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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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AyGok Family or love?
  • replies: 1

Hi, I have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years now. It's a secret relationship. His family all know about me. But no one from my side knows about him. This is the major cause of my anxiety. I'm too afraid to tell my parents about him because I ... View more

Hi, I have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years now. It's a secret relationship. His family all know about me. But no one from my side knows about him. This is the major cause of my anxiety. I'm too afraid to tell my parents about him because I know they Will disapprove of him and make me leave him. My sisters are very judgemental and my anxiety is mostly cause by their comments. My friends get suspicious when I get phone calls and texts and constantly ask who I'm talking to.. but I can never open up to them. So I tend to isolate myself and disconnect from everyone. I put a brave face next to my partner but if he brings up my family my anxiety kicks in and I have panic attacks.. my panic attacks are so bad that not even medication can help me. I feel like I'm stuck in the middle and I feel like I have to make a choice between my family or my partner.. I just need some advice or any sort of help ..

Sillylittlewritergirl Partner left me - too depressed to eat.
  • replies: 2

My partner left me and I feel completely broken. We were very happy together and had an amazing, healthy and figuring relationship. We had a big fight and she broke it off and told me she had to leave because she's dealing with some stuff in her life... View more

My partner left me and I feel completely broken. We were very happy together and had an amazing, healthy and figuring relationship. We had a big fight and she broke it off and told me she had to leave because she's dealing with some stuff in her life right now. Really bad stuff. And stuff with her childhood. She said she still loves me but she doesn't know what to do anymore and that she doesn't deserve me. I begged her to stay but she left and she packed up all her stuff and went to a different state. Im a mess I still love her and I miss her. I don't know what to do with myself now. I'm so lost and I feel sick all the time. I can't eat I can barely drink anything or shower myself. I feel awful all the time and every time I think about the future I break down. I'm so scared. Idk what to do

NormpyB wife's affair makes her happy and me miserable
  • replies: 12

I been happily married for 16 years and 3 weeks ago found out about my wifes few month long sexual affair. Yes, I had probably ignored her needs for years. Yes, I was too tied up in our business. Guilty as charged, I contributed to this too. The trig... View more

I been happily married for 16 years and 3 weeks ago found out about my wifes few month long sexual affair. Yes, I had probably ignored her needs for years. Yes, I was too tied up in our business. Guilty as charged, I contributed to this too. The trigger, I believe was our youngest child being diagnosed wiyh type 1 diabetes 8 weeks ago. It all became too much and when the opportunity to be free presented, she took it. As we worked through the emotion, I went from feeling gutted to hopeless to madly in love and even slightly aroused. Over the next few days I asked so many questions and had the deepest conversations ever. She claimed to have broken it up and I believe her. But then as she answered my questions about him, I could see her face light up and she would glow. She had ended it on paper but she was just as attached as ever. In the haze of the next few days, I made a big mistake and told her I could handle it if she continued her affair. She did. Some days I'm ok and others I'm shattered. Mostly I'm shattered. But in terms of our relationship, it is like a second honeymoon. She is mych happier. We talk more. The sex is great. Inwardly though I'm broken and don't know what to do.

EmotionalMe Lost- whats next!
  • replies: 5

I am new to these forums but at am so lost i don't know where to turn. My partner has had depression for years and blames me for it. He told me he didn't ever want to hear about any of my past relationships, and we have very different views on relati... View more

I am new to these forums but at am so lost i don't know where to turn. My partner has had depression for years and blames me for it. He told me he didn't ever want to hear about any of my past relationships, and we have very different views on relationships and he is very hypocritical of experiences. He found out that in the past i slept with a friend on 1 occasion who i had know for many years and i would still see them at events after that, and he tells me that it was a one night stand and he blames that as the reason he is so mentally unwell. He says that he is worthless and that i obviously liked that guy more than him because i took a month to sleep with him when we were dating. He constantly thinks of me having sex with someone else. He can't stop comparing him to our relationship and it rules his life, and mine!! He no longer wants to go anywhere or do anything, our sex life is non existent, i can't mention anything to him (just general life chat) or it ends in an arguement that turns around to his problems and its all my fault. It upsets me alot and i do my best to not cry in front of him but sometimes when he just blows up i cry and he doesn't understand how i can be upset and hurt when he is so hurt from 'what i did to him'. He is on anti depression medication and used to see a therapist but doesn't see them anymore because they don't help. He has seen 3 therapists in total but none of them have helped at all, 1 of them actually told him that they can't help him. So he has lost any drive he did have to try and get help because they have no faith in him, he doesn't want to have to go to someone new and tell them what is going on again and again not feel any better. He no longer shows any affection towards me, when i get home from work he is on the computer, i have to go in and say hi, give him a kiss. No reaction, no emotion, no greeting, no conversation at all from him. Then i just go and sit on the couch alone and watch tv until i go to bed and the same routine starts again the next day. He has on a number of occasions expressed suicidal thoughts, threats. He will get so worked up he storms out and says he is going to kill himself. I try to support him and keep the peace and not do anything that will trigger an arguement but am just so lonely and alone and exhausted and just had enough! Sorry for the length, i need to vent and it probably isn't even much more than the icing on the cake that i have gone into. thanks for listening.

Damo4115 Should be happy but I'm not
  • replies: 11

Hi there my names Damo. I'm 32 married for 7 years with 2 awesome kids. My wife and I have been together for 15 yrs. I was very young and green when we first got together. She is 9 months older than me. After just getting through the tough changes to... View more

Hi there my names Damo. I'm 32 married for 7 years with 2 awesome kids. My wife and I have been together for 15 yrs. I was very young and green when we first got together. She is 9 months older than me. After just getting through the tough changes to life kids make to yourself and your relationship I now find myself resenting my wife and my life. Don't get me wrong i try to be the best dad i can and put in 110% into it. I have a great relationship with my kids. They respect me and what dad says goes. But it feels like my relationship with my wife hasn't grown with us. It feels more like living with a house mate with the kids being the common denominator. We don't argue or yell and fight. But we seam to just exist. We do nothing together unless it involves the kids. I am just starting to feel we are just different people. Sex life is non existing and i am over putting in the effort just to be shut down or fallen asleep on. Really confused at the moment in two minds about the grass is greener somewhere else. On the other hand i can't imagine not seeing my kids every day. If anyone has some words of wisdom it would really help me through this really crappy time. Cheers Damo

hailsbails relationship anxiety/OCD or something else
  • replies: 6

Is this relationship anxiety? Ive had a rough past i believe. However when i think about it i tell myself its not that bad it prbably isnt connected but anyway. My brother was always in hospital and had 31 operations leaving me at my grandparents as ... View more

Is this relationship anxiety? Ive had a rough past i believe. However when i think about it i tell myself its not that bad it prbably isnt connected but anyway. My brother was always in hospital and had 31 operations leaving me at my grandparents as my parents always left with him. I threw tantrums but im not sure if it connects. Ive always had low selfesteem. Since 5 i googlef how to lose weight, diets etc. My first boyfriend i wouldn't call him serious, we hardly spoke and and nothing in common. Was for 6 months and he dumped me fr my bestfriend, wi h messed me up for a good amount of time. I was going to therapy for an ed in 2014-15. I never believed i had one i thought i was lying to myself but i did lose a lot of weight. Ve been with my lovely boyfriend for 3 years. Hes everything i want he has few flaws and he accepts me unconditionally. Our families are close and we have the same friend group. I believe my depression began to get bad in 2015, things just got borng, concerts werent exciting. I still felt happy just kindabored. My memory got really bad, I had a crisis/depressive episode where i thoughg i had cheated bc some guy flirted with me that i used to like. But we sorted it out and were fine. I think this caused an infection (down there) which caused me a lot of stress and anxiety. It didnt go away for months. Relationship anxiety began one day when my boyfriend came over. And he looked like a stranger. I freaked out and thought i didnt love him. I googled forums for months. Before i called a break for a day before i wanted him back. But the anxiety continued. It was horrific. Couldn'tsleep, chest pains, always crying. But now, although I'm still googling and dont want to break up, i cant feel that depression and anxiety as much. I feel fine. I cant cry, i was numb for awhile, but im not really anymore i think? During all this my mum went into hospital and was sick for months and this didnt bother me at all. Have i just desensitized myself to anxiety, or is this something else :/. My heart sinks when i think about us not being together.but it gives me strange feelings thinking of us together i just want us to work out. Please share your experiences and how you got past this. I dont want us to end

Necromicon Not feeling right
  • replies: 6

I presently live with my in laws, my husband and I have only been married for 2 years and have been living with his parents for a year and a half to save up for a place. My issue is that I exprienced being verbally abused by the mother in law along w... View more

I presently live with my in laws, my husband and I have only been married for 2 years and have been living with his parents for a year and a half to save up for a place. My issue is that I exprienced being verbally abused by the mother in law along with my husband. And although that incident has never been repeated I have grown incredibly distrustful of her, her daughters just tell me that it is normal that it is just her way but I know that being belittled does not amount to good parenting. She values money more than her kids, maybe I should be grateful that she sees me as family that she can abuse me equally as her other children, well that is what her daughters and husband are telling me. Her daughters don't live with her, but my husband and I still have to endure her telling us we will amount to nothing. Am I just being sensitive towards her behaviour?

Ducky20030 In-laws send my anxiety off the scale!
  • replies: 3

Just wondering if anyone else has problems with their in-laws? Mine come and stay with us and it send me nutty. I can feel all the signs of my anxiety ramping up and I end up being rude, needing to get away from them and hiding in my room at times. F... View more

Just wondering if anyone else has problems with their in-laws? Mine come and stay with us and it send me nutty. I can feel all the signs of my anxiety ramping up and I end up being rude, needing to get away from them and hiding in my room at times. Flight and fight kicks in - high agitation and feeling claustrophobic with them staying with us. This comes across as being inhospitable. My husband and his parents don't understand anxiety and think I'm just a horrible person. I honestly can't control myself when it gets this bad. Any tips on managing this situation? It's causing all sorts of marriage problems.

Beesley68 Husband had affair. Left us. No income. Very alone.
  • replies: 4

Hi everyone, I'm new here. I've been suffering depression and anxiety for years due to traumatic events and losing my parents. I'm 47 and have a 15 year old son. My husband had not been coming home after the football on weekends, drinking a lot and t... View more

Hi everyone, I'm new here. I've been suffering depression and anxiety for years due to traumatic events and losing my parents. I'm 47 and have a 15 year old son. My husband had not been coming home after the football on weekends, drinking a lot and then left us last year for another woman and her family. He has lied about everything and is now wanting a divorce (she is pressuring him) and wants to sell the house. I haven't been able to work due to my depression. I have no qualifications. I'm seeing a psychologist and they have suggested anti-depressants. I'm reluctant to try them. I have no job and worry constantly about how I will support my son and I. How can I pay the bills, a mortgage and feed us. We also have two dogs. I have no family support and am pretty much alone. I can't believe that a person can do this after 20 years. And how he could leave his son and put himself first. I know I have to move on. Most nights I have bad dreams and then don't sleep. I wish I wasn't alive but I love my son and wouldn't leave him. I worry about being homeless and not being able to look after my son.

jojo05 Hate feeling like this
  • replies: 1

Things have been really hard for me since my husband left (i've shared my story on here) all the things i have found out he was doing when we were together and now he has admitted to having a baby with another women has really pushed me to my lowest ... View more

Things have been really hard for me since my husband left (i've shared my story on here) all the things i have found out he was doing when we were together and now he has admitted to having a baby with another women has really pushed me to my lowest ever. I had everything 4 months ago, a husband, a job, a house and a life and now i feel like i have nothing. I gave up my job and my house and moved to another state to live with my family and now i feel like ive made a mistake giving everything up. I did it because i wasnt coping financially and my depression/anxiety was getting worst and really when i thought about it i really didnt have anything anyway, my husband was the only person i had in my life, i didnt have any real friend's and all my family lived in other states. Since i moved here 6 weeks ago i feel as though i cant do anything, pretty worthless actually, its a whole new place and i dont know anyone, dont have a job and my family really dont understand what im going through, i feel as though i cant do anything because i live in their house so i spend a fair bit of time in my room which i like because its my own space but sometimes i even feel as though they dont want me here. I know my mother means well but she makes me feel as though im being lazy, i dont feel mentally ready to jump back into work yet and she makes me feel as though my anxiety is in my head. I do see a councillor and i do have a medical certificate which is allowing me 3 months to adjust to my new life and to get help in the area i really need it but she thinks thats a long time not to have work. My councillor has told me if i was to go and get work it would push me further back and could make my depression worst, which i really dont want. I dont want to sit around doing nothing i do plan on doing some kind of volunteer work and a course in something so i can get out there and meet some people and learn new things but i wish my family would stop pushing me and making me feel as though im doing the wrong thing. All this is new to me i haven't been on my own for 11 years i feel lost and really out of control of my life, its a horrible feel.