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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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wendy_smith Depressed boyfriend has started lying
  • replies: 2

Hi all, my boyfriend &I have been together for over 2.5 years. We have broken up twice in that time due to his depression & warped logic of thinking he needed to dramatically change his life to then change himself. When we broke up the 2nd time & bef... View more

Hi all, my boyfriend &I have been together for over 2.5 years. We have broken up twice in that time due to his depression & warped logic of thinking he needed to dramatically change his life to then change himself. When we broke up the 2nd time & before we got back together again, he slept with a girl I had been cautious about for 6 or so months so as to try & prevent me from getting back with him because he didn't want me to experience his depression/be the victim of it. I forgave him & we resumed our relationship slowly. Since then, we have improved a lot & are more understanding of one another. However, about a month ago he decided to stop taking antidepressants & seeing his psychologist as he had the mentality that if he actually achieved anything good, it wouldn't be due to him but rather medication or someone else telling him. I disagreed with this. He confessed to me too that he had been abusing marijuana for a few months & so we agreed that if he were to do it again, he'd tell me. 4 days ago, I found out he had bought a small amount but when I confronted him about it, he lied. I asked him to prove it to me & so he let me go through his facebook account. He forgot there was messages there about him buying some and so confessed. I told him that lying will destroy our relationship. He agreed & said he would try not to. However, last night he had experimented with another drug (not a life threatening or highly addictive one though) & did not tell me. This was not marijuana, but I still felt like he had lied to me because he hadn't told me & had said he was going to bed. The only reason I knew he did it was because I went onto his Facebook account to see if he had been telling me the truth over the past few days & found messages saying he had taken it. I called him to have a random conversation &then, when he seemed a bit "off", I asked him what was wrong. He claimed nothing & I asked if he was sure & then asked if he had done any drugs. He said no& then I kept on going back to it in our conversation &he repeatedly denied it. He only confessed when I told him that I had asked his friend & his friend had said yes (this was a lie on my part).He claims he lies about these things because he doesn't want to be told off & he doesn't think of how it will hurt me, only of his impulsive nature to have fun. He is an impulsive person (as you can probably tell) but I don't know what to do re-build trust & get him to tell the truth. Please help!

redgirl-blackdog in the beginning....
  • replies: 6

When I first met my 2nd husband, I was working 3 jobs to provide for my daughter and myself. I got some money in the divorce settlement to help buy a house for my daughter & I. He wasn't working at all because of the weather,he was a concretor. So I ... View more

When I first met my 2nd husband, I was working 3 jobs to provide for my daughter and myself. I got some money in the divorce settlement to help buy a house for my daughter & I. He wasn't working at all because of the weather,he was a concretor. So I helped out & paid his bills & gave him his 'play'money as well, because he said he would pay me back. So 6 mths together & I'm paying for his drinking&smoking& socialising while I'm waitressing, bartending & scrubbing houses, because stupid me believes him when he says when the weather clears up he will get heaps of work & will pay me back & spoil me. Stupid me even believed him on his thoughts about raising kids, marital expectations, & general life. Fast forward 10 years & twins,with me always buying little things to spoil him& getting nothing in return, no help with boys,not even help around the house. We are now separated & he wants all the little things back that he left here, even tho he said I could sell stuff to pay bills, & then makes me out to be bad guy"indian giver" in front of kids. So sick of his behaviour, but because he's an alcoholic, everyone says I'm supposed to give him support. He didn't want help when he was with us, so why should I go out of my way now. It's not just the financial side of things, it's everything he promised, but decided it was too hard to follow thru with. And his horrible way of treating me, apparently it's emotional abuse, hasn't stopped even tho he's not here. The boys are realising the way he says one thing & does the exact opposite is the wrong way to treat people, especially when he does it to them. I don't know how to stop their disappointment, he is their father & I'm not going to badmouth him or put him down but its just so unfair that he does that to me. All I want is the best for my kids but I'm finding it very hard...what do I do?

Jasmine-Tina My husband does not love me anymore.
  • replies: 54

I was so shocked by his admisson that my whole world came crashing down. I showed a brave face and I did not share a single tear. I could not reveal my disappointment in knowing this is how he felt for the last 3 months. We have been together for 4 y... View more

I was so shocked by his admisson that my whole world came crashing down. I showed a brave face and I did not share a single tear. I could not reveal my disappointment in knowing this is how he felt for the last 3 months. We have been together for 4 years and married for 1 year & 8 months. He has an addictive personality and for the last 3months he plays online violent games until the wee hours. He also drinks a lot of alcohol, to the point of passing out. I was unhappy so I told then he told me he was unhappy for the last 3months. To avoid spending time with me, he turned to alcohol & on-line games. I am so lost and my head hurts so much. ​I am too embarrased to tell my family and friends. I am hoping I could get support here.

zodiacgirl Developed feelings for him..
  • replies: 15

I hope no one judges me on this.. I was happy and felt safe and that he respected me and we were both adults entering into this.. me and this guy were having a sexual relationship and i also thought we were friends too, but then after a while i also ... View more

I hope no one judges me on this.. I was happy and felt safe and that he respected me and we were both adults entering into this.. me and this guy were having a sexual relationship and i also thought we were friends too, but then after a while i also developed feelings for him. and he didn't want anything more and i just feel very hurt. he told me he didnt want to pressure me into anything i didnt want to do, and only wanted a strickly sexual relationship and i told him how i felt about the situation because he asked and i said i couldnt do this if he didnt care about me.. and that I just felt used if the only reason he liked me was for sex. and he just said he wasn't in anyway trying to make feel like (i was just being used) but couldn't change what i thought (??). I think he just means he doesn't want anything more. I think he knows I have feelings for him, and he doesn't try to talk to me, and I haven't tried to talk to him again, but he still looks at my things on social media. (I thought he would just delete me.) this is what he said after i was starting to show a bit of feelings.. 'look, when we first started talking we were both happy to have just a strickly sexual relationship, nothing more. while i hope to never have pressure/d you into doing something you don't want to do, i'm getting vibes now that you don't want this anymore. and like i said when we first started im not looking for a relationship. so i just like to know where you stand at the moment, cause ive been pretty forward in terms of wanting sex, ill admit that, and at no stage should you feel obligated to do the same if you choose not to, but i jus want to know where you see this situation.' It just makes me feel like he doesn't want anything more because he just doesn't like me .. or it's not that and it's just his personal reason. He doesn't seem to want a relationship with anybody though. I just hope if someone can say if he still sees me as a friend as well.. I slowly am getting over this.

redgirl-blackdog no birthday wishes
  • replies: 12

Well I suppose I didn't expect anything different, so that's what I got. Yesterday was my birthday. My boys made me gorgeous cards &helped me make a cake for us & that was pretty much it. I've shared my birthday with my late dad for 45 out of my 47 y... View more

Well I suppose I didn't expect anything different, so that's what I got. Yesterday was my birthday. My boys made me gorgeous cards &helped me make a cake for us & that was pretty much it. I've shared my birthday with my late dad for 45 out of my 47 years, so it was never just my day. I've never had a party just for me. I have now realised the couple of (sort of) friends I thought I had, I haven't. Just makes me feel pretty shitty that no one cares. at least Jack-the-dog sits with me when I cry

mrsbuckybarnes My Brother and I both have depression. My parents think it's their fault.
  • replies: 2

My parents think that just because my dad has bipolar, the depression my brother and i have is all their fault. I have tried to explain to them it's not them that bought this on, it's everyone else. All the teasing people that have taunted us for yea... View more

My parents think that just because my dad has bipolar, the depression my brother and i have is all their fault. I have tried to explain to them it's not them that bought this on, it's everyone else. All the teasing people that have taunted us for years. We don't want our parents to feel like anymore. It's making us even more down and my brother started selfharming again after 4 months without it just because of this.

Pols End of friendship/relationship
  • replies: 1

Hi there, sorry if this is in the wrong section or if it doesn't make sense. Even to me it seems a bit strange. Anyway I have been in an on/off relationship with the same woman for 25 years. We were married and then divorced (1 son) we then had a bre... View more

Hi there, sorry if this is in the wrong section or if it doesn't make sense. Even to me it seems a bit strange. Anyway I have been in an on/off relationship with the same woman for 25 years. We were married and then divorced (1 son) we then had a break then got back together and then broke up,got back together, broke up and the about 4 years ago became friends (without benefits). During this time we did not see other people. We lived in separate houses but would go to the movies, dinner and have been on holidays together. Recently to the US, Hawaii. Tasmania, Thredbo etc. We also went to a lot of concerts together. For my last birthday in March she bought me a mystery flight weekend away which cost a big of money. We went in early May, but when we came back she was distant and didn't respond to a lot of my messages. Eventually she sent a message back saying that she wasn't happy with where we were at and had decided that we both needed to move on. I did reply saying I understood,I'm still in contact with her mum and brother although not the same as it once was. She has now blocked me from Facebook and other contacts. I don't really have anyone to turn to, my family are all older and live far away. My friends (very few) also live away from me.I devoted everything to her and now that she's not even a part of my life I'm lost. I get really sad and down star times and then the next moment I'm upbeat. Any thoughts on what to do or who I can talk to would be much appreciated. Thank you for reading.

Mal50 Married but have had no sex or sexual appetite for over 20 years.
  • replies: 13

Hi all, I know it's not normal for a guy to be this way. I haven't desired any form of intimacy with my wife, or anyone else, for more than 20 years. I suspect it's due to my severe depression and anxiety disorder. Should I seek professional counsell... View more

Hi all, I know it's not normal for a guy to be this way. I haven't desired any form of intimacy with my wife, or anyone else, for more than 20 years. I suspect it's due to my severe depression and anxiety disorder. Should I seek professional counselling? I don't consider it a major problem, but what are your thoughts?

Hot_Rocks Communication with your partner
  • replies: 6

Hey guys, I've recently been diagnosed with depression/anxiety, and I think for a long time I've been holding in my feelings rather than sharing them with my partner and my family. Now that I've been diagnosed it is a bit of a relief that I can talk ... View more

Hey guys, I've recently been diagnosed with depression/anxiety, and I think for a long time I've been holding in my feelings rather than sharing them with my partner and my family. Now that I've been diagnosed it is a bit of a relief that I can talk to a doctor, and I've broached the conversation with my family, but I want to know how you guys have gone about having that conversation with your partner. I don't want them to feel like what I am going through emotionally is a result of something I did, and I don't want to find myself asking too much of them, but I feel like I'm going to need their support as I try to work my way through a number of years of emotions that I haven't really confronted, and whatever lifestyle changes end up coming with it. The stigma of men having to just be strong and silent is absolute rubbish! So my question is this, how do I let my partner in and let them help me emotionally so that I don't feel the way I do now? And how to I make sure I don't just become needy and rely on them for everything? I can't let them just be my emotional whipping post, all that will do is create resentment. But not sharing how I really feel will drive them away as well. How do I find that middle ground where we're in it together but we can still separate our relationship from my illness?

Altered_ego I feel as though nothing ever goes right.
  • replies: 6

Long story short,im a 28 year old man. Id like to say im happily married but my wife never hesitates to tell me she doesnt love me or isnt in the least bit attracted to me. I mean, im not perfect. I think ive come to accept im everything she says i a... View more

Long story short,im a 28 year old man. Id like to say im happily married but my wife never hesitates to tell me she doesnt love me or isnt in the least bit attracted to me. I mean, im not perfect. I think ive come to accept im everything she says i am. Useless amd the cause of all the disappointments in her life. Weve tried to have a baby thr last two years. Hasnt happened yet. When i get anxious she says its my fault and probably cause i dont love her. She says ill never be equal to what she is and reminds me of that daily. As soon as anything looks like or starts to go wrong, everything comes out as my fault. I want to fix things but i suppose how many times can i try before i lose hope right? Im probably jusy blabbing on but as i ttpe this im sitting outside on this winter night as shes inside the house. Im confused and i dont know what to do. Ive always been the happy jolly guy but its really hard to find strength when the onr that initially gave you the strength then puts you down.