i left my husband for someone else- and regret it

[ndsie89]

i was with my husband for 7 years only married for 1 , we have 2 girls together and towards the end of our first year of marriage I can't tell if I was bored, lonely or un happy - but I started searching for someone else. eventually I left him for the guy I am still with now and my husband tried for months and months to get me back and I kept leading him on saying I want him back to but I never get back with him. now I am just depressed. can't get out of this headspace of regret and guilt and I feel sad all the time, can't look forward to anything in my life because I feel like I made this big huge mistake that I can't fix. I don't know what to do. I feel terrible for what I did but I think I mustve done it for a reason so do I want him back or not? I don't know what to do to get out of this way of thinking. He has a new partner now and they seem super happy , I can't be happy for him. I am just a mess.

[pipsy]

Dear ndsie89. Oh dear, out of the frying pan. Often when couples are busy raising kids working on marriage etc, they tend to forget each other's actual needs. Have you tried talking to your hubby and explaining why you left? You say your hubby seems content with his new partner. Perhaps you need time away from the new man in your life to figure out what you want. Are you in love with your now partner? Only you know how you feel and if you want your hubby back because you can't have him or if you genuinely love him and want to try again. You may have to 'cut your losses' and either stay with your new partner or look at living alone. With depression too, your mind tends to run round in circles and you can't process properly. Sometimes for this reason, people need 'time out' to think clearly about what they want and how they feel. Is there a possibility you could get some 'time out' maybe stay with a female friend while you get your mind thinking clearly.

[Nikkir]

Hi ndsie89,

Thank you for taking the time to reach out to us, it sounds like you are going through alot at the moment and I really feel for you. It must be hard and you have a child together as well. Can I ask if you are still interested in the man that you are with ? There must have been a reason that you wanted to find someone else, I guess if it even matters, you could ask yourself why. It would be good if you could see your GP and talk over this, or get a referral and physical check. Maybe speaking to someone in a non judgemental capacity with some strategies might help you to make peace with some of this. If I know one thing in life ( I don't know much especially about relationships) but i know that until you find peace within yourself you can't really do much else. Maybe he is happy or maybe he just resigned himself to the fact that he had to move on? What do you think. Do you think in your heart of hearts you want him or is it because he has now moved on you feel you might have wanted him ? It is complex but I think with support and some guidance you will get through this and learn from it. At least you still have someone:) Just know you are not alone, you can always call us on 1300 22 4636 or chat online and let us know how you are going. Make sure you take care of yourself through this difficult time, love can be complicated. Best Wishes Nikkir x