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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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feelinglessandnumb Disoriented
  • replies: 2

I'm not sure if this will help at all, but having read some of the discussions on the forum, I think maybe most of us are going through similar things but are just unable to deal with the situation. I fell in love way too young and spent most of my l... View more

I'm not sure if this will help at all, but having read some of the discussions on the forum, I think maybe most of us are going through similar things but are just unable to deal with the situation. I fell in love way too young and spent most of my life obsessed with being able to marry him. I moulded all major life decisions for this and sort of never got to discover myself. I was with him for over 10 years and and despite extensive discouraging from family and friends got married to him. He claimed he loved me, but would always lie to me and now that I look back I can see he manipulated me. I would catch him lying to me, being involved with other girls but he would always convince me it was harmless and that I was overthinking it. He would promise me he would never do it again and this was a vicious cycle. Despite this I convinced myself he was faithful to me and loved me and wanted to marry him. We did get married and I seemed to be the only one working at making a family life for us, working over 12 hours a day, earning money whereas he was unable to find or retain a job and as it turns out continued his lying. I discovered his cheating at a most vulnerable time and will never be able to get over it. Something in me snapped and I confronted him. I told him I will leave him and I did, but it took me more than an excruciating year. I lived that year in a constant state of acting, pretending to be a happy couple (for the marriage I had defied everyone to have) and not talking to him behind closed doors. It was a year full of tears and pain and heartache. He cried and begged for me to forgive him but I felt dead inside. I walked away from him but I still feel dead inside. He's the only man I have ever loved, I had identified myself as his girlfriend and his wife and with him gone I feel like I dont know myself. He crippled my self esteem because I dont understand why I was never enough for him. I feel useless and unloveable and I dont think I can ever be with anyone again. I dont really believe in love or feelings anymore, just feel disoriented and numb. I'm unable to excel at anything and feel like a complete failure in life. I changed my life around, moved away, thought a fresh start will help me feel, but it doesn't and I just feel hollow and brittle now.

Amali Just not getting over a break up
  • replies: 7

hi all, I am just wondering how normal it is to still be grieving the loss of my relationship. It's been 10 months since the sudden break up. I have completely cut him out of my life, I constantly wonder how he is going and worry about him. I am alwa... View more

hi all, I am just wondering how normal it is to still be grieving the loss of my relationship. It's been 10 months since the sudden break up. I have completely cut him out of my life, I constantly wonder how he is going and worry about him. I am always looking for him everywhere I go, I'm so terrified of bumping into him I sometimes avoid going out. I freak out and feel sick to my stomach whenever I see a yellow car because I think it's him. I have obsessive thoughts about the break up, lately I have felt an enormous amount of guilt. His mother passed away 3 years ago from cancer and I replay that over and over in my head. I still feel so connected to him and his family even though they are no longer part of my life. I wonder when I'll ever stop feeling this way. i broke up with him because he constantly lied to me and let me down, we were both devastated but I was crying all the time and realised he was causing me more pain then joy. He was my first love and I just can't see myself with anyone else. The pain is not only emotionally but physically. I'm tired, achy, headaches, anxious, up set stomach all the time. I'm wanting some relief. I've had counseling in the past. I just want to over this and find a happier place to be.

Dagget Truama, finances, relationships, jobs...how to destry your life in one easy step
  • replies: 6

About 12 months ago I had a bit of a crisis. To provide context, my wife and I were together 12 years and had, what I thought was a great relationship, we had just recently moved into the second house we built and money was no issue, my job was secur... View more

About 12 months ago I had a bit of a crisis. To provide context, my wife and I were together 12 years and had, what I thought was a great relationship, we had just recently moved into the second house we built and money was no issue, my job was secure and well paid and I was due for a years extended leave and all was under control...then I was accused of a criminal act. As a direct result my wife left me (only contact was by a text message), and I am now being sued for pretty much everything I have, i was and still am fear for my job as if the allegations come to light I will lose it, and remain overcome with guilt, remorse and shame along with everything it entails. Approximately a week after the event, I decided that enough was enough and there was only one solution. I could not live with the shame of it as it was something I had was so against my own character. I could also not live with the thought that my wife now thought I was a such an awful person that the only response was to run away and never contact me again. I also could not think of any way that there could be a positive outcome. As a result of those actions, I was hospitalised twice and received a range of crisis mental health treatments. It should be noted I sought treatment before implementing the final solution but I still could not see an outcome. Indeed the only thing that kept me going was the thought that I could not leave the animals as nobody would look after them. Since then I have been in constant contact with mental health professionals which have managed to keep me here and to assist in resumption of normal activities. Indeed I have even managed to very recently find a new partner. Recently, a request to help police with their enquires has caused a bit of a relapse, I am now afraid of the previous scenario repeating itself with the added stress of job loss, financial loss and loss of my home. Indeed it would appear that the fears I had then are now all coming true. I have spoken to mental health professionals who, while praising my recent comping skills and progress just seem to saw the same empty things. To be honest I am afraid now I have stopped listening to them as my thoughts remain highly negative, I cannot shut off the feeling of being destroyed, and despite reassurances that it will be better eventually have this feeling that it would be best if it ended now while I am still a good person.

guest154 Please help ... my heart is always aching and my stomach dosent stop churning!
  • replies: 2

Hey everyone I need help. I'm in my very early 20s and got married now with a 3 month daughter. My husband and I are very happy together .. Unfortunately I'm not happy with his family. When my husband first came to ask for my hand I met his mother an... View more

Hey everyone I need help. I'm in my very early 20s and got married now with a 3 month daughter. My husband and I are very happy together .. Unfortunately I'm not happy with his family. When my husband first came to ask for my hand I met his mother and sisters ... and all I felt was stabbing pains in my stomach. When we were engaged I used to always message his mother and always maintained my respect. Ever since I got married it's been going down hill. She always complains that I don't call and she dosent like to see messages from me even if I call 3x a week it's no enough. If I don't go over much she gets upset and being over 3x a week isn't enough. She once came over crying saying my son loves you more than me, if you told him to do something for you he will do it and not for me. I got blamed for my husband's weight. And my mil embarrassed me in front of everyone and said why my husband's shirt wasn't ironed. She gets mad when I don't stand next to her in the kitchen asking her what she's cooking. She told me she wants her son to tell her make me my favorite dish. When I was 9 months pregnant we went to the south coast with my inlaws and stayed in the same apartment room and she got mad why I didn't clean and cook . And I was in excruciating pain it felt like i had a bowling ball between my legs. She's so manipulative. My Sil messaged me saying I'm the reason because of her mother's depression. My fil told his other son that I'm dirty and my husband comes back home to open legs and where did his son find me from. My Sil shows me silent treatment I tried talking to her she completely turned her her face the other way. I'm fed up with it cry every night. He humiliated me my fil in front of everyone and said to me "do you thinki was born yesterday your too touchy about everything and what your mil tell you" My mil had photos of me and her on fb she took them off and started attacking me on fb with quotes and put up little films of a lady getting married to a man and the man neglects his mother My fil and mil think I've got their son wrapped around my finger. My mil complained once when I went for a walk and wondered where did I go because she thought her son wouldn't let me which he had no problem with. My sils are such bias people! Please help me I'm in tears and need advice.

Matsuflex Loving a girl outside of existing relationship...Causing huge mood swings
  • replies: 4

Hello everyone, This is my first post here - I've been struggling with this for a few months now, so figured it was probably time to ask for a bit of advice. I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for about 5 years now. Things have always bee... View more

Hello everyone, This is my first post here - I've been struggling with this for a few months now, so figured it was probably time to ask for a bit of advice. I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for about 5 years now. Things have always been smooth sailing, and I always considered myself to be deeply in love with her. Towards the beginning of the year, however, I started having an existential crisis of sorts - I was about to turn 26, but I wasn't (and still am not) where I want to be in life. I started thinking about all the things I want to do before I hit 35-40, and started having a very vague sense of panic that I was going to achieve anything before that happened. My girlfriend is in her 9th year of university and will be a dentist by the end of the year, and the fact that she will only be licenced to work in Australia was compounding this fear of being tied down. A couple of weeks later, this new girl started at my work, and we immediately hit it off. It was literally like she could read my mind, and was telling me EXACTLY what I wanted to hear with regards to achieving things in life (career-wise, adventure, family, etc). She had moved to Brisbane from Perth to be with her boyfriend whom she met travelling, but her relationship was failing. I spent the next few weeks thinking pretty long and hard about things, and ended up telling my long-term girlfriend that I needed some space (not to immediately pursue something with this new girl, but to actually contemplate my life goals etc), while the new girl had done the same thing in her relationship. Sure enough, the new girl and I ended up having a bit of a fling, but neither of us had completely severed ties to our previous relationships. She ended up going for a weekend back home in Perth, where her friends/family convinced her to get back with her boyfriend. After she broke the news to me, I felt completely numb for days. I was so furious, but at the same time I knew that this was always a possibility. Fast forward a few months, and my long-term GF and I are trying to work things out and get things back to normal (with the added intention of being more adventurous, plans to travel etc). However, I am still deeply, hopelessly infatuated with the new girl, and my moods are hugely dependant on how things are going with her, rather than my GF. I feel like a real scumbag for treating my GF this way, but at the same time I feel so depressed that I don't have a future with the new girl..

Cumulus Building a Shark Net
  • replies: 1

I only have 17 friends on FB and met them all in life. This guy knocked twice. I ignored him first time, then the second time, I asked him if we had met. He said he was a musician and we friended in 2007 about a creative project, and he then sent me ... View more

I only have 17 friends on FB and met them all in life. This guy knocked twice. I ignored him first time, then the second time, I asked him if we had met. He said he was a musician and we friended in 2007 about a creative project, and he then sent me all the messages to validate this. He later admitted he had met me on dating site…so he had been keeping me on file enjoying my portrait profiles. From April we shared music tastes, projects, philosophy, and then photos as kids of the 70s, struggles with depression and mental blocks. His honesty made me feel safe to talk about my struggles with mental illness. He slipped once, and was overtly sexual, sensing discomfort, he called to clear it up. Next day sent me photos of him with his daughter. I knew he was authentic with his name, as he posted images of his band in the studio which had computers with current dates, and his mates would comment using the name he gave me, and he would call me. I had no reason to worry, but I was becoming very reliant on him. Though always talking about how busy he was, he was in contact with me nearly 24/7 for hours. I’d wake up to a good night text with kisses, and see at 1 or 3am, he had liked and commented on every post I put up. The slippery slope started when I had a serious set back losing my job in May- he jumped right in to PROTECT me from myself - the seduction game started. I asked him several times if we could meet. He said he wanted more time to enjoy me, and he felt it in best interests for me to wait. I said we needed then to stop the intimacy - he became belligerent and said I had made that up in my head - he spoke to me like he would his Aunt and Daughter. Calmly, I sent him all the intimate messages, and sensual photos he had sent me (generally after a powerful counselling self love session). I did not enter an argument – just showed him the facts. My carer then became my abuser - I was an IDIOT, other women did not complain, he did not respond to expectation and and he didn’t want an ‘ugly feminist lesbian’, he wanted a vibrant sexy woman. My response - if he wanted a vibrant woman why was he pursuing a sick woman? He has been blocked - but I was left shocked - I was LOVE BOMBED. I’ve locked all my photos and removed portrait profile photo. I have changed privacy settings so only friends of friends can request to join my site, and I’ve locked down my FB page. It is a sad and dangerous game that man is playing.

Breakingheart Am I depressed or just hurting
  • replies: 4

After a 33 year relationship with 28 1/2 years of that being married, it is now over. Things have got to the point in our relationship that cant be fixed, we are financiallly strapped after my ex husband not working for 8 months, so as a result we ar... View more

After a 33 year relationship with 28 1/2 years of that being married, it is now over. Things have got to the point in our relationship that cant be fixed, we are financiallly strapped after my ex husband not working for 8 months, so as a result we are separated but still under the same roof, he is in a different room and there is no form of relationship physical or emotional. This is the hardest thing I have had to deal with. Throughout our time together he has suffered major depression and I have been there to support him, love him and pick up the pieces, I pretty much raised our 3 children on my own. I was always there, who was there for me, no one asked how I was coping, how are you feeling, when cracks started appearing in my wall I quickly rebuilt it so my inadequacy and worthlessness could not seep through. As a result of me hiding my feelings for so long our physical, emotional and closeness suffered immensely, I take ownership of a lot of it but after a lot of self reflection It cant just be my fault but he just says we are both to blame but wont talk about or own his part in this mess. At the moment I don't sleep, I hate nights as the darkness closes around me and my mind thinks all sorts of weird, disparaging and horrible thoughts. Am I just sad or am I becoming depressed, my ex mentioned it and I "laughed" at him, I am seen as the strong one, I have an ability to put up a ,facade but my god I am hurting on the inside. Am I so controlling because of my past, my parents separated when I was 11, I was touched by my step father but never said anything to anyone and I have always had very low self esteem. He has sunk into the depth of depression again but has sought relief and emotional support in a third party involved in our separation, that is hard and hurts me but I know we are over and it has nothing to do with me. So I guess my question is am I just sad and hurting or are things getting the better of me and I am sliding into some form of depression?

Timmy_B Trying to move on
  • replies: 11

Hi all, just trying to reach out and get some helpful advice on my relationship situation. My wife and I have been married for the last seven years but been together for about 16 years. We have 2 children 5 & 3. We have separated and this is the seco... View more

Hi all, just trying to reach out and get some helpful advice on my relationship situation. My wife and I have been married for the last seven years but been together for about 16 years. We have 2 children 5 & 3. We have separated and this is the second time as the last time was 12 months ago. She asked for the seperation the first time and I asked for it the second however I did it for her as leading up to it she really closed off from me and had a look of death in her eyes towards me. She would not talk about it and I told her I just wanted to see her happy and not hurt her anymore. It has been about 5 weeks now and we are being amicable as we want to do the best for the children, I am living in the studio down the back and she is in the house with the kids. The kids stay in the studio with me sometimes. I support her as much as I can with bringing in the sole income and helping with the kids. I am really finding it hard to move on, I am grieving the loss of my wife and it is effecting me in the way I am parenting as I just feel sad when I am with the kids and as we are still parenting together I see her a lot and it is really hard as I crave that connection we once had. I am also finding it difficult on the sexual level as I am still sexually attracted to her. I am mixed up at the moment and just want to find a way to move on. Not sure what to do? how do you stop loving someone you love and care for? she has told me that she loves me as the father off our children and that she misses me, but I know it is for the better that we both move on in our life journey as we have just grown in different directions. How long does it take to get over your love for your wife when you decide to do life apart? what are the big challenges going to be? Tim

Zooeys24 An Aching Heart in Need of Some Help
  • replies: 7

Hello Everyone, I'm new here and am in need of some help. I just got over the ugliest breakup of my life. I've always been prone to anxiety and depression but this is the worst I've ever experienced. About five months ago (I know, not even that long)... View more

Hello Everyone, I'm new here and am in need of some help. I just got over the ugliest breakup of my life. I've always been prone to anxiety and depression but this is the worst I've ever experienced. About five months ago (I know, not even that long) I started seeing this guy who kept asking me out (he was a friend of a friend and I figured 'why not' just to be nice) and it wasn't long until we really connected and started seeing each other everyday and spending every minute together. I had recently gotten out of another relationship and I wanted to not take things too seriously because I didn't want it to be a rebound relationship and I was very clear to this guy about that. But, I fell super hard. This guy seemed perfect, he seemed really sweet and we liked all the same things and I absolutely loved the way I felt around him. He told me he loved me every morning and every night and I ultimately said I loved him too, which was very hard for me to say, but I think I really did love him at the time. Unfortunately, he was still sleeping with his ex girlfriend and multiple others that I didn't know about and started to treat me very strangely. He started stealing my phone and reading it while I was sleeping, he became very obsessive and would yell and swear at me when I didn't call him back, etc. I would naturally tell him that wasn't okay and started to question if I wanted to be with him, and then he would try to be nice and say he was sorry and just a bunch of emotional manipulation. It ended when one of his lady friends wrote him an anonymous note telling him she was pregnant. He called me and said that we needed to talk and ended up locking me in his house and forcing me to take a pregnancy test. I was so confused and had no idea what was going on. We got in a huge fight and I got scared and left. I blocked all forms of communication with him because I was so hurt. However, he then started contacting all our friends making very cruel and strange things up about me, because I'm guessing he's mad because we fought? I'm in shock at what a jerk he's being and all logic tells me that I'm lucky this happened now. But it's crazy, I miss him. I sound nuts, but I've become so depressed just thinking about him and missing him that I can barely eat and sleep. I'm not sure why I feel this horrible and sad, but it's been about a month and I can't figure out how to move on from this ugly part of my life. Does anyone have any suggestions? Thanks so much.

chariot my dh works away from home
  • replies: 1

My dh works away from the family home and has done on and off for two years. He has just taken work in central Australia on a 3 weeks on 4 days off schedule. He tells me he doesn't love me anymore but we are good friends. We are seeing a marriage cou... View more

My dh works away from the family home and has done on and off for two years. He has just taken work in central Australia on a 3 weeks on 4 days off schedule. He tells me he doesn't love me anymore but we are good friends. We are seeing a marriage councillor which he wants to keep doing whilst he is away again. Honestly I am very confused. I love him and the last few years have been hard. I was left to raise 3 children on my own one of them less than a year old when he left. He stopped communicating while away and I became resentful. I asked for marriage counselling then but he refused only agreeing once he fell out of love. We have been on and off again the last few weeks which is simply emotionally draining. Our youngest child is now 3 so things are still intense for me at home. We have agreed to continue marriage counselling at this stage but he wants to be formally separated. After a 16 year relationship and 3 children theres a lot of water under the bridge. I don't know if I should continue and see if his friendship feelings turn back into love or just call it now. I want to keep trying but it's hard enough with him in the same state now he's 2 states away and mobile coverage is unknown. I'm confused. He says he wants to be separated but still wants to do marriage counselling when he's home for 4 days, he doesn't love me but thinks of me as a good friend. there is very little touching although our communication has improved dramatically since we started seeing the councillor. Thanks for reading