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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Molly__ Childhood anxiety because of a change of town and school.
  • replies: 9

We have recently relocated to a country town from the city and our only 11 year old child has been struggling with anxiety. He had a difficult start at his new school where his teacher greeted him with " No one told me about you", and his first day b... View more

We have recently relocated to a country town from the city and our only 11 year old child has been struggling with anxiety. He had a difficult start at his new school where his teacher greeted him with " No one told me about you", and his first day buddy left him to go to sick bay without telling him. After the first week he started to settle in and made several friends. A few weeks later he began to complain about feeling sick and not wanting to go to school. He said that nothing was wrong just that he missed his friends from his old school. We have made an appt for him to have a chat to a psychologist but he can't get in to see them until January. Has anyone got any suggestions on how we can help him in the meantime? In particular his anxiety is causing him to get upset which then is making him more upset because he doesn't want his class mates to see him cry.

radiojammer My son wont go to school
  • replies: 32

Hi, I have a 17 year old son who sleeps in a lot and refuses to go to school even though he's doing his final year. I've tried to make him aware of the importance of attending class so he can pass his exams and he says he wants to pass but he's makin... View more

Hi, I have a 17 year old son who sleeps in a lot and refuses to go to school even though he's doing his final year. I've tried to make him aware of the importance of attending class so he can pass his exams and he says he wants to pass but he's making no (apparent) effort. I've been to parent/teacher interviews and the teachers say as long as he does his work and attends class he will pass. They have been supportive. I've tried not to pressure my son and have said I just want him to pass, not worry about getting high marks. He shows no interest in what he wants to do when he finishes school and won't make an appointment to see the careers advisor. He refuses to take on a trade apprenticeship and hasn't attended any of the careers evenings at the school. He saw a psychologist earlier on in the year for 10 sessions and is on anti depressants. He also has Crohn's Disease for which he is receiving treatment. His disease is in remission so it shouldn't affect his schoolwork although he's had time off because of illnesses caught because he's on immuno-suppressants and tending to pick up illnesses easily. I am suffering bad anxiety as a result of the stress. I am on anti anxiety tablets to try and control it, but dont have an anxiety disorder. My husband isn't supportive of me and says that worrying will get me nowhere, but he can't come up with any useful suggestions as to what we can do about our son. I would be happy if my son took a gap year next year and got a job, however he shows no interest in getting work other than a low-paying job he already has as a pharmaceutical delivery boy. He sleeps most of the day and gets up late afternoons, eats then socialises with his friends on the weekends. I don't have a supportive family and my daughter wants to leave home because she says we are in an unhappy environment and she's sick of me yelling at my son to get up out of bed. I try not to yell at him but sometimes I do. I've tried to talk calmly to him but he just clams up and wont discuss anything with me. He is totally uncooperative no matter what I say to him. He used to play sports but he's given them up, now he sits on the computer, lies in bed or socialises. I wish there was a strong male mentor around for my son but there is noone. He says there's no way he's prepared to repeat school next year yet if he doesnt get an Atar score he'll have scant chance of getting into any sort of decent course. Worried sick.

OU812 My wife doesn't support me , am I being dramatic?
  • replies: 6

Been together for 15 years married for 9 , 2 kids on the autism spectrum and things have been going downhill. We have been having a great 2 months recently after I kind of got over a hurdle with her cheating on me while we were supposed to be separat... View more

Been together for 15 years married for 9 , 2 kids on the autism spectrum and things have been going downhill. We have been having a great 2 months recently after I kind of got over a hurdle with her cheating on me while we were supposed to be separated , I told her it was over and she came back in my arms and ended whatever that relationship was with the other guy. unfortunately this is not the first time she has gone behind my back and over the years being with her I still have all those thoughts in my head and I can't let go. i am on anti depressants and now epilepsy medication , I have sleeping issues and anxiety attacks . i am really struggling day to day to be positive about everything and I try to put on a brace face but I am really just falling apart inside. as I have been great with my wife I am now realizing I have gotten to a point where I feel like I am doing the max I can to keep my wife happy but I still feel inside that allthough she tells me 5 times a day she loves me so much I still remember 2 months ago where she said to me "I don't love you anymore and I want a divorce ". I have worked so hard to keep this family going but I just feel I am being excluded from my life and all I am doing now is being a slave . I work shift work 7 days on 7 days off, I practically don't see my family all those days and when I do have days off she plans to go out . I don't know , I cook I clean, do the washing of clothes etc , she told me she needed more help but after I do these things for her she comes home irritable , being abrupt sometimes and threatening to sleep in the other room. I got a house cleaner for one day of the weeks I'm off. she never wants to spend time with my friends or family, she spends so much time with her friends and family , seems quite odd. she plans things without me and then tells me a day or two before the day she's doing this and I have no notice to put in leave or get day off, so I am constantly missing out on everything and when I do it's quite an average event . she drinks a lot with her friends but when we finally do something together she has 1 or 2 . she acts completely different and portrays herself as a different person to others and all the time I feel I have Dr Jekyll and me Hyde effect happening.

SourceShield ...I'm In Love...
  • replies: 3

Hi. I am in love. They - the apparent experts on this thing - say that people with autistic brains, like me, can't love like others with neurotypical brains. Its just the way it is...the autistic brain is 'untreatable' - in that...the brain we're bor... View more

Hi. I am in love. They - the apparent experts on this thing - say that people with autistic brains, like me, can't love like others with neurotypical brains. Its just the way it is...the autistic brain is 'untreatable' - in that...the brain we're born with, is the brain we're gonna have 'til we pass on. Neuroplasticity is the best remedy for this, and with all my PhD studies...I am learning more and more about that! But anyway... I am in love. I want to be with him, so bad. I ran away from him...thats why I am really here in OZ. I didnt know how to process these feelings 12yrs ago, and so I left NZ and came here, to start again. But for the last 12years, I havent been able to stop thinking about him. He is the most beautiful man that I have ever met. Thankfully he is gay as well, so its not like Ive fallen for a 'straight guy' that I could never be with! But truthfully, every relationship that I have been in, even the best ones, still pale in comparison to the dream of being with this man. I get scared. I cry, as in... shudder and breakdown. Its pathetic. One of the limiting beliefs that I am working through is... I AM UNLOVABLE. And, I tend to do things to myself, that fully endorse this belief... I can be incredibly antagonistic - Its apathy at its best... a partner of mine was killed a few years back, and now I can be a bit of a Grinch! I dont suffer fools gladly, and I speak my mind. My Grandfather taught me to fear no man, my Grandmother taught me to love without conditions. So, I am a lover and a fighter. But, am I lovable? And, before people reply to that with - YES, of course youre lovable, we are all lovable etc etc etc... Its this limiting-belief, and others that I am actually wanting to discuss - so please before you reply with comments, please read this post...I am not looking for sympathy or the-like.... ...HOW HAVE YOU GROWN AND MOVED ON FROM ANY LIMITING BELIEFS THAT YOU HAVE LIVED/LIVE WITH?... I am looking for practical-application tips, and ways to cope with and grow from these beliefs that hold us back from what we really want in life. I've done mindfulness for years. ACT therapy. CBT Therapy... ...so many different types of therapy...it aint funny...and nothing has actually worked for the longterm, obviously, otherwise...I wouldnt be asking I love him. And, for me...thats a biggie. I am IN LOVE with someone...so take that experts! When he sees me next...he is gonna want me too...

DamagedPrincess When family is what knocks you down
  • replies: 5

Hi all, New member/poster here. Little bit of a back story: As a teen, after self harming and some self destructive behavior i was diagnosed with depression. I managed this with regular doctors visits until i was about 18 or 19 when i went onto medic... View more

Hi all, New member/poster here. Little bit of a back story: As a teen, after self harming and some self destructive behavior i was diagnosed with depression. I managed this with regular doctors visits until i was about 18 or 19 when i went onto medication. At this point in time i was still living at home and really did not get along well with my parents, my dad passed when i was 7 so i lived with mum and my step dad, but especially didnt get along well with mum. After moving out with my long term partner (across the country mind you!) before turning 20 things started to look up. I went off the medication and had a reasonably maintained life. We lived in that location for a year before moving back home. While we were there i was not on any medication and felt pretty happy, we got engaged, bought a car... all the things a 'normal' couple do. When i thought about moving back one of the things i didn't look forward too was seeing my family. My dads family are all lovely and supportive, but my mothers family are... too concerned in their own lives to care... Anyway.... we have had a fairly good time since being back. A few hiccups along the way but nothing major. Well this year in April we got married. In January before the wedding i could feel all of the pressure building up on top of me. Not from wedding planning, but more trying to keep other people happy with the plans for a day that was supposed to be about us. I started to feel really 'down' and even wanted to cancel the wedding because i couldn't keep people happy. I knew that i was starting to spiral down so i went and sought help. Not wanting to go back on medication i opted for seeing a psychologist. This has been helping a bit but with the holiday season coming up things are getting pretty tough. Both my family and my husbands family have caused us grief in planning Christmas this year and once again i cant seem to keep anyone happy. We has things set out to include everyone but once we had finalised it all someone ended up complaining and getting angry at us. I have had multiple days where i just cry... over one little comment or over not being able to keep people happy. I just feel like such a failure constantly and i dont know what to do. I have one psych session left before the end of the year but at the rate it's going i am really considering going back on medication. Sorry for the long post, just needed to vent. Thanks for reading.

SquashedFairies No one on my side for big wedding. Lonely.
  • replies: 6

Im getting married in a few weeks. About 10 guests are my friends and the other50 are my partners family and friends. My mentally ill parents left England when they were pregnant with me. They left badly and served tired i tried to repair by travelli... View more

Im getting married in a few weeks. About 10 guests are my friends and the other50 are my partners family and friends. My mentally ill parents left England when they were pregnant with me. They left badly and served tired i tried to repair by travelling back 3 times. They moved away from me a decade ago and won't travel back for the wedding as it is too much for them. I have no family. I asked them to makeavideo but it is to depressing for them. My partner has his dad, brother and best man making a speech. He asked me who else. My friend won't. None of them. Ilove my new family and my partners friends. I lost a lot of friends are divorce years back. Ihave a son with leukemia and lost a lot of friends from that. I am a stay at home mum living in a new area hours away from my friends and they don't invite me out.my best friend have new best friends. Idon't think i am an awful person. I am honest and always kind and funny and loving. But i feel i have nobody to talk to. No body to stand on my wedding day and tell my new family a funny anicdote. I love my patents but they have always been distant with me as they didn't want children and raised me very isolated and neglected. I was emotionally abused. But people always say how strong and happy I am for overcoming so many many many hurdles. Miscarry, divorce, homelessness, my sons cancer... And ive done all of this without support. No body knows my fiance is an alcoholic. This is my first post. I'm feeling drained. I am always the person people talk to when they are sad. But no one will let me talk to them. When I tried to talk to my mother she said not to message again her again when I'm sad as its too upsetting for her. I just want to make real friends. I wanted someone to think to throw me a hens party. or send a video I could play at the wedding. Or just one person to speak from my side. My best friend said if I wrote it she'd read it out but she couldn't think of anything to say. My best friend of 10 years. Who wouldn't let me sleep on her couch when my husband was seeing other people. I truly must be shit. I just didn't know it. I always help the elderly. I give to poor people my lunch. Be kind is my ethos. And be understanding. I'm lost.

Kaelum Angry Teen Boy Vs Step Dad
  • replies: 7

I have a big problem. My 15yo son has accused his StepDad of hitting him and "being mean" whenever I'm away. StepDad (my Hubby) denies it and is really upset. He does have short temper, but I have never seen him being aggressive with any of the kids.... View more

I have a big problem. My 15yo son has accused his StepDad of hitting him and "being mean" whenever I'm away. StepDad (my Hubby) denies it and is really upset. He does have short temper, but I have never seen him being aggressive with any of the kids. He has started a Men's Program to work on his stress & control his temper, but my son refuses to report it to police or see anyone professional to help with counselling or mediation. This is causing a lot of stress between us all. I have told my son he should stay with his Father and StepMum until we sort this out. Now son says I don't believe him and he hates me. Any advice?

ndsie89 i left my husband for someone else- and regret it
  • replies: 2

i was with my husband for 7 years only married for 1 , we have 2 girls together and towards the end of our first year of marriage I can't tell if I was bored, lonely or un happy - but I started searching for someone else. eventually I left him for th... View more

i was with my husband for 7 years only married for 1 , we have 2 girls together and towards the end of our first year of marriage I can't tell if I was bored, lonely or un happy - but I started searching for someone else. eventually I left him for the guy I am still with now and my husband tried for months and months to get me back and I kept leading him on saying I want him back to but I never get back with him. now I am just depressed. can't get out of this headspace of regret and guilt and I feel sad all the time, can't look forward to anything in my life because I feel like I made this big huge mistake that I can't fix. I don't know what to do. I feel terrible for what I did but I think I mustve done it for a reason so do I want him back or not? I don't know what to do to get out of this way of thinking. He has a new partner now and they seem super happy , I can't be happy for him. I am just a mess.

Familyman1 My wife won't acknowledge there is an issue
  • replies: 7

Hi there, I'm new to the group, I am mid 20s, married, 2 children and a mortgage, I'm feeling the worst I have for a long time , mentally I am begging for help but I can't push myself to go get help , I think it's because I always seem to bottle thin... View more

Hi there, I'm new to the group, I am mid 20s, married, 2 children and a mortgage, I'm feeling the worst I have for a long time , mentally I am begging for help but I can't push myself to go get help , I think it's because I always seem to bottle things up inside. My wife and I are arguing a lot lately as she says I don't commit enough and I never want to do anything as a family , that's not the case I do but I get extremely nervous around crowds , or a lot of the time I'm deep in thought or just mentally drained, but I can't seem to make her understand that I am listening I don't think she gets how I feel she just seems to ignore me when I open up about things and brush it off as if I haven't said a thing .. What can I do so we can be on the same page as she is very hard to talk to about this !! Thanks