Should I leave him?

[geminibabe42]

I just don't know what to do anymore. I love my boyfriend of almost 2 years but he is a total d****head at times. We have broken up on and off and been back and forth for like our whole relationship. The only reason I have stayed with him this long is because we have had so many amazing moments where we have really loved each other. He has called me his future wife several times and said countless times he wants a future with me. But every time we have even the slightest communication issue we don't know how to solve it and it's mostly because he is too stubborn to change something or apologise whenever he has upset me. Now it has gotten to the point where he doesn't even seem to want this anymore and he is hurt about something that I have done recently, which I think is small given the bigger picture of our situation. But he doesn't seem to understand and keeps saying things like "I have broken his trust and hurt him too many times," yet he rarely ever acknowledges the hurt he has caused me 😞 . The thing he is hurt about is that recently I hanged up on him and said "I just can't be bothered" at a time when things were really bad and we were fighting heaps because I just couldn't take it anymore 😞 . He broke up with me after that because he says "we just keep hurting each other and I can't deal with it". But then he came down to get his stuff and I talked to him and "convinced" him to stay. I told him how much I loved him and reminded him how up until now we have always said how much we want a future together, to move out and get married etc. He still wanted this to work so he was "giving me another chance". So we got back together. But things have been miserable since with him constantly saying he is still hurt and us both so scared it's going to happen again. But the thing is, I feel that our communication breakdown was both of our faults, but it feels like he just blamed me and took no responsibility, which he never does 😞 . But now I am thinking of breaking up with him because he says he just feels "anxious" now all the time that something is going to happen. He says he felt "relieved" the other day when he called and I didn't answer my phone. That hurt me so much and again I feel he is blaming all me for this, but not taking fault himself. I love him so much and I don't want to lose him after all we have said and shared and built together. But he has hurt me so much. I don't know what to do. Should I try to solve this? Or should I just leave him?

[Fairywings]

Hello and welcome nice to meet you glad you have joined us. A relationship is never easy let me tell you. Ur situation draws very close to my heart bc for many years hubby and i were like this, hurting each other emotionally yet we couldn't stand to be apart from each other either - this is a typical soulmate situation, the bond and love soulmates share doesn't matter how much they fight hurt one-another their hearts are forever one. and now we are married with a beautiful baby boy (3 and half yr old). Relationships take a lot of work from both parties i believe. I'm sorry to hear you guys are going thru this atm and they say time is the healer of all wounds. I would follow ur heart on this one, if it means you need to go for long walks by yourself and spend time alone or away from each other for a little while then do so, silence bears all the answers believe me, nobody deserves to feel hurt and miserable all the time and they do say if you love them let them go and if they come back it was always meant to be xx Who ever states that a relationship / marriage is all roses doesn't really have a sense of reality i think bc there is always problems communication and trust and honesty r the 3 most important things to keeping it successful. if it is that bad that you guys can't speak to each other then write to each other, or if this is foreseeable at all get some mediation, couples counselling ? i can see you guys do love each other a lot given you guys have gone thru so much together they say this only makes a relationship stronger xx i hope you guys can sort this out we are all here to help you guys please remember that anytime you need us you can always chat to someone. please do keep in touch with us and i am hoping you guys get a happy ending. take care for now Venessa

[spunkyturtle]

Hey gem

from my own experience, I'd say the fact that you're asking if you should break up is a flashing sign. I should have kept walking when my ex and I split up at the two year mark but we wasted two more years before I ended it definitely. He's not even trying, that's a sign.

Goodluck, it's not easy but you can do it

[MAC1204]

Dear Gem,

I think you already know what you should do, but are having concerns about the decision. If you are having these sorts of problems now at two years and neither of you are willing to over look them. The situation is not going to get any better.

What you might think is Love now, might just be a case of a sense of comfort or security. A know factor in your life that you are use too. This would make it difficult to give up on, or make changes.

From a male point of view and an older one, the things you you have talked about, with the difficulties in your relationship to date are really not that important at all. Sorry for being harsh with this. But if between the two of you if you can not look past these issues and resolve them. Then when something bigger comes along, it is going to have a larger effect on the both of you.

Being in a relationship, married, boy friend and girlfriend, engaged or other wise. Is all about talking. You have to have the trust in your partner to be able to talk openly and honestly about anything and everything. Solve your issues together, talk calmly and reach a middle ground where the both of you are happy.

But by the sounds of it, you are not in that sort of relationship. It might also be a bit one sided. While you maintain that you Love him, or think you do. The same strong feelings you have may not be, the way he feels. Be open to the idea that while having been in a relationship for two years, your partner dose not feel the same as you do.

I truly wish all the best, it is a hard time in life working these things out. Good luck with it all.

[geoff]

hi Gem, an interesting comment, and how many times does your situation affect so many other couples.
Love is a funny word in so many different ways where the first few months of a relationship you're on cloud 9, but as it progress's then your true feelings begin to surface and disagreements or arguments start to happen even though the love is still there, but as time goes on then the relationship can become tense, where you may seperate, then come back to each other, but if this continues you have to decide on not what you are going to now, but think about what is going to long term and whether you believe that you will still be compatable.
There maybe love still there but this love is not going to make you both get on with life together in any happy way.
Sure most marriages/relationships have disagreements but it's whether or not they have a laugh at the end of the day.
If trust has been broken that will damage your relationship and it's so difficult to earn that back once again. Geoff.

[geminibabe42]

First of all, let me just say how grateful I am for all of your kind, supportive advice. I appreciate it so much. I have seriously thought a lot and realised that, I think this guys is all talk and I finally see how miserable he has made me and has been dragging me down! He has never tried properly to communicate to understand me and my point of view. Even when I have opened up to him about things, it has only ever drawn us further away rather than closer and he is so withdrawn himself that it is often like talking to a brick wall. He has also been really unsupportive about my life choices, like choosing to leave an internship that wasn't paying me and was just a waste of time. His reason was because I promised him I would do the internship? Yeah, I think this guys a total manipulator. It's amazing how blind love can be. The things you can overlook when in love. I have always known exactly what all of you are essentially saying (a relationship is all about two-way communication). Couples will always fight, and you're all exactly right 🙂 It's not the fighting that matters which is inevitable, it's whether or not you can work it out and love each other enough to take the bad with the good and laugh it off at the end of the day. We clearly do not have that. Thank you all so much for helping me come to my decision.

[Fairywings]

Your welcome sweetie with any thing in life follow ur heart and ur instinct xx pls feel free to post any time. Venessa

[spunkyturtle]

Hey Gem

glad you shared, sounds like you know what you need to do. It's not easy to end it but better things are to come.

Stay strong 😃