Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Jammi My happiness or my parents'
  • replies: 7

Hi there, My parents wont ever accept my boyfriend because he has depression. I am in love with him and have an extremely strong bond with him. They made me break up with him last year and if I didn't I was not allowed to leave my house. I have tried... View more

Hi there, My parents wont ever accept my boyfriend because he has depression. I am in love with him and have an extremely strong bond with him. They made me break up with him last year and if I didn't I was not allowed to leave my house. I have tried to be with him secretly a few times (which I know is never a good idea) and they have found out and it didn't end well. Now I have been talking to him again and have told my mother I want to be with him. She said that there was no way she would ever accept him or allow me to date him. I now have the task of telling my father which causes me more anxiety than usual. I know that it won't end well and I will most likely be kicked out of home. The issue that stresses me the most is I don't want to disappoint or make my parents unhappy. I come from a large family and strong culture where pleasing your parents is essential. They have given up a lot and work hard for their children except I am not happy. If I chose to make myself happy and be with the person I love then it causes them to be miserable. I cannot talk to anyone about this issue and was just wondering anyone else's opinion other than my own thoughts I don't know what is more important making myself happy and staying with my boyfriend or maming my parents happy Thank you very much for reading

r_wills anxiety and overthinking is ruining my relationship!
  • replies: 6

hey guys im new on here but my anxiety has gotten so bad in the past couple of weeks that my relationship with my boyfriend is been badly affected. Long story short my anxiety stems from a previous relationship where my ex was extremely emotionally a... View more

hey guys im new on here but my anxiety has gotten so bad in the past couple of weeks that my relationship with my boyfriend is been badly affected. Long story short my anxiety stems from a previous relationship where my ex was extremely emotionally abusive and manipulative as well as a drug addict. During this relationship I was faced with the most intense feelings of worthlessness and was constantly on edge, comparing myself to every other girl in the room, looking at my ex's internet history to see which girls on facebook he was talking to then fantasizing over all while showing me absolutely no affection. It got to such a point that I couldn't even dress myself with what I thought was nice looking and instead dressed how he wanted me to. I thankfully got out of that relationship and knew I had bad anxiety, jealously and self esteem issues from it however I didn't realize how bad they actually were until recently. Ive been with my current boyfriend for almost a year now and he is absolutely amazing and I know I want to spend the rest of my life with him. However this makes me feel more anxious than ever! these days absolutely everything sets me off, I feel those past feelings creeping up and as an automatic defense I lash out because its easier to feel angry than hurt or worthless or forgotten. I get this overwhelming fear of been forgotten and create these images in my head which then rev the anxiety up to an extreme and I cant seem to snap out of it until the damage between my partner and I is already done. This is mostly trigged by the thought of other girls and I cant stand the thought of feeling rejected and completely self conscious about every part of my appearance. The past comes back to hunt me and I constantly worry and stress about him finding other girls attractive even though I know that's life! ive developed this habit where im literally pulling out my hair strand by strand when im feeling these emotions. I need help because I cant stand been trapped in my own head like this and my partner does deserve to feel like he cant do anything. I want to be me again and be fun to be around and have my sense of humor and laid back attitude back! please help RELATED THREADS Anxiety and overthinking? Overthinking My anxiety is getting worse - overthinking Anxiety, my constant overthinking

Nebulous What to do after losing your lifeline?
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone, I don't hold any pretense to be suffering anything remotely comparable to what some of you are, but problems are problems and here are mine. To keep it brief, I am a second year uni student studying abroad in Australia with a very minima... View more

Hi everyone, I don't hold any pretense to be suffering anything remotely comparable to what some of you are, but problems are problems and here are mine. To keep it brief, I am a second year uni student studying abroad in Australia with a very minimal support base (my sister also travelled here to study and lives an hour away) and was recently dumped by my 1-year girlfriend because of my depression. As I had really made no other friends here she was my lifeline, and while she is a deeply selfless and compassionate person I just became too much of a burden for her. At the moment I am just trying to reboot my life and pick myself up; reading literature for my upcoming units, participating in clubs/activities, and trying to socialize. I would say that I am only moderately depressed at the moment, which is why I can find the energy to even attempt the aforementioned things. I do however have low energy, lower appetite, deficient sleep, poor memory, feelings of pointlessness, etc. I just began taking medication today but obviously will have to wait a while for it to kick in. My question is, how can make sure I don't spiral, as I did last year, before the drugs take effect? I am honestly making every effort to connect to people, but am also highly introverted and low on social energy, which can make it hard. I also just feel as if I am just naturally unlikeable until people get to know me very well, which is something that seldom happens. Because I have been so worried about potentially being alone I have spoken frankly with my ex asking if we could try to be friends quickly. Unfortunately we both hold quite strong feelings for the other and texting/calling her has only scared her more, though she sincerely wants to help me. She is crazy about me but sees me as a sort of ticking bomb of severe depression at this stage, and wants to be away from the blast zone. It is the weirdest mix of devotion and fear. The whole day of the break-up was this bizarre, suspended period where she seemed to be battling against herself to actually say the words. Honestly, above all I just can't bear the idea of not being able to talk to her. I would take the hit of friendship any day in order to have her in my life again, but she is emotionally unprepared for it (and I probably am too). Anyway, story over. I would be grateful to hear your thoughts on this, thank you for your time and help

Amarli My friend needs urgent help I don't know what to do
  • replies: 2

My friend, has just called off a relationship after 2years. It appears out of the blue, everything was perfect they had everything, perfect house, partner, animals. Even marriage was around the corner. The reason I have is she grew apart. When I look... View more

My friend, has just called off a relationship after 2years. It appears out of the blue, everything was perfect they had everything, perfect house, partner, animals. Even marriage was around the corner. The reason I have is she grew apart. When I look back at past relationships they ended after 2-3yrs. She had some major physical changes of appearance after loosing a lot of weight about 10yrs ago. Gets a lot of attention from guys which she seems to enjoy. Has already got with another guy. her bf is hurting so bad. Growing up her mother left her when she was 16, she was emotionally abused. She looks perfect when u see her, she acts fine, she comes across confident. She will snap easy about her imagine. She loves to clean. It's like she throwing everything away. I'm scared for her. Her bf is devasted there was no warning, only a few days before she was so in love. I have no idea what is going on? What do I do, what can I suggest, does anyone have any idea what this maybe?

Trapped_and_Crying How do you get your partner to the resolution of a problem?
  • replies: 4

Back story: I have been with my partner for just over 2 years. We have lived together for 8-9 months. I got made redundant 6 months ago. Diagnosed with diabetes 3 months ago. Finally got 2 new jobs a fortnight ago. Now up until recently we barely fou... View more

Back story: I have been with my partner for just over 2 years. We have lived together for 8-9 months. I got made redundant 6 months ago. Diagnosed with diabetes 3 months ago. Finally got 2 new jobs a fortnight ago. Now up until recently we barely fought even though we were both very stressed. Now its seems we fight about miscommunication every couple of days. We are both intelligent/free thinking people. We can identify the problems we have quite clearly. I just can't for the life of me get him to think/talk about/work on a solution with me or alone. He gets through the why he's sh*tty with me (again) but not what I can do differently. And then he just storms off. I'm changing my tone of voice, my angle, the medium (tried letters/emails instead etc). I've suggested things he can try to not hurt my feelings but doesn't attempt any of them. He never says sorry and it hurts. How do I get him to find a solution with me? He does love me... he just doesn't like me sometimes

Janksie Do we let go of our first love?
  • replies: 2

Hi, I am new to this forum, i really wanted to talk to someone, actually I'm from Kenya and I moved to Australia 8 years ago, when I was in Kenya, I wAs generally a shy and reserved girl. While I was working in an auditing firm there, I fell in love ... View more

Hi, I am new to this forum, i really wanted to talk to someone, actually I'm from Kenya and I moved to Australia 8 years ago, when I was in Kenya, I wAs generally a shy and reserved girl. While I was working in an auditing firm there, I fell in love with a guy there, it was first just love or maybe a crush and slowly changed to saying hello, to eventually dating each other. I belong to an Indian community and in our community there, dating someone was considered inappropriate. My mum was not aware of what was happening in my life as it was a secret relationship. Eventually our dating became passionate love and we got very intimate with each other. Anyway, skipping the details, he was the first man I opened myself to and lost my virginity to. Eventually, the time came when my mum and grandmother insisted that I should get married, I was 22 at that time and in my family, getting married late was also not considered appropriate. So because I was so close to this guy, I approached him for marriage and to talk to his parents. Indian community has a caste system, so his family did not accept my caste as it was different from theirs. My mum was strict too, but I knew that she loved me and will accept it if it was for my happiness. my guy couldn't fight for me and told me he can't do this, can't marry and can't go against his parents. So after many attempts, I knew it was not going to happen and we broke up, after a year or so, eventually through arranged marriage setup, I got married and moved to Australia, my current husband is very loving, very caring, All these years that I have been married, I couldn't stop comparing my husband to my first love, even though he is aware of my past, I never admitted to him about the internal comparisons I made. I think I never got over my first love. Recently, I found out he got married, to someone of a different caste, a caste his family would not accept. It shocked me and broke me to pieces. Why did he marry her and not me? I felt the urge to confront him but I have no contact details Please someone help me figure this out, how do I stop myself from all this crying? These dreams and most of all the low self esteem I feel because he rejected me?i feel angry at the same time pain. Thankyou for for reading my post, I know it is long but I had to explain.

Rosygirl Anxiety about my husband
  • replies: 8

Hi there, I have been married for 23 years, to the most amazing faithful man, but over the last year I have been so worried about him looking at other women and thinking they are attractive in his mind. I hate him seeing scantily dressed women , in a... View more

Hi there, I have been married for 23 years, to the most amazing faithful man, but over the last year I have been so worried about him looking at other women and thinking they are attractive in his mind. I hate him seeing scantily dressed women , in ads on tv, at the beach, in movies, ANYWHERE...... He reassures me constantly, but whenever I question him about him looking at a picture for what I think is long period of time we fight as he is so upset that I view him as that kind of man. I go through his phone , his web history etc....... I am so anxious I will find something. Once 8 years ago I had just had a baby, and one night came downstairs to find him watching a miss universe show ( he says he watched it to listen to their funny comments but it didn't help when I walked in, they were strutting down the runway all showing off their bikini's ), I was so upset feeling fat and unattractive , it haunts me still suffering with this anxiety I keep bringing it up and causing a fight. I also get very insecure about his twin sister, she is a very beautiful out there vervaious person , when we first got married he was very close with her, very affectionate towards her, he is not as close now but one day recently he text her saying 'hey beautiful' ........ Which is what he says to me...... But ever since then I can't stand him calling me that...I hate this anxiety! About 18 months ago we went through a very stressful time where a few of our friends had attacked us as a couple and our children, it was a very traumatic time along with dealing with our teenage son who was up to no good, and my parents who didn't support us. I wonder if this has given me an anxiety about trusting people and I am taking it all out on my husband , just waiting for him to turn on me as well..... My husband wants me to get help of some sort, I am an extremely private person, no/one knows my battle except my husband. He wants me to stop alcohol and take vitamin b for a month to see if it helps, 10 days in, and my anxiety has caused a fight this morning over him searching for a variety of timber called 'honey mahogany' for a job he is doing , well type that into google search and look at what you come up with. His history showed he then googled images trying to find the timber, but he told me he didn't go into images, his explanation was that he didn't click on 'a' image, but images to see if he could see timber, my mind just went crazy . Any words of wisdom ? Thanks for reading . X

anniebtwitch Is it my fault?
  • replies: 1

Myself and my husband have been together for 12 years and married for 7 of them. We moved to Australia in 2010 and because he is blind in one eye from an accident, I became the bread winner for 3 years. I then fell pregnant with our second child and ... View more

Myself and my husband have been together for 12 years and married for 7 of them. We moved to Australia in 2010 and because he is blind in one eye from an accident, I became the bread winner for 3 years. I then fell pregnant with our second child and after a year off of work I was supposed to go back but my husband had finished all his treatment and was finally in a place where he was ready to work again and eventually got a job. I then became the stay at home parent. He's been working for a year now and making good money and getting lots of work but the downside is he drinks every night to deal with the stress and exhaustion. I've asked him to drink less because I don't want my kids to think drinking is a normal thing to do after work but he says I'm nagging him (I'm sure I am) and that I should be grateful I get to do nothing at home. So I got sick of watching him drink every night that I started back at work 1-2 nightshifts a week. This is making me so tired and then I snap at everyone (my husband's words). I just feel like I can't win anymore and having no family here, I feel lonely and sad. On a side note, after my daughter was born, I was so sleep deprived and depressed that I wanted toend my life. I told my husband this and his reply was, "so do I". He has been through a lot in the last 9 years because of the accident that I feel like I can't ask for help because it will become a competition of who has more problems. Am I being unreasonable? ​

Iwant2B3 Having a hard time -my sons birthday just passed
  • replies: 3

It's been 13 years since I seen my children. It was my sons birthday just a few days ago. It never bothered me every year since the incident. I just thought wait til he is 18 then he will want to see me. He will want to find me. They can't keep him f... View more

It's been 13 years since I seen my children. It was my sons birthday just a few days ago. It never bothered me every year since the incident. I just thought wait til he is 18 then he will want to see me. He will want to find me. They can't keep him from me anymore. I waited and waited and waited, 13 years I have cried every single day. I don't function. I don't eat. I don't talk to anyone. I just wait sitting in my room alone everyday. He just turned 19. I don't want to wait any longer. I don't want to grieve for a lost child anymore. He's a grown up. He knows I'm alive. He knows where I live. He hates me. I hate me more. Do you know what it's like to live with anger and hatred towards yourself. That's 110,000 hours of being mean to me. I let bad things happen to me because I know I deserve them. My next door neighbour borrowed my car and it broke down. She borrowed my other car to go fix the broken down one and she stole both cars and fled the state. I didn't do anything. I didn't even go to the police. My cousin moved in with me and then kicked me out of my house. I still did nothing. My ex kidnapped my child (not his biological child) and fled the state. All I did was cry. My mother takes my son, poisons his mind against me and then puts him in a boys home. I did nothing to help him. My partner calls me horrible names and is physically abusive. I still do nothing. WHY CANT I FIGHT BACK? Why do I feel like I'm not worthy of anything? My mother was an independent strong woman who never let anyone get away with hurting her or her kids. Why can't I be like that? I let everything turn to shit and I sat back and did nothing.

nion i made a bad choice
  • replies: 2

Im 14 years old and i gave someone my virginity....i was in a sexual relationship with my friend and i slowly got feelings for him, i got attached and he decided to date someone and cut off the sexual relationship, i feel really stupid and i made him... View more

Im 14 years old and i gave someone my virginity....i was in a sexual relationship with my friend and i slowly got feelings for him, i got attached and he decided to date someone and cut off the sexual relationship, i feel really stupid and i made him upset because i lied to him about not being a virgin and ivehurting myself again because i just feel like such an idiot i made him upset and i feel like i deserve pain because i constantly make people upset and i feel like all i do is ruin peoples lives