I hate Christmas and everything that goes with it
Oh dear, I am so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how you must be feeling. I'm not exactly 'religious' but I do believe our loved ones are still with us in some form, and I am sure your husband loves you very much and wishes he could be with you and take your pain away.
Even if it is only online, I am here for you and there are many wonderful people here who can help support you and be a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on so to speak.
It is very difficult to reach out to others when you are feeling isolated, but as difficult as it is, it can also be the best thing for you. It is difficult because of the fear of rejection, that other people living in their perfect, happy lives surrounded by family and friends won't have time for you... but there are some wonderful, kind and supportive people out there who would love to have your company and would treat you like family.
If there is no-one that you feel you can call upon to be a friend, perhaps find out if your local nursing home will let you pop in for some random visits. There are a lot of elderly people with no family or friends (or perhaps have family but no-one bothers to visit) who would really appreciate your company and would love someone to talk to. By being their friend in their own time of need, you can bring joy into their lives and also find happiness in your own.
In the long term, I can definitely recommend fostering or adopting a pet. There are so many animals in shelters and rescue groups needing a good home and they have so much love to give. For me, they are better than any human company. The are very reliable and consistent... always happy to see you and never in a bad mood. I think these animals understand when you have saved them from being euthanised and show so much appreciation. I often have intense feelings of loneliness but when I give my big girl a cuddle I don't feel so alone. Plus going for walks together is great for your own health and happiness and can be a great way to meet people and get to know your community.
Will be thinking of you over this difficult period and hoping you are smiling xo
Welcome to the forums and thanks for reaching out.
I'm so sorry that you lost your husband and that Christmas is so hard for you. I can imagine that you'd be feeling isolated and it makes me sad that you don't have parents or friends that are there for you when you need them to be.
Have you talked about what's going on with a psychologist at all? They can often be the best people to talk to with finding coping strategies especially over tough times like Christmas.
I'm so sorry for your loss, I do believe life isn't meant to be like this, losing loved ones in death. The bible does give us a hope of a resurrection of the dead in the future.
You have got some good suggestions from others on here.A pet does bring us great comfort and we are all here for you, so always feel free to chat or express yourselves and support will make you stronger.
I'm a single 35 year old guy and I live alone and feel lonely at times.