away. In 2006 at the same nursing home my father met a Russian woman who had married a man from Canberra in Russia. He brought her and her daughter to Canberra in 2006. She then claimed supposedly domestic violence in 2006 and got residency. She used my father and cried poor. In 2012 he was starting to show signs of dementia. In July 2013 she took his financial documents and secretly had him have a memory test and married him 12 August 2013. She kepte from him. She wanted his money. She tried court action to keep me away and lied to everyone. His dr sedated him with medication which should never have been given to an 88 yr old. She sold our family home sold of or threw away our memories. Eleven months later my father was dead and she got everything. She didn't tell me he died wouldn't let me at funeral as only immediate family ie her and her daughter were allowed. Today is 12 months since he died. Very bad day

Jai_apos_s_Mum I'm just about done...
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Long story short, my husband and I have had ongoing issues since before our son's suicide death in 2013 but now they seem magnified! Anyhow, I'd arranged a romantic weekend away, just the two of us for our anniversary (14th) to the same place we'd sp... View more

Long story short, my husband and I have had ongoing issues since before our son's suicide death in 2013 but now they seem magnified! Anyhow, I'd arranged a romantic weekend away, just the two of us for our anniversary (14th) to the same place we'd spent our honeymoon, we were both looking forward to it however I think we were both taking something different from it. I wanted a chance to reconnect, to begin again so to speak and so I was looking at this get away as something really important. He has now arranged to take his mother and step father to a medical appointment 6 hours away on the Monday which means we'd have to be back home earlier on the Sunday as he'd need to leave at approximately 2am Monday morning. I got very upset with him, and decided to cancel the weekend as I feel it's going to be rushed and not worth the effort if we aren't going to be able to enjoy it. His mother actually agrees with me that he shouldn't be going away for the weekend which is also a 4 hour drive one way and then have to drive a total of 12 hours on the Monday, it's unsafe. I'd have preferred he tell his mother to find an alternative as we had this weekend planned since April however he has put me second once again. I'm feeling really depressed about the whole thing, I'm at my wits end and am ready to leave however he sees nothing wrong with our situation! I've suggested marriage counselling and have sought a counsellor who is willing to work with us as we work long hours however my husband won't agree to go with me.......advice needed on what I should do!

confused_1 feeling confused
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hi all, i'm new to this i joined today and i've never been one to tell people about my problems or even ask for help, but i will try here as the title says i'm feeling a bit confused on my feelings, i was in a long term relationship it nearly lasted ... View more

hi all, i'm new to this i joined today and i've never been one to tell people about my problems or even ask for help, but i will try here as the title says i'm feeling a bit confused on my feelings, i was in a long term relationship it nearly lasted 11 years and out of that relationship we had a son together who is now 9 yrs old.. our relationship ended late last year and she moved out of our house in January this year, since then we have had a roller coaster relationship where we would feel like we were on then off, she is also ill with a multitude of problems and me being me i would help and drive her to hospital for her appointments i would also spend time with her and our boy at times and other times i wouldn't talk to her for up to a week at a time, since February i had contact with another woman and only a few weeks ago i got to meet her and we hit it off really well both of us thought we were right for each other on our 3rd meeting at my house i had my boy for the weekend and i put him to bed early so i could have my new friend around for a visit, but little did i know that my son was awake while she was there he was contacting his mother through his iPad telling her what was going on then suddenly his mum was walking through my front door while i was on the lounge entertaining my new friend. i spent the next 2 weeks without contact with my son and his mum and dedicated time with my new friend and her kids, all of us got on well and i was thinking this is where i want to be we were all happy my heart opened up to her i was letting her in then all of a sudden my new friend has called it over and shut me out. where i'm confused right now is do i feel crap about having my heart slammed shut and thrown back at me or am i upset that i have ruined any chance or dreams for my son to have his parents back together..

Coco_Channel There is HOPE.🐞 Even if you cant see it right now🐞
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Hello I am new to this form..Well as my sleeping disorder governed by my depression & aniety keeps me up at this time of the morning,I am reading the form posts and every box is ticked when reading the many stories of others, I realize I am not alone... View more

Hello I am new to this form..Well as my sleeping disorder governed by my depression & aniety keeps me up at this time of the morning,I am reading the form posts and every box is ticked when reading the many stories of others, I realize I am not alone.I too have called in sick and not gone to work and felt all the guilt that goes with that territory, I too have lost endless jobs that would of lead to a rewarding career, I took have been unable to hold a relationship,I too have wanted to stay under the covers for days on end,I too have hidden how I really was feeling,I too have been bullied because of my illness.I ask so many times over,how do you get over being robbed of your childhood by parents that looked after their own ego and married you at such an early age. When all that you wanted to do was study and practice Law-Your cousin did- you missed out How do you get over been abused in that marriage in every aspect imaginable-12 years later you are now divorced with a 3 month old son.you are disowned by family..Now you begin the long journey to find your place in the world only to find you cant.You try to fit in the workplace,it seems impossible you stagger through the next 15 years.OK so your settled..a lot of up;s and down;s emotionally and physically..but you get by..then hold on.your ready to forgive family your in a good place...enrolled as a mature age student and want to study Law, about to begin the journey you so wanted to do at 16 yrs of age,,pick up where life brutally robbed you of your goals, your in control now....oh that's right you forgave family they now need your help because they are about to lose their home...you are not realizing it yet, but again been robbed of your goal. being pressured by family ,only to find your self in the mist of a huge legal mess, fighting their court battles, paying the families legal costs,great results short term, they keep their home.You take on their mortgage ,made verbal promises that they will up keep it.Only to find your self 3 years later, in courts VCAT through High Court,self represented, this stage legal team has let you down, no money,no help. Because the family did not pay the mortgage from day 1.The family blames you.You keep trying to fight for the truth..no avail ..you have lost everything due to the financial loss that was suffered during the legal fight to keep your family home. How does one view the world you ask.There are good days,there are bad days.but don't give up.there is hope.

Digger7878 I struggle to see anything good to come..
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Hi everyone,I feel my life started on it's downhill run close to 3 years ago when my Dad suffered a major stroke and heart attack and was then diagnosed with a rare thyroid cancer. My Family and I were told by the Doctor on a scale of 1-20. 1 being g... View more

Hi everyone,I feel my life started on it's downhill run close to 3 years ago when my Dad suffered a major stroke and heart attack and was then diagnosed with a rare thyroid cancer. My Family and I were told by the Doctor on a scale of 1-20. 1 being good and 20 being bad. It was a 20. The cancer took my Dad from me and my family in 4 months. He passed away 3 hours after my birthday as I slept on the floor next to his bed. during these 4 months my Nanna (my dad's mum) also passed away.i went to the hospital and hospice every night and couldn't leave until my Dad was asleep because I didn't want him to feel alone. full time job at 10 hrs a day plus weekends.Wake up next day, and repeat! i then turned to substance abuse to escape the reality of my life which quickly turned into a need just to be able to function normally. None of my friends or family are aware of my addictions. I feel quite ashamed of myself and embarrassed.Exactly to the day 1 year later my Mum was admitted to hospital and diagnosed with Cancer. She underwent massive operations and spent weeks in intensive care.during this time my Grandma (my Mum's Mother) passed away.and also during this time I was given no choice but to have my beautiful dog Lucy put down as she had kidney and liver problems. she was my best mate.my partner who I have been with now for about 4 years now suffers from some mental health. We had some HUGE arguments which would involve her hurling abuse at me about how my family operates, her frustrations with it, and everything and anything I was doing wrong or not good enough. There were times I would come home from the hospice and be crying over my Dad and she would be screaming at me and tell me to 'stop crying'. Our relationship has been falling apart for so long now. She just told me today she wants to break up.My Mum has just started her 4th series of chemotherapy.The chemo will not cure her Cancer. It's only prolonging her life. So I know what I have coming anytime soon. as much as that scares me it's whats after which also scares me.. Lonliness. The security and love only a parent can provide won't be there for me anymore..i don't know what to achieve from this but I'm trying to accept I may need help or I'm not coping well. Thanks for reading if you got this far..

Rt22 heartbroken, crushed
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My husband said tonight "the reason I don't want to impregnate you, is because you can't even handle having 1 child" we have our own successful business, and I am a stay at home mum who does absolutely EVERYTHING at home, never had any help. ..... Im... View more

My husband said tonight "the reason I don't want to impregnate you, is because you can't even handle having 1 child" we have our own successful business, and I am a stay at home mum who does absolutely EVERYTHING at home, never had any help. ..... Im a perfectionist , doing my absolute best~ have always had the plan to have 2 children, and have been spoken to terribly lately by him, and then tonight he angrily and aggressively yells this to my face. I feel sick. I feel worthless. His comment made me feel like a shit mum and a worthless person. I can't believe my own husband has been saying such harsh things to me. Depression is through the roof, he's made me feel like crap: (

Lunar Feeling hopeless after break up
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About nine months ago I broke up with my boyfriend of five years. The break up was for two reasons. He constantly lied to me. I felt like I was going crazy disbelieving him all the time but he was always lying. Whenever we argued he would say he was ... View more

About nine months ago I broke up with my boyfriend of five years. The break up was for two reasons. He constantly lied to me. I felt like I was going crazy disbelieving him all the time but he was always lying. Whenever we argued he would say he was depressed and an alcoholic, but then a few days later if I brought up getting help or stopping drinking he would just laugh and say that he lied and that he wasn't depressed. The second reason was that I wanted to move the relationship forward and move in together. He said he did but for a year came up with every excuse and lie in the book as to why he couldn't. Anyway so at the time it ended I felt like I had made the right decision but nine months later I still feel extremely conflicted about it. I feel so hopeless and down and I just wish i could have him back. I think of the good times we had and I can't bear to think we'll never be together again. I cry every day and I replay all the things I did wrong. I just know I'm going to feel this way for the rest of my life and that's a horrible thought.

Z_ Feeling usless and alone, Husband has said he's had enough.
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Hi there, I'm new to post and I hope that you might be able to give me some help/advice maybe. My husband and I have been married for 12 years and we have had a lot of ups and downs and we both can hold a grudge. I have no family of my own, only my i... View more

Hi there, I'm new to post and I hope that you might be able to give me some help/advice maybe. My husband and I have been married for 12 years and we have had a lot of ups and downs and we both can hold a grudge. I have no family of my own, only my in-laws and just the thought of that males me feel alone.I'm the past few months I have been feeling useless and like I'm not the person I remember being. He asks me what's wrong but I dint know what to say. He has started yelling at me for little things and not letting it go, and I am also super stressed at work. Then last night he said that I will always be a selfish person and I always ruin everything. He shut the bedroom door on my face and hasn't spoken to me in more than 26 hours now and I can't cry anymore. I dint know how to be alone and I dont have any friends, he didn't like any of them. I feel totally worthless and I dont have anyone to speak to. I dint know what to do if be leaves me. Any advice??

SOMETHING_IS_WRONG DO I LEAVE?
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I have been married for 21 years, I have 3 kids, 19, 18, 15, im from a European family and I married the same! Its been up and down my whole marriage. Today I cant fart without it being a problem, excuse my example. I just CANNOT do anything right! I... View more

I have been married for 21 years, I have 3 kids, 19, 18, 15, im from a European family and I married the same! Its been up and down my whole marriage. Today I cant fart without it being a problem, excuse my example. I just CANNOT do anything right! I just cant, he has talked about our sex life to my middle child, (Girl) he would call me on the phone and say something like "she has a day off tomorrow at work, why does she have to go into work on her day off? and I would repeat Tomorrow is her day off, and he would get angry at me and say Didn't I just say that! I have over the years walked out, I have over the years threatened that I would commit suicide, I just cant talk to this man, I have no reasoning with him, he is very old fashioned. My oldest daughter is to afraid of getting involved in a relationship with a boy as he has scared her so much that she just doesn't want to go through what would be lying ahead. He was in a car accident about 8 years ago he doesn't work he thinks he has bi polar, the whole family has to walk on egg shells around him, its "don't make dad upset" all the time! We went shopping the last 2 weeks and each time I have forgotten something OMG he yelled at me that I was stupid. He makes me feel so stupid, so unwanted, I work full time and im also his carer, I want to stay at work and not go home! I cry, he has even manipulated my kids to believe that I am a bad person cause I have threatened to leave. I want to leave but my kids wont talk to me, I love my husband I love my family, If I walk away I will feel that I have failed this marriage that I didn't stick it out, I am no role model to my kids, Marriage is till death do us part, and I will let them down. There is so much more I could write, I just don't know which parts to write. Im thinking my youngest will finish year 12 in 2 years and then I will walk away.Its good one month where he adores me, then next ,month he doesn't. He is very sarcastic towards me, and wants me to make all the efforts, eg in the bedroom play dress ups and make the effort, I always ask why do I have to dress up why cant you, and he has repeated this infront of my kids.. im very unhappy and just don't know what to do