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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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DamagedPrincess When family is what knocks you down
  • replies: 5

Hi all, New member/poster here. Little bit of a back story: As a teen, after self harming and some self destructive behavior i was diagnosed with depression. I managed this with regular doctors visits until i was about 18 or 19 when i went onto medic... View more

Hi all, New member/poster here. Little bit of a back story: As a teen, after self harming and some self destructive behavior i was diagnosed with depression. I managed this with regular doctors visits until i was about 18 or 19 when i went onto medication. At this point in time i was still living at home and really did not get along well with my parents, my dad passed when i was 7 so i lived with mum and my step dad, but especially didnt get along well with mum. After moving out with my long term partner (across the country mind you!) before turning 20 things started to look up. I went off the medication and had a reasonably maintained life. We lived in that location for a year before moving back home. While we were there i was not on any medication and felt pretty happy, we got engaged, bought a car... all the things a 'normal' couple do. When i thought about moving back one of the things i didn't look forward too was seeing my family. My dads family are all lovely and supportive, but my mothers family are... too concerned in their own lives to care... Anyway.... we have had a fairly good time since being back. A few hiccups along the way but nothing major. Well this year in April we got married. In January before the wedding i could feel all of the pressure building up on top of me. Not from wedding planning, but more trying to keep other people happy with the plans for a day that was supposed to be about us. I started to feel really 'down' and even wanted to cancel the wedding because i couldn't keep people happy. I knew that i was starting to spiral down so i went and sought help. Not wanting to go back on medication i opted for seeing a psychologist. This has been helping a bit but with the holiday season coming up things are getting pretty tough. Both my family and my husbands family have caused us grief in planning Christmas this year and once again i cant seem to keep anyone happy. We has things set out to include everyone but once we had finalised it all someone ended up complaining and getting angry at us. I have had multiple days where i just cry... over one little comment or over not being able to keep people happy. I just feel like such a failure constantly and i dont know what to do. I have one psych session left before the end of the year but at the rate it's going i am really considering going back on medication. Sorry for the long post, just needed to vent. Thanks for reading.

SquashedFairies No one on my side for big wedding. Lonely.
  • replies: 6

Im getting married in a few weeks. About 10 guests are my friends and the other50 are my partners family and friends. My mentally ill parents left England when they were pregnant with me. They left badly and served tired i tried to repair by travelli... View more

Im getting married in a few weeks. About 10 guests are my friends and the other50 are my partners family and friends. My mentally ill parents left England when they were pregnant with me. They left badly and served tired i tried to repair by travelling back 3 times. They moved away from me a decade ago and won't travel back for the wedding as it is too much for them. I have no family. I asked them to makeavideo but it is to depressing for them. My partner has his dad, brother and best man making a speech. He asked me who else. My friend won't. None of them. Ilove my new family and my partners friends. I lost a lot of friends are divorce years back. Ihave a son with leukemia and lost a lot of friends from that. I am a stay at home mum living in a new area hours away from my friends and they don't invite me out.my best friend have new best friends. Idon't think i am an awful person. I am honest and always kind and funny and loving. But i feel i have nobody to talk to. No body to stand on my wedding day and tell my new family a funny anicdote. I love my patents but they have always been distant with me as they didn't want children and raised me very isolated and neglected. I was emotionally abused. But people always say how strong and happy I am for overcoming so many many many hurdles. Miscarry, divorce, homelessness, my sons cancer... And ive done all of this without support. No body knows my fiance is an alcoholic. This is my first post. I'm feeling drained. I am always the person people talk to when they are sad. But no one will let me talk to them. When I tried to talk to my mother she said not to message again her again when I'm sad as its too upsetting for her. I just want to make real friends. I wanted someone to think to throw me a hens party. or send a video I could play at the wedding. Or just one person to speak from my side. My best friend said if I wrote it she'd read it out but she couldn't think of anything to say. My best friend of 10 years. Who wouldn't let me sleep on her couch when my husband was seeing other people. I truly must be shit. I just didn't know it. I always help the elderly. I give to poor people my lunch. Be kind is my ethos. And be understanding. I'm lost.

Kaelum Angry Teen Boy Vs Step Dad
  • replies: 7

I have a big problem. My 15yo son has accused his StepDad of hitting him and "being mean" whenever I'm away. StepDad (my Hubby) denies it and is really upset. He does have short temper, but I have never seen him being aggressive with any of the kids.... View more

I have a big problem. My 15yo son has accused his StepDad of hitting him and "being mean" whenever I'm away. StepDad (my Hubby) denies it and is really upset. He does have short temper, but I have never seen him being aggressive with any of the kids. He has started a Men's Program to work on his stress & control his temper, but my son refuses to report it to police or see anyone professional to help with counselling or mediation. This is causing a lot of stress between us all. I have told my son he should stay with his Father and StepMum until we sort this out. Now son says I don't believe him and he hates me. Any advice?

ndsie89 i left my husband for someone else- and regret it
  • replies: 2

i was with my husband for 7 years only married for 1 , we have 2 girls together and towards the end of our first year of marriage I can't tell if I was bored, lonely or un happy - but I started searching for someone else. eventually I left him for th... View more

i was with my husband for 7 years only married for 1 , we have 2 girls together and towards the end of our first year of marriage I can't tell if I was bored, lonely or un happy - but I started searching for someone else. eventually I left him for the guy I am still with now and my husband tried for months and months to get me back and I kept leading him on saying I want him back to but I never get back with him. now I am just depressed. can't get out of this headspace of regret and guilt and I feel sad all the time, can't look forward to anything in my life because I feel like I made this big huge mistake that I can't fix. I don't know what to do. I feel terrible for what I did but I think I mustve done it for a reason so do I want him back or not? I don't know what to do to get out of this way of thinking. He has a new partner now and they seem super happy , I can't be happy for him. I am just a mess.

Familyman1 My wife won't acknowledge there is an issue
  • replies: 7

Hi there, I'm new to the group, I am mid 20s, married, 2 children and a mortgage, I'm feeling the worst I have for a long time , mentally I am begging for help but I can't push myself to go get help , I think it's because I always seem to bottle thin... View more

Hi there, I'm new to the group, I am mid 20s, married, 2 children and a mortgage, I'm feeling the worst I have for a long time , mentally I am begging for help but I can't push myself to go get help , I think it's because I always seem to bottle things up inside. My wife and I are arguing a lot lately as she says I don't commit enough and I never want to do anything as a family , that's not the case I do but I get extremely nervous around crowds , or a lot of the time I'm deep in thought or just mentally drained, but I can't seem to make her understand that I am listening I don't think she gets how I feel she just seems to ignore me when I open up about things and brush it off as if I haven't said a thing .. What can I do so we can be on the same page as she is very hard to talk to about this !! Thanks

theRealJohnSmith96 Lonely. Full of Anxiousness and Regret.
  • replies: 7

Hello, I'm 23 and have never been in any sort of intimate relationship with a girl. I'm a very anxious person and as a result, am quite passive and slow to react to my feelings. For the past 6 months I've been crushing over this girl at work. She is ... View more

Hello, I'm 23 and have never been in any sort of intimate relationship with a girl. I'm a very anxious person and as a result, am quite passive and slow to react to my feelings. For the past 6 months I've been crushing over this girl at work. She is new and I never thought much of her at first. However overtime as I've gotten to know her, we became good friends and I found myself falling for her. Because of my anxiety I was never able to straight up tell her how much I liked her or ask her out. We'd talk a lot during our shifts together. I would try to drop in some hints about my feelings, and eventually I found out that she was also single, and had been her whole life. The problem was that we only knew each other because of work, and with the sort of environment we were in, it never felt like it was an appropriate time to tell her anything. Everyday I came into work, thinking of ways to ask her out. I ended up choking and failed every time, going home feeling depressed. A couple months passed and I maintained the same sort of relationship with this girl. We talked and flirted, then I'd fail to ask her out. Eventually a good opportunity came up and we met outside of work. I ended up confessing to her. Telling her I loved her. She told me that it wasn't a good time for her..... that she had been seeing someone else. She told me that she had feelings for me too, and that if I had asked her out earlier, she would have said yes. She told me that we could only be friends and to this day, we still are. Last week, she asked me if I wanted to go get dinner with her sometime. I of course misinterpreted her and thought of it as a date. That her previous relationship didn't work out well. So I bought new clothes and even got a new haircut. When that day came we spent the whole night talking about relationships..... we spent the whole night talking about her boyfriend. At this point I feel completely "friend-zoned," and despite the way she acted that night, I still had a really nice time. I don't know what to do. There hasn't been a single day in the past 6 months where I haven't thought about this girl. I keep falling in and out for her, and whenever I see her at work, I always get depressed. I don't want to quit work or lose her as a friend. I'm filled with regret of not asking her out sooner. The regret of what could have been. I feel very lonely. I don't have any friends to talk to this about and fear that I'll live out my life alone. Please help.

Kirb86 Tarnished friendships and marriage
  • replies: 3

Would like to get some advice on how to get back on track. I suffer from depression and believe I have a drinking problem. The last time I drank I tried to kiss my bestfriends husband and have now tarnished our relationship as well as mine and my fia... View more

Would like to get some advice on how to get back on track. I suffer from depression and believe I have a drinking problem. The last time I drank I tried to kiss my bestfriends husband and have now tarnished our relationship as well as mine and my fiancé's relationship. I have decided to stop drinking but the pain I've caused because of my drinking remains. I have gone downhill and feel like I'm back to square one when I was first diagnosed with depression. I can't eat or sleep. My fiancé and I have a daughter and I feel like I can't take care of her the way I should. My work is suffering which is not good as I've recently bought a home and don't want to put my job in jeopardy. I miss my friend's and I feel ashamed of my actions. I feel devistated that I have hurt my fiancé and I feel lost.

Ameyj How to deal with partner smoking inside
  • replies: 8

Hi, I am experieincing relationship problems with my partner of one 1 year, mostly related to our out of synch sleeping patterns and his insistence on smoking inside. My partner is a hard working man who earns and pays for most things such as rent, f... View more

Hi, I am experieincing relationship problems with my partner of one 1 year, mostly related to our out of synch sleeping patterns and his insistence on smoking inside. My partner is a hard working man who earns and pays for most things such as rent, food, bills etc. I am a full time student so I have become used to living like this. He feels because he works hard and pays for most stuff that he should be allow to enjoy his luxuries - which mostly include smoking pot everyday, inside, and playing computer games til very early in the morning. I do not wish to control him and make him unhappy. But I am becoming increasingly affected by these habits. For instance he insists on smoking in bed and watching netflix before sleep. I on the other hand prefer sleep earlier in complete darkness, quiet and not breathing in smoke. So we go to bed, pop a movie on and I fall asleep halfway through, only to wake up an hour, later feeling grumpy that lights are still on, and joints are still being smoked. At this point we often have a fight. I think he should stop smoking inside and respect my need for darkness. He thinks he has a right to enjoy his late night smoke and movie in his own bed. All this usually occurs anywhere between 1 and 5am in the morning. He also smokes in the toilet, which has no windows only a fan, and in our bedroom at any other given point in the day, often inviting all his male friends over to game and smoke in our room. We live in an apartment and have been warned to stop smoking pot inside and the front balcony where he used to smoke, as a result now our room which has a back balcony is the only place to smoke, as he doesn’t want to risk smoking his pot outside. I have been heading to my parents house up to 3 days a week just to get adequate sleep so I can study. This takes a lot of stress off our relationship, and when I head back to our apartment we feel happy and loving to one another, but after a couple of days I’m fed up and we fight again. I love my boyfriend dearly. He is generous with me and has recently quit alcohol, after finally acknowledging he had an drinking problem. To show my support I quit with him and I am proud of how he has become a better person. We have gone through a fair bit together already, including an abortion, and despite his flaws he has shown me that he does really love and care for me and I don’t want to throw it all away. But what should I do about his smoking? How can I get him to stop?

Pat1985 Taking a break?
  • replies: 2

I've been in a relationship for just over 7 years... My boyfriend hasn't been the best in the sense that I've constantly caught him flirting with other girls (some in relationships) since we first started dating. He is adamant that he hasn't slept wi... View more

I've been in a relationship for just over 7 years... My boyfriend hasn't been the best in the sense that I've constantly caught him flirting with other girls (some in relationships) since we first started dating. He is adamant that he hasn't slept with any of them, he just likes the attention he gets when they reciprocate his flirtatious advances. In September we spoke about his flirting (for the 100th time) and he said that he will needs a break from our relationship so he can work on himself. I never told anyone about what he was doing for 7 years as I didn't want anyone to think less of him. I immediately spoke to his brother whom he looks up to as a father figure so someone other than me can hold him accountable for his actions. We have still been speaking quite often since September and I really want to make things work. Despite how much he has hurt me I really want to make this work with him, but more importantly im finding it hard to keep my emotions in check... It is such a rollercoaster ride, it has affected my work, I've lost a lot of weight, I can't concentrate on anything and because he is overseas for work at the moment I just have this fear that he is up to no good, despite him constantly telling me that he is just working on himself and trying to spend time with his work friends (one of whom is female and I know they get along quite well). He also told me last night that he still needs his space and he wants to keep things 'breezy' between us.. what does this mean? I'm really stressed and just feel helpless all the time, I'm not really one to ask for help but I'm really desperate and need some sort of coping techniques. I really love this guy and don't want to lose him... Any advice would be appreciated.

alifewasted Am I taking things too personally?
  • replies: 12

Hello, not sure exactly how to start. I am an outspoken married female. I am passionate but will not tolerate injustice and speak up. I am married to a man who presents as sweet, kind and gentle but he is actually narcissistic, scheming and passive a... View more

Hello, not sure exactly how to start. I am an outspoken married female. I am passionate but will not tolerate injustice and speak up. I am married to a man who presents as sweet, kind and gentle but he is actually narcissistic, scheming and passive aggressive. I have an adult child who holds a great deal of resentment towards me as she sides with her father. My husband always presents himself as the victim. Even if he loses his job, it's not his fault, it's mine and I am then required to work 7 days a week so we don't lose the house. My adult daughter rarely helps out and has no compassion towards me, just him. Today he decided to tell her that I was having an extra-marital affair with an 18 year old. Hmm! He then went on about the other men that I had apparently slept with. None of this is true and ironically, his lies did not bother me. What did bother me greatly though was his intent - his malicious intent to further wedge my daughter from me. I have put up with his laziness, his refusal to socialise (no one visits and no one invites us over anymore), his refusal to even visit his own family, and his refusal to come to hospital when I was rushed there with a suspected heart attack. He told the paramedics that he had work in the morning. Hmm! So I now sit here alone. My daughter couldn't care less about how I am feeling and my dearest husband just keeps feeding her more propaganda about what a horrible human I am. My daughter's response hurts me. Her father has done nothing for her as I did everything. Even taking her to friends was too laborious for him. In the past, he has hit me. No one believed me. In the past and present, he has mentally and emotionally abused me, and once again, no one has believed me. Apparently I am far too bold of a human for anyone to try to abuse. I am now a shell of a human. We have no connections to his family, my friends all disappeared as I kept having to cancel them due to his refusal to have anything to do with them, and my family are elderly. He berates me for my appearance, and when I began to start looking after myself, berated me again for spending money. My daughter is downright rude. I have no one. But I don't believe that I deserve to put up with this because of financial pressures. Dearest husband losing his job three times really set us back financially and he will go after me with a vengeance with any financial settlement. Husband is a psychopath. Daughter has ripped my heart into pieces.