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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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sydneyharbour17 Dealing with Depressed and Apathetic Boyfriend
  • replies: 25

I'm 19 years old and have been with my boyfriend for nearly three years. When I met him at school he was teased about having no feelings as he never really responded to anything, regardless or whether it was happy, sad, angry, etc. Anyways, we became... View more

I'm 19 years old and have been with my boyfriend for nearly three years. When I met him at school he was teased about having no feelings as he never really responded to anything, regardless or whether it was happy, sad, angry, etc. Anyways, we became close friends and ended up getting together. A few months after this he revealed that he had been depressed, except instead of feeling characteristic sadness, he simply didn't feel anything. He reassured me that our relationship had fixed it and that "I made him feel happy when he thought he never would be again." Our relationship was pure bliss for about the next year and a half, maybe a bit longer. Following this, I felt something change in him, like something was off although his behaviour didn't seem drastically different. Just little things like not wanting to see me as much. He also dropped out of university which I found odd but not extremely so because he had never been the most enthusiastic student. However, several months later I found out that he'd been lying to me about many things, even things that were insignificant. He also began stealing money from his job and hanging around questionable new people. Upon finding all this out, his family and I were obviously extremely upset but he seemed not to have any empathy whatsoever. I continued to try to make the relationship work but several months later he broke up with me saying that he didn't love me anymore and that he saw no future between us. During the breakup he treated me very poorly, namely by stringing me along. At the same time, he made more strange friends and began to use drugs recreationally. He ended up being thrown out of home and 2 days later turned up on my doorstep begging for forgiveness and help for mental health issues. I took him back, as did his family, but he then refused to get help. We let it go because for the next month and a half he went back to normal, treating everyone with love and respect. However, one night he revealed to me that he had been depressed (no emotions) again for the last year which is when his odd behaviour began. He has since been to a GP/psychologist but tells me that it probably won't help us and that he can't give me his 100% and that I deserve better. I am very confused because I don't know how much of what he is saying/doing is his illness and how much is him. I love him very much and don't want to lose him. I am currently giving him space to think about our relationship. Help?

Charlie_C Housemate problems
  • replies: 3

Hi Everyone, I'm new and this is my first time posting. I'm sure this isn't the first time someone has posted about this, but I couldn't find any previous examples so I'm posting a new thread. Hopefully it helps other people too. I suffer from depres... View more

Hi Everyone, I'm new and this is my first time posting. I'm sure this isn't the first time someone has posted about this, but I couldn't find any previous examples so I'm posting a new thread. Hopefully it helps other people too. I suffer from depression and anxiety. I'm a pretty chilled out guy, social but sensitive as well. My main problem at the moment is my housemates. What do you do when a housemate you were friends with suddenly goes cold on you, refuses to talk to you about it, and avoids contact as much as possible? The possibility that I'm over-imagining things has definitely crossed my mind. But an example from tonight really seems to demonstrate the main problem of deliberate avoidance of communication. I was home, watching TV in the lounge room. My 2 housemates came home, with a friend who is staying with us for a few weeks. I had already called one of the housemates a few hours earlier, saying that I thought we needed to talk - specifically about the trouble the 3rd housemate and I have had. We agreed to talk about it tomorrow night. Not one of them came in to say hi. I know, I know, some people really hate repetitive conversations based around "how are you?". I get that, and I do try to avoid it sometimes. But seeing as I hadn't even seen them in the morning (they leave early for work), doesn't that really say that there is a problem? Surely saying "hey" when you come isn't that big of a deal? I'm pretty sure at this stage (it's been going on for 2 months) it's too late and I need to move out. But I have tried talking to them, as a group with the three of us and individually to each of them. And still nothing. If anyone has any advice on how to deal with this type of situation I'd really appreciate it. Thanks

Flourish Forced to have an abortion
  • replies: 6

To the point straight away I was forced to have an abortion after taking all the proper contraception controls 6mths into seeing a guy. At the time had just had a baby to another guy who after a lot of grief(very long story we parted ways) the though... View more

To the point straight away I was forced to have an abortion after taking all the proper contraception controls 6mths into seeing a guy. At the time had just had a baby to another guy who after a lot of grief(very long story we parted ways) the thought of being a single mum with 2 kids wasn't the best option so proceeded with the abortion. It has then became an on&off relationship which I feel that this incident was the turning point for the relationship, myself never fully being able to recover from terminating twins! It has now come to the point where he has partially walked away as he believes I'm happy being depressed and negative all the time. I want to fully cut off all contact with him as I know it's not helping my mental stability, I just can't seem to let go?? I have no friends due to a previous relationship, no family and my psychologist never seems to have stragies to help. Any advice would be greatful as right now I'm starting to think of giving up my daughter to foster family.....

CattleMan88 How do I help my partner and myself?
  • replies: 58

My partner has decided to leave me due to her battle with depression. I still cant believe that it has come to this, as we have had a plutonic relationship. She has said that she cannot put love into me if she can't do it to herself. I understand tha... View more

My partner has decided to leave me due to her battle with depression. I still cant believe that it has come to this, as we have had a plutonic relationship. She has said that she cannot put love into me if she can't do it to herself. I understand that you need to love yourself before loving another, but even though I've said ill be here for her and do whatever I have to do for her, she still believes that this is the right answer.Honestly, I feel like a part of me has been ripped out and yes, I would do anything for her so she can get the help in which she needs however at the same time i want her to be here with me. Is this selfish?One day she loves me and the next she decides this is the best decision for her so she can seek help.She has made plans to see her doctor and I'm glad she told me this. The decision wasn't made overnight, but she never mentioned anything about it to me over the past few weeks. Yes, i noticed her change and she had previously said to me thats the needed her space. I went from seeing her everyday and enjoying the things that we both love and brought us together, to seeing her once a week and now none.I honestly don't know what to do. She means the world to me and it hurts so much not only for me with how I'm feeling right now, but to see her suffer like this and for it to make her push me away.Do I seek help? My whole world changed for the good because of her, and for that I'm grateful. But now I sit at home alone and wish she was there to walk up behind me and give me that kiss and say she loves me.We had big plans for the future, as a couple and dreams like all of us have. I just feel helpless.I've never felt this way about anyone in my life, and like a flash she’s gone.Yeah I want her to get the help she needs and for her to feel like a normal person again. Yes one day i’d love to hear the doorbell ring and she’s standing at the door, i would greet her with open arms.I don’t care how long have to wait, i will be waiting for her and i hope she knows that.

Is_love_enough_ When is it time to put me first?
  • replies: 9

My husband and I have been together since teenagers, going on 15 years, both in our 30's now. We are very different, but now it's really starting to matter. He's always been a binge drinker often mixing with drugs, generally ending up in a drunken di... View more

My husband and I have been together since teenagers, going on 15 years, both in our 30's now. We are very different, but now it's really starting to matter. He's always been a binge drinker often mixing with drugs, generally ending up in a drunken disaster, ie, getting lost with no phone, getting headbutted by a bouncer etc. I used to be able to have a few drinks myself and have fun, but now I worry so much about him I can never relax and have a good time with him around. But now it's gotten worse, he's started to dabble with ICE & it is something I most definitely don't want anything to do with. I confronted him about it & he said he was just trying it & wasn't doing it anymore. But now I'm pretty sure he is using again & I don't know what to do. I love him so much & I know he loves me, but he's just so depressed about his life, says he hates it & nothing but death will fix it. I don't think he's suicidal, but I just don't understand what's so shit about his life? We have well paying jobs, nice stuff, roof over our head, & each other. Does that mean he thinks life with me is shit? I try so hard to keep him happy, always walking on eggshells. My love for him is infinite, but at what point is love itself no longer enough? His unhappiness is making me unhappy & he won't do anything about it. He won't talk to me about anything, so there's no way he would ever see a counselor or anyone. The ice use us a big deal, but now it's much more than that, there's a reason he's doing it & he just won't let me in. Im at a crossroads as to whether or not to leave him, I worry so much about him & what he would do, where he would go, would he become a full blown addict? I don't want that for him. But I'm suffering so much anxiety & worrying myself sick with what to do. I often think that it would be so much easier if one of us died so I didn't have to choose. I'm so exhausted.

D_amp_Asupport Lonely
  • replies: 3

Hey All, I've been separated for six months and living alone for the first time. I have Borderline Personality Disorder. I am keeping as busy as possible, but when I get home to an empty house I really struggle. I do voluntary work and belong to seve... View more

Hey All, I've been separated for six months and living alone for the first time. I have Borderline Personality Disorder. I am keeping as busy as possible, but when I get home to an empty house I really struggle. I do voluntary work and belong to several groups, but I find I am constantly on dating sites. Any suggestions welcome. TIA

Spent At a crossroads
  • replies: 7

Hi all, I'm at a point where I need to talk, and decide which way I'm going. I'm 41, and been married for 8 years. I have 2 beautiful girls 4 and 5. My situation is that my wife and kids live in a regional town where my wife works in the family busin... View more

Hi all, I'm at a point where I need to talk, and decide which way I'm going. I'm 41, and been married for 8 years. I have 2 beautiful girls 4 and 5. My situation is that my wife and kids live in a regional town where my wife works in the family business, and my kids go to school there. I'm currently trying to make the move up there as well, to live in the nice house we are buying, and make a life for us in our regional paradise. Finances are tight, though we're not poor. The decisions for our living arrangements were decided jointly, as was the decision to buy the luxury house in the regional area. Finances are tight and we were supposed to be in a holding pattern for a year or so, (ie survival mode) so we could pay down some debt and reconsolidate. My wife has been spending up big, doing a lot of renovations (most of which are cosmetic, and not urgent), replacing all the kitchen gadgets, etc. She works part time and we'd agreed a budget, but she constantly has her hand out for bill money, wants a new car etc. I've been sticking to the budget and sending what money I can. The thing is, that I am constantly insulted, belittled, called a dud dad. I get screamed at for the most trivial things (eg one of my daughters shoes couldn't be found, resulting in me being screamed at for an hour - later I found it in a toy box). I get blamed for things that I could not conceivably be at fault for (eg my wife missed a school mothers day event, and my daughter was in tears. I was working on site at the time, though this was apparently my fault, because my wife shouldn't have to work at all). I work constantly (work, finishing renovations in capital city house so it can be rented, work on regional house, when I'm there), but nothing I do is right, or good enough. I finish something that was requested, but I did it all wrong. I have a phone full of insulting sms's. I am berated if I do anything for me, such as hobbies. I am often threatened with divorce, she'll "take everything I've got and not have to work due to maintenance", and right now, divorce seems like a good choice to escape. If I go down this route, it will be messy, and I will struggle to be able to see my kids due to distance, which will break my heart (and theirs). Have tried some counselling - everything was my fault. I am crippled by indecisions and am utterly spent emotionally, and physically exhausted. I cry often and am struggling to cope with the pressure.

RctBogus New Career, New Priotities
  • replies: 3

Hey guys, this is the first time I've decided that I don't think I can handle this in my own. My situation is this: I'm 29 years old and 8 years into a relationship which has no children but lots of pets, and we share mostly everything. I have also w... View more

Hey guys, this is the first time I've decided that I don't think I can handle this in my own. My situation is this: I'm 29 years old and 8 years into a relationship which has no children but lots of pets, and we share mostly everything. I have also worked in the same easy-ish job for 8 years and my gf has always been my priority, and the most exciting thing in my life. Her life has been extremely difficult in the last 5 years with the death of her mother and the seperat ion from her father, who kicked us out of the family home to move his new family in. I've never really been thrilled with our sex life and I've always looked for other things to fulfil my life (golf, video games, football etc.) but things have changed a lot in the last month or so. I applied for the Vic Police and finally got in after 2 years, and I thought everything would improve when I got the job. The 2 years of waiting were full of optimism and positivity with the concept of a new change, but now that I'm in, I'm having the most amazing time with my new mates and my priorities have vastly changed, and I'm not sure what to do.

beau2016 To stay or leave
  • replies: 2

I have been with my partner for three years and for the last two of those three years we have been talking about moving in together. Even though my boyfriend always agrees we should he always seems to find an excuse or way to stop this from happening... View more

I have been with my partner for three years and for the last two of those three years we have been talking about moving in together. Even though my boyfriend always agrees we should he always seems to find an excuse or way to stop this from happening. I keep thinking that one day it will happen but I am paranoid that I will be stuck in the same situation in the next three years. It weighs on my mind so much that I am constantly depressed and anxious so I decided to give the ultimatum, "We either move in together by the end of the year or we call it quits, I need you to tell me if you don't want to live together", I'm still waiting on the answer and we haven't been talking to each other for the last few days. I'm so depressed, I don't eat and I find myself crying at the drop of a hat. I love him so much but how can I keep going this way where he is happy but I am unhappy and settling for less than I want. Is it time that I accept that it just isn't going to happen and end it?

RNE Desperate for answers
  • replies: 1

Long story short: single mum of 3 (10, 4, 3) and have a chronic illness, middle child is epileptic. 100% care as father is incarcerated on child porn charges. Little assistance from family and friends. Struggling with maintaining household, stretchin... View more

Long story short: single mum of 3 (10, 4, 3) and have a chronic illness, middle child is epileptic. 100% care as father is incarcerated on child porn charges. Little assistance from family and friends. Struggling with maintaining household, stretching finances (no child support) and illness. Children are defiant and go out of their way to hurt me and damage property. Eldest is at school. Middle attends kindy 2.5 days and youngest is at child care 2 days per week. I'm not even sure where to begin looking for assistance - I'm at my wits end and I'm ready to run away. PLEASE HELP!