Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Leisha Family Falling Apart
  • replies: 9

Hi, In February this year my younger brother cut myself and my parents off from his life and his familys life (2 little kids) for no real reason. My brother had decided that he never wanted to see my Dad again. He made that clear to me, and to my mum... View more

Hi, In February this year my younger brother cut myself and my parents off from his life and his familys life (2 little kids) for no real reason. My brother had decided that he never wanted to see my Dad again. He made that clear to me, and to my mum. He didn't have the guts to confront my Dad. He claimed it was because my Dad was angry, negative and rude around him and his children. He claimed it was because of a huge fight that he and Dad had over 10yrs ago. He claimed a lot of reasons for it. They didn't make any sense. I understood he was upset with my Dad and growing up wasn't easy, he wasn't around. He wasn't perfect but what parent is?! But my brother was so angry, and his wife had always hated our Dad from day one, so they had made there mind up about him. My mother went to my brother and begged him to change his mind, told him it would kill my Dad not to see his son and grandchildren again. He wouldn't listen, he told her to leave my Dad. She said she wouldn't. He said she could see the kids in secret but Dad would never see the kids again. He kicked Mum out of his house and left her standing in the street crying waiting for a cab. When I found out what my brother had done to my mum I was angry, I asked him if there was another reason for this? I begged that Dad had to beable to see him and the kids, it wasn't fair. He didn't want to listen he said Dad would never see the kids again for the rest of his life. He said he had his own family he had to protect. It was bizarre. It is now late July and my parents are not coping. My Dad has been told he could have a stroke any minute, they have both put on weight, drink a hell of a lot, cry everyday and talk about not having anything to live for. My mum won't see the kids without Dad. They are alone in another state with no other support, they are in there 60s, they had planned to retire soon to spend time with there grandchildren. My brother has moved we don't know where (we know what state is all) they are devastated. I live in another state and I feel useless, I can't believe this is happening, for no real reason. It's heart breaking not just for my parents but for the kids too, and I don't know how to deal with this, I just pretend I am ok so they can't hear my pain. I feel guilty that I haven't given them grandchildren yet, I feel like I need to get pregnant tomorrow. It's awful the pain my parents/grandmother/entire family (virtually we are a small family) are feeling. How do I/we cope?

blink-- Heartbreak. ***trigger warning
  • replies: 11

So for quite a while me and my boyfriends relationship hasn't been very steady. He works a lot and so doesn't see me very much, not long ago I broke up with him because of it but now we're back together. He says he wants to take things slow (not tell... View more

So for quite a while me and my boyfriends relationship hasn't been very steady. He works a lot and so doesn't see me very much, not long ago I broke up with him because of it but now we're back together. He says he wants to take things slow (not telling his parents about us or taking me to family events etc) and I'm trying so hard to be patient but it's killing me. A lot of the reason he wants to take it slow is because he's upset at me moving on in times when we've broken up but it was so long ago why can't he just forgive me? I'm struggling to be intimate because of things in the past, consensual and non consensual. I just feel so dirty for anyone ever touching me other than him so my self worth is incredibly low and then him needing time before he actually treats me like a proper girlfriend is making it even harder. I'm trying so hard to be patient and understanding so he can heal but I feel like nothing and I deserve nothing but misery. I can't even deal with reality all I do is sleep. I almost feel as if I deserve everything that happened to me because I'm nothing but the girl on the side that you can use and who's answer no doesn't mean anything. We've been together in and off for about 6.5 years I don't know what to do anymore

themadchatter Used and tossed aside
  • replies: 24

A couple of years ago I was on Facebook and one of my female cousins had a friend who I'll call TC short for her name. I saw her profile pic and instantly found her to be exceptionally beautiful. At the time she was on again off again with her partne... View more

A couple of years ago I was on Facebook and one of my female cousins had a friend who I'll call TC short for her name. I saw her profile pic and instantly found her to be exceptionally beautiful. At the time she was on again off again with her partner and was pregnant with his child so I never got the opportunity to meet her or take her on a date. I then moved away from Adelaide to Sydney for 18 months. I relocated back to Adelaide on the 3rd of June. Since I have been back I have asked if she would be interested in meeting up and she expressed interest in doing so. About two weeks ago on the 8th of July she rings me up at about between 11pm and 12am drunk and somewhat scared because where she lives there are multiple units and some guys that live in the other units had propositioned her and it freaked her out. She called me because she had no one else to turn to and I wanted to be there for her to show her I care. I spent the night sleeping next to her nothing seedy happened. I've liked this girl and I thought this might be a way to show her who I am not from chatting online. Anyway the next day I go home and get a message saying she just wants to be friends and how she is happier being single and looking after her little boy than to have someone in her life. I say I understand...even though it's not what I want. But I felt she has already made up her mind. Since that happened some of her other support network friends severed their relationship and I was resolved to offering too help her out whenever she needed it..was bending over backward so much just to show her I cared and liked her and wanted to be there for her and her son...his father doesn't want anything to do with him anymore..anyway fast forward to tonight..she posts a pic of herself on facebook cosied up to some other guy despite saying she was happier being single. That hurt a lot. I would have done everything in my power to make her happy and feel cared for and this is what I get..not even a chance at all

KJB72 Family don't get it
  • replies: 2

Hello, I'm writing as I'm so very confused. I was diagnosed in 2013 with GAD and borderline depression due to 21 year marriage breakup. After counselling and time I recovered enough that I stopped having anxiety attacks, I was able to cope with every... View more

Hello, I'm writing as I'm so very confused. I was diagnosed in 2013 with GAD and borderline depression due to 21 year marriage breakup. After counselling and time I recovered enough that I stopped having anxiety attacks, I was able to cope with everyday life. Until this year. I had a big move with relocating and changing jobs. I returned to nursing after 8 years away. So, having to settle a child into a new school, as well as re-learn my profession I have struggled to keep anxiety at bay. My sisters ambushed me in May of this year...well, as you can imagine that ended well...huge anxiety attack, and that has made me avoid them completely. I have a very supportive partner who is completely aware of my anxiety and encourages me to see the counsellor. But, my family don't get it. They say I shouldn't listen to someone I barley know (meaning my partner, we've been together 18 months), I should just get over it or take medication. When I have bad days and feel depressed I'm told I'm looking for attention, when I apologise for seeming that way, I'm also seen to be extending on that. I feel as though I'm the black sheep of the family, but, once again I told to get over it, there are people worse off, people are busy, it's not all about me etc. I understand this. In the last two weeks my anxiety is getting worse, I second guess everything, about work and home. The one time I called my mother to talk myself down I was dismissed, within 5 minutes of calling. They dont believe I have made the right decision to move, begin my career (that I love) and they don't like (but they don't know him) my partner, all because he encourages me to be happy with my decisions, to be strong and not afraid of taking a chance. No one from my family has contacted me since that day of being told I'm attention seeking to see if I'm alright, no text messages, emails etc. The only one that is truly happy for me in a new relationship is my ex husband, we have a good relationship now. My kids are happy 22,19 & 11 year olds, it's only my 11 year old that I'm in care of now, the boys have grown up and left home. Im so angry at them but also so very sad. Nothing I try to explain about this gets through to them. Am I doing the wrong thing by cutting them out of my life to a degree? I want to be happy and feel I can't while this is playing in my head.

Louisiana Friendships
  • replies: 3

Hi all, I have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety due to my marriage breakdown, my daughter's mental health issues and sexual abuse when I was a child. I am on meds and see a psychologist. I am really doing much better but am struggling with ... View more

Hi all, I have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety due to my marriage breakdown, my daughter's mental health issues and sexual abuse when I was a child. I am on meds and see a psychologist. I am really doing much better but am struggling with boundaries in regards to my friends. I am very close to a few and am terrified of losing them. So i push myself in their space almost to sabotage the friendship so I can say that i was right that they were going to abandon me. I don't want to lose my friends but know that i have to step back as at the moment i am overpowering. It just causes so much anxiety. It's almost an obsession, i just have to talk to them every day, even if it's just online. They say they understand but i know i will push them away eventually. I feel pathetic and really struggle with this side of myself.

Franky1 It wasn't supposed to be like this...
  • replies: 5

Ever since my wife left me all I do is come home from work and sit in the bathroom till its time to go to bed. I go to work the next day and pretend everything is normal then go home and do it all over again, sit in the bathroom in the dark. its been... View more

Ever since my wife left me all I do is come home from work and sit in the bathroom till its time to go to bed. I go to work the next day and pretend everything is normal then go home and do it all over again, sit in the bathroom in the dark. its been over 1 and a half years...

NatJ05 Feeling broken and used
  • replies: 7

Hi everyone, I'm new to the forums but have been reading and finding comfort in the responses found within them. I would like to share my story as I've been feeling up and down but now feel at my lowest. I have been in a long term relationship which ... View more

Hi everyone, I'm new to the forums but have been reading and finding comfort in the responses found within them. I would like to share my story as I've been feeling up and down but now feel at my lowest. I have been in a long term relationship which has been very strained over the past 5 years. I'd become more of a carer than a partner and had lost all physical and sexual interest and was very lonely. I also found my partner had been cheating on me online. It just felt easier to stay as I didn't have the strength to leave. We have been living in separate bedrooms the last six months. During this time I have been suffering from insomnia, anxiety, depression and have had panic attacks. I have been having counselling. We have been together a long time and I'm not from where we live so I feel really isolated with no support network. A few months ago a manager at work started friendly conversation with me, which increased in frequently to the point I was getting constant messages over the company communication system. I quickly began to enjoy the attention and looked forward to our chats and became attached to the point that our relationship became physical. Not long after they cut communication with no explanation. I can only assume they wanted sex and have now moved on. I have since discovered that they have done this before. I feel heartbroken at the breakdown of my long term relationship and feel angry and disappointed in myself that I fell for someone who saw I was at a weak point in my life and took advantage of me. They also broke my heart. I used to love my job, still do, but find myself crying at my desk, unable to concentrate and feeling alone and helpless. Because I effectively 'cheated' on my partner I feel embarrassed and can't talk about this with anyone and have sunk further into depression and often cry to the point I can't breathe. I still have to work with this person. I feel like I need closure, like I need them to admit to me why they did what they did before I can move on. I also need an end my long term relationship but they refuse to accept its over. Counselling so far hasn't worked and I have begun abusing prescription meds. Every day I feel like I am sinking deeper and deeper and I don't know to get out of this hole. Any support or advice appreciated.

AlexDrake1 A Girl I was dating pushed me away. Things went from perfectly fine to horrible and broken up in 10 days.
  • replies: 2

Hello everyone, I'm suffering textbook anxiety and minor depression because of this. I'll try and make this as simple to understand as possible. I was dating a girl for about 5-6 weeks, and we were getting more serious. during a night out for dinner,... View more

Hello everyone, I'm suffering textbook anxiety and minor depression because of this. I'll try and make this as simple to understand as possible. I was dating a girl for about 5-6 weeks, and we were getting more serious. during a night out for dinner, she had told me some bad things had happened in her previous week, and then she revealed to me she had had a threesome in the past, something that caught me off guard but didn't really care about, however the surprise and shock ruined my appetite. She believed I had behaved differently, and took the time to think about us, and about me, and about if I could handle her past. From that night, the following day onwards, she no longer sent/replied to my snaps, her texts were suddenly deadpan, and she stopped responding to me with any emotion. My anxiety kicked in, but she never told me what was on her mind. Then, my attempts to make plans with her kept falling through, and a whopping 5 days went by where she and I were away from each other, and she had time to think to herself. My anxiety was out of control, I was so afraid of what was going on. Afraid to text, afraid to call, I was terrified and the feeling lingered for those 5 days. After seeing her on the 6th day, she told me all her feelings for me had died out, no longer saw me romantically, and thought she was doing me a service by "sparing me" of her, to which I told her I didn't care about her past, only about her present with me. After discussion, and saying we'd keep in touch, we spent another 5 days apart, which destroyed me even more. I liked this girl more in 6 weeks than I did my ex-girlfriend after 6 months. When we finally met again, we had a dinner, it was very intimate, but she actively avoided succumbing to the intimate environment of the restaraunt (wouldnt hold my hand etc). I'd prepared her favourite song, a rose, and a printed drawing just for her of her favourite anime character (that I had drawn) all back at my apartment for me to sweep her off her feet, hit the reset button and let her know I want to be there to help her with her problems and help solve me own together. Even after showing all of that, she stayed adamant and decided to end things, it was very emotional. Deep down I know this girl still has feelings for me, and I want to get her back, I don't want to have anxiety anymore, and I want to get through her defenses. What do I do. I can't stop thinking about her, and this didn't end right. I saw a future in us. Help me.

blink-- Boyfriend is too busy for me
  • replies: 8

So for quite a few months me and my boyfriend have been having arguments because I never see him. He says he's just too busy with work and today he actually admitted that he's too busy for a relationship and he basically said that if I can handle it ... View more

So for quite a few months me and my boyfriend have been having arguments because I never see him. He says he's just too busy with work and today he actually admitted that he's too busy for a relationship and he basically said that if I can handle it the way it is then to just keep going but otherwise it might be better for me to leave because I'm always crying and lonely. I feel so guilty leaving but I can't keep having the same argument and getting disappointed when he says I can't see him. I love him so much we've been together on and off for 6.5 years but I can't handle never seeing him. I'd rather be alone than be crying and lonely all the time but I feel so guilty I really don't know what to do

jaysee Feel unattractive because I'm short
  • replies: 4

OK, I realise this may seem hilarious/ridiculous to some, and I sometimes have a bit of a chuckle at it myself, but please bear with me. I know it's nowhere near as serious as practically everything else posted here, but it does affect my emotions on... View more

OK, I realise this may seem hilarious/ridiculous to some, and I sometimes have a bit of a chuckle at it myself, but please bear with me. I know it's nowhere near as serious as practically everything else posted here, but it does affect my emotions on a regular basis, so I thought I'd put it out there. Basically, I've been noticing that I'm actually not a very tall person. I'm about 5'8", and when I'm out and about and look around myself on a typical day, most people seem well and truly taller than me (including women). (I live in Sydney near the CBD, if that makes any difference.) I feel that my height makes me significantly less attractive than most other men, to women in general. I feel a kind of resentment, over having been born this height, identifying as a man and being attracted to women, none of which I regard as my choice. I also feel envious of tall men. I'm familiar with the argument that height doesn't matter, in term of mens' attractiveness to women, but I truly find that hard to believe. I realise every women has slightly different desires, but I can't think of anything more universal, that I've heard said from such a broad, diverse range of sources (friends, family, media, works of literature), than that women prefer a tall man if they can get one. Yes, it may be a culturally driven, rather than biologically driven, preference, but what difference does it make anyway? Culture doesn't change much faster than biology, at least from the standpoint of one human's lifetime. There are a few things I say to myself as consolation, which more or less help: 1. Being attractive to women shouldn't be the be-all-end-all of my existence. There's more to life than that. 2. Just accept the "unattractive" feeling and embrace it. What's the point of fighting something I can't control? Might as well just roll with it and *be* that unattractive guy, and be proud of it. 3. There are still plenty of men who are my height and shorter, and they manage, so there's no reason I can't. 4. Other men being more attractive than me doesn't take away from my life, and doesn't deprive me of things I enjoy a lot, including things that not everyone else (including attractive men) gets to enjoy. 5. I also practice mindfulness and find that very helpful in cultivating contentment and peace of mind. I don't want to be resentful/envious. I'd rather feel love for my fellow creatures. Anyway just putting it out there, and seeing if anyone has any advice to offer. Thanks!