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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Pols End of friendship/relationship
  • replies: 1

Hi there, sorry if this is in the wrong section or if it doesn't make sense. Even to me it seems a bit strange. Anyway I have been in an on/off relationship with the same woman for 25 years. We were married and then divorced (1 son) we then had a bre... View more

Hi there, sorry if this is in the wrong section or if it doesn't make sense. Even to me it seems a bit strange. Anyway I have been in an on/off relationship with the same woman for 25 years. We were married and then divorced (1 son) we then had a break then got back together and then broke up,got back together, broke up and the about 4 years ago became friends (without benefits). During this time we did not see other people. We lived in separate houses but would go to the movies, dinner and have been on holidays together. Recently to the US, Hawaii. Tasmania, Thredbo etc. We also went to a lot of concerts together. For my last birthday in March she bought me a mystery flight weekend away which cost a big of money. We went in early May, but when we came back she was distant and didn't respond to a lot of my messages. Eventually she sent a message back saying that she wasn't happy with where we were at and had decided that we both needed to move on. I did reply saying I understood,I'm still in contact with her mum and brother although not the same as it once was. She has now blocked me from Facebook and other contacts. I don't really have anyone to turn to, my family are all older and live far away. My friends (very few) also live away from me.I devoted everything to her and now that she's not even a part of my life I'm lost. I get really sad and down star times and then the next moment I'm upbeat. Any thoughts on what to do or who I can talk to would be much appreciated. Thank you for reading.

Mal50 Married but have had no sex or sexual appetite for over 20 years.
  • replies: 13

Hi all, I know it's not normal for a guy to be this way. I haven't desired any form of intimacy with my wife, or anyone else, for more than 20 years. I suspect it's due to my severe depression and anxiety disorder. Should I seek professional counsell... View more

Hi all, I know it's not normal for a guy to be this way. I haven't desired any form of intimacy with my wife, or anyone else, for more than 20 years. I suspect it's due to my severe depression and anxiety disorder. Should I seek professional counselling? I don't consider it a major problem, but what are your thoughts?

Hot_Rocks Communication with your partner
  • replies: 6

Hey guys, I've recently been diagnosed with depression/anxiety, and I think for a long time I've been holding in my feelings rather than sharing them with my partner and my family. Now that I've been diagnosed it is a bit of a relief that I can talk ... View more

Hey guys, I've recently been diagnosed with depression/anxiety, and I think for a long time I've been holding in my feelings rather than sharing them with my partner and my family. Now that I've been diagnosed it is a bit of a relief that I can talk to a doctor, and I've broached the conversation with my family, but I want to know how you guys have gone about having that conversation with your partner. I don't want them to feel like what I am going through emotionally is a result of something I did, and I don't want to find myself asking too much of them, but I feel like I'm going to need their support as I try to work my way through a number of years of emotions that I haven't really confronted, and whatever lifestyle changes end up coming with it. The stigma of men having to just be strong and silent is absolute rubbish! So my question is this, how do I let my partner in and let them help me emotionally so that I don't feel the way I do now? And how to I make sure I don't just become needy and rely on them for everything? I can't let them just be my emotional whipping post, all that will do is create resentment. But not sharing how I really feel will drive them away as well. How do I find that middle ground where we're in it together but we can still separate our relationship from my illness?

Altered_ego I feel as though nothing ever goes right.
  • replies: 6

Long story short,im a 28 year old man. Id like to say im happily married but my wife never hesitates to tell me she doesnt love me or isnt in the least bit attracted to me. I mean, im not perfect. I think ive come to accept im everything she says i a... View more

Long story short,im a 28 year old man. Id like to say im happily married but my wife never hesitates to tell me she doesnt love me or isnt in the least bit attracted to me. I mean, im not perfect. I think ive come to accept im everything she says i am. Useless amd the cause of all the disappointments in her life. Weve tried to have a baby thr last two years. Hasnt happened yet. When i get anxious she says its my fault and probably cause i dont love her. She says ill never be equal to what she is and reminds me of that daily. As soon as anything looks like or starts to go wrong, everything comes out as my fault. I want to fix things but i suppose how many times can i try before i lose hope right? Im probably jusy blabbing on but as i ttpe this im sitting outside on this winter night as shes inside the house. Im confused and i dont know what to do. Ive always been the happy jolly guy but its really hard to find strength when the onr that initially gave you the strength then puts you down.

dawes Do not know what to do next
  • replies: 35

My husband of 24 years is suffering from depression. He has been seeing a councilor which is good. Unfortunately he has always had an issue with my only daughter and I think feeling is mutual. Talk about being torn. Well it all came to a head at Chri... View more

My husband of 24 years is suffering from depression. He has been seeing a councilor which is good. Unfortunately he has always had an issue with my only daughter and I think feeling is mutual. Talk about being torn. Well it all came to a head at Christmas something was said and I confronted him but instead of being my normal calm self I snapped at him. Well he walked out spent a night at a Motel. He did come home but would not talk to my daughter & her husband. When they left he moved into spare room and told me to consider him a boarder. He said he didn't love me anymore & I did apologize for the way I reacted and told him that I still love him. Well he has been intimate with me so I am so confused. He went to councilor again today and he said he still didn't love me & Councilor advised him to stop being intimate with me as it is no good to him or myself. What the hell can I do?

veggieburgarbabe Can't eat or sleep after break up
  • replies: 4

My boyfriend left me three days ago, we both love each other very much but we can't be together. His way of dealing with it is to cut all contact off completely, that's not how I deal with things. He's agreed to meet up next week to talk about things... View more

My boyfriend left me three days ago, we both love each other very much but we can't be together. His way of dealing with it is to cut all contact off completely, that's not how I deal with things. He's agreed to meet up next week to talk about things but that isn't helping my mind right now. The night he left I hysterically cried for five hours and threw up multiple times, even though I was so exhausted I couldn't settle down enough to sleep so I took a sleeping pill. The second I woke up the next morning I started crying again. I couldn't stop, I managed to get him to talk to me on the phone but he wanted to be left alone. This made me so much worse because I need him. It's been three days since, I haven't eaten a thing except when I tried on the second day I ate one party pie and threw it up instantly. I have been using sleeping pills to sleep every night even though I know I really shouldn't but if I don't I'm up all night stressing and crying. I've been trying to keep myself busy but I have only one friend and she can't be with me all the time and I've tried doing things I love like reading or walking but I can't get my mind to focus on anything else but him. I've just been going to gym multiple times a day to try and tire myself out for bed and distract myself at the same time but it doesn't work. I can't eat, sleep or stop crying. I'm emotionally and physically sick and exhausted. I don't know what to do.

silvershoes Is love enough? Exhausted by relationship
  • replies: 1

I've been in a relationship with my partner for 7 years, and living together for most of that. He's a genuinely good man but I'm just not sure about continuing the relationship. He has depression/anxiety and OCD - when we first got together it wasn't... View more

I've been in a relationship with my partner for 7 years, and living together for most of that. He's a genuinely good man but I'm just not sure about continuing the relationship. He has depression/anxiety and OCD - when we first got together it wasn't apparent, but he had a major breakdown a year or two in and it's affected him severely since. He is getting treatment, medication and therapy, and he's getting better but it's a long and slow process. He hasn't held a job for the length of our relationship. He's just starting to get freelance work in a field he's keen on, but it's still occasional and I don't know if or when it would amount to much. I have a long history of depression as well, since I was a teenager. It had been pretty awful, but when we met I was finally getting my life on track, studying and now working full-time. I've started a masters this year as well, so I'm busy! I get periods of depression still, but am able to manage them with medication and therapy. I love him, but I'm also exhausted by being the bread-winner, home-maker and care-giver in our relationship. I do the majority of household planning and chores: he helps with some things when I ask him, but it isn't reliable. I'm also worried about my financial future. Because of my own issues I wasn't able to work reliably full-time until fairly recently, so I don't have any savings and we can't save anything now. I feel very anxious that we have no back-up - we've gone into debt at the moment because our pets recently got expensively ill, and I dread anything else happening. There's no chance of us buying a house, or anything like that. I feel awful thinking of leaving, because he's a lovely person and in many ways a supportive partner, but there's part of me that thinks I might be better off on my own. I also feel dreadful because I've been in abusive relationships in the past, so I know what "bad" is - it seems selfish to quibble about "not good enough". I know he would be devastated, and I really genuinely don't want to hurt him. I guess - does anyone have insight or perspective? I feel like I have two choices - life with him, that would be financially tight and emotionally tiring; or life without him, that would be easier in some ways, but without *him*. I really don't know which is better.

livetogive Two years into relationship and have never had sex
  • replies: 13

Hi everyone, hope you are all well! So I am a 26 year old male and I have been with my boyfriend (23) for more than 2 years and absolutely love him to bits. When we first started dating, he was quite up front about his difficulty to have sex, as he u... View more

Hi everyone, hope you are all well! So I am a 26 year old male and I have been with my boyfriend (23) for more than 2 years and absolutely love him to bits. When we first started dating, he was quite up front about his difficulty to have sex, as he unfortunately was a victim of sexual abuse when he was a young teenager. He also was up front about reassuring me that with his exes he always had sex, and that he was experienced in it all. For the first 12 months or so I kept trying to initiate sex and he kept ignoring it, or just generally rejected me. So I decided to talk to him and just reassure him that I was fully supportive and would take it as slow as he wanted. But this didn't change anything between us. With my sexual frustration at all time high, after the 12 months or so, I said to him that I was going to leave it totally up to him to come to me when he is ready. Another 12 months later and nothing has changed, actually it has become worse. We probably fool around once a week or even once a fortnight. Before dating my boyfriend, the longest I went without sex was about 2 weeks. I also called it off with a guy who was essentially a friend with benefits and we had the BEST sex of my life, he just didn't want a relationship and I did. Im reaching out for a bit of help and advice as to how I should approach the situation again as I really really would like to have sex. The situation is particularly delicate due to his past sexual abuse. Should I suggest we or he see a councillor/therapist? Or what if he just never wants to have sex? Should I suggest that I could have sex with other guys? Im open to any and all suggestions. I'm a bit stuck as I really love my boyfriend and see a future with him, but sex is so important to me to be able to be completely happy. Hope anyone can offer words of advice or even just open chat with me. Cheers

always_me One way street
  • replies: 2

Hi I am new here. I have been suffering from depression and anxiety since 2013 a year after I was diagnosed with a very rare breast cancer (all well there at the moment). Anyway, I am emotionally exhausted of hiding how I am really feeling, of always... View more

Hi I am new here. I have been suffering from depression and anxiety since 2013 a year after I was diagnosed with a very rare breast cancer (all well there at the moment). Anyway, I am emotionally exhausted of hiding how I am really feeling, of always been happy, doing what I can for everyone else. I run my own business and my social media presence is strong and needs to be 'happy'. I feel like I give my all to my family and friends, friends who I class as family but I am the one who is always saying hey how are you, hey whats been happening, hey do you want to catch up. I am over it, when someone does say hey how are you, I don't feel like i can say, "I'm feeling pretty down actually" because they will just stop talking to me or think that I am attention seeking, that I am to much work, the "oh yes she is always down". I know that I seriously over think a lot of things, I always have. But is it to much to ask for my close friends to go hey, I haven't heard from you, How are you doing, are you really ok. They just don't get it. I am a busy lady, Im a mum to twins and run a business. I always see how my friends are doing though, but they never do the same for me....its a one way street and I am exhausted....sorry i don't even know if this makes sense.

Solosombra My ex is getting cold feet keeps contacting me drunk
  • replies: 8

So my ex girlfriend who I am still friends with is getting married in a week. A few days ago I start getting these late night text saying she misses me misses us etc etc. I knew right away it was the alcohol talking. Now the texts are coming in when ... View more

So my ex girlfriend who I am still friends with is getting married in a week. A few days ago I start getting these late night text saying she misses me misses us etc etc. I knew right away it was the alcohol talking. Now the texts are coming in when she is sober which really is messing with me because deep down somewhere I know I still love her but I also believe that this is just what happeneds when you get cold feet and I don't want to be that guy who broke up a wedding because my ex is having a moment of emotional weakness! I've asked her nicely to stop contacting me before she says something we will both regret! I've considered changing numbers etc but I'm hoping it will stop before then so maybe it will be a waste of time! Is that a gamble I shouldn't take? Should I just go ahead and get a new number