Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

Maggie_ Feeling hopeless and lonely
  • replies: 3

Hi all, I'm wondering if anyone has any words of advice... I feel I have always suffered from depression and loneliness to some degree but for some reason in recent weeks it has gotten even worse. I don't get excited about things anymore. I don't see... View more

Hi all, I'm wondering if anyone has any words of advice... I feel I have always suffered from depression and loneliness to some degree but for some reason in recent weeks it has gotten even worse. I don't get excited about things anymore. I don't see the point! I feel like the future is bleak and hopeless. I have a fiance but still I feel lonely a lot, even though he is very supportive. I emigrated to Australia from UK 2 and half years ago so I don't know if that has something to do with my loneliness. My family dont call or Skype - only message over Facebook. I have asked them time and time again to Skype and they just don't want to. I let them know that it upset me that they don't ask about my life here or try to talk to me other than Facebook messenger and one sister actually had a go at me, mum and other sister said nothing and the third sister simply said 'well it was your decision to move there so you just have to get on with it. I suppose people have their own lives going on' and I get that people have their own lives but a 10 min phonecall once a week or fortnight isn't asking much (in my opinion). But I've given up on that because I don't want them to speak to me just because I'm forcing them to. I feel like everyone else has closer friends and family (better support network) than me and it makes me feel lonely. I'm not good at making new friends as I'm self conscious and get tired and bored sometimes in social situations so probably don't appear very approachable! I'm struggling to find motivation to do anything at the moment. I want to call in sick so I can just spend the day napping in bed and eating (I over-eat a lot and have noticed I'm putting on weight but can't stop!) but so far I have dragged myself into work but don't know how long I can keep that up. I have told my GP that I'm feeling down and she gave me a questionnaire to fill out and I am seeing her again tomorrow to show the questionnaire and she might refer me to speak to a psychologist. But I guess I want to know if anyone thinks that speaking to a psychologist worked for them? And if not what else might be able to help instead? Thanks so much for reading my post

irascible Troubled family and marriage
  • replies: 3

I am 25, and have been married to my wife for 4 years. We have 2 kids, a girl (2) and a boy (1). My wife and I are always getting into arguments over stupid, trivial things, usually because of something that I've done (or not done).I will admit, that... View more

I am 25, and have been married to my wife for 4 years. We have 2 kids, a girl (2) and a boy (1). My wife and I are always getting into arguments over stupid, trivial things, usually because of something that I've done (or not done).I will admit, that since having kids, my life has been a lot more stressful, I'm just not sure how to deal with this. We have just started seeing a psychologist together, to see if we can work on things. My wife thinks that I'm unhappy with my life, and that I take out my frustration, and anger on the people around me - I guess this is somewhat true.Little bit more about me: I've seen a psychiatrist who told me that I have a form of austism/Aspergers (high functioning autism). I feel that I see the world differently to most. My brain is always going, always taking in information about everything going on around me. As a result, I often suffer from mild anxiety, but not to the point where I have panic attacks etc. I'm taking an SSRI for the anxiety side of things, and a stimulant to help keep me focused at work, as I'm often easily distracted by things.As a result of my brain going 100% or the time, I'm always tired, I'm somewhat an insomniac, and sleep quite terribly. I want to improve myself mentally, and became a better person, in hopes that this makes me feel physically better, and that I be a better husband and father

Sadcookie Conflicted heart
  • replies: 1

I've being having relationship problems for the past few months and often thought about leaving him but stayed because I was worried he would kill himself. I was crying all the time and worried about him because he wouldn't talk to me and showed litt... View more

I've being having relationship problems for the past few months and often thought about leaving him but stayed because I was worried he would kill himself. I was crying all the time and worried about him because he wouldn't talk to me and showed little affection. Finally I had enough and decided to end the relationship, but when I saw him I just couldn't so I said if he could show me he would change then maybe we could try again, he agreed then ignored me for nearly a week. When I saw him at work (we work together) I was upset and let it show, though probably too much. I wanted to talk after work and apologize for how I treated him, he said no, it was clear how I felt and that it was over. Since then I have been thinking about the relationship and how I felt, I still care about him and want to be with him, but I also remember how being with him made me feel, I was always sad and there were very few happy moments. He was very selfish and always thought about himself, never asking how I was or caring if I had a bad day. I don't know why I still want to be with him because I have a list of why it was a bad relationship. Then last night I had a dream that we were together and were having a baby a beautiful little boy we were happy and smiling and I wanted to wake up because I knew it wouldn't happen but at the same time I wanted to stay in it so bad that it made me cry. I don't know what to do... ever since he ended it he has ignored me and brushed off my attempts to talk to him, I tell my self that he is not worth it but my heart still aches thinking about him.

Chatty87 Confused emotions
  • replies: 5

Hi All, I'm a little apprehensive about this issue and have been racking my brain on what to do for a few days now. I'm seeking some advice on what my next step should be. I've been married for 18 months now, together for 7 years. My wife and I have ... View more

Hi All, I'm a little apprehensive about this issue and have been racking my brain on what to do for a few days now. I'm seeking some advice on what my next step should be. I've been married for 18 months now, together for 7 years. My wife and I have 2 kids together and they mean the world to me (another reason this is so hard). I never thought that I could have feelings for another woman but here I am... I was away with work for 2 weeks on a course and I met her, along with 7 others completing the course. At first I thought nothing of it, I was there to do a job and got on with it. Then when we introduced ourselves to each other, there were things she said that sparked my interest so I wanted to know more. From conversations I had with her I felt I was starting to like more and more about her, I had not felt this way about a person since I met my wife. This girl and I share the same interests we are both driven and motivated to achieve pretty much the same thing. This scares me because I didn't go out to meet anyone else, I had a family back home. I feel like I have betrayed them, then again I also feel that if this was nothing and just a small flutter so to speak, why can I not stop thinking about her. Even when I am with my wife. The way I see it I have a few options, each with pros and cons: 1, I ignore the feelings and stay with my wife and carry on like it never happened. However I have been feeling for a while now that I don't love my wife like I used to. 2, I leave my wife and kids and see how things go with the other woman. I hate to say it but this makes me feel happier than option 1. Cons are that I don't want to destroy my kids lives nor that of my wife. Plus the other girl has a boyfriend, she did however tell me that she felt something for me too. I do not feel any inclination towards ending you life. I am however confused as all hell and don't know where to go from here. My wife doesn't know that I am talking to this other girl and I feel like I'm cheating on her, even though nothing happened with the other girl. Thanks ks for reading.

geminibabe42 *embarrassing post* obsession with a book!
  • replies: 3

Help. I've developed an unhealthy obsession with a book called 'The Rules' and it must be OCD but I can't seem to stop thinking about it and letting it ruin my life I'm a person who already takes things way too seriously at the best of times and I al... View more

Help. I've developed an unhealthy obsession with a book called 'The Rules' and it must be OCD but I can't seem to stop thinking about it and letting it ruin my life I'm a person who already takes things way too seriously at the best of times and I already fell crazy enough about this so please don't make me feel worse.But years ago my sister bought this book called 'The Rules' when I was only 16 and I was already developing this habit of taking things literally.I looked up to my sister way too much and thought I had to copy every little thing she did and she encouraged it by always telling me stuff I did was "right" or "wrong" which didn't help at all. But that's another story in itself.But anyway the book is a self-help book that basically tells you what to do and what not to do in the 'dating' phase of a relationship. Don't get me wrong, some of 'The Rules' are pretty logical and valid like 'don't call or message him' which I'm sure most of you ladies out there would agree makes sense? The whole premise of the book is that if a guy isn't texting or calling he's just not that into you. So don't text or call him etc.But (don't ask me why or how this has happened) somewhere along the way in the course of my young naieve life I have started to take other parts of the book way too seriously and let them ruin my life. For example, the rule, "Don't open up too soon"; "Don't tell him too much"; and "Be mysterious".These 'rules' are said to make a man find you fascinating and want to marry you. So even though I know they are just a guide, my OCD kicks in every time I'm on a date / in the early stages of a relationship / and I cannot seem to "let them go".It has gotten so bad that it has seriously affected my communication and my ability to relax / be myself / form an honest, meaningful connection with the guys I go on dates with / when in a relationship.Now, deep down I rationally know they are affecting the way I live my life. But despite this, I just CAN'T stop holding back in fear that I'll lose my future husband if I don't follow them. All because of this stupid book (coupled with my OCD).Please help me see what I can do to get over this weird obsession, and just be myself on dates?

themadchatter I have developed strong feelings for one of my best friends
  • replies: 4

Hi all I need some advice on how to proceed in my situation. A year ago I came across this female on an meeting people app called Meet Me. She and I were both living in Sydney. She was cool and fun to talk to. She then got back together with the fath... View more

Hi all I need some advice on how to proceed in my situation. A year ago I came across this female on an meeting people app called Meet Me. She and I were both living in Sydney. She was cool and fun to talk to. She then got back together with the father of her kids and they moved out into the country. She and I were still speaking but it was the getting to know you phase of the friendship. We then lost communication for a couple of months I don't know what the reason was as we didn't have a fight just lost contact with each other. She then broke it off with her husband seperated but not divorced. And we got even closer...talked every day. Have similar personalities and common interests and we don't hold back at all in our conversations. She once said she had considered dating me but decided against it because didn't want to ruin the friendship. She's been seperated for 4 or so months now and there were two guys that she was speaking to at different times that ultimately didn't work out. I was relieved but not aware of any interest I had in her. Recently within the last month and a half she has been chatting to a man she really likes and he really likes her and I have been getting so jealous everytime she mentions him. She is one hell of an incredible female and her happiness means alot to me but because I like her a freaking lot I don't want him to be the one to make her happy.. I want it to be me that does that. I just feel like how this is going to end up is she'll want to focus her time and energy on him if all goes well. I'll try to keep talking and being close to her as we have always been and its going to result in this dude giving her an ultimatum...that she either choose him to keep dating or me to keep being a close friend with and in that scenario I'll be the one who loses her not him

geminibabe42 Should I leave him?
  • replies: 7

I just don't know what to do anymore. I love my boyfriend of almost 2 years but he is a total d****head at times. We have broken up on and off and been back and forth for like our whole relationship. The only reason I have stayed with him this long i... View more

I just don't know what to do anymore. I love my boyfriend of almost 2 years but he is a total d****head at times. We have broken up on and off and been back and forth for like our whole relationship. The only reason I have stayed with him this long is because we have had so many amazing moments where we have really loved each other. He has called me his future wife several times and said countless times he wants a future with me. But every time we have even the slightest communication issue we don't know how to solve it and it's mostly because he is too stubborn to change something or apologise whenever he has upset me. Now it has gotten to the point where he doesn't even seem to want this anymore and he is hurt about something that I have done recently, which I think is small given the bigger picture of our situation. But he doesn't seem to understand and keeps saying things like "I have broken his trust and hurt him too many times," yet he rarely ever acknowledges the hurt he has caused me . The thing he is hurt about is that recently I hanged up on him and said "I just can't be bothered" at a time when things were really bad and we were fighting heaps because I just couldn't take it anymore . He broke up with me after that because he says "we just keep hurting each other and I can't deal with it". But then he came down to get his stuff and I talked to him and "convinced" him to stay. I told him how much I loved him and reminded him how up until now we have always said how much we want a future together, to move out and get married etc. He still wanted this to work so he was "giving me another chance". So we got back together. But things have been miserable since with him constantly saying he is still hurt and us both so scared it's going to happen again. But the thing is, I feel that our communication breakdown was both of our faults, but it feels like he just blamed me and took no responsibility, which he never does . But now I am thinking of breaking up with him because he says he just feels "anxious" now all the time that something is going to happen. He says he felt "relieved" the other day when he called and I didn't answer my phone. That hurt me so much and again I feel he is blaming all me for this, but not taking fault himself. I love him so much and I don't want to lose him after all we have said and shared and built together. But he has hurt me so much. I don't know what to do. Should I try to solve this? Or should I just leave him?

Flaca1974 New to BB and find myself alone.
  • replies: 1

Wanted to say Hi and see if anyone can give me some ideas on how I can cope. Part of my depression makes me pull away from all those I love. I feel not worthy and a real burden.When I get confronted with an issue in my relationship that generally has... View more

Wanted to say Hi and see if anyone can give me some ideas on how I can cope. Part of my depression makes me pull away from all those I love. I feel not worthy and a real burden.When I get confronted with an issue in my relationship that generally has nothing to do with me I instantly internalise it and feel that Im the one to blame. So much so that I run. And by run I mean get on my bike and hit the road with no clue on where Im going. My poor partner of 2.5yrs has had this happen to him 3 times and the 3rd time was too much for him. As a result I am now alone. Because no amount of saying sorry this time will fix the hurt I have caused him. I wish I wasn't the way I am.

Lauryn I need support and help
  • replies: 1

My daughter has been removed from me for 8 months now and there is so much dodgy stuff going on in the system in doing everything I can but they don't seem to want to help with reunification anyone know anything about the system that can help? Please... View more

My daughter has been removed from me for 8 months now and there is so much dodgy stuff going on in the system in doing everything I can but they don't seem to want to help with reunification anyone know anything about the system that can help? Please I'm desperate

Countthestars Separated after first baby
  • replies: 1

I don't know how this happened, I have just had my first baby 7 months old, and found my husband has been seeing prostitutes and taking drugs for the past 5 months, Im in so much shock I can't eat or sleep and feel like my world is falling apart. I a... View more

I don't know how this happened, I have just had my first baby 7 months old, and found my husband has been seeing prostitutes and taking drugs for the past 5 months, Im in so much shock I can't eat or sleep and feel like my world is falling apart. I am trying to do everything possible to be here for my baby. We have been together 7 1/2 years married for 1 1/2. I have kicked him out of our home, I am so confused and hurt I am unsure if he has been dealing with depression after the baby as he disconnected completely I have basicly raised our baby on my own. He is saying he still wants to be married and has started seeing a psychologist. I have no idea what I should do right now