My partner got bored of me

[berryberrymellow]

I met and fell in love with my boyfriend and we had been dating for 1 year and 6months until he decided to break up with me last night when I got home from work.

We met online and I wasn't after anything serious as I wasn't sure I wanted to stay in Sydney at the time, I'm sure he felt the same because when we first met and we broke the ice and asked each other the usual generic 'first date ice breaker' questions, he mentioned that he had just gotten out of a relationship and wasn't sure he wanted to get back into one. And I was fine with that because I wasn't after anything serious. But what happened was that we went on several dates and found each other enjoying each other's company a lot. Eventually he did ask me out and I was happy and I asked to make sure if this was what he wanted as I wanted it as well. So I made the choice to extend my visa to stay for a couple more years.

Anyway after a couple more months of being in the relationship, he invited me to move into his place. It was all sunshine and butterflies for a while and then I got sick and ended up in hospital and had to have surgery. I was in hospital for the first time in my life for a minor but big surgery, far away from home and scared . Anyway, I got through it and had to cut back on my job to recover so I was relatively financially stable but I felt quite stressed about it all because I wasn't sure how I would sustain myself for the rest of the year. My partner had arranged for us to go to Europe in July so I could travel with him and meet his family. So I agreed, both excited and stressed at the same time. while this was being organized I was working casually at a retail store and applying for jobs that would be able to help me financially. A week before we were set to leave, I got offered the job and I would start as soon as I got back from Europe.

Fast forward to a week ago, my new job has been stressful with a difficult manager that had been bullying me, I got past that hurdle and my partner had exams on. During this time he had been a bit withdrawn and emotionally detached from me and I tried to hold our relationship together and he just didn't bother. He left me for the first time only for a week to go and live with his parents so we could have a break. My mother texted me to tell me she was in an accident, stress levels are at an all time high at this point. He came back and we talked to try and work things out. He didn't really try, and then he dumped me

[Touille]

Hey BBM,

Welcome to the forum.

I'm so sorry what you have experienced with your breakup. I broke up with my GF last year and it was heartbreaking, so I know the feeling. I tried my best to resolve issues and it still wasn't good enough for the girl.

You need someone who is determined to work things out with you and value the relationship.

Please look after yourself and learn from this, you deserve a guy who is a great communicator, cherishes you and puts into the relationship.

It's ok to cry and be heartbroken, but it's better to have a bitter ending, than a lifetime of bitterness with the wrong person.

After a year and being on antidepressants, I'm finally starting to recover and admire women who work hard to try and make a relationship work out, so be proud of yourself for trying. Good things come to those who wait.

Take Care

Hugs,

Touille

[Nikkir]

Hi berryberrymellow,

Thank you for posting your difficult time at the moment and welcome to BB. I really feel for you is what I want to say, I don't think anything else I could say would be enough:( I guess you have ruminated and thought about this enough so I don't want to ask questions. I just want to ask one thing. Do you think he loved you and then just left or was there signs leading up? It sounds like you are incredibly strong and determined and hardworking and willing to make sacrifices when you need to like going overseas. You have set goals and achieved them all so I have no doubt that you will get past this but I guess we always want closure and answers, sometimes they come and sometimes they don't so we need to "keep on keeping on as my daughter of 26 tells me when I get low.' she says mum, just "keep on keeping on, you will get there." Its worked so far, though we never really know the destination. Again, I wish I could give you a big hug and say you will be ok because that is what I would do. Do you have friends, people around you to help you through this ? What are your plans now if its not to soon ? How are you feeling after your surgery? Please call us on 1300 22 4636 or chat online to us if you feel like it, you are not alone. Take care and best wishes Nikkir x

[berryberrymellow]

Hi Touille,

Thank you and thank you for sharing your story with me, I really appreciate that.

Even though I was expecting him to break up with me (I saw all the signs) it still came as a bit of a shock the way it happened. I guess there isn't a perfect way to break up with someone but the feeling still sucks.

I made the mistake of texting him last night and asking him if we were really done. I secretly hoped he would say he didn't know and he needed time but he said 'I think so' and that hit the nail in the coffin for me. I want someone to fight for me not run away.

You're right, I hope to take better care of myself this time and have found myself reaching out to friends more than I used to and it's been overwhelming to receive the warmth and comforting words from them..including here!

I hope you're feeling much better, you deserve to be happy even if that means being happy by yourself.

Big hugs to you xx

[berryberrymellow]

Hi Nikkir,

Your comment felt like a big warm hug when I read it. Thank you so much for your kind words. I was nervous about posting on this site but I am glad i found the courage to. To answer your question, yes he did love me I know this from when we first started dating and living together but I also noticed the signs. He is a very anxious person and has trouble expressing how he feels and being honest, but I would encourage him to talk to me even if it wasn't what I wanted to hear but the least he could do was talk to me rather than shut me out and distance himself from me. So he did gradually open up to me and would tell me that he wasn't sure about our relationship and if this was what he wanted. And during his moments of anxiety I would calm him down and comfort him. But that's when I knew that things were going downhill, I just didn't want to accept it so soon. However, i will be fine. My plan is to carry on with work and pass my probationary period and just keep on keeping on 😉 nothing else i can do.

It's funny you would say that your daughter says that to you, my mother tells me the same thing, bless.

I'm feeling much better after my surgery. I've had no troubles since and for that i am extremely grateful, thank you for asking. And thank you for reaching out to me, you really brightened my mood after this post, both posts actually.

Take care and best wishes

[Nikkir]

Hi berryberrrymellow,

Thank you for your lovely post, it was a big hug to me as well xxx 🙂 I am glad you are going to keep on keeping on lol and that your mum says that to, these wise people:) we are lucky! It is good that you can see that he did love you and that he just had difficulties expressing himself and his own issues and I am glad that you are still moving forward despite everything that has gone on, that takes amazing courage, well done !

Because as you know 'life goes on' whether you stop or keep going life keeps going and we have to as well, that's how we survive. Wishing you all the best and again thank you, a lovely connection !

Best Wishes

Nikkir x

[pipsy]

Hi B.B.M. Sorry to hear things went 'pear-shaped' for you. Sounds like things were moving at an incredibly fast pace for you. You were going to Europe, then you unexpectedly wound up in hospital, which neither of you could've anticipated. Was your partner supportive for you during your recovery? I'm a bit suss when things move so fast. You say you met 'online' were you o/seas when you first made contact? You only knew him for a short time before moving in. How were his parents toward you, did they 'okay' the relationship? It almost sounds as though he expected you to just go along with his plans for o/seas, moving in. You getting sick possibly threw him as he wouldn't have expected nor known how to deal with this. In some ways, I can't help feeling you may be well out of something that might have gone 'belly-up' anyway. Did he even hint at anything permanent or long term? I realize you are hurting but he sounds rather emotionally immature. Was he supportive with your problem boss? I'm hoping you can get past this and try to put it down to experience. Your feelings of rejection and hurt will pass and you will start feeling better. If I'm wrong and his feelings are genuine, I'm sorry for hurting you. I hope you will start feeling better and I also hope you will meet the one who is the right one for you. We all want to be loved and it hurts when we are rejected.

Lynda