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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Janksie Do we let go of our first love?
  • replies: 2

Hi, I am new to this forum, i really wanted to talk to someone, actually I'm from Kenya and I moved to Australia 8 years ago, when I was in Kenya, I wAs generally a shy and reserved girl. While I was working in an auditing firm there, I fell in love ... View more

Hi, I am new to this forum, i really wanted to talk to someone, actually I'm from Kenya and I moved to Australia 8 years ago, when I was in Kenya, I wAs generally a shy and reserved girl. While I was working in an auditing firm there, I fell in love with a guy there, it was first just love or maybe a crush and slowly changed to saying hello, to eventually dating each other. I belong to an Indian community and in our community there, dating someone was considered inappropriate. My mum was not aware of what was happening in my life as it was a secret relationship. Eventually our dating became passionate love and we got very intimate with each other. Anyway, skipping the details, he was the first man I opened myself to and lost my virginity to. Eventually, the time came when my mum and grandmother insisted that I should get married, I was 22 at that time and in my family, getting married late was also not considered appropriate. So because I was so close to this guy, I approached him for marriage and to talk to his parents. Indian community has a caste system, so his family did not accept my caste as it was different from theirs. My mum was strict too, but I knew that she loved me and will accept it if it was for my happiness. my guy couldn't fight for me and told me he can't do this, can't marry and can't go against his parents. So after many attempts, I knew it was not going to happen and we broke up, after a year or so, eventually through arranged marriage setup, I got married and moved to Australia, my current husband is very loving, very caring, All these years that I have been married, I couldn't stop comparing my husband to my first love, even though he is aware of my past, I never admitted to him about the internal comparisons I made. I think I never got over my first love. Recently, I found out he got married, to someone of a different caste, a caste his family would not accept. It shocked me and broke me to pieces. Why did he marry her and not me? I felt the urge to confront him but I have no contact details Please someone help me figure this out, how do I stop myself from all this crying? These dreams and most of all the low self esteem I feel because he rejected me?i feel angry at the same time pain. Thankyou for for reading my post, I know it is long but I had to explain.

Rosygirl Anxiety about my husband
  • replies: 8

Hi there, I have been married for 23 years, to the most amazing faithful man, but over the last year I have been so worried about him looking at other women and thinking they are attractive in his mind. I hate him seeing scantily dressed women , in a... View more

Hi there, I have been married for 23 years, to the most amazing faithful man, but over the last year I have been so worried about him looking at other women and thinking they are attractive in his mind. I hate him seeing scantily dressed women , in ads on tv, at the beach, in movies, ANYWHERE...... He reassures me constantly, but whenever I question him about him looking at a picture for what I think is long period of time we fight as he is so upset that I view him as that kind of man. I go through his phone , his web history etc....... I am so anxious I will find something. Once 8 years ago I had just had a baby, and one night came downstairs to find him watching a miss universe show ( he says he watched it to listen to their funny comments but it didn't help when I walked in, they were strutting down the runway all showing off their bikini's ), I was so upset feeling fat and unattractive , it haunts me still suffering with this anxiety I keep bringing it up and causing a fight. I also get very insecure about his twin sister, she is a very beautiful out there vervaious person , when we first got married he was very close with her, very affectionate towards her, he is not as close now but one day recently he text her saying 'hey beautiful' ........ Which is what he says to me...... But ever since then I can't stand him calling me that...I hate this anxiety! About 18 months ago we went through a very stressful time where a few of our friends had attacked us as a couple and our children, it was a very traumatic time along with dealing with our teenage son who was up to no good, and my parents who didn't support us. I wonder if this has given me an anxiety about trusting people and I am taking it all out on my husband , just waiting for him to turn on me as well..... My husband wants me to get help of some sort, I am an extremely private person, no/one knows my battle except my husband. He wants me to stop alcohol and take vitamin b for a month to see if it helps, 10 days in, and my anxiety has caused a fight this morning over him searching for a variety of timber called 'honey mahogany' for a job he is doing , well type that into google search and look at what you come up with. His history showed he then googled images trying to find the timber, but he told me he didn't go into images, his explanation was that he didn't click on 'a' image, but images to see if he could see timber, my mind just went crazy . Any words of wisdom ? Thanks for reading . X

anniebtwitch Is it my fault?
  • replies: 1

Myself and my husband have been together for 12 years and married for 7 of them. We moved to Australia in 2010 and because he is blind in one eye from an accident, I became the bread winner for 3 years. I then fell pregnant with our second child and ... View more

Myself and my husband have been together for 12 years and married for 7 of them. We moved to Australia in 2010 and because he is blind in one eye from an accident, I became the bread winner for 3 years. I then fell pregnant with our second child and after a year off of work I was supposed to go back but my husband had finished all his treatment and was finally in a place where he was ready to work again and eventually got a job. I then became the stay at home parent. He's been working for a year now and making good money and getting lots of work but the downside is he drinks every night to deal with the stress and exhaustion. I've asked him to drink less because I don't want my kids to think drinking is a normal thing to do after work but he says I'm nagging him (I'm sure I am) and that I should be grateful I get to do nothing at home. So I got sick of watching him drink every night that I started back at work 1-2 nightshifts a week. This is making me so tired and then I snap at everyone (my husband's words). I just feel like I can't win anymore and having no family here, I feel lonely and sad. On a side note, after my daughter was born, I was so sleep deprived and depressed that I wanted toend my life. I told my husband this and his reply was, "so do I". He has been through a lot in the last 9 years because of the accident that I feel like I can't ask for help because it will become a competition of who has more problems. Am I being unreasonable? ​

Iwant2B3 Having a hard time -my sons birthday just passed
  • replies: 3

It's been 13 years since I seen my children. It was my sons birthday just a few days ago. It never bothered me every year since the incident. I just thought wait til he is 18 then he will want to see me. He will want to find me. They can't keep him f... View more

It's been 13 years since I seen my children. It was my sons birthday just a few days ago. It never bothered me every year since the incident. I just thought wait til he is 18 then he will want to see me. He will want to find me. They can't keep him from me anymore. I waited and waited and waited, 13 years I have cried every single day. I don't function. I don't eat. I don't talk to anyone. I just wait sitting in my room alone everyday. He just turned 19. I don't want to wait any longer. I don't want to grieve for a lost child anymore. He's a grown up. He knows I'm alive. He knows where I live. He hates me. I hate me more. Do you know what it's like to live with anger and hatred towards yourself. That's 110,000 hours of being mean to me. I let bad things happen to me because I know I deserve them. My next door neighbour borrowed my car and it broke down. She borrowed my other car to go fix the broken down one and she stole both cars and fled the state. I didn't do anything. I didn't even go to the police. My cousin moved in with me and then kicked me out of my house. I still did nothing. My ex kidnapped my child (not his biological child) and fled the state. All I did was cry. My mother takes my son, poisons his mind against me and then puts him in a boys home. I did nothing to help him. My partner calls me horrible names and is physically abusive. I still do nothing. WHY CANT I FIGHT BACK? Why do I feel like I'm not worthy of anything? My mother was an independent strong woman who never let anyone get away with hurting her or her kids. Why can't I be like that? I let everything turn to shit and I sat back and did nothing.

nion i made a bad choice
  • replies: 2

Im 14 years old and i gave someone my virginity....i was in a sexual relationship with my friend and i slowly got feelings for him, i got attached and he decided to date someone and cut off the sexual relationship, i feel really stupid and i made him... View more

Im 14 years old and i gave someone my virginity....i was in a sexual relationship with my friend and i slowly got feelings for him, i got attached and he decided to date someone and cut off the sexual relationship, i feel really stupid and i made him upset because i lied to him about not being a virgin and ivehurting myself again because i just feel like such an idiot i made him upset and i feel like i deserve pain because i constantly make people upset and i feel like all i do is ruin peoples lives

LoyalBlues Partner left me says doesn't love me anymore :(
  • replies: 7

Hello there i'm a 28 year old male i have had depression/anxiety for over 10 years, I have not worked for some time now, I was with my partner for 3 n half years until she recently had told me she doesn't love me anymore and she doesn't want me anymo... View more

Hello there i'm a 28 year old male i have had depression/anxiety for over 10 years, I have not worked for some time now, I was with my partner for 3 n half years until she recently had told me she doesn't love me anymore and she doesn't want me anymore while we were waiting in my psychiatrist's waiting room an while i was just about to get my life on track (was seeing a job seeker trying to get a job for our future) I'm left more depressed than i have ever been, My depression first started when my first love of 4 years left me, Some years later i met another girl of which we weren't "official" but when she left me for some one who was serious i was depressed and heart broken again because i was coming around to making it official then i met this girl (my now ex) she also was going through a breakup "separated" and then a divorce when i had first met her and so we fell in love and everything was good.. The thing is i have never loved a girl and showed it so much in my life she had a miss carriage some months ago after we were trying to have a child, But now she says she just wants to be be happy and doesn't want me in my life, She understands my condition and knows its not fair but she says she just cant be with me she was crying and stuff i'm guessing from guilt?, Now the thing is she thinks i'm a bum and that i'm never going to work and that i'm going to just bludge off her but this is not the case at all i have never asked or taken a cent off her i was genuinely going to get a job and do some online courses at the same time and was going to buy a engagement ring and get engaged to her this year on our 4 year anniversary (she didn't know this) also she has a big family and at the start (few years ago) i didn't want to meet them all and stuff because of anxiety and shyness but as our relationship dragged on she never asked me to again but i wanted to an i was ready. She went overseas for 3 months during our relationship i waited and stayed loyal to her, In all honesty i'm not a bad guy and she says i'm not bad or did anything really wrong but its just she fell out of love, I'm a tall good looking guy (some say) i'm a great cook i know how to work on computers,cars,motorbikes etc and i'm very smart with general knowledge, Now she had lost love for me before around 2 years ago but after she said she will try she was good and our relationship was great.

Maureen When are you ready for dating
  • replies: 2

I've been going through a nasty session of depression and anxiety for the past couple of years. I'm 55. A lot of my problem is being so so lonely. I've been on my own for 9 years. Was married for 18 years, divorced, had a partner for 3 years til my d... View more

I've been going through a nasty session of depression and anxiety for the past couple of years. I'm 55. A lot of my problem is being so so lonely. I've been on my own for 9 years. Was married for 18 years, divorced, had a partner for 3 years til my depression destroyed that. My kids are grown up, luckily still spend time with me and have a gorgeous 2 year old grand daughter. I also have a couple of great girlfriends who are very supportive. But it would be so lovely to have a special person in my life. I'm doing the up and down thing. Some days, sometimes a week of doing really well then down I go again. They can't get the drugs right, I can't find a psychologist. I'm not looking for a partner to fix me. I would just like someone to spend time with, care about me, accept me for me, ups and downs and all. Is that too much to ask for? Should I be more stable before putting myself out there? When do you know you're ready? I'm asking this tonight but by the morning ill probably have lost the confidence to have a go. But it will come back again. Your thoughts, experiences would be greatly appreciated. Thanks guys. Maureen

kanga_brumby Daughter tiring to rule the house
  • replies: 1

I have a 16-17 year old daughter who is tiring to help around the house. Cleaning, cooking etc. I also have a 14 year old son who A.D.H.D. who always leaves a mess every where he goes. All normal so far siblings just fighting. I try to break it up . ... View more

I have a 16-17 year old daughter who is tiring to help around the house. Cleaning, cooking etc. I also have a 14 year old son who A.D.H.D. who always leaves a mess every where he goes. All normal so far siblings just fighting. I try to break it up . it always ends in a yelling match. She feels threatened and gets defensive and now has angisoty she wont tet me parent either one of them. The mother died from cancer in 2004. Leaving them with me with my health going north for the winter

flower_girl1 Lonely Without Love
  • replies: 6

So. I am 26F, and I have never had a boyfriend, never been in love, never had any more than a passing crush on someone.I have been pretty busy most of my adult life so it was never an issue but now that I am no longer studying it is really getting to... View more

So. I am 26F, and I have never had a boyfriend, never been in love, never had any more than a passing crush on someone.I have been pretty busy most of my adult life so it was never an issue but now that I am no longer studying it is really getting to me. I grew up around guys, I only have brothers and most of my cousinds are guys and my my brothers friends were always around so it was just guys guys guys. That was why I have never been boy crazy I just got really sick of guys cause I always saw their bad side.I have never wanted to play the field, and the idea of dating is just terrifying. I have no desire to sit in judgement with someone and find out if I can fall in love with them. I would listen to friends who were dating and they would be like, yeah I don't really like this guy, I'm probably gunna dump him soon. I would hate to be in this situation, I dont want to be with anyone unless I love them.People ask me about dating all the time and I swear they have no idea how awful they are being!I dont know what to say to them, that I dont want to go boy hunting. I really dont know why I cringe at the idea of a guy hitting on me, or why I virtually never see a guy and think I might like.I have joined an online dating site to try and force myself to do this. But its just making me upset, I have no idea what I am looking for really but every face I see looks ordinary and un exciting.Growing up the world gives you this impression that love means true love, epic love, head over heals in love. And I dont want to settle for anything less. I feel like there is something wrong with me, evryone else seems to find this so straight forward and easy but to me its like entering the hunger games. For the longest time I just kept telling myself I don't want a boyfriend I like my independance, which is true. But what I really wish I had was someone I truely love. And I guess I am wondering if this really happens, or if people just convince themselves to fall in love with the right person.So yeah this is what's getting me down at the moment. Is it a ctually possible? Or is it just a fairy tale? Flower Girl

cocoa1 Feeling Overwhemed
  • replies: 4

Feeling overwhelmed by 3 kids 2 teenagers 15 yr old boy who is verbally abusive, 14 year old daughter who is bright but does not feel happy at school and a 11 year apergers son. Myself 49 going through menopause. Can't see the light at the end of the... View more

Feeling overwhelmed by 3 kids 2 teenagers 15 yr old boy who is verbally abusive, 14 year old daughter who is bright but does not feel happy at school and a 11 year apergers son. Myself 49 going through menopause. Can't see the light at the end of the tunnel and feel anxious all the time.