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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Shaz1 Daughter problems
  • replies: 2

Hi I have my adult daughter living with me whom is causing me huge stress. She has been given an amount of rent to pay (by housing) and won't pay me the money so I'm having to pay it. She pays for nothing in the household. And declares she shouldn't ... View more

Hi I have my adult daughter living with me whom is causing me huge stress. She has been given an amount of rent to pay (by housing) and won't pay me the money so I'm having to pay it. She pays for nothing in the household. And declares she shouldn't have to pay her way. Sometimes i am left with no money not even for food, she will buy a little for herself or get takeaway and not anyone else touch it. I have asked her to move out, she said no. (many, many times) She also puts me down a lot, (and her sisters) i can't take much more. I am scared in my own house. Its like living with my ex, she says all the things he used to. Then just as i hit a point of "losing" it she will suddenly she will become all nice again. (same as ex used to do) Maybe if i try and sort this out, ill be able to start working on other areas. Shaz

Margstarus Forgotten or Invisible
  • replies: 2

Hi all, I just have to get this off my chest as it affected me last week and now it has hit me again! So, I've been through lot this past year. My husband told me he'd been having an affair for the last two years with our neighbor. Then a month later... View more

Hi all, I just have to get this off my chest as it affected me last week and now it has hit me again! So, I've been through lot this past year. My husband told me he'd been having an affair for the last two years with our neighbor. Then a month later as I was still with him, he had sex with our close female friend but I didn't find out until the neighbor texted me at work to inform me. Then he told me it wouldn't work anyway and he'd been unhappy for years. It came as a shock. All year its just been up and down. That's just background to why I'm fragile. I suffer from diagnosed depression and am treated for it. Anyway, last week my workmates went around collecting for a man who has left his wife and has moved out. I feel so selfish for getting so down about this. No one got a collection together for me! Why? Is it because I keep my problems to myself? Am i just invisible? Now they're collecting for a casual nurse from another country who was only staying a couple of months. Come On, when does it stop? This is all leftover from when I left my old job. 10 years work $40 bucks in an unsigned card and three people came to my farewell. $40! And they're wanting to buy an opal for this casual nurse! I just feel paranoid, invisible and worthless. I'm a good person but not good enough to be noticed Thanks,

new_beginning How do i get over my ex??
  • replies: 11

Its been 7 months since he left but its still as raw as it was day one. So much has happened in the last 7 months to make me want to hate him, for how he has treated me and our children and i hate the things that i have done and person i have become ... View more

Its been 7 months since he left but its still as raw as it was day one. So much has happened in the last 7 months to make me want to hate him, for how he has treated me and our children and i hate the things that i have done and person i have become out of hurt and frustration. During our relationship he cheated on me a number of times, one of those times while i was in labour with our daughter. He has at times made me feel like i was nothing,like our daughter who we planned to have together was nothing and i have given up so much of myself to try and make him happy. But nothing compared to how the last 7 months have been but now im just so lost. During the last 7 months he has ignored me so much. He hasnt paid a cent towards our daughter, never asks how she is going or my son who looked at him as a father for the last 3 years. Ill be trying to organise a time to see the children with him and ill say something he doesnt like and he will hang up on me (it doesnt have to be something mean directed at him, maybe im busy with something on a particular day so he hangs up) and this has made me so frustrated that i stupidly call him so many times trying to speak to him again. One day i think i called him 100 times.. its so stupid and pathetic but i cant stop myself from doing it. I just want to be heard and i get so frustrated when he doesnt even try even for the sake of the kids. In the last 7 months he has seen his daughter 5 times.. once even coming to my house to drop something off and she and my son were out the back playing and he didnt even bother to stick his head over the fence to say hi to them. It makes me so angry. This last weekend i tried to organise a play with my 2 kids and his other daughter as they all miss each other terribly but when i got to his house he had changed his mind and wouldnt let his daughter come play. We argued and i stupidly got out my car and keyed his car (coz its the only thing he really cares about) and ended up with me being thrown on my bum which i deserved as i shouldnt have done it. I dont know how to stop loving him, for who he used to be. I am struggling to give up on having my whole family back. I want to stop all my stupid actions, its so far from who i really am and feeling the need to tell him how his actions are affecting me when at the end of the day i know he doesnt care. How can i move past all the hurt and forget about the love, family and hopes and dreams i once had

Moongoddess UPDATED: Finding it hard to cope after breakup
  • replies: 7

Im 25 years old and have battled with depression most of my life but its been particularly hard lately. Ive not long gone through a break up with the man i thought was my soulmate. I was with him over 6 years and lived with him about 5.. im lost with... View more

Im 25 years old and have battled with depression most of my life but its been particularly hard lately. Ive not long gone through a break up with the man i thought was my soulmate. I was with him over 6 years and lived with him about 5.. im lost with how to live now.. and i actually wrote a poem today about how i feel thought i would share here im sure many feel the same.. anyways enjoy my poem: my heart all cracks, fractures and splinters, feels like a thousand winters, cold and all alone, no one to call my own. my heart does wither and decay, nothing to keep the pain at bay, so many restless nights, all my dreams filled with frights, no one to hear the screaming in my brain, the pressure is so much i feel i could go insane, hopelessness and despair, are what follow me everywhere. my eyes fill with tears, these feelings i feel ive had for years, shut down, broken and lost, to scared to pay the cost. how do i learn to live again...

hope_64 will I ?
  • replies: 7

I am 52 and scared that I will never meet anyone special to share my life with. I continue to push people away scared to let them into my world I have depression and know how hard it is for me sometimes so can only imagine how hard it is for someone ... View more

I am 52 and scared that I will never meet anyone special to share my life with. I continue to push people away scared to let them into my world I have depression and know how hard it is for me sometimes so can only imagine how hard it is for someone else to live with so feel it is not a fair thing to do to someone else any ideas to help break down the brick wall i have built myself.

Karenh Partner Working Away. Not Coping
  • replies: 2

Hi All, My partner works away 9 days on and off on a rotating roster. I know 9 days doesn't seem like long to some but for me, at the moment, it feels like a lifetime. I suffer from mixed anxiety and depression and have done..well..forever basically.... View more

Hi All, My partner works away 9 days on and off on a rotating roster. I know 9 days doesn't seem like long to some but for me, at the moment, it feels like a lifetime. I suffer from mixed anxiety and depression and have done..well..forever basically. I can usually manage with my techniques, exercise and eating well, but lately I am experiencing a yo-yo of emotions with him coming and going. I've tried everything. Getting out, talking to people, most people's advice is pretty flat or they don't understand why I am upset. From what I've read staying in contact with them as much as possible helps but I'm finding it harder and harder to talk to him while he's away. It makes it worse. He puts in alot of effort to be in contact. I love my partner and he is very kind and patient but the last time I can remember me being in a good place mentally was when I was single and didn't have to go through the coming and going. I feel like my life is in limbo when he's gone and I just cannot shake the anxiety. When he's home I'm happy but dread him leaving and count down the days. I feel like I'm being ungrateful and needy but I'm trying everything I can. Any advice? Anyone going through something similar? Sorry for the lengthy post guys. Xx

Lady_Lamington Is this normal?
  • replies: 2

My boyfriend of 3 years has traveled with his family to the UK, and he has no idea when he will return. They went over there for a family wedding. Since he is a UK citizen he has decided he wants to stay there and get some work for a while. I didn't ... View more

My boyfriend of 3 years has traveled with his family to the UK, and he has no idea when he will return. They went over there for a family wedding. Since he is a UK citizen he has decided he wants to stay there and get some work for a while. I didn't actually think he was going to do it in the end... things got complicated before he was due to leave (lack of funds, fighting with his family) so I didn't let it worry me. But then the time came around and he decided to do it. I'm really proud of him... there were so many factors telling him not to go, but he was brave and did it because he wanted to do it. But now we have no idea how long he will be there for. His flight home is open-ended, and he doesnt know if this could become 6 months or maybe 2 years. It's been one month already and I just can't seem to come to terms with it all. I'm sad all the time, which is not like me at all. I miss him so much, we barely get to talk due to the time difference (and his lack of credit). I have so much free time now. I didn't realize how much I relied on his company. I find myself crying all the time. Everything I do, every task I set myself seems like a distraction from my sadness. I feel I can't enjoy anything completely. Is this normal? To feel so empty and lonely? I'm fortunate enough to be surrounded by my lovin family, but I feel they grow tired on my constant moping. And their company just isn't the same. I just don't know how to cope.

Notavictim Separation - help
  • replies: 4

My husband and I have been together for about 7 years and we are currently separated and living apart for about two months now. It's been hard as though its allowing us to figure out what we each want it has also intensified our trust and other issue... View more

My husband and I have been together for about 7 years and we are currently separated and living apart for about two months now. It's been hard as though its allowing us to figure out what we each want it has also intensified our trust and other issues. The separation was initially caused by my husband telling me that he had been on tinder and had met a girl for coffee. Though nothing came of it, I was upset and told him I no longer trusted him. Though he initially apologised and acted contrite, of late he has been very secretive and suspicious answering texts in front of me and not answering calls around me. In addtion to this I found that he had gone on the Ashley Maddison website . His best friend is a serial philanderer as well as his boss. Yes we are separated but I feel that this behaviour is disrespectful to both our marriage contract and to me. My contribution to this is my lack of commitment in other ways due to my fear of being hurt as a result of my previous relationship. This has placed a strain on our marriage in that we have never travelled, gone on a honeymoon or saved for a house deposit. All things that I yearned to do but was too fearful to do so . Owing to being pushed into a corner I told this to my husband effectively, pushing things over the edge. I want to try to repair this relationship but my husband is upset with my lack of commitment and I continue to be upset with his behaviour and willingness to just throw it all away. Basically we both feel betrayed by each other. I am struggling with life at the moment especially with the stress from this relationship. I don't know what to do. I'm finding it difficult to do normal activities and the paranoia with regards to my husband's behaviour is a constant distraction. My husband has said he is currently processing. In the meantime I feel powerless and exhausted. Sam

Pink-wafer Relationship advice about a partner with depression who pushes people away when stressed
  • replies: 1

I'm 22yr girl and my partner is 27yr girl. We've been together now for 10months. My partner is from England and she's on a working holiday visa she is also recovering from depression. Ever since we've been together when she has her depressed days she... View more

I'm 22yr girl and my partner is 27yr girl. We've been together now for 10months. My partner is from England and she's on a working holiday visa she is also recovering from depression. Ever since we've been together when she has her depressed days she would say hurtful comments to me. She would say, i don't love you, I'm still in love with my ex, I've got no feelings for you and try and push me away. On her good days she'll tell me she loves me, I make her so happy and that she loves life with me. 2 times she's done it before I realised what she was doing and even she admitted that's what she was trying. We've been applying to move into our own place as at the moment we're in a shared place. I don't know if it's the stress with moving and looking for a place but her moods have been low and so recently she told me that she wanted to break up with me and that she was just using me as she wanted to stay in Australia and that she had zero feelings for me and that she was still in love with her ex, and now that she's calmed down she's saying that she loves me and misses me while I'm at wok. Also acts like nothing has happened. I don't know what to do. I don't know if this is another episode of her trying to push me away. What should I do? I want to help her. Thanks so much

Dillon5 Feeling overwhelmed - like things have and will never get better
  • replies: 3

feeling a little deflated looking at the grand scheme of things. There are people a lot worse off than me, and I'm not being abused and I do have friends whom I adore, but things still just don't add up here.. My family, social, love and work relatio... View more

feeling a little deflated looking at the grand scheme of things. There are people a lot worse off than me, and I'm not being abused and I do have friends whom I adore, but things still just don't add up here.. My family, social, love and work relationships are way out of balance, despite my overly high sense of self awareness and effort to battle through and improve things maturely and respectfully. My relationship with myself is good most days with hard work and perseverance, but then I have the familiar realisation come round, almost like a cycle in which I realise how fake my positivity and persistence is and I realise that overall, my life is a joke and I'm soooooo sick of trying to improve things. sometimes I just break down and want to give up, and just accept that I am a pathetic annoying loser who should stop kidding herself that she could one day actually have solid friendships or even just a best friend, a partner that treats her right, a nurturing home, a successful job - like it seems that most other people I know seem to have. (And that is NOT in my head!!) And don't even get me started on the social pressure in terms of appearance! i feel like I am a good bloody person and I deserve those things, especially with how positive I try to stay, the advice and listening I always grant others and how hard I work towards achieving my goals! But when nothing EVER goes right - and people always disregard you, bail on you, cut you off or talk over you, ignore you, abandon or manipulate you... as self pitying as it sounds, it honestly just seems like this life is never going to get better for me, and I should just accept it and move through the motions of my mediocre life and be done with it. Stop trying. I don't even know where to begin. I hate feelings!! I hate feeling not good enough. I hate people telling me it's all in my head and to 'be positive' when I am, most days, the most postive damn person in the room! I hate people that won't acknowledge reality. My reality that I am trying to reach out and express! I hate when people think sadness or loneliness is a disease or an inconvenience to their day that should be ignored, pretending that it doesn't exist, just 'play happy all the time!' I want to get back to (that uphill battle) of feeling positive, but there's just so much I want to offload, heavy stuff, petty day to day stuff... Hopefully this thread helps to get some real understanding where numerous councillors have fallen short