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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Downgirl Husband leaving me because of depression/alcohol
  • replies: 3

I really don't know where to start so I will just ramble on! I think I have had low level depression/anxiety for a long time, it started when I was about 15 (I am now much older!). I had terrible body/image issues in my teenage years. My grades suffe... View more

I really don't know where to start so I will just ramble on! I think I have had low level depression/anxiety for a long time, it started when I was about 15 (I am now much older!). I had terrible body/image issues in my teenage years. My grades suffered in high school so I took an office job and left home early. This was because I have an overbearing and controlling mother. She has put me down all her life, never wanted children (tells me constantly), criticises everything I do and say and is never in my corner about anything. I have suffered a lot of loss in my life, failed relationships, dead end jobs. I make bad choices. I have been married for 13 years with two gorgeous children who are the light(s) of my life but the bottle has become my enemy. My husband told me six months ago he wanted to leave the marriage. He didn't actually blame the alcohol, he just said I haven't been there for him (he lost his father two years ago) and that we have nothing in common. I have also been made redundant at the same time as all of this. The thought of bringing up two children under 12, one of whom is only just started school, alone is terrifying to me. I am not on anti-depressants. I should be, I don't take them because my mother has been a pill addict for 40 years but this is probably better than drink. Anyhow, the bottom line is I am middle aged, two small children, no job and husband wants out. Yes he will have to support me financially but that is not the issue. His rejection has done nothing to help my depression and booze issues, it makes me want to drink more. The drinking is causing mood swings, aggressive behaviour and irrational actions. I have seen a counsellor. She asked me to ask my husband if he would support me while I got counselling. His response was 'no, it's your problem and I don't want to enable you'. Is this his own grief or did I make a serious mistake marrying him? We are both in a state of angst and depression and making each other worse. This is very bad for the children. We have tried counselling so I guess we are done. Anyway, thanks for listening to my waffle, it does help to write it down.

lookingforsomelight Trying desperately to keep no contact with a Narsissist
  • replies: 3

Hi all Feeling very low, degraded, foolish, stupid, used, abused and so much more it embarrasses me to admit. I have joined Beyond Blue to reach out at night or day as i am dealing with a heartless soulless man that i have foolishly gone back to over... View more

Hi all Feeling very low, degraded, foolish, stupid, used, abused and so much more it embarrasses me to admit. I have joined Beyond Blue to reach out at night or day as i am dealing with a heartless soulless man that i have foolishly gone back to over and over again for almost four years. Without getting inyo Every detail. If even one person say...spat on me i would never speak to them again i would walk away. But i have let this man do the unthinkable. I had a dvo out on him then dropped it when we were in court making a complete fool of myself and those who supported me. Now i have nothing and noone. Really it is my own fault. Even my daughter who thought she had the toughest best mum in the world, she is now 19 looks and treats me like i am a pushover. I am empathic and this man lost his child ten years ago and straight away i felt sorry for him. He has a ego bigger than a football field and is the rudest nastiest man i have ever met in my life. I could go on and on but i must stop wasting my life on his nastiness. Tonight he texted me (yes he is on block but it goes to blocked msgs which i must stop reading) to let me know i gave him a STD from the man i slept with 6 years ago. Work that out.his text read something like..you old slapper just found out my kidneys hurt because your all poxed up slut you have given me the clap. Delightful! Yes i know you must be saying just stay away from him. Well that is why i am here. I am hoping with all the reading and research and realisation this place will be a safe place for me to come and spill my guts so to speak. Maybe i will meet some people that understand and can help or give me some advice or encouragement. I do know NO CONTACT NO CONTACT NO CONTACT. Anyway love and light to all. The next couple of weeks are going to be tough. Hanging in there and still looking for some light. ♡

saturnzoon Very uncomfortable and feeling of embarrassemental with family, you
  • replies: 5

I find this very uncomfortable and embarrassing to talk about and keep wondering if I have caused the situation in any way. I live in Adelaide with my 21yrs son and 9yr son, split up with ex partner last year not married to him. I have a very bad mem... View more

I find this very uncomfortable and embarrassing to talk about and keep wondering if I have caused the situation in any way. I live in Adelaide with my 21yrs son and 9yr son, split up with ex partner last year not married to him. I have a very bad memory, major depression, social anxiety DBT and shy, have no friends only my children. My mother, 2 brothers and their family all live in Sydney, so I got visit them try every 2 yes, but this time my mum wanted to stay and live with her and my younger brother , his wife and 2 girls, my 9yr old son has come with me, but his dad will not let him live here, so can only stay till just before school goes back in SA, but after what's been happening i wish I never came, I just don't understand what's going on and really can't believe it, so taking tablets to block it out and get through this, it involves my brother but cannot tell anyone, not my mum as she has trouble coping with life without my dad and does not want to be here anymore, his wife, no idea, I cannot tear the family apart and then no one may believe me as I still don't understand what's happening, I feel scared, ashamed, feel that maybe I've come across wrong and it's my fault, all my support workers, club 84 and Dr Sujeeve my physiatrist are all in Salisbury SA, so I thought maybe talking on here might help me a bit, I really want to go back to Blakeview home now but can't without them wanting to know why and can't tell them, I can't cope with conflict or cannot communicate properly,it's hard enough already as my mum has no patience and always grumpy, my brother 48 is always grumpy, shouts at everyone and treats my mum like crap, they both clash and you keep out the way when either one starts, I'm not a strong person and can't tell my sons in adelaide what's happening either,

Foreverwondering New Here, lost everyone and everything
  • replies: 5

Hi, I have been delt with some hard blows over the years, but nothing compares to the last one. I was happily married for 12 yrs and had 3 wonderful boy's, my marriage ended due to him cheating and playing mind games with me. That is when I was diogn... View more

Hi, I have been delt with some hard blows over the years, but nothing compares to the last one. I was happily married for 12 yrs and had 3 wonderful boy's, my marriage ended due to him cheating and playing mind games with me. That is when I was diognosed with major depression. I had full custody of the boys, but suffering depression and losing my childhood sweetheart (husband)I was struggling badly. I met someone 2 years later who I thought was a good person, I ended up being pregnant and in a domestic voilence relationship it was horrible, due to this my ex husband tried to used this against me to take the boys, but I stayed strong even tho I still had deppression. The birth of my little boy brought joy to my life , which ended the day I came home from the hospital to be greeted by family services which my ex husband called about my 3 sons and my new baby. I couldn't fight him no more as I was dignosed with post natal deppression as well. I let them go to live with there dad and I would have them weekends. It did not turn out that way I never seen them again until 12yrs later. I felt as if I died inside. The father of my newborn went to jail and this was the time for me to escape that relationship. My little boy and my parents were my saviours throughout those years and I even started my own successful business I was finally independent and confident then I met wonderful man in 2009 and married In 2010 which now brings me to the present. A year ago my dad was diognosed with terminal bowel cancer he past away in July 2015 this was horrific to witness because at the same time I seen different side to my mother before my dad died she was so nasty and cruel to him when he was sick and she didn't like my older estranged sisters and I paying any attention to him. I was so destress I started distancing myself from everyone my business, my husband who also starting acting strange and didn't seem to care in what was going on with me. Then 2 nights before my dad passed the whole family was called to the nursing home, I was the last to arrive, when I walked not the room I burst into tears and could not stop crying , my mother was looking at me with disgust in her eyes and wouldn't Come over hug or comfort me. After the furnal I didn't want to see my mother again. I lost my home 2 weeks later due to lease ending then 1 week later my husband left me for someone else and cleaned me out of everything when I was at my lowest point. Why? I'm feel so ashamed

Maggie_10 Husband angry at entire family and now not speaking to me.
  • replies: 2

Hello, My husband has was diagnosed with depression and bi-polar 11 years ago. He takes medication sporadically. He will try it for a few weeks and then stops as he thinks the side effects are worse than the depression. He generally suffers severe de... View more

Hello, My husband has was diagnosed with depression and bi-polar 11 years ago. He takes medication sporadically. He will try it for a few weeks and then stops as he thinks the side effects are worse than the depression. He generally suffers severe depression a few weeks a year and at this time is unable to attend work. We have three children under the age of 10. This year has been very difficult. He has always been very close to his parents and sisters but in January had a falling out with them and refuses to speak to them. They are not perfect but haven't done anything horrendous. They have tried to keep in touch by phone but he will not communicate with them and we live on the other side of the state. Our children adore them and this has been very difficult. He has spoken to one sister on limited occasions throughout the year. I have done my best to allow the kids to have some contact with his family. His sister was married on the weekend and we all attended the wedding at my encouragement. He did a great job but did not speak to his parents or one sister. The following day we caught up with his family so that the kids could exchange Christmas presents.The kids keep asking why we aren't spending Christmas with his family so I thought this would be good for them. My husband was angry and didn't want to be there. He left without telling me not long after we arrived. When he returned his mother tried to give him something for Christmas and he ignored her and asked to leave immediately. I was angry at him.and told him to be be nicer to his mum and to grow up. I know I shouldn't have said this but it has been a very stressful year and I just want things to be good between him and his family and I saw this as the last time we might see them. He stormed out and now refuses to speak to me. He said that I knew he didn't want to be there as he felt like he was going to explode.and I shouldn't have criticised him in public. Only his mother and aunt were actually there. Our children where somewhere else in the house. I don't know what to do.I know I should have probably been more supportive of him especially since he tried very hard at the wedding but I can't change things now.

Kbet Never-ending
  • replies: 15

I am new to all of this so I hope I make some kind of sense. I feel almost daily overwhelmed by the sheer magnitude of my role in my family and my life. More and more things are thrown my way and I find it difficult to function normally. I have gone ... View more

I am new to all of this so I hope I make some kind of sense. I feel almost daily overwhelmed by the sheer magnitude of my role in my family and my life. More and more things are thrown my way and I find it difficult to function normally. I have gone through great traumas in my life and after nearly 35 years of suffering, I have only just now sought help to try and fix it. To try and fix me. I have lost my smile and the mechanisms I used to use to help me cope with the constant stress I face. I have become numb to my existence and the world around me as a whole. I feel empty and hollow inside like my soul is missing. Like who I am as a person will never be returned to me. Nothing is important to me anymore. How do you continue to get up in the morning to go to a job where you aren't appreciated, or home to a family that treats you as though you are invisible? How do stop the cycle of doubt and anxiety? How can you fill the emptiness when you don't know how you lost it in the first place. How do I stop the never-ending demands put on me by my loved ones to look after them, when I cant even look after myself. Why is it that none of my family recognise that I am not alright. When they do recognise it, why do they run and hide from me like they cant face the fact that I am not who I was and I don't think I ever will be. They tell me to get over it, or that I am overreacting. I really would like to pack up and leave and never come back. I just don't know what to do anymore its never-ending.

Tiny_tears My kids are being used against me
  • replies: 2

I have two kids under 10 and I see them every second weekend. I have court orders in place to say I have visitation rights. My ex is using my daughter as a weapon, if I don't talk to him when he demands I will not be allowed to see her. Yet if I requ... View more

I have two kids under 10 and I see them every second weekend. I have court orders in place to say I have visitation rights. My ex is using my daughter as a weapon, if I don't talk to him when he demands I will not be allowed to see her. Yet if I request to talk to him... I have to take legal steps and sent it to his lawyer or mail, but he will not give me his address or who is lawyer is. I was proventred from seeing her for 3 months, 8 weekend visits, because I was 10 mins late home from work on her drop of night.. I informed him early I was goin to be under half hour late.. But he wouldn't let me see her.. Its like anything he can find to make it hard for me he will.. I have tried legal action but I can't afford a lawyer and legal aid is taking for ever. I feel hopeless i just want to see her and give her a massive hug.He was to drop he off last weekend.. He came with her only, to inform me that he has sold his house n he is leaving the state.. She was in the car but I couldn't see her. It's literally tearing me apart this has been goin on for 3 years and its affecting me so much I just don't know what to do.. I'm an emotional mess all the time even my friends have backed off a bit because I'm always down and unhappy.. I just can't live like this.. My kids are my world.. It's driving me to thoughts of suiside.. And self harm I just not coping with it anymore beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636. Normal 0 false false false EN-AU X-NONE X-NONE /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0cm; mso-para-margin-right:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:8.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0cm; line-height:107%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-language:EN-US;}

Sherman My second husband has left me and my kids , I'm not coping
  • replies: 2

After 3 years together and 1 year of marriage my husband had taken his son and left me and my kids. We have been dealing with my ex in court and it's not going away anytime soon. When he disagrees with anything I do or say he goes off , yelling swear... View more

After 3 years together and 1 year of marriage my husband had taken his son and left me and my kids. We have been dealing with my ex in court and it's not going away anytime soon. When he disagrees with anything I do or say he goes off , yelling swearing and bring very confronting. After another argument about disipline he become confronting and I told him to leave the house. Today he has done so taking no responsibility for what he did at all my kids are devastated as am I and I can't function

Louise1 Giving him space but I have questions!
  • replies: 2

Just a little background. My hubby & I separated 9-10 months ago because I told him I needed out. I was suffering from self hatred but turning that on him & blaming him!!! (I didn't know this is what was happening until very recently) During the firs... View more

Just a little background. My hubby & I separated 9-10 months ago because I told him I needed out. I was suffering from self hatred but turning that on him & blaming him!!! (I didn't know this is what was happening until very recently) During the first few months he kept trying to "fix me" by showing me how much he loved me & I found this smothering pushing him even further away!!! He kept insisting I had depression so went to our GP to discuss & instead of looking at my mental health she assessed him & found that he had depression although not full blown it was enough for her to be concerned & giving medication to help!!! During this time he sought counselling but I was still in denial that any issues were mine so I wouldn't go to any counselling myself!!!! In the meantime he was putting out our wedding albums, hanging wedding pictures on the walls, telling me he loved me & I was beautiful in front of our kids which infuriated me because I kept thinking it was all a stunt to manipulate me, instead of seeing it as he actually did feel these things & was trying to help me!!! Anyway fast forward to now I have been seeking the help I should've gotten back then & realised I do really love him & always have & everything he was trying to do was to help me!!! I have told him everything & explained as much as I can but he has closed off to me & now pushing me away!!! This is killing me but I know I cannot push him to want to try again!! Anyway my issue is we had a big discussion the other night where I told him everything about hating myself & discovering how this is why I reacted the way I did!!! After asking some questions about "how did I not know I hated myself?" & me not really not knowing the answer yet or if I ever will, he has said he needs space which I am happy to give but I have some questions for him with regards to things he told me in this same conversation!! Should I ask him to talk some more, leave him be or give him the questions as I have written them down??? I don't want him to feel like I'm pushing him like I felt pushed but I didn't have time to process the things he said to me when we talked the other night & I feel like I need to ask these questions!!!

Carter Strong feelings with wanting a baby
  • replies: 4

im 21 years old about to turn 22 unemployed on benefits with no life goals other then to have a baby, ive wanted a baby since i was 16 but have never actually gone as far as having unprotected sex and treating a guy into having one, i have been datin... View more

im 21 years old about to turn 22 unemployed on benefits with no life goals other then to have a baby, ive wanted a baby since i was 16 but have never actually gone as far as having unprotected sex and treating a guy into having one, i have been dating a guy for almost two years and my baby fever has gotten out of hand i dream about babies, think about them 24/7 and have made list with what i need and how much it will all cost , i look up on the internet about information and go on shopping sites looking at baby stuff last week i got upset after seeing someone with nappies in their trolleys wishing i could buy baby stuff myself its taken over me and it hurts so bad sometimes, im going nowhere in life i sit at home all day wishing i had a baby to look after im not interested in doing any courses ive already tried to do two and ive lost interest in doing it and didnt complete them i dont know how to switch off having these feelings i have no interest in anything else