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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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mr1 Is seperation / divorce the way to go re: my problem
  • replies: 5

We have been through a rough trot lately. I couldn't perform in bed causing her to question many things and it fell at a time where we had been trying to conceive too . I had this problem when I was younger but when the signs were there I didn't tell... View more

We have been through a rough trot lately. I couldn't perform in bed causing her to question many things and it fell at a time where we had been trying to conceive too . I had this problem when I was younger but when the signs were there I didn't tell her and I was too embarrassed to tell my GP causing my wife to go into depression mode. We argued everday over stupid things. Eventually, she did some searching and gave me the courage to see my GP regarding my testosterone levels. In return she asked I read up about this problem as I wasn't the only one in that boat but that I also read the section about what the women go through too when their partners have this problem. I read it but did nothing and her depression has gotton worse. That last week she reminded me that I have never bought her a present in all the years of been married and that for once she would like something . I swear this year I wanted to get her something but with catching up with friends and work I forgot. She knew I hadn't got her anything but said nothing all day. This morning the meds worked just a little but she didn't want to get intimate and just pushed me away. She said its not about the sex that I needed to think of her once in a while. In the morning she told me its over and to get out. She said she had enough of doing everything for our relationship and me not lifting my game. That I had time to go out with friends all week but didn't have time to buy her something with the depression she is going through a surprise of some sort even a flower from out the front would have been nice. My ego got the better of me I know it wasn't her fault and that I always have to get my way but I love her. What do I do ? I tried speaking to her but she doesn't want to talk she said I had many chances to fix the issue at hand but didn't and to leave her alone. She said she could deal with the intimacy issue as it was a medical problem and that is wasn't my fault but she couldn't deal with me not seeing what she is going through knowing I have this issue. And that now it wasn't only what I was going threw with my testosterone levels but that her depression has grown because our chances for a child are no 0. I love her and don't want to leave her but what do I do know to save my marriage. She is stubborn and I know a gift is not the way to go. Help....

Hesse I can't function by myself
  • replies: 1

I'm going into year 11 high school and I am generally pretty happy with my small friendship group, but whenever I get away from them I realise I don't really like them at all. One of them has an ugly personality and the others accept it, and I just d... View more

I'm going into year 11 high school and I am generally pretty happy with my small friendship group, but whenever I get away from them I realise I don't really like them at all. One of them has an ugly personality and the others accept it, and I just don't get along with them as well as I used to. One of them has been on exchange for a few months, and every time I see her best friend texting her as soon and as often as she can I realise that none of them would do Te same for me. We're a group of five and the other four a kind of paired off, so I'm always the last choice for everything. I want to make new friends, but I already know I don't get along that well with anyone else at school and have practically nothing in common with any of them either. I would leave my friends, as I can be pretty happy by myself, but the last time I did that I became depressed and reclusive, turning year 9 into the worst year of my life so far. Since then I've gone out of my comfort zone and rekindled relationships with my family and friends, only to realise looking back that I can hardly function without them. i am often very shy and introverted (not very good in an Australian city) and since that year of depression my self-esteem dropped exceptionally before being built up from scratch, only to make a single bad decision and again have it dropped. Even now when I feel more confident in myself that never before, I can hardly function in school situations without these people I don't really like, and I don't even know why. And now I'm sick in a circle of wanting to leave them but not being able to because I don't have anywhere else to go and the fear of again isolating myself from the family I've become very close to along with my friends. i don't know how to talk about this with other people so I hope some of you will read through my problems, and that you have advice on what I should do. this situation has caused me a lot of pain and I just don't know what to do anymore

Lonely22 First Date Advice
  • replies: 7

Hi, I'm a young man seeking advice on dating, specifically first dates. Areas of interest include suitable location ️, environment, time of day , attire and conversation topics to alleviate awkward silence . You know I think I'm more concerned about ... View more

Hi, I'm a young man seeking advice on dating, specifically first dates. Areas of interest include suitable location ️, environment, time of day , attire and conversation topics to alleviate awkward silence . You know I think I'm more concerned about going on a first date than asking a girl out, even relief if I'm rejected. Please help me overcome this fear Thank you! God Bless

kaw Loosing Dad and then Marriage
  • replies: 1

My dad died in April this year and I have been on a downward spiral ever since. He was my go to person. I miss him so much. I have had trouble with crowds and would really rather be on my own. In November my husband turned 45 and we had a party. I th... View more

My dad died in April this year and I have been on a downward spiral ever since. He was my go to person. I miss him so much. I have had trouble with crowds and would really rather be on my own. In November my husband turned 45 and we had a party. I thought I did really well with talking to people. According to him I did not. So I decided to get some counselling. I made an appointment. I sat down to talk about it and asked him if he was going to be there for me, he told me he did not know. Three nights later in bed he woke me up to tell me that the answer was no. I was gutted. Things have gone from bad to worse. Now says he does not want to be anywhere near me. Our daughter is not doing so well. He left last night and is staying at a friends. My biggest problem is I still love him. I don't have a switch that tuns off my feelings. I know I need to move on, but I am just stuck and don't really know what to do next. I have been to counselor a few times but I just do not have the energy, I just want to curl up in bed and not get up.

Confused_helpless Daughter needing to help her father
  • replies: 3

Hi all, So since I was 7 I have been in a family where my parents have had issues. My dad soon turned to alcohol and finally.mum couldn't handle.it and left. Its been 7yrs after they divorced but my dad is depressed and still turns to alcohol. His lo... View more

Hi all, So since I was 7 I have been in a family where my parents have had issues. My dad soon turned to alcohol and finally.mum couldn't handle.it and left. Its been 7yrs after they divorced but my dad is depressed and still turns to alcohol. His lost himself and become so anti social. I'm constantlt crying and arguing. I feel resentment towards my mum because she didn't try to help him. And now his worse off and still loves her. I'm married with. Hildenborough and it's affecting my happiness cause dad won't go to see a pyscologist or anyone for any type of help. What can I do please help

Ness_ Loneliest at Christmas
  • replies: 15

I am trying to find support groups in the Mornington Pensinsula that would be enable me to start meeting people who are like me. I do have family living quite close by, but over the years, with the death of both of my parents, not maintaining contact... View more

I am trying to find support groups in the Mornington Pensinsula that would be enable me to start meeting people who are like me. I do have family living quite close by, but over the years, with the death of both of my parents, not maintaining contact etc. I feel like a 50 year old orphin. I have one child, who is now 30 and has moved back with me for a short while to finish his studies. I pay 3/4 of rent and bills. I organised a Christmas lunch for both of us, relieved that I had him to spend Christmas with. He has just let me know that we are to take separate cars on the day as after our lunch he is heading off with his friends for the next few days. This has really hurt me, the lateness in changing plans is going to leave me totally alone on Christmas night, something I was trying to avoid. I can't reach out to acquaintances and other family members because it is so embarrassing to admit that I'm lonely. This feeling of loneliness has been with me since I arrived back in Victoria after leaving my relationship in Queensland, where I lived for 7 years. I have tried but I've found it so hard to make new friends, as most people have an established friendship group or bigger families they spend their time with. I work full time and I am now beginning my holidays and without the social contact of work I feel it is going to be very lonely. I miss not being able to talk through things with others and get some feedback and support. The more time I spend alone, the harder it is to do activities on my own that create opportunities to meet people as I think that I begin to develop slight social anxiety. I am unable to get a pet for company as I currently rent and it is not approved. The last couple of days I have been feeling quite hopeless and tired. I just have no interest in things. I know without action my situation wont change but I'm a bit lost as to the best place to begin. I am currently not speaking with my son and I'm unsure whether I will attend on Christmas. I don't fancy driving back from the city alone on Christmas day. I know I am not alone feeling worse and Christmas. I would appreciate the comments of others who may be able to understand where I'm at.

gloria10 Family living in the past with my depression
  • replies: 6

Okay, so I'll give a bit of a background. About 15 years ago after a break up I was left shattered and ended up being diagnosed with depression. My family helped me get through the difficult time and I am grateful for their help. Especially over the ... View more

Okay, so I'll give a bit of a background. About 15 years ago after a break up I was left shattered and ended up being diagnosed with depression. My family helped me get through the difficult time and I am grateful for their help. Especially over the last few years my health has greatly improved; my employment situation is better, I'm trying to face my social anxiety issues and I'm managing my depression, not to say that it doesn't show up from time to time. The thing I'm finding is that my family, mostly my mum, keeps living in the past and any times certain behavious occur she immediately thinks that I'm going to go back to that way and goes really funny on me (like keeping her distance and even getting a bit snappy). I understand that it would have been a lot for them to deal with, but it hurts that she doesn't try to see how far I've come rather than just my illness; it doesn't define me. I guess I mainly needed to vent. Does anyone else deal with this sort of thing?

M_A Christmas and Family Issues - Causing anxiety already
  • replies: 3

Hello, We have a busy Christmas planned. I would love to cancel arrangements however my husband is apprehensive and concerned about "ruining Christmas". I want some advice/strategies for helping me get through the silly season. Im 18 weeks pregnant a... View more

Hello, We have a busy Christmas planned. I would love to cancel arrangements however my husband is apprehensive and concerned about "ruining Christmas". I want some advice/strategies for helping me get through the silly season. Im 18 weeks pregnant and have a very bad back. We have family staying for 7 nights. My mother in law has been very pressing, constantly wanting to know what " the plans" are - despite being told numerous times. Needing to know the "food situation" despite being well informed prior. Trying to manipulate the plans to operate her way rather than my way which is easier for me. Often the in laws are demanding to be around, criticising our parenting, complaining constantly about anything and everything, dredging up issues from over 20 years ago. They dont sit still, run around like headless chooks. Quite frankly I just want me time to rest and relax before bub number 2 comes. So far I have planned to go out one day to do Christmas shopping on my own, take my husband out for dinner while they sit our child, get a massage. I want other solutions that will get them out of the house, so that I dont need to leave. We live near the beach so theres lots to do. I know I can retreat to my bedroom if I feel Ive had enough, but I dont want to feel like Im a prisoner in my own home. How do I get them to respect my wishes and boundaries?

lonelyheart101 Struggling to deal with the loneliness
  • replies: 16

I'm very new to this, so here's some background. I'm in my mid-30s, smart, career-driven/successful, fit/active, likable and down-to-earth. I recently moved interstate for work so it’s just me here with no friends or family. I am experiencing a crush... View more

I'm very new to this, so here's some background. I'm in my mid-30s, smart, career-driven/successful, fit/active, likable and down-to-earth. I recently moved interstate for work so it’s just me here with no friends or family. I am experiencing a crushing loneliness from not being able to find a relationship. I have been on countless dates over the past few years and have failed on every occasion in getting the girl to agree to a second encounter. I don't know what is wrong with me. Our evenings are always good (no issues with confidence). We share laughs, engage in two-way conversations, and even flirt a little. In fact we often end up agreeing to a second date. However the next day is when I receive the rejection msg/call (I had a great time, but I don't think this will work out...etc). I have read countless tutorials on dating and followed the usual advice. But after the latest failure I am really struggling to deal with the rejection. While I'm not an adonis, I like to think I'm good looking. I would even settle for a friend, just someone I could do simple things with. I feel like the world is passing me by and losing hope of ever finding happiness. I can barely look up anymore when I walk, seeing a couple walk by is a constant reminder of my loneliness. People often complain about the devastation of relationship heartbreaks. But I believe never being in a relationship is a more painful feeling of death by a 1000 cuts. I am not a big believer in fate though I do believe love finds people, not the other way around. Maybe god never intended for me to be with someone. If that is the case, how can I make the hurt go away and accept my fate? I guess wanted to believe that it is possible for someone out there to love me, and that I wasn’t meant to live a life in isolation. Thanks for hearing my rant. I have no one else to talk to.

Dadoftwo A marriage lacking energy
  • replies: 8

I've been married to my wife for nearly 13 years, and before that we were together for 10 years. Right now it feels like I'm living with a stranger, a flat mate rather than a life partner. We have two kids, 10 and 7, and a lot of our energy goes into... View more

I've been married to my wife for nearly 13 years, and before that we were together for 10 years. Right now it feels like I'm living with a stranger, a flat mate rather than a life partner. We have two kids, 10 and 7, and a lot of our energy goes into them. So much so that it feels like there's no energy left for each other. It feels to me like we don't talk about anything except the kids. Other than that, we've got nothing. I desperately want to connect with her, but I don't quite know how. She is almost always tired from work or other activities, and just wants quiet time, staring at the telly mostly. I feel incredibly frustrated and sad. I'm trying to reach out, but I feel I get very little in return. I tried to suggest a weekend away together recently, but she says she wants to spend time at home. We're hardly ever physically intimate with each other - perhaps once every 3 months, if that. I just don't know what to do. She insists she loves me, but in this state, and with the (lack of) response I feel that I'm getting, I'm not sure how I feel about her. Thank you for reading this far - if you have any suggestions, they'd be most welcome.

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